Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh! (Or words to that effect.) Ahem. I think I'm running out of ways to start scrollies. I've tried 'Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3' but that doesn't have really the same force as 'Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!'. Does it? Hem. This is the sixth time I've sent this game into any magazine. I just can't think why it was rejected FIVE TIMES! I won't mention any names(Yes, you, ********** *****) but I was told this game needs a lot more work. Gilbert over there is bemused as much as I am. Sorry - you don't know Gilbert? He's my hamster. Say hello, Gilbert. 'Hello, Gilbert.' Terrible, isn't it? If you're reading this scrolly for the instructions, then why don't you toddle over to the !Help file supplied with this 'waxing'. OK?. Tum-tee-tum-tee-tum. Done that? Good. Now. One thing the !Help file doesn't tell you (It's in my nature to be awkward, y'see) is of the bonus levels. These start from level 7 and continue every 8 levels(told you I was awkward!). The object of these is to collect all the diamonds and exit through the door. Problem is, you can't see any paths so you have to make your way in darkness. Good, eh?(Oh. I see.) These, like said levels, get trickier as they go along. Fortunately, the bonuses increase as well. If you get all the bonuses AND complete the game(Excruciatingly unlikely) then you might just topple me off the top of the high score table.... A scrolly's not a scrolly without the usual hi's bit, so here goes..... (Sounds of masses of people pressing SPACE to start the game) Shout outs to Rob, Marvin, Praveen, and the rest of the crew at Gilbert the Hamster Software (which explains those funny looking logos just in the middle of the screen), The Ectopic Heart-Throb Funky Metallic Bouncy Inestate Frog Catcher And Cheese Spread Lover (pant,pant), alias Tristan Cook, who for some reason believes Superpower Software doesn't exist, and Volcano Software reigns. Hm. You can't really trust Tristan actually. He once told me his brother was an aubergerine in a previous life, and he wasn't. Sigh. But that's enough of that. A special welcome to Gustavo Alvarez who came over from Argentina last year to this dirty, grimy, overpopulated island we call Great Britain. Welcome to the country, Gus! But that's enough of that. And finally, a big hello to my girlfriend, ''. Ah. I haven't actually got one. But if anyone's offering, you know where to write. And please don't be put off by those bouncing flickering faces just next to the GHAS logo. One of them is only a caricature of me. THAT explains it, doesn't it? Don't worry - I'm not going to loop the scrolly!(Yet.) Now it's time for this.... TECHNOTWADDLE! (Sounds of even more people pressing SPACE to start.) Right. That's got rid of that lot. Now. The version of the game which has the music you're grooving to(Sorry. Has that gone out of fashion? I see). Take two - the version of the game which has the music you are 'snapping your leather J' with 'your forest posse' (Erm - that's not even English!) is now 0.69. That's with the bonus levels (which were converted from another game I wrote a while back, called Blind Panic), the music(which I also wrote) and the scrolly(which you're reading, leatherhead). The scrolly is in fact printed in BASIC, and ARM code was used to scroll it. Funky eh? Just think of all those millions of ARM code CALLs that have brought you here. It'd make a hamster smile, it really would. Look at Gilbert over there. He's in hysterics. (Hem. Sploosh! Right. That nice bucket of water's calmed him down.) The levels are in the Levels directory, in separate files, with the passwords in them. No, no, don't all you go rushing off to find the password to level 60 - they're encrypted. It's a fairly easy encryption to work out if you compare a few, but it's not as we know it, Jim. The sound FX is basically the default system sounds and voice samples from my own fair larynx which were speeded up to sound something like a lemming (Unfortunately, my voice broke last August so I couldn't actually do those wicked lemming impressions (Liar. Gilbert)) The font I designed myself and finally the graphics. It's the most interesting part. It's all in mode 13. Ahem. Erm... um.... I think that's enough technotwaddle. Lumme, this scrolly's long, isn't it? (Smirk.) I'm writing this thing in Edit and I'm having a few problems with this @^#@$!( caret. Sometimes I can't move it, sometimes it goes and disappears, and sometimes it even mucks my scrolly up. Not as mucked up, however as this..... THE TOP TEN FOR THIS WEEK - WRONG SPELLINGS OF MY NAME 5(10) - Quentin 5(9) - Quontin 5(8) - Quinton 5(7) - Quinten 5(6) - Kinten 5(5) - Kunten 5(4) - Quintan 5(3) - Qintn 5(2) - Kwentin 5(1) - Tintin (Actually, that last, er that first one was a lie.) 2Geoff Holland is an application murderer! I am of course talking about Woody, on the ********** ***** July 1992 disc. It may have worked all right on his A540 or whatever, but it doesn't seem to like my A440's copies of Edit, Paint and Draw! When I break out of Woody, the aforementioned progs chicken out with 'Fatal error type 3'! I think it's something to do with clever Geoff clearing the RMA, or updating the MEMC, (which makes the computer chips perform beyond their own specification (Where did I nick that? I can't remember...)). Something we'd all like to do now and again. Peform beyond our own specifications, that is. Take Gilbert. He's only a mere 3-month-old hamster, but he's broken the world record for running in his wheel! Unfortunately, the funky guys who make the Guinness Book of Records didn't think it was going to be contested. Ah. But I mean - 78mph! I'm surprised he wasn't stopped by police. Ahem. Anyway, I'd like to hear Geoff's answer to this - write to the address in the Help file, please... (Oh, and I am a bit of a musician myself, as you can probably hear, but none of my tunes would be seen dead in a bugged game!)
I'm a bit puzzled at why this @!#@^%) caret has suddenly started flashing. Aaa! Where's it gone now? Oh I see it. It's pointing to a piece of text reading, "Woody, the aforedating the MEMC, (which makes chips...))". Can you make head or tail of that?? Or even both?? Hang on a sec, Gilbert's tapping me on the shoulder... ...I see. Gilbert's just told me that Woody the chip shop owner has met MEMC on a blind date. I mean - can you believe that? What do MEMC's friends call her? Are Woody's parents neurotic? Tune in next week for the next episode of - "La Piedra"! Please. ?Sorry, I had to change the scrolly this colour, cos I think I've used all the others up! Finally, before I loop the scrolly, I might be able to provide clues to Lemmings - not passwords, or solutions, mind, clues. This is because, um, erm, I want to. This costs only a stamped addressed envelope and the password to the level/solution to the last level. If it's the first level of a category, then you can send in the solution to level 30 of the previous category. Puzzled? OK. If you're stuck on, say, level 1 of Mayhem 'Steel Works' (you shouldn't be, cos it's EASY! (Well, it might be if you take LSD)) then send in either its password, or the solution to level 30 of Taxing 'We all fall down'. In case you're not bothered to look in the help file, then send all mail, pleas for help, bribes, hate mail etc to..... 5Quintin Parker (not Quint, Quintus, Quinny or any other horrendous variations like that), Gilbert the Hamster Softwars (GHAS for short) 6 Manor Court Road, Hanwell, London, W7 3EL. (If you've got any mail for Rob, Marvin, Praveen, or want leaflets about Matt's delicatessan 'Plocki Sklep', send it to me and I'll pass it on. (Matt's delicatessan has got some wonderful food(NOT!) but everything's a ripoff. Pate de fois gras at ú15 a pound? Heaven preserve me. (And Gilbert. Don't know what we'll do without Gilbert. Celebrate, perhaps. (Oi! Gilbert)))) Just a bit - isn't it interesting how many pairs of brackets you use in an average scrolly? ?And that leaves us right at square one, which I think is a good place to end anyway. (Deep breath)...... Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh! îìììììììììììììììÄ PLEASE CHANGE YOUR SOCKS ?
