ftp.barnyard.co.uk/2015.02.ftp.barnyard.co.uk.tar/ftp.barnyard.co.uk/cpm/walnut-creek-CDROM/MBUG/MBUG055.ARC/GROG.BAS

BASIC Source File | 1979-12-31 | 4KB | 97 lines

10 GOSUB 910:PRINT CLS$
20 PRINT "                     SELF DIAGNOSIS":PRINT"                     --------------"
30 GOSUB 870:PRINT"DRINKING FAILS TO GIVE SATISFACTION AND TASTE."
40 PRINT"SHIRT FRONT WET."
50 GOSUB 880
60 PRINT"MOUTH NOT OPEN WHILE DRINKING OR GLASS BEING APPLIED
70 PRINT"TO WRONG PART OF FACE."
80 GOSUB 890
90 PRINT"BUY ANOTHER SCHOONER AND PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR."
100 PRINT"CONTINUE WITH AS MANY SCHOONERS AS NECESSARY UNTIL"
110 PRINT"DRINKING TECHNIQUE IS PERFECT."
120 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
130 PRINT"DRINKING FAILS TO GIVE SATISFACTION AND TASTE."
140 PRINT"BEER UNUSUALLY PALE AND CLEAR."
150 GOSUB 880
160 PRINT"GLASS EMPTY."
170 GOSUB 890
180 PRINT"FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BUY YOU ANOTHER SCHOONER."
190 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
200 PRINT"FEET COLD AND WET."
210 GOSUB 880
220 PRINT"GLASS BEING HELD AT INCORRECT ANGLE."
230 GOSUB 890
240 PRINT"TURN THE GLASS THE OTHER WAY SO THAT OPEN END IS POINTING"
250 PRINT"TOWARDS THE CEILING."
260 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
270 PRINT"FEET WARM AND WET."
280 GOSUB 880
290 PRINT"INCORRECT BLADDER CONTROL."
300 GOSUB 890
310 PRINT"GO AND STAND NEXT TO THE NEAREST DOG - AFTER A WHILE"
320 PRINT"COMPLAIN TO ITS OWNER ABOUT ITS LACK OF HOUSE TRAINING."
330 PRINT"DEMAND A SCHOONER AS COMPENSATION."
340 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
350 PRINT"BAR BLURRED."
360 GOSUB 880
370 PRINT"YOU ARE LOOKING THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF YOUR EMPTY GLASS."
380 GOSUB 890
390 PRINT"FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BUY YOU ANOTHER SCHOONER."
400 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
410 PRINT"BAR SWAYS."
420 GOSUB 880
430 PRINT"AIR TURBULENCE UNUSUALLY HIGH - MAY BE DUE TO A DARTS GAME"
440 PRINT"IN PROGRESS."
450 GOSUB 890
460 PRINT"INSERT BROOM HANDLE DOWN BACK OF JACKET."
470 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
480 PRINT"BAR MOVING."
490 GOSUB 880
500 PRINT"YOU ARE BEING CARRIED OUT."
510 GOSUB 890
520 PRINT"FIND OUT IF YOU ARE BEING TAKEN TO ANOTHER PUB."
530 PRINT"IF NOT, COMPLAIN LOUDLY THAT YOU ARE BEING HIJACKED"
540 PRINT"BY THE SALVATION ARMY."
550 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
560 PRINT"YOU NOTICE THAT THE WALL OPPOSITE IS COVERED WITH CEILING "
570 PRINT"TILES AND HAS A FLOURESCENT LIGHT STRIP ACROSS IT."
580 GOSUB 880
590 PRINT"YOU HAVE FALLEN OVER."
600 GOSUB 890 :PRINT"IF GLASS IS STILL FULL AND NO-ONE IS STANDING ON YOUR"
610 PRINT"DRINKING ARM, STAY PUT. IF NOT, GET SOMEONE TO HELP YOU UP"
620 PRINT"AND LASH YOURSELF TO THE BAR."
630 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
640 PRINT"EVERYTHING HAS GONE DIM, YOU HAVE A MOUTHFUL OF DOGENDS"
650 PRINT"AND BROKEN TEETH."
660 GOSUB 880
670 PRINT"YOU HAVE FALLEN OVER FORWARD."
680 GOSUB 890
690 PRINT"SEE ABOVE."
700 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
710 PRINT"EVERYTHING HAS GONE DARK."
720 GOSUB 880
730 PRINT"THE PUB IS CLOSING."
740 GOSUB 890
750 PRINT"PANIC."
760 GOSUB 900 :GOSUB 870
770 PRINT"YOU HAVE WOKEN UP TO FIND YOUR BED HARD, COLD AND WET."
780 PRINT"YOU CANNOT FIND YOUR BEDROOM WALLS OR CEILING."
790 GOSUB 880
800 PRINT"YOU HAVE SPENT THE NIGHT IN THE GUTTER."
810 GOSUB 890
820 PRINT"CHECK YOUR WATCH (IF YOU STILL HAVE IT) TO SEE IF IT IS"
830 PRINT"OPENING TIME - IF NOT, TREAT YOUR SELF TO A SLEEP IN."
840 PRINT FNCURSOR$(29,1)
850 PRINT"THE EXTENSIVE RESEARCH FOR THIS PROGRAM WAS VERY TIRING.";:PRINT FNCURSOR$(0,0);
860 END:OF THIS PROGRAM. NOW FOR A DRINK...
870 PRINT FNCURSOR$(5,0);"SYMPTOM":PRINT "-------":RETURN
880 PRINT FNCURSOR$(12,0);"FAULT":PRINT "-----":RETURN
890 PRINT FNCURSOR$(19,0);"ACTION TO BE TAKEN":PRINT "------------------":RETURN
900 PRINT FNCURSOR$(29,0);:INPUT"YOU MAY HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS. HIT RETURN FOR MORE...";X$:PRINT CLS$;:RETURN
910 '  INITIALISE STRINGS
920 CLS$=CHR$(12):'     CLEAR SCREEN
930 DEF FNCURSOR$(Y,X)=CHR$(27)+CHR$(61)+CHR$(Y+32)+CHR$(X+32)
940 RETURN
950 CJH 15/8/83
CLS$=CHR$(12):'     CLEAR SCREEN
93