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ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ 1. homepage ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
episode one: a meeting with GiantMedia...
HappyNews
a roundtable discussion between HappyMan, Molly, UltraMonkey and NullMonkey...
special offer
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> HappyNews ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> one ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> a roundtable discussion ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Windows 3.1 is starting to feel old and dull...I want New and Fun...should I
get a PowerMac?
Fool! Windows95 on a Pentium100 is the ultimate desktop operating system!
It is YOU who are the fool, Molly! Vapor/kludgeware like Windows95 is not a
viable option. HappyMan, why not step up to REAL computing power with OS/2?
You ignore Amiga!!? With Blitter in '71 and Copper in '86, Commodore wins
ALL...Emplant gives full WinRealMode, and Em486 follows with full backward-link
HAMmm-8/SVGA dual page emulation...
Sounds like you need a few million more years of evolution, NullMonkey!
Microsoft WILL meet all your computing needs, now and in the future...What Do
You Want To Do Today, HappyMan? Maybe wait for Windows '95, or be sorry!
FUD!!! Warp is here now, and OS/2 for the PowerPC is just a recompile away!
I'm already getting a headache...isn't MacOS the easy, fun way? The latest
release of MacPhotoPowerRenderEasy is supposed to be really cool...
So what? Buy your next OS from Microsoft, or we'll break your legs!!!
more...
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> more... ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
I just want to stick with the crowd...nothing extreme...
Well, the OS/2 crowd is growing...soon, the user base will reach 10
million...why not keep your trusty 486 a while longer and Get Warped...before
long, all the great Mac apps will migrate to OS/2, and you'll still be able to
run your old 16-bit Windows stuff and DOS games. Don't waste your money on a
PowerMac: the PowerPC 620 is just around the corner...CommonPoint and OpenDoc
will blow away EVERYTHING...pretty soon, NT is going to look as obsolete as,
well, AmigaDOS...
LIES!!! Amiga lives on, through Emplant and POOM...and yes, BattleStar:
DeepSlackPicard is all done on TOASTERS!!!
UltraMonkey, take my word for it: Warp will NEVER be as successful as
Windows95...HappyMan, I heard that IBM is using old XT motherboards to run the
Aptiva's CD rom drive...
Now I'm REALLY getting confused...there are so many choices... how am I
supposed to know which company is the most New and Fun?
Amiga had new and fun FirstAndBest...FIRST with multimedia, NTSC Blitter, BEST
with MagicFonts and HAAmM-12...
more...
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> more2... ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
You can't get much newer and funner than Galactic Civilization and Web
Browser...HappyMan, famous people you look up to are getting Warped in droves:
"Forget the PS/2- We're Not Your Father's IBM!"
Now don't be hasty, HappyMan...switching operating systems is a major
undertaking for someone as risk-adverse and simple-minded as you...
Well...
EXACTLY! Why take chances with Mac and IBM crap...their software is produced by
blood-sucking aliens and baby-eating serial killers...did you know that OS/2
2.1 was beta-tested by Chinese death row prisoners? YES...IT'S TRUE!!!
Yikes!
But Emplant ensures alien-free TotalCompatibilty...HaMM/Link and Copper means WeWin!!!
C'mon, HappyMan...I've seen Warp for less than $70...you could be using the
cool internet tools TOMORROW...
Internet is useless: 'MigaMatesBBS has AllYouNeed...
Hmm...
___________________
Will HappyMan make a decision? Find out in HappyMan 1.2...
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> an interview with Capt. Matyshock... ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Recently we caught up with Capt. Matyshock of TeamDeathStar, BlackHelicopter Division...
Congratulations on a successful tour!
Thank you.
Many people feel this latest sweep marks a turning point for our nation...a
kind of rebirth...
Yes...
Could this be due to the new priority placed on DataPurity by the administration?
Without pure data, we are but a nation of mongrels...DataPurity is the essence
of our identity as a people...
Let's talk about the clinics.
Yes...we start young, five or six years old...they need to learn the basics
early: security, peer reportage, that kind of stuff...later we go into
anti-encription training...with the teenagers things can get pretty rough...
Some people think your methods are a bit extreme...
Well, it's like they say: "You Can't Make An Omlette Without Breaking A Few Meatballs!"
more...
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> interview cont... ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Does it bother you that not everyone shares your enthusiasm and dedication?
Not at all...the losers will be crushed.
I can't help but notice your BlackHelicopter CrimsonHeart medal...some of our
readers may not be familiar with the story...
I got it during one of the first EmpowermentZone programs...let's see, I guess
it was EmZ five...anyway, we were
doing a sweep, clearing some areas when our ship took some small arms fire...we
managed to complete all
the target sectors in spite of some pretty heavy damage...the adminstration was
very pleased. Of course, as team leader I got the medal, but it was a total
team effort...I still get a christmas card every year from one of the guys widows...
You've always stressed teamwork...
That's what it's all about...
more...
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> two ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> three ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> four ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> five ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> six ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> seven ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> eight ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> nine ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> NewSpirit ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Washington
The fifteen-year old sat back
with a look combining excitement,
accomplishment and pride. Her
first data sweep returned over
200 suspects!
"I used the tracking database
to bracket a range of activity,
then cross-linked with the
composite behavioral survey," beamed
Amy #343217. "This is fun!"
Making positive behavior fun is
what NewSpirit is all about. The
Justice Department program, now
in its third month, is drawing rave
reviews from kids and administrators
alike.
"NewSpirit takes teens with no
hope and moves them into the
mainstream," explains project
coordinator George #667973. "We
show them how to work with
society, not against it."
Problem teens are identified and
inducted through a regional board.
They have their choice of working
with the passcode enforcement unit
(PEU) or TeamGreenSweep, the
environmental group.
"The program is totally self-funding,
through the search and seizure
division," explains #667973. "It's a
double benefit to the public."
The NewSpirit program welcomes
your input. Contact your regional board
for more information.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> Sausages for Santa ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Los Angeles
This holiday season the adminstration
and homeless activists came together
for an exciting new program. In
conjunction with TeamGreenSweep,
Sausages for Santa proves that
Washington and special interest
groups can put aside their political
differences and work hand-in-hand
toward positive social goals.
Volunteer families were selected from
a qualified pool of applicants compiled
by the Justice Department. On Christmas,
these families left cured or smoked
sausages under their trees and in other
locations suggested by Justice Department
"santas". These JDSantas worked together
with TeamGreenSweep teen volunteers,
providing festive "sausage hunt"
community parties and courtesy
GreenViolation safety checks.
"Sausages for Santa finally gives us
a steady supply of ready-to-eat protein
at a critical time of the year for the
homeless," says activist Meg #893245.
"Establishing a cyclical donation structure
is key to homeless empowerment."
Administration officials also are
enthusiastic. "Frankly, we were skeptical,"
says James #647877. "But the community
response was fantastic. And we now have
a search tool that will make it past most
judges, even on appeal."
Program coordinators are currently selecting
volunteers for next Christmas. For more
information, contact the Justice Department.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> Ask UltraMonkey ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
Dear UltraMonkey:
I recently upgraded my 286 with a "LightSpeed" 386SX/33 motherboard.
Everthing works fine, except for
the hard drive. It's a Seagate 20mb MFM drive with a controller from my old
8088...apparently, it has its own BIOS,
and I get a configuration error from the 386 BIOS. Can I reconfigure the
controller? Also, sometimes the EGA
video card locks up when the motherboard is on "turbo". Any suggestions? -Alan #221356
Dear Alan:
You are correct that the controller has its own BIOS-this will conflict with
AT and later systems. The video
problem could be a number of different things...luckily, there is a simple solution:
#1-get a long nut-driver or screwdriver
#2-make sure you are correctly grounded: static discharge can cause even
more controller woes!
#3-plunge the tool into your heart.
This should eliminate the problem.
Dear UltraMonkey:
A few days ago I was watching my parents doing stuff on the Internet. I
think they were doing DataCrimes...
I know I should turn them in, but my birthday is pretty soon and I think
they're getting me some good stuff. What
should I do? -Karen #125567
Dear Karen:
Karen, if you watch my show you must know the saying: "Justice Delayed Is
Justice Denied"! Of course you
must turn in your parents immediately. And don't worry...when the state divides
up their property, your share will
be a lot more than a few crappy presents!
___________________________________________________________________________________
Ask UltraMonkey! welcomes your questions, tips and comments. E-mail to metacomx@northcoast.com
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> CrimeWatch! ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
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ΓöéRobert #815568 Γöéweapons Γöé
Γöé Γöéviolations/ Γöé
Γöé Γöéunauthorized Γöé
Γöé Γöéuse of access Γöé
Γöé Γöécodes Γöé
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ΓöéMel #875563 Γöéunauthorized Γöé
Γöé Γöéuse of access Γöé
Γöé Γöécodes Γöé
Γö£ΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓö╝ΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöñ
ΓöéDeborah #945567Γöéunauthorized Γöé
Γöé Γöéuse of access Γöé
Γöé Γöécodes Γöé
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ΓöéJohn #987571 Γöéunauthorized Γöé
Γöé Γöéuse of access Γöé
Γöé Γöécodes Γöé
ΓööΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓö┤ΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÇΓöÿ
Remember: "Justice Delayed Is Justice Denied!" If you know the whereabouts of
these or other felons,
please contact your local law enforcement agency.
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> Arts and Leisure ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> help ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
copyright 1995 John Anderson, Anderson MetaComics
for entertainment purposes only
Opinions expressed in this document are those of the author. Windows, Windows
NT
and Windows95 are trademarks of Microsoft. Warp and OS/2 are trademarks of IBM.
Other trademarks in this document are the sole property of their owners.
HappyMan v1.1 is copyrighted freeware, and may be redistributed without cost in
its
original form with all associated files (see read_1st.txt). Any restructuring
of content,
commercial resale, or "bundling" with other products or services is forbidden
without prior written consent from John Anderson and Anderson MetaComics. Whew!
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ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> test link ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
test link
return to help page
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> ten ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> eleven ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> twelve ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> thirteen ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
HappyMan, it smells like dead meat in here. What's the deal??!!!
I haven't showered in five days, but the render module is looking good!!!
______________________________________________________
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> interview cont2... ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
We're hearing all kinds of "buzz" at the HappyNews offices about
your current program, operation NewSpirit...
It's very exciting...we give the kids something to believe in. They get to
choose
between working for the passcode enforcement unit or a new unit: TeamGreenSweep.
I bet the kids can really get "jacked into" that!
You better believe it! TeamGreenSweep has been very popular in the suburbs...there's
skill crossover with PEU, so they get the same training: data control, weapons handling,
militia abatement, all the stuff they read about...
And all the information is available on the TeamDeathStar web server...
Yes...so you can "Jack-In To The Max"!
Captain Matyshock, we want to thank you for taking the time out of
your busy schedule to speak with us...
It's been my pleasure!
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> hectic agenda ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
"Hectic Agenda", a new GiantMedia production slated for release this summer,
is aptly
named: from the moment the lights go down you're in for one hectic ride. Once again,
producer Helmut #985562 and director/star UltraMonkey deliver the goods. Fans
of the
LethalMonkey series of blockbusters will not be let down.
The film picks up where LethalMonkey III: DeathFactor left off: UltraMonkey
is on
suspension from the Justice Department after some over-enthusiastic police work.
Lost in a drunken stupor, it takes a new crisis to pull him back into action. DataTerrorists,
threatening the nation's data purity, convince UltraMonkey that a little
"freelancing" is
in order. Without spoiling the plot, suffice it to say that the martian nuclear
plant
showdown will "blow you away"! Kudos also to the effects team and their "ChromeKill"
computer-enhanced detention camp sequence.
"Hectic Agenda: LethalMonkey IV" opens May 29th at a theater near you. Don't
miss it!
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> special offer ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> offer ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> T-shirt ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ
ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ <hidden> tee-shirt ΓòÉΓòÉΓòÉ