BUT I ONLY CHANGED 1 LINE AND IT WON'T AFFECT ANYTHING!
SELF STARTERS --- WON'T.
LEAKPROOF SEALS --- WILL.
INTERCHANGEABLE PARTS --- WON'T.
ALL AMERICAN CARS ARE BASICALLY CHEVROLETS.
A FAIL-SAFE CIRCUIT WILL DESTROY ALL OTHERS.
IF BUILDERS BUILT BUILDINGS THE WAY PROGRAMMERS WROTE PROGRAMS, THEN THE FIRST WOODPECKER THAT CAME ALONG WOULD DESTROY CIVILIZATION
WHEN THINGS ARE GOING WELL, SOMEONE WILL INEVITABLY EXPERIMENT DETRIMENTALLY.
IF NOT CONTROLLED, WORK WILL FLOW TO THE COMPETENT MAN UNTIL HE SUBMERGES.
THE DEFICIENCY WILL NEVER SHOW ITSELF DURING THE TEST RUNS
THE LAGGING ACTIVITY IN A PROJECT WILL INVARIABLY BE FOUND IN THE AREA WHERE THE HIGHEST OVERTIME RATES LIE WAITING
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BUILD A FOOL PROOF SYSTEM! BECAUSE FOOLS ARE SO INGENIOUS
TALENT IN STAFF WORK OR SALES WILL CONTINUALLY BE INTERPRETED AS MANAGERIAL ABILITY.
INFORMATION TRAVELS MORE SURELY TO THOSE WITH A LESSER NEED TO KNOW
THE "THINK POSITIVE" LEADER TENDS TO LISTEN TO HIS SUBORDINATES PREMONITIONS ONLY DURING POST THE POSTMORTEMS.
AN ORIGINAL IDEA CAN NEVER EMERGE FROM COMMITTEE IN ITS ORIGINAL FORM.
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.
WHEN THE PRODUCT IS DESTINED TO FAIL, THE DELIVERY SYSTEM WILL PERFORM PERFECTLY.
CLEARLY STATED INSTRUCTIONS WILL CONSISTENTLY PRODUCE MULTIPLE INTERPRETATIONS
THE CRUCIAL MEMORANDUM WILL BE SHARED IN THE OUT-BASKET BY THE PAPER CLIP OF THE OVERLYING MEMO AND GO TO FILE.
ON SUCCESSIVE CHARTS OF THE SAME ORGANIZATION THE NUMBER OF BOXES WILL NEVER DECREASE.
IT IS OK TO BE IGNORANT IN SOME AREAS, BUT SOME PEOPLE ABUSE THE PRIVILAGE.
EVERYONE BREAKS MORE THAN THE SEVEN-YEAR-BAD-LUCK ALLOTMENT TO COVER ROTTEN LUCK THROUGHOUT AN ENTIRE LIFETIME.
SUCCESS CAN ONLY BE INSURED BY DEVISING A DEFENSE AGAINST FAILURE OF THE CONTINGENCY PLAN.
ADDING MANPOWER TO A LATE SOFTWARE PRODUCT MAKES IT LATER
PERFORMANCE IS DIRECTLY AFFECTED BY THE PERVERSITY OF INANIMATE OBJECTS
NEVER OFFEND PEOPLE WITH STYLE WHEN YOU CAN OFFEND THEM WITH SUBSTANCE.
OUR CUSTOMERS PAPERWORK IS PROFIT OUR PAPERWORK IS LOSS.
AT ANY LEVEL OF TRAFFIC, ANY DELAY IS INTOLERABLE.
AS THE ECONOMY GETS BETTER, EVERYTHING ELSE GETS WORSE.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
THE MORE OBJECTIVES YOU ISSUE TO SOLVE A PROBLEM, THE WORSE IT GETS.
COP-OUT NUMBER 1. YOU SHOULD OF SEEN IT WHEN I GOT IT.
WHEN YOU'RE UP TO YOUR ASS IN ALLIGATORS, IT IS DIFFICULT TO KEEP YOUR MIND ON THE FACT THAT YOUR PRIMARY OBJECTIVE WAS TO DRAIN THE SWAMP.
THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS AND LITTERED WITH SLOPPY ANALYSES!
IF THE ASSUMPTIOMS ARE WRONG, THE CONCLUSIONS AREN'T LIKELY TO BE VERY GOOD
THE ORGANIZATION OF ANY PROGRAM REFLECTS THE ORGANIZATION OF THE PEOPLE WHO DEVELOPED IT.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "DIRTY CAPITALIST". ONLY A CAPITALIST.
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, BUT NOTHING IS EASY.
THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH AFTER THE REST OF US GO TO THE STARS.
CAPITALISM CAN EXIST IN ONE OF TWO STATES: WELFARE OR WARFARE.
HISTORY PROVES NOTHING.
A LOT OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE PROGRESS IS JUST SO MUCH TECHNOLOGICAL ROCCOCO.
A LITTLE HUMILITY IS ARROGANCE
A COUP THAT IS KNOWN IN ADVANCE IS A COUP THAN DOES NOT TAKE PLACE.
NO EXPERIMENT IS EVER A COMPLETE FAILURE. IT CAN ALWAYS BE USED AS A BAD EXAMPLE.
DESPITE THE SIGN THAT SAYS "WET PAINT", PLEASE DON'T
EVERYTHING TASTES MORE OR LESS LIKE CHICKEN.
I FINALLY GOT IT ALL TOGETHER... BUT I FORGOT WHERE I PUT IT.
IF YOUR NEXT POT OF CHILI TASTES BETTER, IT PROBABLY IS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING LEFT OUT, RATHER THAN ADDED.
THERE IS ALWAYS ONE MORE BUG
THE BIG GUYS ALWAYS WIN.
NOTHING IS EVER ACCOMPLISHED BY A REASONABLE MAN.
ANY SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM MAGIC.
IT'S ALWAYS DARKEST JUST BEFORE THE LIGHTS GO OUT.
IT IS BETTER TO BE PART OF THE IDLE RICH CLASS THAN BE PART OF THE IDLE POOR CLASS CLASS
EACH PROBLEM SOLVED INTRODUCES A NEW UNSOLVED PROBLEM.
FOR EVERY CREDIBILITY GAP THERE IS A GULLIBILITY FILL.
IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO, AND YOU PUT IT OFF LONG ENOUGH CHANCES ARE SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO IT FOR YOU.
PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE; THEY ONLY BECOME MORE SO.
EVERYBODY'S GOTTA BE SOMEPLACE.
NATURE IS A MOTHER.
IF YOU'VE GOT THEM BY THE BALLS, THEIR HEARTS AND MINDS WILL FOLLOW.
PEOPLE WILL ACCEPT YOUR IDEA MUCH MORE READILY IF YOU TELL THEM BENJAMIN FRANKLIN SAID IT FIRST.
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRANSFORM YOUR DATASET.
ANY GIVEN PROGRAM, WHEN RUNNING, IS OBSOLETE.
ANY GIVEN PROGRAM WILL COST MORE AND TAKE LONGER.
IF A PROGRAM IS USEFUL, IT WILL BE CHANGED.
IF A PROGRAM IS USELESS, IT WILL BE DOCUMENTED.
ANY GIVEN PROGRAM WILL EXPAND TO FILL AVAILABLE MEMORY.
THE VALUE OF A PROGRAM IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE WEIGHT OF ITS OUTPUT.
DON'T MESS WITH MRS. MURPHY!
PROGRAM COMPLEXITY GROWS UNTIL IT EXCEEDS THE CAPABILITY OF THE PROGRAMMER WHO MUST MAINTAIN IT.
MAKE IT POSSOBLE FOR PROGRAMMERS TO WRITE PROGRAMS IN ENGLISH AND YOU WILL FIND THAT PROGRAMMERS CANNOT WRITE IN ENGLISH.
WHEN MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE THROWN OUT OF WORK UNEMPLOYMENT RESULTS.
IF YOU CAN'T MEASURE IT, I'M NOT INTERESTED
THE BEST WAY TO LIE IS TO TELL THE TRUTH..... CAREFULLY EDITED TRUTH.
THERE ARE THREE WAYS TO GET THINGS DONE: DO IT YOURSELF HIRE SOMEONE TO DO IT OR FORBID YOUR KIDS TO DO IT.
I THINK ... THEREFORE I AM CONFUSED
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS WRONG WITH HISTORY
ANY TIME YOU WISH TO DEMOSTRATE SOMETHING, THE NUMBER OF FAULTS IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE NUMBER OF VIEWERS.
90% OF EVERYTHING IS CRUD.
NATURE WILL TELL YOU A DIRECT LIE IF SHE CAN.
THOSE WITH THE BEST ADVICE OFFER NO ADVICE.
SPEAK SOFTLY AND OWN A BIG, MEAN DOBERMAN.
SPEAK SOFTLY AND OWN A BIG, MEAN PIT BULL.
DEMOCRACY IS THAT FORM OF GOVERNMENT WHERE EVERYBODY GETS WHAT THE MAJORITY DESERVES.
IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT BEING CRAZY, DON'T BE OVERLY CONSERNED: IF YOU WERE, YOU WOULD THINK YOU WERE SANE.
PILLS TO BE TAKEN IN TWOS ALWAYS COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE IN THREES.
FLYNN IS DEAD. TRON IS DEAD. LONG LIVE THE MCP.
WHY WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW? WE MAY NOT MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY!
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T NUMBER PARAGRAPHS NAMES CONSECUTIVELY.
IF YOU'RE FEELING GOOD, DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL GET OVER IT.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T GRUMBLE ABOUT THE DISADVANTAGES OF COBOL WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER LANGUAGE.
DEFINITION OF AN ELEPHANT: A MOUSE BUILT TO GOVERNMENT SPECIFICATIONS
REAL PROGRAMMERS ARE KIND TO ROOKIES.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T NOTCH THEIR DESKS FOR EACH COMPLETED SERVICE REQUEST.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO WORK HERE BUT IT SURE HELPS!!!!!!!!!
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T ANNOUNCE HOW MANY TIMES THE OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT CALLED THEM LAST NIGHT.
A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE .... IS LIKE ... NIGHT!
REAL PROGRAMMERS ARE SECURE ENOUGH TO WRITE READABLE CODE, WHICH THEY THEN SELF-RIGHTEOUSLY REFUSE TO EXPLAIN.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T PLAY VIDEO GAMES. THEY WRITE THEM.
ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL GO WRONG.
REAL PROGRAMMERS UNDERSTAND PASCAL.
REAL PROGRAMMERS KNOW IT'S NOT OPERATIONS FAULT IF THEIR JOBS GO INTO "HOGS".
REAL PROGRAMMERS DO NOT EAT BREAKFAST FROM THE VENDING MACHINES
REAL PROGRAMMERS PUNCH UP THEIR OWN PROGRAMS.
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON MAKE LEMONADE
REAL PROGRAMMERS HAVE READ TO STANDARDS MANUAL BUT WON'T ADMIT IT
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T ADVERTISE THEIR HANGOVERS
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T DRESS FOR SUCCESS UNLESS THEY ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE OTHERS THAT THEY ARE GOING ON INTERVIEWS.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DO NOT PRACTICE FOUR-SYLLABLE WORDS BEFORE WALKTHROUGHS.
ALL WARRANTIES EXPIRE UPON PAYMENT OF INVOICE.
REAL PROGRAMMERS ARGUE WITH THE SYSTEMS ANALYST AS A MATTER OF PRINICIPAL.
THE FINAL TEST IS WHEN IT GOES PRODUCTION ... W H E N I T G O E S P R O D U C T I O N ... W H E N I T G O E S P R O D U C T W H E N I T G O E S P R O
REAL PROGRAMMERS DRINK TOO MUCH COFFEE SO THAT THEY WILL ALWAYS SEEM TENSE AND OVERWORKED.
REAL PROGRAMMERS ALWAYS HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
ANYONE WHO FOLLOWS A CROWD WILL NEVER BE FOLLOWED BY A CROWD.
REAL PROGRAMMERS CAN DO OCTAL, HEXADECIMAL AND BINARY MATH IN THEIR HEADS.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE MEMOS.
REAL PROGRAMMERS KNOW SAAD MEANS.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DO NOT UTTER PROFANITIES AT AN ELEVATED DECIBLE LEVEL.
WHERE YOU STAND ON A ISSUE DEPENDS ON WHERE SIT.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DO NOT APPLY DP TERMINOLOGY TO NON-DP SITUATIONS.
I NO LONGER GET LOST IN THE SHUFFLE.... I SHUFFLE ALONG WITH THE LOST
REAL PROGRAMMMERS DO NOT READ BOOKS LIKE "EFFECTIVE LISTENING" AND "COMMUNICATION SKILLS".
REAL PROGRAMMERS PRINT ONLY CLEAN COMPILES, FIXING ALL ERRORS THROUGH THE TERMINAL.
THE EARLY WORM DESERVES THE BIRD.
LEAD, FOLLOW, OR GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!!
ALL GOOD THING MUST COME TO AN END. I WANT TO KNOW WHEN THEY START!
A DIPLOMAT IS SOMEONE WHO CAN TELL YOU TO GO TO HELL IN SUCH A WAY YOU LOOK FORWARD TO THE TRIP.
BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO GO AROUND IN CIRCLES, FOR THEY WILL BE KNOWN AS WHEELS.
NEVER EAT PRUNES WHEN YOU ARE FAMISHED.
KEEP EMOTIONALLY ACTIVE, CATER TO YOUR FAVORITE NEUROSIS.
A RACF PROTECTED DATASET IS INACCESSIBLE.
RACF IS A FOUR LETTER WORD.
YOU MAY BE RECOGINIZED SOON. HIDE! IF THEY FIND YOU, LIE.
YOU CAN PRAY HARD ENOUGH TO MAKE WATER RUN UPHILL HOW HARD? HARD ENOUGH TO MAKE WATER RUN UPHILL
AVOID REALITY AT ALL COSTS.
PROGRAM DESIGN PHILOSOPHY: START AT THE BEGINNING AND CONTINUE UNTIL THE END, THEN STOP (LEWIS CARROLL)
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FOOT.
ONLY A MEDIOCRE PERSON IS ALWAYS AT THEIR BEST.
FRIENDS COME AND GO, BUT ENEMIES ACCUMULATE.
IN A HIERARCHICAL ORGANIZATION, THE HIGHER THE LEVEL, THE GREATER THE CONFUSION.
THE FIRST TIME IS FOR LOVE, THE NEXT TIME IS $200.
OF TWO POSSIBLE EVENTS, ONLY THE UNDESIRED ONE WILL OCCUR.
THE FASTER THE PLANE, THE NARROWER THE SEATS.
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO KNOW.
IF ON ACTUARIAL BASIS THERE IS A 50 50 CHANCE THAT SOMTHING WILL GO WRONG, IT WILL ACTUALLY GO WRONG NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN.
A MAN OF QUALITY DOES NOT FEAR A WOMAM SEEKING EQUALITY.
THE FIRST RULE OF INTELLIGENT TINKERING IS TO SAVE ALL THE PARTS.
1) THINGS WILL GET WORSE BEFORE THEY GET BETTER 2) WHO SAID THINGS WOULD GET BETTER?
IF YOU TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY, NOBODY WILL LIKE IT.
THERE IS A SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM; THE ONLY DIFFICULTY IS FINDING IT.
DON'T MAKE YOUR DOCTOR YOUR HEIR.
DON'T ASK THE BARBER IF YOU NEED A HAIRCUT.
IF THERE ISN'T A LAW, THERE WILL BE.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ANSWER, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THE QUESTION.
DO NOT BELIEVE IN MIRACLES -- RELY ON THEM.
YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO HIT THE JACKPOT IF YOU DON'T PUT A FEW NICKELS IN THE MACHINE.
UNLESS YOU INTEND TO KILL HIM IMMEDIATELY; NEVER KICK A MAN IN THE BALLS, NOT EVEN SYMBOLICALLY OR PERHAPS ESPECIALLY NOT SYMBOLICALLY.
FREUD'S 23RD LAW: IDEAS ENDURE AND PROSPER IN INVERSE PROPORTION TO THEIR SOUNDNESS AND VALIDITY.
A SHORT CUT IS THE LONGEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS.
IF YOU WANT TO MAKE AN ENEMY, DO SOMEONE A FAVOR.
IF YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T SAY
THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH, BUT NOT ITS MINERAL RIGHTS.
1) YOU CAN'T WIN 2) YOU CAN'T BREAK EVEN 2) YOU CAN'T EVEN QUIT THE GAME
WHEN EATING AN ELEPHANT TAKE ONE BYTE AT A TIME
COMMON SENSE IS NOT SO COMMON
IF WE LEARN BY OUR MISTAKES, I'M GETTING ONE HELL OF AN EDUCATION!!
FUZZY PROJECT OBJECTIVES ARE USED TO AVOID THE EMBARRASSMENT OF ESTIMATING THE CORRESPONDING COSTS.
USEFULNESS IS INVERSELY PROPOTIONAL TO ITS REPUTATION FOR BEING USEFUL
YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK.
THE PROBABILITY OF ANYTHING HAPPENING IS IN INVERSE RATIO TO ITS DESIRABILITY.
THE FIRST MYTH OF MANAGEMENT IS THAT IT EXISTS THE SECOND MYTH OF MANAGEMENT IS THAT SUCCESS EQUAL SKILL.
IF IT'S GOOD THEY WILL STOP MAKING IT.
INSIDE EVERY LARGE PROGRAM IS A SMALL PROGRAM STRUGGLING TO GET OUT
A MEMORANDUM IS WRITTEN NOT TO INFORM THE READER BUT TO PROTECT THE WRITER.
NEVER INSULT AN ALLIGATOR UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE CROSSED THE RIVER.
ANYTHING HIT WITH A BIG ENOUGH HAMMER WILL FALL APART.
WHEN YOUR OPPONENT IS DOWN, KICK HIM.
THE MAN WHO CAN SMILE WHEN THINGS GO WRONG HAS THOUGHT OF SOMEONE HE CAN BLAME IT ON.
THE CHANCE OF A PIECE OF BREAD FALLING WITH THE BUTTERED SIDE DOWN IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE COST OF THE CARPET.
IN THE FIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND THE WORLD, BACK THE WORLD.
LAST GUYS DON'T FINISH NICE
NEVER ADMIT ANYTHING, NEVER REGRET ANYTHING, WHATEVER IT IS, YOUR NOT RESPONSIBLE.
IF YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE IT THAT WAY, IT IS PROBABLY WRONG.
WHEN WORKING TOWARD THE SOLUTION OF A PROBLEM, IT ALWAYS HELPS IF YOU KNOW THE ANSWER. PROVIDED OF COURSE YOU KNOW THERE IS A PROBLEM.
THE USEFULMESS OF ANY MEETING IS IN INVERSE PROPORTION TO THE ATTENDANCE.
THE SUN GOES DOWN JUST WHEN YOU NEED IT THE MOST.
PURE DRIVEL TENDS TO DRIVE ORDINARY DRIVEL OFF THE TV SCREEN
WHATEVER CREATES THE GREATEST INCONVENIENCE FOR THE LARGEST NUMBER MUST HAPPEN.
NO MATTER HOW LONG OR HARD YOU SHOP FOR AN ITEM, AFTER YOU HAVE BOUGHT IT, IT WILL BE ON SALE SOMEWHERE CHEAPER.
SANITY AND INSANITY OVERLAP A FINE GRAY LINE.
A DISAGREEABLE TASK IS ITS OWN REWARD.
IF THINGS WERE LEFT TO CHANCE, THEY'D BE BETTER.
THE PHONE WILL NOT RING UNTIL YOU LEAVE YOUR DESK AND WALK TO THE OTHER END OF THE BUILDING.
ANYBODY CAN WIN - UNLESS THERE HAPPENS TO BE A SECOND ENTRY
A PRESIDENT OF A DEMOCRACY IS A MAN WHO IS ALWAYS READY, WILLING, AND ABLE TO LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE FOR HIS COUNTRY.
IF A THING IS DONE WRONG OFTEN ENOUGH IT BECOMES RIGHT.
PEOPLE WILL BUY ANYTHING THAT IS ONE PER CUSTOMER.
IF YOU JUST TRY LONG ENOUGH AND HARD ENOUGH, YOU CAN ALWAYS MANAGE TO BOOT YOURSELF IN THE POSTERIOR.
NO ONE'S LIFE, LIBERTY, OR PROPERTY ARE SAFE WHILE THE LEGISLATURE IS IN SESSION.
NEVER SAY "OOPS" AFTER SUBMITTING A JOB
BAD NEWS DRIVES GOOD NEWS OUT OF THE MEDIA.
JUST WHEN YOU GET REALLY GOOD AT SOMETHING, YOU DON'T NEED TO DO IT ANYMORE.
IF FACTS DO NOT CONFORM TO THE THEORY, THEY MUST BE DISPOSED OF.
ALMOST ANYTHING IS EASIER TO GET INTO THAN OUT OF.
WHEN PROPERLY ADMINISTERED, VACATIONS DO NOT DIMINISH PRODUCTIVITY, FOR EVERY WEEK YOU ARE AWAY AND GET NOTHING DONE, THERE IS ANOTHER WEEK WHEN YOUR BOSS IS AWAY AND YOU GET TWICE AS MUCH DONE.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEBODY WHO KNEW THAT IT WOULD.
THE OTHER LINE ALWAYS MOVES FASTER.
NEVER EAT AT A PLACE CALLED MOMS, NEVER PLAY CARDS WITH A MAN CALLED DOC, AND NEVER LIE DOWN WITH A WOMAN WHO HAS MORE TROUBLES THAN YOU.
IN ORDER TO GET A LOAN, YOU MUST FIRST PROVE YOU DON'T NEED IT.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS.
ANYTHING YOU TRY TO FIX WILL TAKE LONGER AND COST MORE THAN YOU THOUGHT.
CLOSE COUNTS IN HORSESHOES, HANDGRENADES, AND THERMONUCLEAR DEVICES.
THE LION AND THE CALF SHALL LIE DOWN TOGETHER, BUT THE CALF WON'T GET MUCH SLEEP.
IF YOU FOOL AROUND WITH A THING VERY LONG YOU WILL SCREW IT UP.
IT IS BETTER FOR CIVILIZATION TO BE GOING DOWN THE DRAIN, THAN COMING UP IT.
A $300.00 PICTURE TUBE WILL PROTECT A 10¢ FUSE BY BLOWING FIRST
JUSTICE ALWAYS PREVAILS... THREE TIMES OUT OF SEVEN
IF IT JAMS --- FORCE IT. IT IS BREAKS, IT NEEDED REPLACED ANYWAY.
I HAVE YET TO SEE ANY PROBLEM, HOWEVER COMPLICATED, WHICH, WHEN YOU LOOKED AT IT IN THE RIGHT WAY, DID NOT BECOME STILL MORE COMPLICATED. POUL ANDERSON
ANY TOOL DROPPED WHILE REPAIRING A CAR WILL ROLL UNDERNEATH TO THE EXACT CENTER.
NO MATTER WHICH DIRECTION YOU START, IT'S ALWAYS AGAINST THE WIND COMING BACK.
THE REPAIRMAN WILL NEVER HAVE SEEN A MODEL QUITE LIKE YOURS BEFORE
DON'T FORCE IT, GET A BIGGER HAMMER.
WHEN A BROKEN APPLIANCE IS DEMOSTRATED FOR THE REPAIRMAN, IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY.
PITY THE POOR EGG; IT ONLY GETS LAID ONCE IN ITS LIFE
AN OPTIMIST IS A PERSON WHO LOOKS FORWARD TO MARRIAGE. A PESSIMIST IS A MARRIED OPTIMIST!
A PESSIMIST IS AN OPTIMIST WITH EXPERIENCE.
OLD PROGRAMMERS NEVER DIE - THEY JUST ABEND.
THE SUCCESS OF ANY VENTURE WILL BE HELPED BY PRAYER, EVEN IN THE WRONG DEMOMINATION.
JUST ABOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ENDS MEET SOMEBODY MOVES THE ENDS!!
JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE PARANOID DOESN'T MEAN "THEY" AREN'T OUT TO GET YOU
AN IRISHMAN IS NOT DRUNK AS LONG AS HE CAN HANG ONTO A SINGLE BLADE OF GRASS AND NOT FALL OFF OF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
SOME COME TO THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE TO DRINK, SOME PREFER TO GARGLE.
EVERYTHING IS REVEALED TO HE WHO TURNS OVER ENOUGH STONES, (INCLUDING THE SNAKES THAT HE DID NOT WANT TO FIND.)
EVERYBODY SHOULD BELIEVE IN SOMETHING; I BELIEVE I'LL HAVE ANOTHER DRINK.
IF AN EXPERIMENT WORKS, YOU MUST HAVE USED THE WRONG EQUIPMENT.
THOSE WHOSE APPROVAL YOU SEEK THE MOST GIVE YOU THE LEAST
BUILD A SYSTEM THAT EVEN A FOOL CAN USE, AND ONLY A FOOL WILL USE IT.
YOU CAN LEAD A HORTICULTURE, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HER THINK.
EVERYONE HAS A SCHEME FOR GETTING RICH THAT WILL NOT WORK.
IT'S ALWAYS THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH
IN ANY HIERARCHY, EACH INDIVIDUAL RISES TO HIS OWN LEVEL OF INCOMPETENCE, AND REMAINS THERE.
IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU FALL DOWN AS LONG AS YOU PICK UP SOMETHING FROM THE FLOOR WHILE YOU GET UP.
YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH WHEN THE GARBAGE TRUCK IS TWO DOORS AWAY.
MISERY NO LONGER LOVES COMPANY NOW IT INSISTS ON IT.
THE RACE IT NOT ALWAYS TO THE SWIFT NOR THE BATTLE TO THE STRONG, BUT THAT'S THE WAY TO BET.
SOME OF IT PLUS THE REST OF IT IS ALL OF IT.
THERE'S NEVER TIME TO DO IT RIGHT, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS TIME TO DO IT OVER.
ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY LIKE THIS IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE ANYONE CAN BE UNHAPPY -- BUT WE WILL WORK ON IT.
WHEN IN DOUBT, MUMBLE, WHEN IN TROUBLE, DELEGATE.
THE MORE RIDICULOUS A BELIEF SYSTEM, THE HIGHER THE PROBABILITY OF ITS SUCCESS.
ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE IS EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, OR FATTENING.
OLD AGE IS ALWAYS FIFTEEN YEARS OLDER THAN I AM.
IT IS MORALLY WRONG TO ALLOW SUCKERS TO KEEP THEIR MONEY.
WHEN YOU'RE UP TO YOUR NOSE ........ BE SURE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
ONE'S LIFE TENDS TO BE LIKE A BEAVER'S ONE DAM THING AFTER ANOTHER.
A BIRD IN THE HAND IS SAFER THAN OVERHEAD.
THE RATIO OF TIME INVOLVED IN WORK TO TIME AVAILABLE FOR WORK IS USUALLY ABOUT 0.6
REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE: THOSE THAT HAVE THE GOLD MAKE THE RULES.
BLESSED IS HE WHO HAS REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN AND KNOWS IT FOR HE SHALL ENJOY LIVING
EVERYTHING EAST OF THE SAN ANDREAS FAULT WILL EVENTUALLY PLUNGE INTO TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.
I FINALLY GOT IT ALL TOGETHER..... BUT I FORGOT WHERE I PUT IT.
NATURE ALWAYS SIDES WITH THE HIDDEN FLAW.
BLESSED IS HE WHO EXPECTS NO GRATITUDE, FOR HE SHALL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS THE HEADLAMP OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN.
CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
YOU CAN OBSERVE A LOT JUST BY WATCHING
IF IT CAN BE BORROWED AND IT CAN BE BROKEN, YOU WILL BORROW IT AND YOU WILL BREAK IT
NEVER SLEEP WITH ANY ONE CRAZIER THAN YOURSELF.
LIVE WITHIN YOUR INCOME, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO BORROW TO DO SO.
BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP, UGLY GOES CLEAR TO THE BONE.
NEVER GO TO A DOCTOR WHOSE OFFICE PLANTS HAVE DIED.
TO KNOW YOURSELF IS THE ULTIMATE FORM OF AGGRESSION.
AN OUNCE OF APPLICATION IS WORTH A TON OF ABSTRACTION.
NEVER PLAY LEAPFROG WITH A UNICORN.
A BIRD IN THE HAND IS DEAD.
A SMITH AND WESSON BEATS FOUR ACES.
NEVER PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN YOUR POCKET.
IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, BLAME IT ON YOU SUPERVISOR.
IF MORE THAN ONE PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A MISCALCULATION, NO ONE WILL BE AT FAULT.
DON'T BITE THE HAND THAT HAS YOUR PAY CHECK IN IT.
IN CASE OF DOUBT, MAKE IT SOUND CONVINCING.
WHEN IN DOUBT, MUMBLE WHEN IN TROUBLE, DELEGATE WHEN IN CHARGE, PONDER
PLEASE DON'T STEAL, THE IRS HATES COMPETITION
NEVER ARGUE WITH A FOOL, PEOPLE MIGHT NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
YOU CAN'T GUARD AGAINST THE ARBITRARY
PEOPLE ARE DIVIDED INTO THREE GROUPS: THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN, THOSE WHO WATCH THINGS HAPPEN, AND THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.
I NO LONGER GET LOST IN THE SHUFFLE, I SHUFFLE ALONG WITH THE LOST.
THE ONE THING MONEY CAN NOT BUY IS POVERTY.
YOU ARE NOT DRUNK IF YOU CAN LAY ON THE FLOOR WITHOUT HOLDING ON
IN ANY HOUSEHOLD, JUNK ACCUMULATES TO THE SPACE AVAILABLE FOR STORAGE.
DON'T STOP TO STOMP ON ANTS WHEN THE ELEPHANTS ARE STAMPEDING
THE LONGER THE TITLE THE LESS IMPORTANT THE JOB
ANY IMPROBABLE EVENT WHICH WOULD CREATE MAXIMUM CONFUSION IF IT DID OCCUR, WILL OCCUR.
WHEN YOU ARE RIGHT BE LOGICAL, WHEN YOU ARE WRONG BE-FUDDLE.
FOR EVERY HUMAN PROBLEM, THERE IS A NEAT, PLAIN SOLUTION -- AND ITS ALWAYS WRONG.
THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN LIFE; ONLY SURVIVORS
WHEN THEY WANT IT BAD (IN A RUSH), THEY GET IT BAD.
THE YOO-HOO YOU YOO-HOO INTO THE FORREST IS THE YOO-HOO YOU GET BACK
YOU CAN'T TELL HOW DEEP A PUDDLE IS UNTIL YOU STEP INTO IT
THE IDEA IS TO DIE YOUNG AS LATE AS POSSIBLE.
NO MAN IS ALONE WHILE EATING SPAGHETTI.
IT'S BETTER TO RETIRE TOO SOON THAN TOO LATE.
A MAN SHOULD BE GREATER THAN SOME OF HIS PARTS.
NOTHING IS EVER AS SIMPLE AS IT SEEMS.
EVERYTHING TAKES LONGER THAN YOU EXPECT.
LEFT TO THEMSELVES, ALL THINGS GO FROM BAD TO WORSE.
IF YOU SEE THAT THERE ARE FOUR POSSIBLE WAYS IN WHICH A PROCEDURE CAN GO WRONG, AND CIRCUMVENT THESE, THEN A FIFTH WAY, UNPREPARED FOR, WILL PROMPTLY DEVELOP.
IF YOU DON'T SAY IT, THEY CAN'T REPEAT IT.
THINGS GET WORSE UNDER PRESURE.
PERSONS DISAGREEING WITH YOUR FACTS ARE ALWAYS EMOTIONAL AND EMPLOY FAULTY REASONING.
A CONSULTANT IS AN ORDINARY PERSON A LONG WAY FROM HOME.
PROGRESS IS MADE ON ALTERNATE FRIDAYS.
THE FIRST 90 PERCENT OF A TASK TAKES 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME, THE LAST 10 PERCENT TAKES THE OTHER 90 PERCENT.
IF TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, TRY THREE.
DON'T LOOK BACK, SOMETHING MAY BE GAINING ON YOU.
ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL, ALL THINGS ARE NEVER EQUAL.
EVEN PARANOIDS HAVE ENEMIES.
INCOMPETENCE KNOWS NO BARRIERS OF TIME OR PLACE.
WORK IS ACCOMPLISHED BY THOSE EMPLOYEES WHO HAVE NOT YET REACHED THEIR LEVEL OF INCOMPETENCE.
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY SOMETHING ELSE.
IF YOU'RE COASTING, YOU'RE GOING DOWNHILL.
NEVER TELL THEM WHAT YOU WOULDN'T DO.
THE AMOUNT OF FLAK RECEIVED ON ANY SUBJECT IS INVERSIBLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE SUBJECT'S TRUE VALUE.
INDIFFERENCE IS THE ONLY SURE DEFENSE.
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL NOT BE EVENLY DISTRIBUTED.
NEVER NEEDLESSLY DISTURB A THING AT REST.
IF YOU WANT TO GET ALONG, GO ALONG.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT THE SAME TIME WITH NOTHING IN BETWEEN.
THE EASIEST WAY TO FIND SOMETHING LOST AROUND THE HOUSE IS TO BUY A REPLACEMENT.
BARE FEET MAGNETIZE SHARP METAL OBJECTS SO THEY ALWAYS POINT UPWARD FROM THE FLOOR -- ESPECIALLY IN THE DARK.
MAKE THREE CORRECT GUESSES CONSECUTIVELY AND YOU WILL ESTABLISH YOURSELF AS AN EXPERT.
IT WORKS BETTER IF YOU PLUG IT IN.
QUIT WHILE YOUR STILL BEHIND.
IF YOU PLAN TO LEAVE YOUR MARK IN THE SANDS OF TIME, YOU BETTER WEAR WORK SHOES.
IT'S ALWAYS EASIER TO GO DOWN HILL, BUT THE VIEW IS FROM THE TOP.
ANY LINE, HOWEVER SHORT, IS STILL TO LONG.
LAZINESS IS THE MOTHER OF NINE INVENTIONS OUT OF TEN.
IF YOU CAN'T MEASURE OUTPUT THEN YOU MEASURE INPUT.
ANY STORY CAN BE MADE TO FIT FACTS BY MEANS OF APPROPRIATE ADDITIONAL ASSUMPTIONS.
OLD SCOTTISH PRAYER: O LORD, GRANT THAT WE MAY ALWAYS BE RIGHT, FOR THOU KNOWEST WE WILL NEVER CHANGE OUR MINDS.
NEVER BE FIRST TO DO ANYTHING.
THE CHIEF CAUSE OF PROBLEMS IS SOLUTIONS.
THE ONLY WINNER IN THE WAR OF 1812 WAS TCHAIKOVSKY.
A LITTLE IGNORANCE CAN GO A LONG WAY.
LEARN TO BE SINCERE. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO FAKE IT.
ENTROPY HAS US OUTNUMBERED.
EVERYTHING PUT TOGETHER SOONER OR LATER FALLS APART.
DO WHATEVER YOUR ENEMIES DON'T WANT YOU TO DO.
A LITTLE AMBIGUITY NEVER HURT ANYONE.
DON'T PERMIT YOURSELF TO GET BETWEEN A DOG AND A LAMP POST.
GO WHERE THE MONEY IS.
WORK MAY BE THE CRABGRASS OF LIFE, BUT MONEY IS STILL THE WATER THAT KEEPS IT GREEN.
A STAGANT SCIENCE IS AT STANDSTILL
HALF OF BEING SMART IS KNOWING WHAT YOU'RE DUMB AT
FOR EVERY CREDIBILITY GAP THE IS A GULLIBITY GAP.
CANT PRODUCES COUNTERCANT.
IF YOU SEE A MAN APPROACHING YOU WITH THE OBVIOUS INTENT OF DOING YOU GOOD, YOU SHOULD RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
WHEN YOU ARE SURE YOU ARE RIGHT, YOU HAVE A MORAL DUTY TO IMPOSE YOUR WILL UPON ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH YOU.
IF YOU CAN'T CONVINCE THEM, CONFUSE THEM.
ASSUMPTION IS THE MOTHER OF ALL FOUL-UPS.
ALL GENERAL STATEMENTS ARE FALSE. (THINK ABOUT IT)
IF IT HAPPENS, IT MUST BE POSIBLE.
THEM WHAT GETS--HAS.
IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN A HOLE, THERE'S NO USE TO CONTINUE DIGGING
PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING IF YOU WHISPER IT.
A PAT ON THE BACK IS ONLY A FEW INCHES FROM A KICK IN THE PANTS.
NEVER LEAVE HOLD OF WHAT YOU'VE GOT UNTIL YOU'VE GOT HOLD OF SOMETHING ELSE.
A THEORY IS BETTER THAN ITS EXPLANATION
EAT A LIVE TOAD THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING AND NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU THE REST OF THE DAY.
NOBODY NOTICES WHEN THINGS GO RIGHT.
THERE IS NO SAFETY IN NUMBERS, OR IN ANYTHING ELSE.
ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE I AM SCHIZOPHRENIC AND SO AM I.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DO NOT PRACTICE FOUR-LETTER WORDS BEFORE WALKTHROUGHS.
