The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
>
<
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
>
<
Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.
>
<
An axiom is a thing that is so visible that it is not necessary to see it.
>
<
Sound is a rapid series of osculations.
>
<
Sea water has the formula CH2O.
>
<
A person should take a bath once in the summer and not quite so often in
the winter time.
>
<
It is a well known fact that a deceased body warps the mind.
>
<
For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered,
then kill it.
>
<
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
>
<
...and in their homes I know by experience that, when scolding their children,
they speak about "right" or "wrong" as vehemently and passionately as if they
believed that these names represented real existence, and that a human Figure
is really capable of choosing between them.
- "Flatland", Edwin A. Abbott
>
<
With Women, we speak of "love", "duty", "right", "wrong", "pity", "hope", and
other irrational and emotional conceptions, which have no existence, and the
fiction of which has no object except to control feminine exuberances; but
among ourselves, and in our books, we have an entirely different vocabulary
and I may almost say, idiom. "Love" then becomes "the anticipation of
benefits"; "duty" becomes "necessity" or "fitness"; and other words are
correspondingly transmuted.
- "Flatland", Edwin A. Abbott
>
<
Our Theology also in the Women's chambers is entirely
different from our Theology elsewhere.
- "Flatland", Edwin A. Abbott
>
<
Have you not noticed before now, that babies and babyish people who cannot
distinguish themselves from the world, speak of themselves in the Third Person?
- "Flatland", Edwin A. Abbott
>
<
"For I perceive that behind this seemingly
unrelated sequence of events, there lurks
a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
"Whose?"
"MINE! HA-HA!"
>
<
Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you.
>
<
"And that was the end of Grogan, the man who killed my father,
raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and
stole my Bible!"
- from "Romancing the Stone"
>
<
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book,
what *can* you believe?!"
-Bullwinkle J. Moose
>
<
"Well, Penfold, it looks like we'll have to save the world again."
"Ooh, 'Eck..."
>
<
"It just doesn't make any sense, Penfold!"
"But our adventures NEVER make any sense, DM!"
>
<
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!"
>
<
"I'm not SURE that that makes sense, DM."
"Well, it is a CARTOON, sir..."
>
<
"Oh, intercourse the penguin!"
-Monty Python
>
<
"History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark."
>
<
"The more you drive, the less intelligent you are."
- from Repo Man
>
<
When in this world the headlines read
of those whose hearts are filled with greed
who rob and steal from those who need
the cry goes up with blinding speed
for Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Speed of lightning, roar of thunder
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog (ah-ah-ah-ah)
Underdog
UNDERDOG!
>
<
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
-Wernher von Braun
>
<
"No matter where you go... there you are"
-Buckaroo Bonzai
>
<
"Not bird nor plane nor even frog, just little old me, Underdog!"
>
<
"Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of muy hat!"
"But that trick NEVER works!"
"This time fer sure!"
>
<
"He's everywhere! He's everywhere!"
- from Chicken Man
>
<
Definition of "Spunk": A small black and white animal that spells bad.
>
<
I speak French, but Frenchmen always pretend they don't understand
what I'm saying.
- Andy Rooney
>
<
I reckon you wouldn't even be human beings if you didn't have some pretty
strong personal feelings about nuclear combat.
- Slim Pickens character in Dr. Strangelove
>
<
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!!
- The president in Dr. Strangelove
>
<
Only a barbarian would eat chive cream cheese and
blackberry jam on the same bagel.
- Rober B. Parker
>
<
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
>
<MURPHY:
Laws of Computer Programming
(1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
(2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.
(3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
(4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
(5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
(6) The value of a program is porportional to the
weight of its output.
(7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
programmer who must maintain it.
(8) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in
English, and you will find that programmers cannot write
in English.
SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2
>
<MURPHY:
Gilb's Laws of Reliability
(1) Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
(3) The only difference between the fool, and the criminal who
attacks a systrem is that the fool attacks unpredictably and
on a broader front.
(5) Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion
to the inherent unreliability of the system in which they
are used.
(6) The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system
are the key to understanding the type of errors which they
cannot handle.
(7) Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
(8) All real programs contain errors until proven otherwise -
which is impossible.
(9) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some
useful work done.
TOM GILB
>
<
Ill play with it first and tell you what it is later.
MILES DAVIS
>
<
Im hungry! Im hungry!
for good things to eat
for Sugar Jets, Sugar Jets
(whole toasted wheat)
ADVERTISEMENT
>
<
I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
LUCINDA CHILDS (PHILIP GLASS: EINSTEIN ON THE BEACH)
>
<
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
HASSAN I SABBAH
>
<
Dont let your mouth write no check that your tail cant cash.
BO DIDDLEY
>
<
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the
opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
NIELS BOHR
>
<
Just because everything is different doesnt mean anything has changed.
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE
>
<
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human
mind to correlate all its contents.
H P LOVECRAFT
>
<
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
KEN KESEY
>
<
Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.
LITTLE RICHARD
>
<
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
MAE WEST
>
<
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
SIGMUND FREUD
>
<
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one
Ive never tried before.
MAE WEST
>
<
Her life was saved by rock and roll.
LOU REED
>
<
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
J EDGAR HOOVER
>
<
Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeprody I would never
had lit one.
MAXIM OF THE HELLS ANGELS
>
<
It is a rather pleasent experience to be alone in a bank at night.
WILLIE SUTTON
>
<
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
BILLY ROSE
>
<
The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
KARL MARX
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of
it ... it would have been much better.
KARL MARX'S MOTHER
>
<
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the
largest shopping center in the world?
RICHARD M NIXON
>
<
When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve
it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
AL CAPONE
>
<
Anything anybody can say about America is true.
EMMETT GROGAN
>
<
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land
in Los Angeles.
FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT
>
<
If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all.
SPIRO AGNEW
>
<
If youve seen one redwood, youve seen them all.
RONALD REAGAN
>
<
He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return.
SOUTH AFRICAN SAYING
>
<
Use it up ... Wear it out.
Make it do ... Or do without.
US WORLD WAR II MESSAGE
>
<
You cant underestimate the power of fear.
TRICIA NIXON
>
<
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this
incredible jailbreak.
WAVY GRAVY
>
<
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
BUCKMINSTER FULLER
>
<
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
DWIGHT D EISENHOWER
>
<
You smash it - and I'll build around it.
JOHN LENNON
>
<
College isnt the place to go for ideas.
HELLEN KELLER
>
<
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns
and detective stories.
ARTHUR C CLARKE
>
<
America, how can a write a holy litany in your silly mood?
ALLEN GINSBERG
>
<
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore,
I have to beat somebody.
RICHARD M NIXON
>
<
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
ARTHUR C CLARKE
>
<
Justice is incedental to law and order.
J EDGAR HOOVER
>
<
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
>
<
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
ABBIE HOFFMAN
>
<
Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old.
PINK FLOYD
>
<
Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still dont know what I want to be
when I grow up.
PETER DRUCKER
>
<
How can you be two places at once when youre not anywhere at all?
FIRESIGN THEATER
>
<
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
OSCAR WILDE
>
<
We are what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT, JR
>
<
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
OSCAR WILDE
>
<
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -
but thats the way to bet.
DAMON RUNYON
>
<
I could prove God statistically.
GEORGE GALLUP
>
<
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
>
<
Real wealth can only increase.
R BUCKMINSTER FULLER
>
<
Anyone can hate. it costs to love.
JOHN WILLIAMSON
>
<
In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true
or becomes true.
JOHN LILLY
>
<
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
GRAFFITI
>
<
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
>
<
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD
>
<
A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms.
GEORGE WALD
>
<
Dont lose
Your head
To gain a minute
You need your head
Your brains are in it.
BURMA SHAVE
>
<
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always thus.
DEAN LATTIMER
>
<
Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
KEN WEAVER
>
<
We dont know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasnt a fish.
JOHN CULKIN
>
<
Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have
been from you.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
Please dont lie to me, unless youre absolutely sure Ill never find
out the truth.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
Please dont ask me what the score is, Im not even sure what the game is.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
If you cant learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
I dont have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
Maybe Im lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the
wrong direction.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm me.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you
hit the target.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
<
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence
without civilization in between.
OSCAR WILDE
>
<
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
ALAN COULT
>
<
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
STANLEY GARN
>
<
The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls.
FATHER ROBERT F CAPON
>
<
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
men in national government too.
RICHARD M NIXON
>
<
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
DWIGHT D EISENHOWER
>
<
If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution
inevitiable.
JOHN F KENNEDY
>
<
"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if
it were so, it would be; but as it isnt, it aint. Thats logic."
LEWIS CARROLL
>
<
It takes a long time to understand nothing.
EDWARD DAHLBERG
>
<
To know the world one must construct it.
CESARE PAVESE
>
<
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
BULLWINKLE MOOSE
>
<
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
TENESSEE WILLIAMS
>
<
An object never serves the same function as its image- or its name.
RENE MAGRITTE
>
<
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,
ya dont go lookin' for rutabagas.
KINGFISH
>
<
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
M C ESCHER
>
<
Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences:
If at first you don't suceed, transform your data set.
>
<
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
CALVIN COOLIDGE
>
<
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
PAUL ERLICH
>
<
If A equals success, then the formula is:
A= X + Y + Z
X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
>
<
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are
you wont either.
JOSEPH FISCHER
>
<
Fourth Law of Thermodymanics:
If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is
damn near zero.
DAVID ELLIS
>
<
Frouds Law:
A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the
fuse by blowing first.
>
<
Fullers Law of Cosmic Irreversibility:
1 Pot T == 1 Pot P
1 Pot P != 1 Pot T
R BUCKMINSTER FULLER
>
<
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.
J PAUL GETTY
>
<
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he
encounters needs pounding.
ABRAHAM KAPLAN
>
<
The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems.
ROGER LEVIAN
>
<
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there
is some ordinance under which you can be booked.
ROBERT D SPRECHT (RAND CORP)
>
<
Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of
doing you good, you should run for your life.
>
<
Vique's Law:
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
>
<
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
GERALD WEINBERG
>
<
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
Nobody notices when things go right.
>
<
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
CONFUCIUS
>
<
Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
BOOK OF PROVERBS
>
<
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech.
MARK TWAIN
>
<
The unnatural, that too is natural.
GOETHE
>
<
I used to be indecisive; now Im not sure.
GRAFFITI
>
<
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didnt like it.
SAMUEL GOLDWYN
>
<
He hasn't one redeeming vice.
OSCAR WILDE
>
<
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
GRAFFITI
>
<
(To Walter Cronkite):
"Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number
of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running
up and down a street"
- Neil Armstrong -
>
<
"You doubted Me," God tells the Lawgiver [Moses], "But I forgave
you that doubt. You doubted your own self and failed to believe
in your own powers as a leader, and I forgave you that also. But
you lost faith in these people and doubted the divine possibilities
of Human Nature. THIS loss of faith makes it impossible for
you to enter the Promised Land."
- The Midrash -
>
<
" 'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability"
- George Bernard Shaw -
>
<
"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty
without any proof"
Ashley Montague -
>
<
"Birth, Copulation, and Death. That's all the facts when you
come to brass tacks"
T. S. Elliot -
>
<
"Make no little plans. They have no Magic to stir Men's blood."
D. B. Hudson -
>
<
"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more '
user-friendly'.... Their best approach, so far, has been to take
all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover."
Bill Gates,Pres.,Microsoft,Inc. -
>
<MURPHY:
Eight Things your computer won't do:
1) It won't save you money
2) It won't make your organization run right
3) It won't solve every problem
4) It won't run itself
5) It won't always be right
6) It won't meet all its own needs
7) It won't protect itself
8) It won't become obsolete
J. Makower -
>
<
Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful,we can organize them into a committee...
that will do them in.
>
<
Civilization Law #1:
Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations
one can do without thinking about them.
>
<
Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
>
<
"Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards
upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel"
H. L. Mencken -
>
<
"The government of the United States is not in any sense founded
on the Christian Religion"
George Washington -
>
<
"In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty."
- Thomas Jefferson -
>
<
"During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution."
- James Madison -
>
<
"Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations"
- Thomas Jefferson -
>
<
"We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately"
- Benjamin Franklin -
>
<
"Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried"
- Thomas Jefferson -
>
<
"Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained
control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles"
- Pat Paulsen -
>
<
"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself"
- Camus -
>
<
"I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it"
- W. C. Fields -
>
<
"Six years for possession of a cigarette?...I got six months
for possession of a deadly weapon!"
- cartoon by S. Harris -
>
<
The Swartzberg Test:
The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
>
<
"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
striving of the human race"
- Alfred North Whitehead -
>
<
"My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of
human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly
vulnerable.... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the
frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we
do; it has no feeling, no design, no interest in whether
or not we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to
space, because the grand, slow march of intelligence has brought
us, in our generation, to a point from which we can explore and
understand and utilize it. To turn back now would be to deny
our history, our capabilities."
- James A. Michener -
>
<
"What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go
to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to
build railroads across a continent? In independent thought
about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it
takes a coincidence of four conditions, or in Neil's view,
the simultaneous peaking of four of the many cycles of American
life. First, a base of technology must exist from which to do
the thing to be done. Second, a period of national uneasiness
about America's place in the scheme of human activities must
exist. Third, some catalytic event must occur that focuses
the national attention upon the direction to proceed. Finally,
an articulate and wise leader must sense these first three
conditions and put forth with words and action the great thing
to be accomplished. The motivation of young Americans to do what
needs to be done flows from such a coincidence of conditions....
The Thomas Jeffersons, The Teddy Roosevelts, The John Kennedys
appear. We must begin to create the tools of leadership which
they, and thier young frontiersmen, will require to lead us
onward and upward."
- Dr. Harrison H. Schmidt,Sen.,New Mexico -
>
<
"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick!"
- Bill Kirchenbaum, comedian -
>
<
"To err is human, to compute divine. Trust your computer but
not its programmer"
- Morris Kingston -
>
<
"I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but
I've seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head"
- George Wallace -
>
<
"You don't have to explain something you never said"
- Calvin Coolidge -
>
<
"A little caution outflanks a large cavalry"
- Bismarck -
>
<
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money"
- Everett Dirksen -
>
<
"The personal computer market is about the same size as the
total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the
size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total
worldwide sales of pantyhose"
- James Finke,Pres.,Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982) -
>
<
"I like a man who grins when he fights."
- Winston Churchill -
>
<
"There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true."
- Winston Churchill -
>
<
"Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he
will pick himself up and carry on..."
- Winston Churchill -
>
<
"God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday,
and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday."
- William Bragg -
>
<
"Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die"
- John W. Campbell -
>
<
"That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest"
- Thoreau -
>
<
Life is not one thing after another.... it's the same
damn thing over and over!
>
<
The meek will inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.
>
<
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
>
<
Beauty is only skin deep, but Ugly goes straight to the bone.
>
<
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
>
<
Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
>
<
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe,
and he'll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint
upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
>
<
Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going
to get or how long it will last.
>
<
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
>
<
Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
>
<
"Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and
thinking what no one else has thought."
- Albert Szent-Gyorgi -
>
<
"Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals"
- "Oh, Lucky Man" -
>
<
I really hate this damn machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does just what I want,
But only what I tell it.
>
<
"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters;
united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels"
- Goya -
>
<
"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon
the wall instead of using it"
- Gordon R. Dickson -
>
<
"Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor."
- Toynbee -
>
<
"We have met the enemy and he is us"
- Walt Kelly (in POGO) -
>
<
"You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed
adultery, are now extinct."
- M. Somerset Maugham -
>
<
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
- Bert Lantz -
>
<
"The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity."
- Oscar Wilde -
>
<
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire -
>
<
Ode to Turbulent Flow:
Big whirls have little whirls
Which feed on their velocity,
And little whirls have lesser whirls
And so on, to viscosity.
>
<
"IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique'
to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the
ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT
OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all
this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor
approaches the pot, he falls into the pit"
- John C. Dvorak -
>
<
"There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them"
- Heisenberg -
>
<
"It takes all sorts of in & out-door schooling
to get adapted to my kind of fooling"
- R. Frost -
>
<
"Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!"
- Ben Jonson -
>
<
Repo Man's always intense.
>
<
Did you ever feel as if your mind were starting to erode?
Ever been to Utah?
(from Repo Man)
>
<
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave Barry
>
<
In the beginning, there were hot lumps.
Cold and lonely, they whirled noiselessly through the
black holes of space.
- Firesign theater
>
<
hey man, he broke the President!
- Firesign theater
>
<
You are a freak of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
>
<
when a girl admits she's had a checkered career, it's your move...
>
<
How happy is the moron,
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I were a moron,
My God, perhaps I am!
>
<
Life is complex. It consists of real and imaginary parts.
>
<
And isn't that the greatest fear of all...
To be ready with the answers
...To questions that no one asks any more... ?
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
The quality of life didn't matter much...
There was so much of it.
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
Compromise is simply when we change the answer to fit the question
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
I don't know what it's like
To be old...
But I think...
It's living long enough
To make a joke of the things
That were once
Breaking your heart...
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
Love is proud of itself...
It leaks out of us
Even with the tightest security
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
Why is it that we always remember that people forget;
But we always forget that they remember?
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
Somehow when you eat alone, food is more expensive
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
National Velvet was only a movie
And life ... well
Life used to be a magazine
- Merrit Malloy
>
<
You thought it would be easy, so the truth eluded you
- Julie Snow
>
<
I live in dreams, and when I can
I go to sleep, and there I am
And there you are.
- Janis Ian
>
<
Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is much farther away
>
<
As far as we know, our computer has had no undetected errors
>
<
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance
>
<
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius
>
<
Everything bows to success, even grammar
>
<
Good friends and fish stink after 3 days - Ben Franklin
>
<
Help fight continental drift
>
<
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average
>
<
In jealousy there is self-love, not love
>
<
It is impossible to thoroughly enjoy idleness unless one has plenty
of work to do
>
<
Man do not mind bust in mouth if provided by beautiful voluptuous lady
>
<
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly - Voltaire
>
<
Nice guys get sick
>
<
Someone you reject today will reject you tomorrow
>
<
To iterate is human, to recurse is divine
>
<
When you become used to never being alone, you may
consider yourself Americanized
>
<
If there were no such thing as gravity, the earth would fly off into space
>
<
The only way out is through
- Julie Snow
>
<
If I were a poet
I would write a sonnet
It would say "I love you",
Your name would be on it
- Kermit the Frog
>
<
Let the soul be assured that somewhere in the universe
it shall rejoin its friend.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
>
<
Be alert - This country needs lerts
>
<
Insanity is hereditary,
You get it from your children.
>
<
Oops, DECked again.
>
<
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
>
<
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
<
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
>
<
Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks.
>
<
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May you live in interesting times.
>
<
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May all your wishes be granted.
>
<
Ahhhhhhhh,
I forget what I was going to say.
>
<
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
>
<
Familiarity breeds.
>
<
C'est la vie.
>
<
!lanimret siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
>
<
And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.
>
<
Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't
have to do it himself.
>
<
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
>
<
Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan
them is to use a larger can.
>
<
Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
>
<
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
>
<
I don't know, ask Cathy.
>
<
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:
Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
>
<
Wolfgang's Third Law: It can't work.
>
<
If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear
the sounds of a restaurant. -- Snoopy
>
<
There is nothing worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.
>
<
Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.)
--Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon
>
<
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-- Tom Robbins
>
<
When in darkness or in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout.
>
<
The Fourth Law of Computing: On a slow day, you can wait forever.
>
<
Sweer's Impossibility Theorem:
Nothing can be both completely general
and internally consistent at the same time.
>
<
Law of Communications:
The result of improved and enlarged communications
is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
>
<
Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
>
<
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of
the programmer who must maintain it.
>
<
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
>
<
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
>
<
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
>
<
Boren's Law:
When in doubt, mumble.
>
<
EUREKA!
>
<
Conversation enriches the understanding,
but solitude is the soul of genius.
>
<
You can't plant me in your penthouse,
I'm going back to my plow.
>
<
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl
doesn't lose her confidence.
>
<
A king's castle is his home.
>
<
A lie in time saves nine.
>
<
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. - Thoreau
>
<
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
>
<
Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
>
<
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
>
<
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
>
<
God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
>
<
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
>
<
I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching
is one of nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy.
>
<
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
work to do.
>
<
Misster, do you vant to buy a duck.
>
<
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
>
<
Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click".
>
<
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying
those of us who do.
>
<
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult
to criticize the competent.
>
<
Nietzsche is pietzsche
>
<
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of
ourselves at all.
>
<
What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that
they think themselves cleverer than we are.
>
<
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more
than man's transparency.
>
<
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement
unless it was to avoid responsibility?
>
<
You have been selected for a secret mission
>
<
Good decisions come from experience
Experience comes from making bad ones
>
<
Perfect practice makes perfect
- Vince Lomardi
>
<
THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE
>
<
It is rude to moon a shut-in
>
<
Electricity: the high priest of false security
>
<
It is not up to you to check the cleaning lady for lumps
>
<
Profanity is the language most programmers know best
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies the body of Mary Ann Lowder
She burst while drinking a Seidlitz powder
Called from this world to her heavenly rest
She drank it and she effervesced
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
To the memory of Abraham Beauleiu
Accidentally shot April 1844:
As a mark of affection from his brother
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Underneath this stone
lies poor John Round.
Lost at see
and never found.
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies an honest lawyer.
That is strange.
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies Pat MacHree
That's very true
Who was he? What was he?
What's that to you ?
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Jonathan Grober
Died dead sober
= =
Lord thy wonders never cease
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Blown upward
out of sight
He sought the leak
by candlelight
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
The wedding day appointed was
and wedding clothes provided
But ere the day did come, alas
he sickened and he die did
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies my wife in earthy mould
who when she lived did naught but scold
Good friends go softly in your walking
lest she should wake and rise up talking
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Seven wives I've buried
with as many a fervent prayer
If we all should meet in heaven
won't there be trouble there ?
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph (on an infant):
Since I have been so
quickly done for
I wonder what I
was begun for
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
To all my friends I bid adieu
A more sudden death you never knew
As I was leading the mare to drink
She kicked and killed me quicker'n a wink
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Death's advantage over life I spy
Here one husband with two wives may lie.
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies John Racket
in his wooden jacket
Kept neither horses nor mules
Lived a hog; died a dog
Left all his money to fools
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Ebenezer Prichard here lies low
Having forsook life.
Poisoned by his wife
and Dr. Eli Hornblow
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
She was not smart; she was not fair.
But hearts with grief for here are swellin'
All empty stands here little chair
She died of eatin' watermelon
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
He called
Bill Smith
A liar
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies Hermina Kuntz
To virtue quite unknown
Jesus, rejoice!
At last she sleeps alone
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies the body of our dear Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that dealt the blow
But the skin of the thing that laid her low
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Beneath this stone our baby lies
He neither cries nor hollers
He lived on earth just twenty days
And cost us forty dollars
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
At threescore winter's end I died
A cheerless being sole and sad.
The nuptial knot I never tied
And wish my father never had.
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
My wife is dead and here she lies
Nobody laughs and nobody cries
Where she is gone to and how she fares
Nobody knows and nobody cares
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Tears cannot restore her
Therefore I weep
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
Here lies the body of Arnaksaw Jim
We made the mistake
but the joke's on him
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph:
This empty urn is sacred to the memory of John Revere
who died abroad in Finistere
If he had lived he would have been buried here
>
<EPIT:
Ben Franklin's Epitaph:
The body of Benjamin Franklin printer,
Like the covering of an old book
Its contents torn out
and stript of its lettering and gilding
lies here, food for worms;
but the work shall not be lost,
it will (as he believed) appear once more
in a new and more beautiful edition
corrected and amended by the author
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph for Alexander the Great:
This mound now is large enough for him
for whom all the world was not
>
<EPIT:
Epitaph for a hypocondriac: I told you I was sick
>
<
Everybody gets wise, don't you think? A fool stays the same.
- Richard Pryor
>
<
A mid-air collision can seriously erode climb performance
- Barry Schiff
>
<
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Peanut butter is salty
>
<
Happiness descended upon him. He didn't even have time to step aside.
>
<
Mommy's baby, daddy's maybe !
>
<
Je m'en vay chercher un grand Peut-etre
- Rabelais on his deathbead
>
<
Sometimes being able to read makes more questions than if you were stupid
- Harlan Ellison
>
<
I heed not that my earthly lot
Hath little of earth in it,
That years of love have been forgot
In the hatred of a minute:
I mourn not that the desolate
Are happier, sweet, than I,
But that you sorrow for my fate
Who am a passer-by
To --, by Edgar Allan Poe
>
<
To refuse to decide is a decision
- Peter Brent
>
<
To be positive is to be wrong at the top of one's voice
- Ambrose Bierce
>
<
When the tide of life is against you
When the current upsets your boat
Don't cry about what might have been...
Just lie on your back and float
- Ed Norton (approximate)
>
<
What the hell's an HS-90 ?
- Don Kramer
>
<
Pink slips are an extremely effective means of communication.
- Don Smith
>
<
It is the instinct of understanding to contradict reason.
- Jacobi
>
<
What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?
An inconceivable disturbance.
- Anon
>
<
Your imagination, my dear fellow, is worth more that you imagine.
- Louis Aragon
>
<
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
- Zen Buddhism
>
<
All modern thought is permeated by the idea of thinking the unthinkable.
- Michel Foucault
>
<
Eating is touching carried to the bitter end.
- Samuel Butler
>
<
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
- Montaigne
>
<
Cowards die many times before their deaths.
- Shakespeare
>
<
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
- Thomas Fuller
>
<
The chicken was the egg's idea for getting more eggs.
- Samuel Butler
>
<
A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.
- Anon
>
<
Living means dying.
- Engles
>
<
What happens to your fist when you open your hand?
- Zen Buddhism
>
<
The more you know, the less you think you know.
- Anon
>
<
If I don't know I don't know, I think I know. If I don't know I know
I know, I think I don't know.
- R.D. Laing
>
<
If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make
a wonderful living.
- Yiddish proverb
>
<
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
- Wilde
>
<
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
- Luis Bunuel
>
<
If I am because you are you, and if you are you because I am I, then
I am not I, and you are not you.
- Hasidic rabbi
>
<
The trick is to die young as old as possible.
>
<
People can be divided into two categories: Those who divide
people into two categories; and those who don't.
- R. Benchley
>
<
There are things which we cannot know, but it is
impossible to know these things.
>
<
Padlipsky's corollary to Murphy's law:
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
>
<
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
- Dorothy Parker
>
<
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
- Ed McClusky
>
<
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
- Jerry Burchfiel
>
<
Life is a terminal illness.
- Don Wallace
>
<
It's hard to observe you own death objectively and
be happy about it.
- Woody Allen
>
<
A technique is a trick that works.
- Gian-Carlo Rota, ex-MIT professor
>
<
Writing a program is nothing but debugging a blank page.
- Anonymous but frustrated Stanford programmer
>
<
Technology has brought meaning to the lives
of many technicians.
- Ed Bluestone
>
<
Superstition sees the Finger of God even in trivialities.
>
<
Electricity seems destined to play a most important part
in the arts and industries. The question of it's economical
application to some purposes is still unsettled, but experiment
has already proved that it will propel a street car better
than a gas jet and give more light than a horse.
- Ambrose Bierce
>
<
Prophets have a way of dying by violence.
- Bene Gesserit saying
>
<DUNE:
The concept of progress acts as a protective mechanism
to shield us from the terrors of the future.
- from "Collected Sayings of Maud'Dib"
by the Princess Irulan
>
<
And now my comrades are all gone;
Naught remains to toast.
They have left me here in my misery,
like some poor wandering ghost.
- Anon
>
<DUNE:
Do not count a human dead until you've seen his body. And
even then you can make a mistake.
- Bene Gesserit saying
>
<DUNE:
Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a
logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe
is always one step beyond logic.
- from "The Sayings of Maud'Dib"
by the Princess Irulan
>
<DUNE:
Mood? What has mood to do with it? You fight when the necessity
arises - no matter the mood! Mood's a thing for cattle or making
love or playing the baliset. It's not for fighting.
- Gurney Halleck in DUNE
>
<DUNE:
A leader, you see, is one of the things that distinguishes a
mob from a people. He maintains the level of individuals. Too
few individuals, and a people revert to a mob.
- Stilgar in DUNE
>
<
Advice is a dangerous commodity.
>
<DUNE:
Governments may rise and fall for reasons which appear
insignificant. What small events! An argument between two
women... which way the wind blows on a certain day... a
sneeze, a cough, the length of a garment or the chance
collision of a fleck of sand and a courtier's eye. It is
not always the majestic concerns of imperial ministers
which dictate the course of history, nor is it necessarily
the pointifications of priests which move the hands of God.
- Frank Herbert, CHILDREN OF DUNE
>
<
To know the future absolutely is to be trapped into
that future absolutely.
- Frank Herbert, CHILDREN OF DUNE
>
<DUNE:
Some actions have an end but no beginning; some begin
but do not end. It all depends upon where the observer
is standing.
- Frank Herbert, CHILDREN OF DUNE
>
<DUNE:
To suspect you own mortality is to know the beginning
of terror; to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is
to know the end of terror.
- Bene Gesserit saying
>
<
Science is supposedly the method by which we stand on the shoulders
of those who came before us. In computer science, we are all standing
on each others' feet.
- Paraphrase from G. Popek
>
<
A logician trying to explain logic to a programmer is like
a cat trying to explain to a fish what it's like to be wet.
- Anon
>
<
Quote for the day:
" "
- Marcel Marceau
>
<
Consciousness is that which it is not, and is not that which it is.
- Sartre
>
<
There is only one thing certain, namely that we can have nothing certain;
and therefore it is not certain that we can have nothing certain.
- Samuel Butler
>
<
A banker will lend you money only if you can prove you don't need it.
- Anon
>
<
I mean what I say means I say what I mean.
- Lewis Carroll
>
<
The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it.
- Lewis Carroll
>
<
If you turn on the light quickly enough you can see what the dark looks l
ike.
- Anon
>
<
The time has come to wonder who could be the owner of
that cold, clammy hand that's exploring the end of the bed.
- Curved Air
>
<DUNE:
Some say that people cling to Imperial leadership because
space is infinite. They feel lonely without a unifying symbol.
For a lonely people, the Emperor is a definite place. They can
turn toward him and say: 'See, there He is. He makes us one.'
Perhaps religion serves the same purpose.
- Frank Herbert, DUNE MESSIAH
>
<DUNE:
Ahh, laws... What's law? Control? Law filters chaos and what
drips through? Serenity? Law - our highest ideal and our basest
nature. Don't look too closely at the law. Do, and you'll find
rationalized interpretations, the legal casuistry, the precedents
of convenience. You'll find the serenity, which is just another
word for death.
- Frank Herbert, DUNE MESSIAH
>
<DUNE:
Possession of second sight has a tendency to make
one a dangerous fatalist.
- Frank Herbert, DUNE MESSIAH
>
<
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
>
<
He who spends a storm beneath a tree,
takes life with a grain of TNT.
>
<
Mind your business Spock, I'm sick of your
halfbreed interference.
>
<
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
>
<
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
>
<
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
>
<
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
>
<
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
>
<
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of
some sense to know how to lie well.
>
<
As of next Tuesday, LISP will be flushed in favor
of COBOL. Please update your programs appropriately.
>
<LLONG:
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer
to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk
with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They
then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their
sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are
hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of
them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing
is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.
- Lazarus Long
>
<
Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles
back at the rear of an elephant.
>
<
Man invented Alcohol.
God invented Grass.
Who do you trust?
>
<
Thank you for on-lining with TENEX -
Be sure to patronize us again for you next fix.
>
<
Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let
wasps and hornets break through.
- Jonathan Swift
>
<
The Hebrew school teacher asked one of his students if he said
prayers before meals. The proud little boy answered, "Oh, not me.
I don't have to - my mom's a good cook."
>
<
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all
possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
>
<
Seen under an ubiquitous "Kilroy was here":
"Heisenburg might have been here"!
(if he was, he didn't know it)
>
<
Superstition and accident manifest the will of God.
- C. G. Jung
>
<
If the world is a progressively realized community of
interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink
procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates,
boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.
- Woody Allen
>
<
In a steady state universe, rapid transit would not be
feasible.
- Gwyneth Cravens
>
<
Should reality sound poetical?
- Richard Howard
>
<
Death is life's way of telling you
you've been fired.
- R. Geis (SFR #16)
>
<
Felix ... opportunitate mortis.
[Fortune favored him ... in the opportune moment of his death.]
- Tacitus
>
<
Promises and pie crusts are made to broken.
- Jonathan Swift
>
<
War is much too serious a thing to be left to military men.
- Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand
>
<
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
- George Orwell
>
<
Time: That which man is always trying to kill,
but which ends in killing him.
- Herbert Spencer
>
<
Entropy is nature's way of telling
you to slow down.
- R. Geis (SFR #16)
>
<
Never laugh at a live dragon.
- B. Baggins
>
<
What would you do if you found a dwarf on your doormat?
- B. Baggins
>
<
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so,
it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it
isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
- Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass
>
<
The army of weird and beautiful works could well do
with recruits.
- C. S. Lewis
>
<
Each age is a dream that is dying,
or one that is coming to birth.
- Arthur O'Shaughnessy, "Ode"
>
<
If I chased the straight line of my thoughts,
what a maze I'd write!
- Brian W. Aldiss, Earthworks
>
<
Beauty is only skin deep, but
Ugliness goes all the way to the bone.
>
<
Only the fantastic has a chance of being real in the cosmos.
- Hawkwind
>
<
It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
- Hawkwind
>
<
We will be geared toward the average rather than the exceptional.
- Jethro Tull
>
<
God is an overwhelming responsibility.
- Jethro Tull
>
<
'God' said the sea goat, 'is always on both sides.'
- Pete Sinfield
>
<
Paranoia is having to keep your TV set on all the time because
the people in the box will talk about you if you don't force them
to stick to their scripts.
- Adapted by R. Geis from G. Farber
>
<
...the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the
Devil out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth
for bridge.
- Letter in NEW LIBERTARIAN NOTES #19
>
<
Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
>
<
I am a peer group of one.
- R. Geis
>
<
Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you
to stop writing.
- R. Geis
>
<
You don't come back from Dead Man's Curve.
- Jan and Dean
>
<
Confusion will be my epitaph,
As I walk a cracked and broken path,
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh,
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.
King Crimson
>
<
When the music's over, turn out the lights.
- Jim Morrison
>
<
Don't eat the yellow snow.
- Frank Zappa
>
<
And oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go.
- Lennon and McCartney
>
<
You don't leave your fly open in a pressure suit.
- Larry Niven
>
<
I wouldn't worry about them old dreams none, they're only in your head.
- Bob Dylan
>
<
Trussreppers will be persecuted.
- Firesign Theater
>
<
Reality is a crutch.
- Dick Jensen's toilet wall
>
<
When a man is treated like a beast, he says: after all, I'm human.
When he behaves like a beast, he says: after all I'm only human.
- Karl Kraus
>
<
Do not adjust your mind. The fault is in reality.
- Bill Wright
>
<
You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the
consequences.
>
<
All important decisions must be made on the basis of
insufficient data.
>
<
Love is not enough, but is sure helps.
>
<
Childhood is a nightmare.
>
<
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
- Edward John Pheles
>
<
Nothing can come out of nothing, nothing can go back to nothing.
- Persius
>
<
The sublime and the ridiculous are often so nearly related, that it is
difficult to class them separately. One step above the sublime, makes
the ridiculous; and one step above the ridiculous, makes it sublime again.
- Thomas Paine
>
<
All solutions breed new problems.
>
<
Progress is an illusion.
>
<
Nothing lasts.
>
<
There's no point in burying the hatchet if you're
going to put a marker on the site.
- Anon.
>
<
If you don't want to grow old - die young.
- Anon.
>
<
To think is to make one's self very uncomfortable.
>
<
No poems can please long, nor live, which are written by water drinkers.
- Horace
>
<
Civilization is an exercise in masochism by most, in sadism by few.
- R. Geis
>
<
Necessity may be the mother of invention, but Greed is its father.
(We're all ashamed of Greed, so he isn't mentioned much.)
- R. Geis
>
<
The lost secret of eternal life is in the
- R. Geis
>
<
The world gets better every day...
Then worse again in the evening.
- EPIGRAM DISTILLERS
C. Runyon, Chief Potentate
>
<
I believe the moment is near when by a procedure of active
paranoiac thought, it will be possible...to systematize confusion
and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.
- Salvidor Dali
>
<
Never try to make anyone like yourself - you know,
God knows, that one of you is enough.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
>
<
There's a plot to make it look like I'm a paranoid!!!
- Amos Salmonson
>
<
ME, paranoid? Why do you ask?!
- Victor Kostrikin
>
<
I don't believe in astrology. We Geminis are very skeptical.
- Tom Marcinko
>
<
Anarchists of the world, unite! You have nothing to
lose but your...er...anarchism.
- R. Geis
>
<
The possibility does exist, of course, that I am paranoid...
But that's what they want me to think, isn't it?
- Ed Pearson
>
<
A wise man knows everything
A shrewd one, everybody.
- Chinese Fortune Cookie
>
<
Definition of a specialist - One who never makes small
mistakes while moving towards the grand fallacy.
- Marshal McLuhan
>
<
I wouldn't mind the number of paranoids around today,
if they weren't all out to get me.
- Malcolm Edwards
>
<
Another person's secret is like another person's money:
You are not as careful with it as you are with your own.
- E. W. Howe
>
<
On the Train of Thought 99% of the tickets
sold are half fare.
- Ed Cagle, KWALHIOQUA #8
>
<
To a misogynist, a Ms. is as good as a mile.
- R. Geis
>
<
If everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
- D. J. Hicks
>
<
I'm not paranoid, it's just that
everyone else thinks I am.
- G Farber
>
<
A true cynic doubts everything -- including
his own cynicism.
- R. Geis
>
<
If you can keep your head while all about you others
are losing theirs...perhaps you're the executioner.
- R. Geis
>
<LLONG:
History has the relation to truth that theology
has to religion -- i.e. none to speak of.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall
inherit the earth -- but they inherit very small plots,
about six feet by three.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
Men often believe -- or pretend -- that the "Law" is something
sacred, or at least a science -- an unfounded assumption very
convenient to governments.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither
machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons...have opportunities, not
rights, which they use or do not use.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you;
if you don't bet, you can't win.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you
what can't be done, and why. Then do it.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about
her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad
nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
A poet who reads his verse in public
may have other nasty habits.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles
being too tired.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
It is better to copulate than never.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers
work almost as well.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
There is only one way to console a widow.
But remember the risk.
- Lazarus Long
>
<LLONG:
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Lazarus Long
>
<
It took more than one man to change her name to Shanghai Lilly.
- Michael Moorcock
>
<
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
- Lennon and McCartney
>
<
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime,
