RBBS in a Box Volume 1 #3.1/RBBSIABOX31.cdr/basw/barry.txt

Text File | 1989-10-28 | 4.0 KB | 80 lines

   DAVE BARRY ON AL NEUHARTH, FOUNDER OF U.S.A. TODAY

   MIAMI─Al Neuharth came to south Florida last week. To talk about his book.
   It's called ``Confessions of an S.O.B.'' It's for sale.
   It tells how Neuharth went from being a poor country boy collecting cow
doots in South Dakota to being a multimillionaire media mogul with a diamond-
studded gold ring the size of Erie, Pa.
   Sorry that last sentence was so long.
   Neuharth is the founder of USA Today. ``The Nation's Newspaper.'' It was
his idea.
   He reveals this in his book, ``Confessions of an S.O.B.'' Which by the way
is for sale.
   The book is written in Neuharth-USA Today style, meaning it:
   ■ Has short sentences and short paragraphs.
   ■ Has lots of lists.
   ■ Is aimed at the average person.
   ■ Or reasonably bright fish.
   No, seriously. In the book, Neuharth candidly reveals that he got to the
top by being:
   ■ Brilliant.
   ■ Clever.
   ■ Unbelievably smart.
   There's a lot of philosophy also. A key quotation:
   ``Winning is the most important thing in life. And the most rewarding.
Everything else pales in comparison to winning. That's true whether you win:
   ■ A Girl Scout cookie sale.
   ■ A Little League baseball game.
   ■ The love of your life.
   ■ The office pool.
   ■ Bingo at church.
   ■ The job of your dreams.
   ■ The ``business deal of your schemes.''
   See? I'm not making this writing style up.
   Neuharth says that to win, you have to:
   ■ Work hard.
   ■ Attend to details.
   ■ Strive for excellence.
   ■ Be a scumbag.
   But in the end, people will love you anyway. Also you'll be rich. Exactly
how rich Neuharth got is discussed frequently in his book, ``Confessions of an
S.O.B.'' It's available at your local bookstore. And if it's not, Neuharth
will have somebody's knees broken.
   Although when I met him in person, he was actually:
   ■ Friendly.
   ■ Quite charming.
   Which surprised me, because based on his book I expected him to be:
   ■ A jerk.
   Also I expected him to be hostile to The Miami Herald. On Sunday the Herald
ran a review that dumped all over his book and him.
   But he just laughed about it.
   ``Ha, ha!'' were his exact words.
   He doesn't care what the Herald says. He thinks the Herald is:
   ■ Boring.
   ■ Overrated.
   He thinks this about big-shot American journalism in general. ``Endless
prose,'' is how he put it. Too drawn out.
   He goes for short, punchy writing. Lots of facts.
   ``There are more facts in USA Today than in The Miami Herald or The New
York Times,'' he said.
   This is probably true. Although The Times facts tend to involve issues such
as Lebanon. Whereas a lot of the USA Today facts concern things like What
Flavor Gum We're Chewing.
   Also there was the BusCapade. This is when Neuharth took a special USA
Today bus to every state and wrote columns revealing his various insights.
   ``Ohio,'' he'd write. ``The Buckeye State. A state of people, but also of
roads and buildings.''
   I am making these insights up. But the real ones were just as funny.
   After BusCapade, Neuharth did a JetCapade to major foreign countries.
(``China. Land of many people. Orientals.'')
   Many media people make fun of this kind of journalism. Big deal, is
Neuharth's reaction. Who has the most readers? Who has the biggest ring?
That's the bottom line.
   Quick Recap of Key Points:
   ■ Al Neuharth has written a book.
   ■ It's called ``Confessions of an S.O.B.''
   ■ You can buy it.
   ■ But frankly I've pretty much covered everything here.

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