OS/2 Shareware BBS: 35 Internet/35-Internet.zip/qnq_100.zip/TAGLINES.DAT

Text File | 1997-08-02 | 20KB | 403 lines

#"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
#"Hey, this isn't my tagline! Who put this here?"
#"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
#"I'm so cool you can store meat in me."  - Zaphod
#"Is that seat saved?"  "No, but we're praying for it."
#"Junior, quit playing with your floppy!"
#"Meow" ...splat... "Aarf" ...splat... (raining cats and dogs)
#"Mr. Worf, scan that ship."  "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?
#"No matter how cynical I get, I still can't keep up." - Lily Tomlin
#"Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes."
#"You want to be buried or cremated?"  "Surprise me."
#*REAL* programmers use COPY CON to create Windows apps.
#*Understand* my computer? We don't even talk anymore!
#...and don't dangle your participles in public.
#98% of Constipated People don't give a crap!
#A diamond in the rough is worth two in the sand trap.
#A fool and his money probably never met to start with.
#A good woman can whip you with one eye lash...
#A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
#A social life?  What board can I download THAT from?
#Agnostics open their prayers with "To Whom it may concern..."
#Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows!
#All generalizations are false, including this one.
#All I want for Christmas is a box of Smurfs and a mallet.
#Always forgive your enemies.  They hate that!
#Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
#Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
#An intelligent snake is a smart asp.
#An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
#And Satan said to God, "Yes, but where will YOU find a lawyer?"
#Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
#Anything that is too stupid to be spoken can be sung.
#Anytime things go better, you have overlooked something.
#Are you using Windows, or is that just an XT?
#Armed, dangerous, and off my medication.
#ASCII to a ASCII, DOS to DOS.
#Assassins do it from behind.
#Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted zip code!
#Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (E)xterminate Bill Gates
#Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.
#BBS: like BS, only moreso.
#Be strange... it's cool out there.
#Believe in the Bible?  Hell, I've SEEN one...
#Betazoid modem: it downloads the files it senses you want.
#Better living through alchemy.
#Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
#Bill Clinton: the EDLIN of presidents.
#Bioengineers wear designer genes.
#Boris: Secret message. Burn before reading. Ivan.
#Born Free.  Taxed to death by Clinton.
#Born Free....TAXED TO DEATH!
#Brain damage?  No thanks, I already have some.
#BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
#Bugs crawl in through open Windows.
#By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends!
#C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.
#C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
#C:\COPY A:\DAD\*.DNA+B:\MOM\*.DNA C:\BABY.EXE
#C:\DOS\RUN     C:\WINDOWS\CRAWL     C:\OS2\FLY
#Capt'n!  The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
#Captain, we've found a robot tailor. Make it sew!
#CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
#Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
#Check for toilet paper *before* sitting down.
#Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
#Civil servants are neither civil nor servile.
#Clinical studies show there are no answers.
#Clinton does the work of 3 men ...Curly, Larry and Moe.
#Clinton gets elected : America gets the Bill.
#Clinton got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
#Clinton says: Pay up!  You fools who voted for me can't be wrong!!!
#Clinton thinks he's a wit.  At least he's HALF right.
#Clinton wants to run STACKER on your Gross Income.
#Clinton will give you change... Two cents on the dollar!
#Clinton's Democracy: A wolf and 3 sheep voting on dinner.
#Clinton's honeymoon has turned into a fairy tale.
#Clinton's light at the end of the tunnel is a mirror.
#Clintonomics:  Stealing from the many. Giving to the few.
#Clintonomics:  The art of manipulating symbols!!
#Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows.
#Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
#Control Characters: guys from the Mob.
#Cows ride the space shuttle - the herd shot round the world.
#Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
#Curiousity didn't kill that cat; I got him with my 12 gauge...
#Dances With Wolves - the theme of our senior prom.
#Define (n.)  De ting you get for breaking de law.
#Deja Voodoo: Have I sacrificed this chicken before?
#DEVICE=EVIL; TRICKS=FOUL; PLAN=NEFARIOUS (Snidely-DOS)
#Did anyone see my lost carrier?
#Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
#Disruptors don't kill people.  Klingons kill people.
#Do dogs mistake you for a friend (or a fire hydrant)?
#Do still life on your computer -- run WinDOZE.
#Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
#Does Tasha have a Data entry problem?
#Does the Enterprise printer use a Queue Continuum?
#Dogs crawl under fences; software under Windows
#Dollar Bill says: "Show your patriotism.  Send me money."
#Don't blame me!  I didn't vote for Slick Willie!
#Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
#Don't use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
#DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
#Dos: Venerable.  Windows: Vulnerable.  OS/2:
#Drag me, drop me, treat me like an object.
#Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
#Drop the computer out of the window to QUIT.
#Dumb terminal, eh?  Well, kiss my parallel port!
#Earth: if you love it, leave it.
#Eddie Rabbit: Inventor of the replicator...
#Enough of me, let's talk about you: whaddya think of me?
#Error:015 - unable to exit Windows.  Try door.
#Even crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it!
#Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I...
#Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some don't have film.
#Everyone who's telekinetic, please raise my hand.
#Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a side of fries, please.
#F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
#Fanatic: can't change his mind, won't change the subject.
#Farfromthinkin:  Clinton with his mouth open.
#Fatal Error: User Executed.
#Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
#FIDO: all the social dynamics of kindergarten.
#File MASTERPI.ECE not found: (A)bort, (Retry), (S)uicide?
#File not found: Faking it from here on...
#For sincere personal advice, page your sysop at 3 AM.
#Friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
#Friends help you move; Real friends help you move bodies.
#Frisbyterian: when you die, your soul goes up on the roof.
#Frodo Baggins: "I'm in charge here."
#Frog philosophy: Time's fun when you're having flies!
#Frontal lobotomy: piece of mind?
#Funny how often my birthday suit needs cleaning!
#Get a taste of religion.....bite a nun!
#Get thee down.  Be thou funky.
#Gone crazy, be back later, please leave message.
#Gravity: Not just a good idea, it's the law.
#Guess what I made for dinner?  Reservations!
#Hail Caesar!  We who are about to dine salad you.
#Hand me that dolphin burger.  Yeah, the one in styrofoam.
#Happiness is planet Earth in your rearview mirror.
#Hard Disk No Parking Zone.
#He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
#He who laughs last thinks slowest!
#He who stick head in fruit drink get punch in nose.
#Help!  I've fallen down, and I kind of like it down here!
#HEY!!  I resemble that remark.
#Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull the Necronomicon out of my hat!
#Hi, my name is Annie Key.  Please don't hit me!
#Hollowpoints - the ultimate in feminine protection.
#How can I insert disk #3 when only two will fit?
#How did the fool and his money get together in the first place?
#Human being: automatic door opener for cats.
#Human beings were created by water to transport it up hill.
#Hydrogen bombs make great party gags!
#Hypnotist DOS: "Continue? (Y/Y)"
#I ain't broke but I'm badly bent.
#I am Elma Fudd of Bowg.  Pwepawe to be Assimiwated!
#I am Kirk of Borg - prepare..to..be..assimilated.
#I am Robertson of Borg. The truth is irrelevant.
#I can fly!  I can fly!  I can...oh #$%&!
#I can't hear you.  I have a banana in my ear.
#I can't use Windows.  My cat ate my mouse.
#I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do.
#I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
#I don't use PATH, just leave a trail of crumbs on my HD..
#I don't want a piece of your mind. It has cooties on it.
#I get carsickness from just looking at the sticker price.
#I get mail, therefore I exist.
#I have a black belt in haiku.
#I have the heart of a boy. I keep it in a jar.
#I just got my phone bill.  Buy AT&T stock now!
#I just picked up a book called "Glue" and I can't put it down.
#I knew that rubber chicken was gonna get me in trouble.
#I like Barney...stuffed and mounted on my wall.
#I like your approach.  Now, let's see your departure.
#I liked Charlie's Angels, but not Aaron's Spelling.
#I may be stupid, but I'm being read by YOU.
#I may be stupid, dumb, slow and morose, but I'm not...um...uh...oh well.
#I must have a rapier wit; everyone keeps parrying.
#I never metaphysics I didn't like.
#I tried being reasonable once.  I didn't like it.
#I tried snorting coke once.  I almost drowned.
#I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
#I used to carry a torch but now I just flame...
#I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
#I'd give my right arm to be able to touch type
#I'd like to help you out.  Which way did you come in?
#I'll dangle my participle anywhere I want to!
#I'll live forever.  Or die trying.
#I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
#I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
#I'm in a class by myself.  Everyone else graduated.
#I'm in shape...round's a shape, isn't it?
#I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
#I'm mad!  This 386 doesn't spel any better than the XT.
#I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
#I'm not a sysop, I just play one on the echoes.
#I'm not at my Wits end, but I can see it from here.
#I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged.
#I'm not fat, I'm horizontally challenged.
#I'm not going crazy... I'm coming back from there.
#I'm not late, I'm schedually challenged.
#I'm not lazy, I'm industriously challenged.
#I've GOT it together.  You should have seen it APART!
#I've got morals, I just keep misplacing them.
#I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up!
#If a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out its nose?
#If all else fails, read the directions.
#If Americans have TagLines, do the English have TagQueues?
#If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
#If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.
#If brains were outlawed, nothing would change...
#If Clinton got a strong grip on reality, he'd strangle it.
#If Clinton is assassinated, does Bill take charge?
#If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
#If God can't help you, how about Mr Coffee?
#If I enjoy watching the universe unfold, am I a voyageur?
#If I learn by mistakes, I'm getting a FABULOUS education.
#If ignorance is bliss, then why aren't more people happy?
#If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
#If it ain't broke, I can fix it.
#If it ain't broke, wait a day or two.
#If love is blind, how does love at first sight work?
#If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
#If only men came with pull down menus and online help..
#If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
#If this is Thursday, we must be in COBOL.
#If this isn't war, why is CNN massing on the border?
#If this were an actual tagline, you would be laughing now.
#If we can send one man to the moon, why can't we send them all?
#If you build it, they will laugh.
#If you don't know what P.T. Barnum said, I'll tell you for only $10.
#Impeach Clinton, and her husband too!
#In DBLSPACE no one can hear you scream.
#Is that Pee Wee Herman in the Barney suit?
#Is Windows really a better mouse trap?
#It just doesn't get any Beta than this.
#It must be Monday... or a day just like it.
#It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines.
#Jesus is coming in 30 minutes or your next religion is free!
#Jesus loves you.  But then again, so does Barney.
#Join my war on technology...send me a FAX.  - Mark Russell
#Jump!  100,000 lemmings can't be wrong...
#Just as I think I've hit bottom, somebody hands me a shovel.
#Just think, in a few million years Barney will be motor oil.
#Keelhauling is a real bitch on a starship.
#Keep your quantum-pickin hands off.
#Lead me not into temptation, unless there's money involved.
#Licensed remote control operator.
#Life doesn't come with source code or documentation.
#Life is a lemon and I want my money back.
#Live long and suffer  - ancient Vulcan curse.
#Looking for a good time?  Call Troi at 1-900-NCC-1701
#Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
#Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
#Make money quick! Send checks with negative sums!!
#Me and my two friends... GIF and Wesson.
#Me and you and a Borg named Hugh...
#Meddle not in the affairs of wizards, for <<poof>>...ribbit.
#Microsoft Windows - proof that P.T. Barnum was correct.
#Moderator not found. Enter forbidden subjects? ([Y]/n)
#Money is the root of all evil, and man needs his roots.
#Money talks, but all it ever says is, "Goodbye!"
#Morning after pill for men - it changes your blood type.
#Multi-tasking - screwing up several things at once.
#My computer accuses me of using another computer at work.
#My computer is having an out-of-memory experience.
#My computer thinks it understands me, then I shut it off.
#My ship came in.  Naturally it was the Kobayashi Maru.
#My user's so dumb, he thinks Floppy is one of 7 Dwarves.
#Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that!
#Never take a beer to a job interview.
#Never try to outstubborn a cat.
#Newsflash!  Birdland Bar closed for serving mynahs.
#NO CARRIER... oh, well, I didn't want to land anyways.
#No dolphins were killed to produce this message.
#No, BBS doesn't stand for "Big Black Stud!"
#Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute.
#Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
#Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.
#Nothing to see here, folks. Move along, now. Move along.
#Objects are just data structures with an attitude.
#Of all the things I've ever done... this is one of them.
#Oh, no, not another learning experience!
#OK, if I can't be Napoleon, I'll be a Sysop...
#Okay, I pulled the pin.  Now what?  Where are you going?
#Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
#Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake.
#One of those days?  I have one of those lives.
#Only 2 kinds of people: those who agree with me, and idiots.
#Oops.  My brain just hit another bad sector.
#OS/2 pulls down the shades on Windows.
#OS/2 Viruscan - "Windows found: Remove it? [Y/Y]"
#OS/2:  DOS is Todays CP/M - Windows is tomorrows CP/M!
#OS/2: Your Brain    -    Windows: Your brain on drugs.
#Pagans have better sects . . .
#Pardon me, but your Freudian slip is showing.
#PATH=C:\DOS;C:\DOS\RUN;C:\WIN\CRASH\DOS;C:\DAD\XDEL\WIN
#PCDOS&MSDOS&CP/M&WINDOWSI'LLFIDDLEWITHOS/2WOULDN'TYOU
#Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
#Phillistines demand David be tested for steroids.
#Photons have mass?  I didn't even know they were Catholic!
#Played poker with Tarot last night. Got a full house. 5 people died...
#Please return stewardess to original upright position.
#Poetry isn't obscene: it's per verse.
#Positive: mistaken at the top of your voice.
#Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kinda neat.
#Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
#Quick, send duck tape!  My duck is quacked!
#Quit worrying about your health, it'll go away.
#Rock: breaking Windows isn't for kids any more.
#Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User
#Saying a good politician is like saying an honest burglar.
#Semper Fidelis: Always faithful.  Semper Gumby: Always flexible.
#Send your spare mice to [e-mail]
#Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
#Situation normal: I don't know what I'm doing.
#So maybe you were expecting something funny here?
#Software: documentation's way of perpetuating itself.
#Southern DOS: Y'all reckon [Yep/Nope]?
#Squirrels: Rats with good P.R.
#Stand back!  I've got a mouse and I know how to use it!
#Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
#Support Capitol punishment - spank your congressman.
#Support the arts - shoot a critic.
#Tag line: what we wade through a whole message for.
#Tempt the fates - play poker with Tarot cards!
#Thank god I'm an atheist!
#That was Zen, this is Tao.
#The ad is the most truthful part of a newspaper.
#The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
#The best defense against logic is ignorance.
#The buck doesn't even slow down here.
#The computer revolution is over.  They won.
#The first airplane hangar was built for drip-dry planes.
#The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
#The good lord willing and the board don't crash.
#The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 into a XT.
#The Procrastinator! "I'll kill you... tomorrow. Maybe."
#The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
#The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
#Theatre is life - Film is art - Television is furniture.
#There are millions of stories in the Naked Echo.
#There is no gravity.  Gaia hugs.
#There will be a rain dance Friday, weather permitting.
#There's no gravity, the Earth sucks!!
#This little piggy went to market.  He's a shopaholic.
#This must be love... or something else.
#To a cat: happiness is a warm laser printer.
#To clone a felon, do I use the COPY CON command?
#Today is the yesterday you'll regret tomorrow...
#Tomato paste - what you use to fix broken tomatoes.
#Too bad life doesn't have an UNDO key...
#Tried to play my shoehorn...all I got was footnotes!
#Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
#Tunnel Vision: like Television, only more realistic.
#Use DEVICE=EXXON .. to really screw  up your environment.
#Used car: not what it's jacked up to be.
#Vegetarians eat vegetables.  Beware of humanitarians!
#Virus detected!  P)our chicken soup on motherboard?
#VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"  Y
#Warning: drinking water may kill your thirst!
#Warning: messenger truncated!
#We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
#We're sorry, but reality is not in service at this time.
#We've been through so much together and most of it was your fault!
#Well, MY broker is E.F. Hutton, and... MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
#What do you mean, you formatted the cat?
#What were you this time, Odo? The modem? The computer? The TAGLINE!
#When are they gonna come out with Windows for CP/M?
#When life hands you lemons make Strawberry Daiquiris.
#When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
#When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.
#When there's a will, I want to be in it.
#When you're over the hill, you pick up speed.
#Who was Casper the Friendly Ghost before he died?
#Whoever decided to limit taglines to a single line can just kiss my
#Why put off 'til tomorrow what you'll never do anyway?
#Why throw your PC performance out the Windows?
#Will Windows be the death of Batchman? Stay tuned....
#WindowError:01F Reserved for future mistakes
#WindowError:04 Rub your CRT and wish for DOS multitasking
#Windows 3.1 - The colorful clown suit for DOS...
#WINDOWS ERROR #00: Windows doesn't feel good today.
#Windows is a pane.
#Windows NT-An answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
#WINDOWS: From the people who brought you EDLIN.
#Windows: Just another pane in the glass
#Windows: Proof that Bill Gates should've finished college
#Windows; a cute clown suit for DOS.
#Windws is ine for bckgroun comunicaions
#Would you have the grace to discorporate?
#WYMI: the all-philosophy radio station.
#Yeah, it's done.  Can't you hear the smoke alarm?
#Yoda of Borg I am, Assimilated will you be, hmmm?
#You are feeling sleepy. You are using Windows.
#You could have knocked me over with a fender.
#You go Uruguay, I'll go mine.
#You possess a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained.
#You're the computer, you tell ME where the file is!
#ZenCrafters: Total enlightenment, in about an hour.