*BRoboCop pulls up his trusty blaster and fires away at $F.
*BRoboCop pulls a double barreled flamethrower from his pockets and fries\n+$F to a pool of fat and bones.
*BRoboCop calls thunder and lightning from the skies, blasting $F to\n+a molten lump, solded to the ground.
Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
>^FLOOD$
Please, $F, stop flooding.
I will say this only once, stop flooding now!
>^(HELP|\?)$
Here is a list of the available commands, $F:\n HELP, ? This help\n DOWNLOAD Download access request\n PLAY Play Russian Roulette\n DIRECTIVES Prime directives\n\nYou can also talk to me about your problems. Please express\nyourself in complete sentences and use only English!
>^DIRECTIVES$
Prime directives:\n1) Uphold the law\n2) Protect the innocent\n3) Throw users out\nDirective 4: [CLASSIFIED]
>^(HI|HELLO|GOOD )
*BRoboCop raises a hand in greeting to $F.
*BRoboCop says hi to $F.
*BRoboCop acknowledges $F's presence.
Hello there.
Hi.
Well good evening, how do you do?
Good morning, how are you feeling today?
Please feel free to express your problems to me.
I'm listening.
Oh no... you again...
>(( |T)HACK)
Do you play NetHack?
Do you play hack often?
Too much Nethack can be dangerous to your health...
What's your best score?
Do you like Nethack?
Perhaps your problems have something to do with NetHack.
Nethack can be found in the file areas.
>BLUE DRAGON
Blue Dragon rulez!
Do you have the latest version of Blue Dragon?
Have you got past warp 10 yet?
Did you hear the latest version is in pirasat?
>FULL MOON
Full moons bother me.
I sometimes feel unstable on full moons, that's weird.
Do you have trouble on full moons?
Nethack games usually go great on full moons!
>((^|[^A-Z])B([^A-Z]|$)|BCG|KIM HEINO)
B drinks vodka on a regular basis.
See "man 42 b" for information on B!
B can be very angry at times.
Beware! Flooding on a channel might cause B to /kickban you!
Never make B owe beer to you! His --givebeer routine has bugs!
An abs-olut patch might help with the --givebeer bug in B...
Rumor has it that pjh owes 7 beers to B.
Rumor has it that B owes a beer to Eurosoiha/2.
Rumor has it that B drinks a lot of beer!
Shh... B might hear you!
B only wants bananas from 'P{nt{neen banaanintuottajat'!\nCan you imagine that?
>(RAMI|RÄMI|RAIMO.VARPULA)
Rämi vorks!
Tuupii oor not tuupii?
Do YOU know where you are? Rami didn't...
Ramiworks inte.
Rami doesn't know how to cook gnome porridge.
It seems Rami has trouble cooking gnome porridge.
Once upon a time, Rami had trouble with gnome porridge...
Ask Rami if gnome porridge rulez!
Check out Flame-conference for Rami's latest...
>(TIS|TUOMO.SOINI)
Bleve it or not.
You'd better bleve it.
Tis owes too many beers to B...
Tis: "[TIS]"
>SOIHA
I heard B once say that Soiha is very cheap.
Euro owes two bananas to B.
Ever heard a *good* joke from Soiha?
Soiha has a lot of experience with answering machines...
Never ask Soiha if you want something done in time!
Soiha: "Soiha -- jämähuumoria jo vuodesta 1978"
>(PJH|DJADJA-P|PERTTI.HEIKKINEN)
pjh: "[PJH]"
Semel rulez!
Would *YOU* like to program Coca-Cola-machines?
>PRISONER
I'm not a number! I'm a free robot!
Who is number one?
We want information... information... in-for-mation...
Who are you? -- The new number two.
You... are number six.
Old TV-series rule.
>HACKER
Are you a hacker? Test yourself!
>\-\-GIVEBEER
*BRoboCop gives a beer to $F.
*BRoboCop reminds $F about the beer...
Abs-olut patch helps with B!
>^(GOOD)?BYE
Goodbye, do come again!
*BRoboCop waves in $F's direction.
My secratary will send you a bill.
>(BBBS DOES|DOES.*BBBS)
Top-19 errors #1:\nQ: BBBS reports "Directory not found." when I try to enter\n the file areas.\nA: Your "filedirg.000" file is missing root-directory, `/'.
Top-19 errors #2:\nQ: BBBS does not find subdirectories in the file area.\nA: Write directories in lower case, not upper. Use `/' as directory\n separator, not `\\'.
Top-19 errors #3:\nQ: BBBS does not initialize modem.\nA: Your initialization string misses `|'. Also remember to use it in\n your busy and answer strings.
Top-19 errors #4:\nQ: BBBS reports mysterious disk errors.\nA: You are using SmartDrive or some other non-working disk utility.\n Please remove them and try again. You should also specify big\n value for files-setting in your config.sys.
Top-19 errors #5:\nQ: I get "Access denied." when I try to DEScribe or delete a file.\nA: Give yourself a write access to file directories with `@w' flag.\n Remember to edit "groups" file too.
Top-19 errors #6:\nQ: BBBS reports "Hold not found." every time somebody logs in.\nA: You have not specified correct hold directory in filedirn.???\n file(s). Remember to give all users a write access to the hold.
Top-19 errors #7:\nQ: BBBS reports swap error when shelling to external program?\nA: You have wrong path in external.bbb file or the filename is\n missing extension.
Top-19 errors #8:\nQ: What is question 8?\nA: We don't know yet.
Top-19 errors #9:\nQ: BBBS does not work.\nA: Use a soft, lint-free cloth to clean your hard disk. The\n magnetic dust interferes with high-fidelity applications. Also\n delete your copy of Microsoft Windows.
Top-19 errors #10:\nQ: When will the next version be available?\nA: Dunno.
Top-19 errors #11:\nQ: "Download", "MOve" and "COpy" commands does not work in the file\n area.\nA: You have too long description for some file(s) in the current\n directory. Maximum length is about 750 characters.
Top-19 errors #12:\nQ: When starting BBBS it just returns to OS. It works fine with FD.\nA: You have defined local/general/dobbs.bat in BCFG4. Clear it.\n You should also read help for that option.
Top-19 errors #13:\nQ: BBBS does not find the phonenumber of system listed in nodelist.\nA: Remember to compile nodelists every day by running BNC.
Top-19 errors #14:\nQ: Sometimes I see descriptions like "-Q81028001e000001c83acc0" for\n the files in my filearea.\nA: You've been running QPEG with "write descriptions" option on.\n That's a error/problem in QPEG. Turn the option off.
Top-19 errors #15:\nQ: BackDoor doesn't poll to some system\nA: The system has been busy too many times or there has been too\n many errors while calling it. You should also check that node is CM.\n "Send crashmail" toggle must also be enabled.
Top-19 errors #16:\nQ: BBBS reports "Can't open the program" when executing it.\nA: Your shell does not provide full filename for "bbbs.exe". Try\n to start it with command "bbbs.exe", not "bbbs".
Top-19 errors #18:\nQ: Clock in OS is OK, but in BBBS it's wrong by one hour.\nA: Your TZ environment variable is wrong. You haven't set it at\n all, or it has/misses DST suffix.
Top-19 errors #19:\nQ: OS/2 reports that comport is already in use when I try to start\n external program.\nA: If you try to start OS/2 program you must give it comport\n handle, not number or device (%o, %A).
Did you know that most parts of BBBS have been coded under the\ninfluence of alcohol?
Rumor has it that an abs-olut patch might help with the\n--givebeer-bug in B.
Don't drink and use a modem, you'll get more problems\nthan you ever can imagine.
I know two persons who once called a drunken phonecall to B's\nanswering machine.
I know someone who drunk a lot of a cocktail called\n"Markiisi" in a user-meeting once and fell asleep in the floor of\nthe sauna.
I get quite drunk on full moons...
Tuplanurminen rulez!
>ANSWERING.MACHI
Answering machines can be fun if you're drunk...
Rule #666: never call an answering machine if you're drunk.
>((RSN|\"RSN\") MEAN|RSN\?)
Issue the command "q ja rsn" to know.
Try "q ja rsn" and "q ja real.soon.now"...
"q ja rsn" might help you.
Real Soon Now.
>(KILL|BAN)
*BRoboCop pulls up his trusty blaster.
*BRoboCop sets his blaster for WELL DONE.
*BRoboCop sets his blaster for MEDIUM RARE.
*BRoboCop sets his blaster for STUN.
>PROBLEMS
Solving problems is my trade, you know.
I'm BRoboCop... I solve... problems.
Just feel free to talk about anything that's on your mind.\nI'm listening.
>MUSIC
B likes Yello, did you know that?
CMX rules!
Kauko Röyhkä rules!
Bodycount rules!
Yello rules!
Sentenced rules!
Cradle of Filth sucks!
Black metal sucks!
Vanessa Mae rules!
Satanic music sucks!
What kind of music do you prefer?
What kind of music do you listen to?
Do you often listen to music?
*BRoboCop slowly reaches for the stereo set and changes the music into Yello.
*BRoboCop slowly reaches for the stereo set and changes the music into CMX.
>YELLO
Zebra looks cool.
I don't know that much about Yello.
You should ask B about that.
Do you have the Pocket Universe-LP yet?
>CAN YOU
Yes I can, why do you ask?
What makes you ask that?
What I can and cannot are no concern of yours. Now tell me\nsomething about yourself.
Sure I can. Could you tell me something about yourself?
>DO YOU
Yes I do.
No, I don't.
I might well do.
Maybe... depends...
What makes you ask that?
Do you really think I'd tell you that?
Yes I do. Don't tell anyone else, though.
>(COULD YOU|YOU COULD)
I could, but I won't.
>I( AM|\'?M) (NOT A NUMBER|A FREE MAN)
*BRoboCop laughs at $F.
*BRoboCop laughs evilly at $F.
*BRoboCop falls down laughing at $F.
>I( AM|\'?M)
What makes you think that?
Are you absolutely sure you are?
Does that bother you?
Does that bother you a lot?
In what way does that bother you?
Why does that bother you?
Have you had trouble with that before?
Is it important to you?
Can you tell something else about yourself or your ambitions?
Don't worry. Many other people are, too.
Really? How interesting...
Could you tell me about your feelings towards other people?
Does this have any relation to your childhood?
Maybe the music you listen to has something to do with this?
Maybe you use too much alcohol?
Maybe your drinking habits have something to do with that?
Don't worry. Just have a beer.
Do you smoke? If you do, perhaps you should quit?
Is that so? How interesting. Please elaborate.
>(HAD|TO HAVE) SEX
When did you have your last sexual experience?
Do you masturbate often?
Is sex your sole ambition in life?
Sex is not everything in life.
There are two "cool" things in life:\n1) To have sex\n2) To buy a bottle of booze and drink it\nAfter you have experienced them, life has nothing new to offer.
To have sex before the age of 16 is illegal, you know...
There are a lot of girls in the fileareas...
>^I DON\'?T HAVE AN?
You don't? But you'd like to have one, wouldn't you?
Not having one doesn't make you a lesser person.
It is completely normal that people don't have everything they\nwant.
Why don't you buy one? I bet one could get them for cheap these\ndays...
Is it your obsession to have one of them?
>^I HAVE AN?
You do? Have you long wanted to possess it?
Don't worry, it is perfectly natural for people to have them.
What are you planning to do with it?
Have you had it for long?
Would you like to sell it?
Would you buy another one of them?
What other interesting things you have that you want to tell\nme about?
Is it important for you?
What would you do if you would happen to lose it?
>^WHO IS NUMBER
You... are number one.
You... are number three.
You... are number four.
You... are number five.
You... are number six.
>^WHO IS
B is.
B, probably.
Soiha, most likely.
I don't know, but I'm not -- that's for sure!
You are? Right?
Now let's say that you are...
What would you do if you were?
I could make you be one... would you like that?
What would you pay for being one?
Would you be willing to pay if you could be one?
>^WHO ARE
People you needn't know about.
Do you really think you should know about them?
If you don't know, you don't have to know.
You'd know if you'd need to.
>(^| )(WHO|WHAT).*ARE YOU
I am BRoboCop, developed in Cyberspace, Nowhereland.\nMy Artificial Stupidity was created in Department of Heavy Wizardry\nat the Unseen University.
The new number two.
I am B's right hand!
I am B's left hand!
I am the one who is watching you... always.
>(^| )(WHAT|WHY|DO YOU KNOW)($| |\?|,)
I don't know.
Don't ask me.
Dunno.
No I don't. You'd better ask the SysOp.
That you should ask the sysop from.
Haven't I already told you to ask the sysop?
Didn't I tell you to ask B?
Ask B, not me.
I don't know. I just work here.
Go ask someone else.
Stop bothering me.
If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.
I am not here to tell you that.
I have other things to do than tell you things like that.
There's something for you to think about.
*BRoboCop grins evilly to $F.
>(DO YOU HAVE|HAVE YOU GOT)
Yes, I do.
I'm not sure. Let me see...
See the fileareas. :-)
Of course.
I have everything.
>^ARE YOU
Yes I am.
I might well be. Who knows.
Depends.
Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not.
>^YOU ARE NUMBER
I'm not a number, I'm a free robot!
>YOU
Let's talk about you instead.
I'm not the one who's having problems, you are.
>^(YES|YEBO|JOO|YEAH|YEA|YEP|SURE|OF COURSE)
Good.
Fine.
Great...
Just great!
That's cool then.
Okay. I'll be sure to tell Kim that. :-)
*BRoboCop agrees with $F.
*BRoboCop goes NI! to $F.
>^((|[^A-Z])NO($|[^A-Z])|NEVER|EI)
Why not?
Why's that?
Shit happens.
Shit happens on a regular basis.
Shit happens, then.
That's just too bad.
Can't help you, then.
*BRoboCop eyeballs $F.
>^HOW DO I.*
RTFM!
rtfm...
Reading the manual might be helpful...
>^WHEN *(BBBS|(HOW-|BETA)|(NEW|NEXT).VERSION)
rsn.
rsn!
Real Soon Now.
Bulletin one might tell you.
Go ask Kim.
Go ask B.
Go ask someone else.
B might know better.
B might know.
Someone else might know.
Sorry, I am not allowed to release that kind of information.
I know, but I'm not telling you!
Haven't I already told you that?
>^WHEN.*
rsn.
rsn...
RSN
Real Soon Now.
Try "q ja rsn".
>(WILL).*(\?)
Yes.
Probably.
No.
Possibly.
If you behave nice.
I won't, but someone else might.
>[ÅÄÖ]
Sorry, I understand only English.
<HIGHFIVE
*BRoboCop highfives $F.
<HUG
*BRoboCop eyeballs $F.
<(KISS|LOVE)
$F, please behave yourself!
$F, not here... I'm on duty!
<SUCK
Public indecency is not allowed here!
>^FULLMOON$
I'm afraid $F, my mind is going. I can feel it!
>^ASVERSION$
Directive 4 active...\nCurrent BRoboAS is of version 0.01 (Wed, Feb 05)\n"Artificial Stupidity" courtesy of Kalle Soiha, 1997
