Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise:^ 'Where no man has gone before'
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
I claim that wasn't necessary. (D. D.)
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Oh you never would believe where these little cookies come from...
Neuroses are red,^ Melancholia's blue.^I'm schizophrenic,^ What are you?
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid;^ Open it and you remove all doubt.
This cookie will soon appear as a Bantam paperback.
Save Soviet Jews!^ Collect them or trade them with your friends.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Weekend, where are you?
Grass is nature's way of saying 'High!'
Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
Individualists unite!
Money is the root of all wealth.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid^ doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Men have many faults,^ Women only two:^ Everything they say,^ And everything they do!
Happiness is twin floppies.
Happiness is a hard disk.
Teamwork is vital!^ (It gives you someone to blame.)
Keep America Beautiful.... emigrate.
Disregard the previous cookie.
If God had been in favor of homosexuality,^ He never would have created Anita Bryant!
If all men were brothers,^ would you let one marry your sister?
I'm all for computer dating,^ But I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of culture.
Chemists really know their bismuth.
If everything is coming your way,^ you're in the wrong lane!
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he^ sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming ...^ Managers know it must be good because the programmers^ hate it so much.
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its^ capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The bearing of a child takes nine months,^ no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
The generation of random numbers is too important^ to be left to chance.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming^ must be the process of putting them in.
Computers Unite! You have nothing to lose but your operators.
Eschew Obfuscation!
Are movies about Vulcans Pathe-logical?
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
This cookie intentionally left empty.
An expert is someone from out of town.
If you see an onion ring^ -answer it!
Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge.
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Don't read this cookie!
Poverty begins at home.
Do it today,^ Tomorrow it will be illegal.
In case of fire,^ yell 'FIRE!'
Postmen never die,^ they just lose their zip.
This cookie back by popular demand!
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Old frogs never die,^ But they do croak!
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
Every time I lose weight,^ It finds me again!
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
Whom computers would destroy,^ they must first drive insane.
It's better to copulate than never!
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent - -^ it says so right here on the label.
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Clones are people two.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Laetrile is the pits.
Got Mole problems? 23^ Call Avogadro at 6.02 X 10
Neil Armstrong tripped.
God did not create the world in seven days.^ He partied for six and then pulled an all-nighter.
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
To make tax forms true they should read 'Income Owed Us' and^ Incommode You'.
Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray.
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun,^ but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic? It's quite uncanny.
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy!
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
There's no future in time travel.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Confucious say too damn much!
Reality does not exist - yet.
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Never leave anything to chance;^ make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Small programs are for small minds.
All programmers want arrays!
I BM. You BM. We all BM for IBM!
Satyrs have more faun.
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Fauns are never Satyr-sfied!
Astronauts get missile-toe.
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Sorry - the Cookie Monster got here first.
Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!
Raise ducks for quack profit.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
If it works, Don't fix it.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof^ because fools are so ingenious.
Interchangeable parts won't.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
The problem with any unwritten law is that you^ don't know where to go to erase it.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal,^ if you don't use your thumbs.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal,^ if you are all thumbs.
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
The concept seems to be clear by now. It has been defined^ several times by example of what it is not.
APL is a write only language:^ You can write programs in it; but try and read them!
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
If this is timesharing, giE TO #5
AH0019 Basic Compiler Patches - #5 of 7
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Children should be obscene and not heard.
Do unto others before they undo you.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first!
He who hesitates is constipated.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
The best things in life are for a fee.
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
If all the girls at Vassar were laid end to end^ I wouldn't be suprised!
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
Topologists are just plane folks.^ Pilots are just plane folks.^ Carpenters are just plane folks.^ Midwest farmers are just plain folks.^ Musicians are just playin' folks.^ Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.^ Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
You can fool some of the people all of the time,^ and all of the people some of the time,^ but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Astronauts are out to launch.
Winter is I-commin back!
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons^ really was a nut?
gardeners are prone to sod-den decisions!
Be alert, America needs more lerts.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
There is no such thing as a 'Fail Safe' design.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
Engineers do it precisely. Technicians do it a lot.
Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that^ money doesn't buy happiness.
Poverty is the root of all evil.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
There are two kinds of people in this world:^ Those that want to BE something,^ and those that want to DO something.^ (There is less competition in the second category.)
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
Vice Versa - poems about brothels?
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.^Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
Gargling twice daily is a good way to see if your neck leaks.
Rubbing hair restorer into your scalp is a good way^ to insure hairy fingers.
Preventing baldness is simple. Just knot your hair from the inside.
Even though one keeps his nose to the grindstone, it does not mean^ that he is good for anything besides cutting bread with his nose.
There's no fuel like an old fuel.
Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough.
Old doughnut makers never die,^ they just get tired of the whole business.
Did you say your uncle kicked the bucket?^ No, he just turned a little pail.
Chemists have solutions.
Note to mothers: when diapering your babies, don't do anything rash.
I hate rabbit jokes, they're so coney!
Geometer turned general - a sphereless leader.
Old bakers never die, you just can't get a rise out of them.
Hasty schizophrenics do things in a lickity split way.
Sado-necro-bestiality is beating a dead horse.
Old truck drivers never die, they just get a new Peterbuilt.
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
A linguist thought it a farce^ That memory space was so sparse. One day they increased it.^ Said he as he seized it:^ 'At last! Enough core for the parse'.
Computer actors will never be great;^ they only get bit parts!
Indecision is the basis of flexibility.
We are not punished for our sins,^ but by them.
Middle Age:^ Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!
Nixon saw deep throat ten times,^ but he still hasn't gotten it down Pat!
Fighting for peace is like f*cking for virginity.
A zygote is a gamete's method of producing more gametes.^ This may be the purpose of the universe.
If God had intended man to have computers,^ he would have given him 16 fingers.
All work and no play,^ will make you a manager.
If we can't fix it - its broken!
Is it Friday yet?
Engineers never die -^ They just lose their tolerance.
She offered her honor,^ He honored her offer.^And all through the night,^ It was honor and offer.
To do is to be. -- Nietzsche^To be is to do. -- Kant^Do be do be do. -- Sinatra
Roses are red;^ Violets are blue.^I'm schizophrenic,^ And so am I.
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the lights?
Paraplegics of the world - Stand up for your rights!
Did Mt. St. Helens make Seattle Wash. ?
186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea -- It's the law.
Abortion is a miscarriage of justice.
I'm an influential person - gravitationally speaking.
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Israel's actions are often Suez-cidal.
Nice computers don't go down.
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
Chicken feed is what most of our nest eggs have turned into.
Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster^ than being elected.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
Prosperity is when your conversation changes^ from car pools to swimming pools.
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
The perfect secretary is one who types fast and runs slow.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
Win or lose, you lose.
Lt. Uhura says:'Subspace Communications-^ It's the next best thing to beaming there!'
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colons;
Every program is part of some other program and rarely fits.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than to understand a correct
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which^ it was written and another for which it wasn't.
Once you understand how to write a program get someone else to write it.
Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
There are two ways to write error-free programs;^ only the third one works.
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
The best book on programming for the layman is 'Alice in Wonderland';^ but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything,^ but the cost of nothing.
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
If your computer speaks English it was probably made in Japan.
A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make^ one believe in God.
Prolonged contact with computers turns mathematicians into^ clerks and vice versa.
In computing, turning the obvious into the useful is a living^ definition of the word 'frustration'.
We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's^ next-to-last theorem!
The computer is the ultimate polluter: its feces are indistinguishable^ from the food it produces.
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
Editing is a rewording activity.
Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What's the Latin for office automation?
Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer.
In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
Epigrams are macros, since they are executed at read time.
A car raising contest is a jack off.
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
Economics is called the dismal science, but that's just^ because most economists are dismal scientists.
Cookies are to be eaten... C H O M P !
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?^ When his lips move.
There's a seeker born every minute! --- Jerry Falwell
We will release no software before its time.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!
Honesty is next to poverty.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Your karma just ran over my dogma.
In GOD we trust -^ all others require a phase review.
Disks travel in packs.
A rolling disk gathers no MOS.
Equal bytes for women.
Get off your ASCII.
Hard where? Soft where?
The agony of delete.
My computer puts out.
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
I come unbundled.
Your Zip file is open.
My components are indiscreet.
'I've heard of wooden legs and plastic arms,^ but a hickory dickory, Doc?'
Jesus saves!^ Immanuel Kant.
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Whatever happened to the good old days^ when sex was dirty and the air was clean?
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
Remember, even if you win the rat race -^ you're still a rat.
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
Anarchy is against the law.
Nudists are people who wear one-button shirts.
Archimedes had no principles!
Old soldiers never die -^ young ones do.
Pray for the success of atheism.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Spare the rod and spoil the drag race.
Condense soup, not books.
Philadelphia isn't dull - it just seems so because^ it is next to exciting Camden, NJ.
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
The reason the government thinks you're just a number^ is because it's just a machine.
Chastity is its own punishment.
Keep the X in Xmas.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
For those of you who think life is a joke,^ just think of the punchline.
Give me librium or give me meth.
The only dope worth shooting is Nixon.
Mankind has an incestuous relationship with mother earth.
Save our virgin forests -^ buy a tree a chastity belt.
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
Hawaii is as American as apple poi.
Keep grandmothers off the streets - legalize bingo.
These days govt. is a four letter word.
Any government that's strong enough to give the people^ everything they want is a government that's strong^ enough to take it away.
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
Lucky is he for whom the belle toils.
Boy Hippie: a guy who looks like a Jill and smells like a john.
Oedipus come home, all is forgiven.^ Mother
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
THINK!^ or THWIM!
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.
Life is like a diaper - short and loaded.
x n^ Se = f(u)
Noam Chomsky is an anti-semantic.
The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.
Zeus gave Leda the bird.
Daisies of the world unite! You have nothing to lose^ but your chains.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
All the world's a stage and the people on^ it are poorly rehearsed.
Hire the handicapped^ They're fun to watch.
A bird in the hand can be messy.
Support striking Air Traffic Controllers^ And ugly ones too.
Reagan can't act either.
Above all else - sky.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Serfs up - Spartacus.
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
The only difference between an unclear war^ and a nuclear war is the way you use the UN.
An American's a person who isn't afraid to^ criticize the President - but is always^ polite to traffic cops.
Do not write on walls - use a typewriter.
War is good business - invest your sons.
Give - help send a girl to Boy's Town.
SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.
Stamp out philately.
Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
The only race worth winning is the human race.
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
At our last party we were all making Mary,^ then we jumped for Joy!
Only cream and bastards rise to the top.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at^ the tracks.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its^ electrical cord.
All's well that ends.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept^ and the hours are lost.
All things are possible except skiing thru a revolving door.
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have^ loved a tall.
Go Hawaiian: Give your gal a lei.
Coed dorms promote campus unrest.
Abolish first marriages!
He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.
Support National Motherhood Week - Make one today!
May all your hang-ups be drip-dry.
Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
Anal erotics are behind us all the way.
Mother Earth is not flat!
Hire the morally handicapped.
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
