XML Bible (2nd Edition)/XML_Bible_Second_Edition_Hungry_Minds_2001.iso/mac/examples/shakespeare/m_wives.xml

Extensible Markup Language | 1999-07-15 | 214KB | 7,162 lines

<?xml version="1.0"?>
<!DOCTYPE PLAY SYSTEM "play.dtd">

<PLAY>
<TITLE>The Merry Wives of Windsor</TITLE>

<FM>
<P>ASCII text placed in the public domain by Moby Lexical Tools, 1992.</P>
<P>SGML markup by Jon Bosak, 1992-1994.</P>
<P>XML version by Jon Bosak, 1996-1999.</P>
<P>The XML markup in this version is Copyright © 1999 Jon Bosak.
This work may freely be distributed on condition that it not be
modified or altered in any way.</P>
</FM>

<PERSONAE>
<TITLE>Dramatis Personae</TITLE>

<PERSONA>SIR JOHN FALSTAFF</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>FENTON, a gentleman.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>SHALLOW, a country justice.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>SLENDER, cousin to Shallow.</PERSONA>

<PGROUP>
<PERSONA>FORD</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>PAGE</PERSONA>
<GRPDESCR>two gentlemen dwelling at Windsor.</GRPDESCR>
</PGROUP>

<PERSONA>WILLIAM PAGE, a boy, son to Page.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>SIR HUGH EVANS, a Welsh parson.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>DOCTOR CAIUS, a French physician.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>Host of the Garter Inn. </PERSONA>

<PGROUP>
<PERSONA>BARDOLPH</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>PISTOL</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>NYM</PERSONA>
<GRPDESCR>sharpers attending on Falstaff.</GRPDESCR>
</PGROUP>

<PERSONA>ROBIN, page to Falstaff.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>SIMPLE, servant to Slender.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>RUGBY, servant to Doctor Caius.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>MISTRESS FORD</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>MISTRESS PAGE</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>ANNE PAGE, her daughter.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>MISTRESS QUICKLY, servant to Doctor Caius.</PERSONA>
<PERSONA>Servants to Page, Ford, &c.</PERSONA>
</PERSONAE>

<SCNDESCR>SCENE  Windsor, and the neighbourhood.</SCNDESCR>

<PLAYSUBT>THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR</PLAYSUBT>

<ACT><TITLE>ACT I</TITLE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE I.  Windsor. Before PAGE's house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-</LINE>
<LINE>chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and</LINE>
<LINE>'Coram.'</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,</LINE>
<LINE>master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any</LINE>
<LINE>bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three</LINE>
<LINE>hundred years.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>All his successors gone before him hath done't; and</LINE>
<LINE>all his ancestors that come after him may: they may</LINE>
<LINE>give the dozen white luces in their coat.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is an old coat.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;</LINE>
<LINE>it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to</LINE>
<LINE>man, and signifies love.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I may quarter, coz.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You may, by marrying.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Not a whit.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,</LINE>
<LINE>there is but three skirts for yourself, in my</LINE>
<LINE>simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir</LINE>
<LINE>John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto</LINE>
<LINE>you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my</LINE>
<LINE>benevolence to make atonements and compremises</LINE>
<LINE>between you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The council shall bear it; it is a riot.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no</LINE>
<LINE>fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall</LINE>
<LINE>desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a</LINE>
<LINE>riot; take your vizaments in that.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword</LINE>
<LINE>should end it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:</LINE>
<LINE>and there is also another device in my prain, which</LINE>
<LINE>peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there</LINE>
<LINE>is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas</LINE>
<LINE>Page, which is pretty virginity.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks</LINE>
<LINE>small like a woman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as</LINE>
<LINE>you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,</LINE>
<LINE>and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his</LINE>
<LINE>death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!</LINE>
<LINE>--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years</LINE>
<LINE>old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles</LINE>
<LINE>and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master</LINE>
<LINE>Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do</LINE>
<LINE>despise one that is false, or as I despise one that</LINE>
<LINE>is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I</LINE>
<LINE>beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will</LINE>
<LINE>peat the door for Master Page.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Knocks</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>What, hoa! Got pless your house here!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Within</STAGEDIR>  Who's there?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice</LINE>
<LINE>Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that</LINE>
<LINE>peradventures shall tell you another tale, if</LINE>
<LINE>matters grow to your likings.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am glad to see your worships well.</LINE>
<LINE>I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it</LINE>
<LINE>your good heart! I wished your venison better; it</LINE>
<LINE>was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I</LINE>
<LINE>thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, I thank you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he</LINE>
<LINE>was outrun on Cotsall.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It could not be judged, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You'll not confess, you'll not confess.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;</LINE>
<LINE>'tis a good dog.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A cur, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be</LINE>
<LINE>more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff here?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good</LINE>
<LINE>office between you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He hath wronged me, Master Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that</LINE>
<LINE>so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he</LINE>
<LINE>hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert</LINE>
<LINE>Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here comes Sir John.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and</LINE>
<LINE>broke open my lodge.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>But not kissed your keeper's daughter?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will answer it straight; I have done all this.</LINE>
<LINE>That is now answered.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The council shall know this.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:</LINE>
<LINE>you'll be laughed at.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your</LINE>
<LINE>head: what matter have you against me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;</LINE>
<LINE>and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,</LINE>
<LINE>Nym, and Pistol.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You Banbury cheese!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, it is no matter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, Mephostophilus!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, it is no matter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is</LINE>
<LINE>three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that</LINE>
<LINE>is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is</LINE>
<LINE>myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,</LINE>
<LINE>lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We three, to hear it and end it between them.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-</LINE>
<LINE>book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with</LINE>
<LINE>as great discreetly as we can.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pistol!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He hears with ears.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He</LINE>
<LINE>hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might</LINE>
<LINE>never come in mine own great chamber again else, of</LINE>
<LINE>seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward</LINE>
<LINE>shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two</LINE>
<LINE>pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Is this true, Pistol?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,</LINE>
<LINE>I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.</LINE>
<LINE>Word of denial in thy labras here!</LINE>
<LINE>Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By these gloves, then, 'twas he.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say</LINE>
<LINE>'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's</LINE>
<LINE>humour on me; that is the very note of it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for</LINE>
<LINE>though I cannot remember what I did when you made me</LINE>
<LINE>drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What say you, Scarlet and John?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk</LINE>
<LINE>himself out of his five sentences.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and</LINE>
<LINE>so conclusions passed the careires.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no</LINE>
<LINE>matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,</LINE>
<LINE>but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:</LINE>
<LINE>if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have</LINE>
<LINE>the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD
and MISTRESS PAGE, following</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit ANNE PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, Mistress Ford!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:</LINE>
<LINE>by your leave, good mistress.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Kisses her</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a</LINE>
<LINE>hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope</LINE>
<LINE>we shall drink down all unkindness.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of</LINE>
<LINE>Songs and Sonnets here.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait</LINE>
<LINE>on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles</LINE>
<LINE>about you, have you?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice</LINE>
<LINE>Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight</LINE>
<LINE>afore Michaelmas?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with</LINE>
<LINE>you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a</LINE>
<LINE>tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh</LINE>
<LINE>here. Do you understand me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,</LINE>
<LINE>I shall do that that is reason.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, but understand me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So I do, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will</LINE>
<LINE>description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray</LINE>
<LINE>you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his</LINE>
<LINE>country, simple though I stand here.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>But that is not the question: the question is</LINE>
<LINE>concerning your marriage.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, there's the point, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any</LINE>
<LINE>reasonable demands.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to</LINE>
<LINE>know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers</LINE>
<LINE>philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the</LINE>
<LINE>mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your</LINE>
<LINE>good will to the maid?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that</LINE>
<LINE>would do reason.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak</LINE>
<LINE>possitable, if you can carry her your desires</LINE>
<LINE>towards her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will do a greater thing than that, upon your</LINE>
<LINE>request, cousin, in any reason.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do</LINE>
<LINE>is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there</LINE>
<LINE>be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may</LINE>
<LINE>decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are</LINE>
<LINE>married and have more occasion to know one another;</LINE>
<LINE>I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:</LINE>
<LINE>but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that</LINE>
<LINE>I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in</LINE>
<LINE>the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our</LINE>
<LINE>meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, I think my cousin meant well.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here comes fair Mistress Anne.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Re-enter ANNE PAGE</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The dinner is on the table; my father desires your</LINE>
<LINE>worships' company.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Will't please your worship to come in, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The dinner attends you, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,</LINE>
<LINE>sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my</LINE>
<LINE>cousin Shallow.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his</LINE>
<LINE>friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy</LINE>
<LINE>yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I</LINE>
<LINE>live like a poor gentleman born.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I may not go in without your worship: they will not</LINE>
<LINE>sit till you come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as</LINE>
<LINE>though I did.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you, sir, walk in.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised</LINE>
<LINE>my shin th' other day with playing at sword and</LINE>
<LINE>dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a</LINE>
<LINE>dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot</LINE>
<LINE>abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your</LINE>
<LINE>dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at</LINE>
<LINE>it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see</LINE>
<LINE>the bear loose, are you not?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, indeed, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen</LINE>
<LINE>Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by</LINE>
<LINE>the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so</LINE>
<LINE>cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,</LINE>
<LINE>indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored</LINE>
<LINE>rough things.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, pray you, lead the way.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come on, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.</LINE>
<LINE>You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE II.  The same.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which</LINE>
<LINE>is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,</LINE>
<LINE>which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry</LINE>
<LINE>nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and</LINE>
<LINE>his wringer.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it</LINE>
<LINE>is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire</LINE>
<LINE>and require her to solicit your master's desires to</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will</LINE>
<LINE>make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE III.  A room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL,
and ROBIN</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mine host of the Garter!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my</LINE>
<LINE>followers.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I sit at ten pounds a week.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I</LINE>
<LINE>will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall</LINE>
<LINE>tap: said I well, bully Hector?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Do so, good mine host.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I have spoke; let him follow.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>To BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:</LINE>
<LINE>an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered</LINE>
<LINE>serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his</LINE>
<LINE>thefts were too open; his filching was like an</LINE>
<LINE>unskilful singer; he kept not time.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico</LINE>
<LINE>for the phrase!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, then, let kibes ensue.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Young ravens must have food.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Which of you know Ford of this town?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I ken the wight: he is of substance good.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Two yards, and more.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two</LINE>
<LINE>yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about</LINE>
<LINE>thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's</LINE>
<LINE>wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,</LINE>
<LINE>she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I</LINE>
<LINE>can construe the action of her familiar style; and</LINE>
<LINE>the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished</LINE>
<LINE>rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He hath studied her will, and translated her will,</LINE>
<LINE>out of honesty into English.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her</LINE>
<LINE>husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I have writ me here a letter to her: and here</LINE>
<LINE>another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good</LINE>
<LINE>eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious</LINE>
<LINE>oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my</LINE>
<LINE>foot, sometimes my portly belly.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Then did the sun on dunghill shine.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I thank thee for that humour.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a</LINE>
<LINE>greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did</LINE>
<LINE>seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's</LINE>
<LINE>another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she</LINE>
<LINE>is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will</LINE>
<LINE>be cheater to them both, and they shall be</LINE>
<LINE>exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West</LINE>
<LINE>Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou</LINE>
<LINE>this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,</LINE>
<LINE>And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will run no base humour: here, take the</LINE>
<LINE>humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>To ROBIN</STAGEDIR>  Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;</LINE>
<LINE>Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.</LINE>
<LINE>Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;</LINE>
<LINE>Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,</LINE>
<LINE>French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,</LINE>
<LINE>And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:</LINE>
<LINE>Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,</LINE>
<LINE>Base Phrygian Turk!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I have operations which be humours of revenge.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Wilt thou revenge?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By welkin and her star!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>With wit or steel?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>With both the humours, I:</LINE>
<LINE>I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And I to Ford shall eke unfold</LINE>
<LINE>How Falstaff, varlet vile,</LINE>
<LINE>His dove will prove, his gold will hold,</LINE>
<LINE>And his soft couch defile.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to</LINE>
<LINE>deal with poison; I will possess him with</LINE>
<LINE>yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:</LINE>
<LINE>that is my true humour.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE IV.  A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,</LINE>
<LINE>and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor</LINE>
<LINE>Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any</LINE>
<LINE>body in the house, here will be an old abusing of</LINE>
<LINE>God's patience and the king's English.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll go watch.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in</LINE>
<LINE>faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit RUGBY</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant</LINE>
<LINE>shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no</LINE>
<LINE>tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,</LINE>
<LINE>that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish</LINE>
<LINE>that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let</LINE>
<LINE>that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, for fault of a better.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And Master Slender's your master?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Does he not wear a great round beard, like a</LINE>
<LINE>glover's paring-knife?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a</LINE>
<LINE>little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A softly-sprighted man, is he not?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands</LINE>
<LINE>as any is between this and his head; he hath fought</LINE>
<LINE>with a warrener.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not</LINE>
<LINE>hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yes, indeed, does he.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell</LINE>
<LINE>Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your</LINE>
<LINE>master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Out, alas! here comes my master.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;</LINE>
<LINE>go into this closet: he will not stay long.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Shuts SIMPLE in the closet</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!</LINE>
<LINE>Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt</LINE>
<LINE>he be not well, that he comes not home.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Singing</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>And down, down, adown-a, &c.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,</LINE>
<LINE>go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,</LINE>
<LINE>a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found</LINE>
<LINE>the young man, he would have been horn-mad.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je</LINE>
<LINE>m'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Is it this, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere</LINE>
<LINE>is dat knave Rugby?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, John Rugby! John!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here, sir!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,</LINE>
<LINE>take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!</LINE>
<LINE>Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,</LINE>
<LINE>dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Pulling SIMPLE out</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Rugby, my rapier!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good master, be content.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Wherefore shall I be content-a?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The young man is an honest man.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is</LINE>
<LINE>no honest man dat shall come in my closet.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth</LINE>
<LINE>of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vell.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace, I pray you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to</LINE>
<LINE>speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my</LINE>
<LINE>master in the way of marriage.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my</LINE>
<LINE>finger in the fire, and need not.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.</LINE>
<LINE>Tarry you a little-a while.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Writes</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>  I am glad he is so quiet: if he</LINE>
<LINE>had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him</LINE>
<LINE>so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,</LINE>
<LINE>man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and</LINE>
<LINE>the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my</LINE>
<LINE>master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I</LINE>
<LINE>keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,</LINE>
<LINE>scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do</LINE>
<LINE>all myself,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>  'Tis a great charge to</LINE>
<LINE>come under one body's hand.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>  Are you avised o' that? you</LINE>
<LINE>shall find it a great charge: and to be up early</LINE>
<LINE>and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in</LINE>
<LINE>your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master</LINE>
<LINE>himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but</LINE>
<LINE>notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that's</LINE>
<LINE>neither here nor there.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by</LINE>
<LINE>gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee</LINE>
<LINE>park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest</LINE>
<LINE>to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good</LINE>
<LINE>you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two</LINE>
<LINE>stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw</LINE>
<LINE>at his dog:</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas, he speaks but for his friend.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me</LINE>
<LINE>dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I</LINE>
<LINE>vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine</LINE>
<LINE>host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I</LINE>
<LINE>will myself have Anne Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We</LINE>
<LINE>must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have</LINE>
<LINE>not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my</LINE>
<LINE>door. Follow my heels, Rugby.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I</LINE>
<LINE>know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor</LINE>
<LINE>knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more</LINE>
<LINE>than I do with her, I thank heaven.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Within</STAGEDIR>  Who's within there? ho!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FENTON</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, good woman? how dost thou?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and</LINE>
<LINE>gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you</LINE>
<LINE>that by the way; I praise heaven for it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but</LINE>
<LINE>notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a</LINE>
<LINE>book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart</LINE>
<LINE>above your eye?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yes, marry, have I; what of that?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such</LINE>
<LINE>another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever</LINE>
<LINE>broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I</LINE>
<LINE>shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But</LINE>
<LINE>indeed she is given too much to allicholy and</LINE>
<LINE>musing: but for you--well, go to.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money</LINE>
<LINE>for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if</LINE>
<LINE>thou seest her before me, commend me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your</LINE>
<LINE>worship more of the wart the next time we have</LINE>
<LINE>confidence; and of other wooers.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Farewell to your worship.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit FENTON</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;</LINE>
<LINE>for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out</LINE>
<LINE>upon't! what have I forgot?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

</ACT>

<ACT><TITLE>ACT II</TITLE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE I.  Before PAGE'S house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-</LINE>
<LINE>time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them?</LINE>
<LINE>Let me see.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Reads</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though</LINE>
<LINE>Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him</LINE>
<LINE>not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more</LINE>
<LINE>am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry,</LINE>
<LINE>so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you</LINE>
<LINE>love sack, and so do I; would you desire better</LINE>
<LINE>sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at</LINE>
<LINE>the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--</LINE>
<LINE>that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis</LINE>
<LINE>not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me,</LINE>
<LINE>Thine own true knight,</LINE>
<LINE>By day or night,</LINE>
<LINE>Or any kind of light,</LINE>
<LINE>With all his might</LINE>
<LINE>For thee to fight,    JOHN FALSTAFF'</LINE>
<LINE>What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked</LINE>
<LINE>world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with</LINE>
<LINE>age to show himself a young gallant! What an</LINE>
<LINE>unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard</LINE>
<LINE>picked--with the devil's name!--out of my</LINE>
<LINE>conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?</LINE>
<LINE>Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What</LINE>
<LINE>should I say to him? I was then frugal of my</LINE>
<LINE>mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill</LINE>
<LINE>in the parliament for the putting down of men. How</LINE>
<LINE>shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,</LINE>
<LINE>as sure as his guts are made of puddings.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very</LINE>
<LINE>ill.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Faith, but you do, in my mind.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the</LINE>
<LINE>contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What's the matter, woman?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I</LINE>
<LINE>could come to such honour!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is</LINE>
<LINE>it? dispense with trifles; what is it?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,</LINE>
<LINE>I could be knighted.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights</LINE>
<LINE>will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the</LINE>
<LINE>article of thy gentry.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I</LINE>
<LINE>might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat</LINE>
<LINE>men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of</LINE>
<LINE>men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised</LINE>
<LINE>women's modesty; and gave such orderly and</LINE>
<LINE>well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I</LINE>
<LINE>would have sworn his disposition would have gone to</LINE>
<LINE>the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere</LINE>
<LINE>and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to</LINE>
<LINE>the tune of 'Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow,</LINE>
<LINE>threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his</LINE>
<LINE>belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged</LINE>
<LINE>on him? I think the best way were to entertain him</LINE>
<LINE>with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted</LINE>
<LINE>him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and</LINE>
<LINE>Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery</LINE>
<LINE>of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy</LINE>
<LINE>letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I</LINE>
<LINE>protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a</LINE>
<LINE>thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for</LINE>
<LINE>different names--sure, more,--and these are of the</LINE>
<LINE>second edition: he will print them, out of doubt;</LINE>
<LINE>for he cares not what he puts into the press, when</LINE>
<LINE>he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess,</LINE>
<LINE>and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you</LINE>
<LINE>twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very</LINE>
<LINE>words. What doth he think of us?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to</LINE>
<LINE>wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain</LINE>
<LINE>myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;</LINE>
<LINE>for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I</LINE>
<LINE>know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him</LINE>
<LINE>above deck.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So will I if he come under my hatches, I'll never</LINE>
<LINE>to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's</LINE>
<LINE>appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in</LINE>
<LINE>his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay,</LINE>
<LINE>till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,</LINE>
<LINE>that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O,</LINE>
<LINE>that my husband saw this letter! it would give</LINE>
<LINE>eternal food to his jealousy.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's</LINE>
<LINE>as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause;</LINE>
<LINE>and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You are the happier woman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let's consult together against this greasy knight.</LINE>
<LINE>Come hither.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>They retire</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I hope it be not so.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:</LINE>
<LINE>Sir John affects thy wife.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, sir, my wife is not young.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,</LINE>
<LINE>Both young and old, one with another, Ford;</LINE>
<LINE>He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Love my wife!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,</LINE>
<LINE>Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:</LINE>
<LINE>O, odious is the name!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What name, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The horn, I say. Farewell.</LINE>
<LINE>Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:</LINE>
<LINE>Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.</LINE>
<LINE>Away, Sir Corporal Nym!</LINE>
<LINE>Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>  I will be patient; I will find out this.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>NYM</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>To PAGE</STAGEDIR>  And this is true; I like not the humour</LINE>
<LINE>of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I</LINE>
<LINE>should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I</LINE>
<LINE>have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity.</LINE>
<LINE>He loves your wife; there's the short and the long.</LINE>
<LINE>My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis</LINE>
<LINE>true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife.</LINE>
<LINE>Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese,</LINE>
<LINE>and there's the humour of it. Adieu.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow</LINE>
<LINE>frights English out of his wits.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will seek out Falstaff.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If I do find it: well.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest</LINE>
<LINE>o' the town commended him for a true man.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, Meg!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD come forward</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Whither go you, George? Hark you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,</LINE>
<LINE>will you go, Mistress Page?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Aside to MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger</LINE>
<LINE>to this paltry knight.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to MISTRESS PAGE</STAGEDIR>  Trust me, I thought on her:</LINE>
<LINE>she'll fit it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You are come to see my daughter Anne?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with</LINE>
<LINE>you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, Master Ford!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You heard what this knave told me, did you not?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yes: and you heard what the other told me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Do you think there is truth in them?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would</LINE>
<LINE>offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent</LINE>
<LINE>towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men;</LINE>
<LINE>very rogues, now they be out of service.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Were they his men?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, were they.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at</LINE>
<LINE>the Garter?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage</LINE>
<LINE>towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and</LINE>
<LINE>what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it</LINE>
<LINE>lie on my head.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to</LINE>
<LINE>turn them together. A man may be too confident: I</LINE>
<LINE>would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:</LINE>
<LINE>there is either liquor in his pate or money in his</LINE>
<LINE>purse when he looks so merrily.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter Host</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>How now, mine host!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.</LINE>
<LINE>Cavaleiro-justice, I say!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter SHALLOW</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and</LINE>
<LINE>twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go</LINE>
<LINE>with us? we have sport in hand.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh</LINE>
<LINE>the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Drawing him aside</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What sayest thou, my bully-rook?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>To PAGE</STAGEDIR>  Will you go with us to behold it? My</LINE>
<LINE>merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;</LINE>
<LINE>and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;</LINE>
<LINE>for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.</LINE>
<LINE>Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>They converse apart</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hast thou no suit against my knight, my</LINE>
<LINE>guest-cavaleire?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of</LINE>
<LINE>burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him</LINE>
<LINE>my name is Brook; only for a jest.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;</LINE>
<LINE>--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is</LINE>
<LINE>a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have with you, mine host.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in</LINE>
<LINE>his rapier.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times</LINE>
<LINE>you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and</LINE>
<LINE>I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis</LINE>
<LINE>here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long</LINE>
<LINE>sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly</LINE>
<LINE>on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my</LINE>
<LINE>opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's</LINE>
<LINE>house; and what they made there, I know not. Well,</LINE>
<LINE>I will look further into't: and I have a disguise</LINE>
<LINE>to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not</LINE>
<LINE>my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE II.  A room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will not lend thee a penny.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, then the world's mine oyster.</LINE>
<LINE>Which I with sword will open.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should</LINE>
<LINE>lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my</LINE>
<LINE>good friends for three reprieves for you and your</LINE>
<LINE>coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through</LINE>
<LINE>the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in</LINE>
<LINE>hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were</LINE>
<LINE>good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress</LINE>
<LINE>Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon</LINE>
<LINE>mine honour thou hadst it not.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I'll</LINE>
<LINE>endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more</LINE>
<LINE>about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife</LINE>
<LINE>and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go.</LINE>
<LINE>You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you</LINE>
<LINE>stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable</LINE>
<LINE>baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the</LINE>
<LINE>terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself</LINE>
<LINE>sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand</LINE>
<LINE>and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to</LINE>
<LINE>shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,</LINE>
<LINE>will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain</LINE>
<LINE>looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your</LINE>
<LINE>bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your</LINE>
<LINE>honour! You will not do it, you!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I do relent: what would thou more of man?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter ROBIN</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ROBIN</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let her approach.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Give your worship good morrow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good morrow, good wife.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Not so, an't please your worship.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good maid, then.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll be sworn,</LINE>
<LINE>As my mother was, the first hour I was born.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I do believe the swearer. What with me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee</LINE>
<LINE>the hearing.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come a</LINE>
<LINE>little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with master</LINE>
<LINE>Doctor Caius,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Your worship says very true: I pray your worship,</LINE>
<LINE>come a little nearer this ways.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine</LINE>
<LINE>own people.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, Mistress Ford; what of her?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord Lord! your</LINE>
<LINE>worship's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all</LINE>
<LINE>of us, I pray!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you</LINE>
<LINE>have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis</LINE>
<LINE>wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the</LINE>
<LINE>court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her</LINE>
<LINE>to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and</LINE>
<LINE>lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant</LINE>
<LINE>you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift</LINE>
<LINE>after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so</LINE>
<LINE>rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in</LINE>
<LINE>such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of</LINE>
<LINE>the best and the fairest, that would have won any</LINE>
<LINE>woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never</LINE>
<LINE>get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels</LINE>
<LINE>given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in</LINE>
<LINE>any such sort, as they say, but in the way of</LINE>
<LINE>honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get</LINE>
<LINE>her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of</LINE>
<LINE>them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which</LINE>
<LINE>is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>But what says she to me? be brief, my good</LINE>
<LINE>she-Mercury.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which</LINE>
<LINE>she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you</LINE>
<LINE>to notify that her husband will be absence from his</LINE>
<LINE>house between ten and eleven.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ten and eleven?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the</LINE>
<LINE>picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford,</LINE>
<LINE>her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet</LINE>
<LINE>woman leads an ill life with him: he's a very</LINE>
<LINE>jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with</LINE>
<LINE>him, good heart.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will</LINE>
<LINE>not fail her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to</LINE>
<LINE>your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty</LINE>
<LINE>commendations to you too: and let me tell you in</LINE>
<LINE>your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and</LINE>
<LINE>one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor</LINE>
<LINE>evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the</LINE>
<LINE>other: and she bade me tell your worship that her</LINE>
<LINE>husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there</LINE>
<LINE>will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon</LINE>
<LINE>a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my</LINE>
<LINE>good parts aside I have no other charms.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Blessing on your heart for't!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and</LINE>
<LINE>Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That were a jest indeed! they have not so little</LINE>
<LINE>grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Page would desire you to send her your</LINE>
<LINE>little page, of all loves: her husband has a</LINE>
<LINE>marvellous infection to the little page; and truly</LINE>
<LINE>Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in</LINE>
<LINE>Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what</LINE>
<LINE>she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go</LINE>
<LINE>to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as</LINE>
<LINE>she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there</LINE>
<LINE>be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must</LINE>
<LINE>send her your page; no remedy.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, I will.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and</LINE>
<LINE>go between you both; and in any case have a</LINE>
<LINE>nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and</LINE>
<LINE>the boy never need to understand any thing; for</LINE>
<LINE>'tis not good that children should know any</LINE>
<LINE>wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion,</LINE>
<LINE>as they say, and know the world.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's</LINE>
<LINE>my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with</LINE>
<LINE>this woman.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY and ROBIN</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>This news distracts me!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This punk is one of Cupid's carriers:</LINE>
<LINE>Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:</LINE>
<LINE>Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make</LINE>
<LINE>more of thy old body than I have done. Will they</LINE>
<LINE>yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense</LINE>
<LINE>of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I</LINE>
<LINE>thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be</LINE>
<LINE>fairly done, no matter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain</LINE>
<LINE>speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath</LINE>
<LINE>sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Brook is his name?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Call him in.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such</LINE>
<LINE>liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page</LINE>
<LINE>have I encompassed you? go to; via!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Bless you, sir!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And you, sir! Would you speak with me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I make bold to press with so little preparation upon</LINE>
<LINE>you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You're welcome. What's your will? Give us leave, drawer.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;</LINE>
<LINE>for I must let you understand I think myself in</LINE>
<LINE>better plight for a lender than you are: the which</LINE>
<LINE>hath something embolden'd me to this unseasoned</LINE>
<LINE>intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all</LINE>
<LINE>ways do lie open.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:</LINE>
<LINE>if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or</LINE>
<LINE>half, for easing me of the carriage.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be</LINE>
<LINE>your servant.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief</LINE>
<LINE>with you,--and you have been a man long known to me,</LINE>
<LINE>though I had never so good means, as desire, to make</LINE>
<LINE>myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a</LINE>
<LINE>thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine</LINE>
<LINE>own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have</LINE>
<LINE>one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded,</LINE>
<LINE>turn another into the register of your own; that I</LINE>
<LINE>may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you</LINE>
<LINE>yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Very well, sir; proceed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband's</LINE>
<LINE>name is Ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,</LINE>
<LINE>bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting</LINE>
<LINE>observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her;</LINE>
<LINE>fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly</LINE>
<LINE>give me sight of her; not only bought many presents</LINE>
<LINE>to give her, but have given largely to many to know</LINE>
<LINE>what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued</LINE>
<LINE>her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the</LINE>
<LINE>wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have</LINE>
<LINE>merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed,</LINE>
<LINE>I am sure, I have received none; unless experience</LINE>
<LINE>be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite</LINE>
<LINE>rate, and that hath taught me to say this:</LINE>
<LINE>'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;</LINE>
<LINE>Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.'</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Never.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have you importuned her to such a purpose?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Never.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Of what quality was your love, then?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Like a fair house built on another man's ground; so</LINE>
<LINE>that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place</LINE>
<LINE>where I erected it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>When I have told you that, I have told you all.</LINE>
<LINE>Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in</LINE>
<LINE>other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that</LINE>
<LINE>there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir</LINE>
<LINE>John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a</LINE>
<LINE>gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable</LINE>
<LINE>discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your</LINE>
<LINE>place and person, generally allowed for your many</LINE>
<LINE>war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O, sir!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend</LINE>
<LINE>it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only</LINE>
<LINE>give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as</LINE>
<LINE>to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this</LINE>
<LINE>Ford's wife: use your art of wooing; win her to</LINE>
<LINE>consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as</LINE>
<LINE>any.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Would it apply well to the vehemency of your</LINE>
<LINE>affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?</LINE>
<LINE>Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on</LINE>
<LINE>the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my</LINE>
<LINE>soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to</LINE>
<LINE>be looked against. Now, could I could come to her</LINE>
<LINE>with any detection in my hand, my desires had</LINE>
<LINE>instance and argument to commend themselves: I</LINE>
<LINE>could drive her then from the ward of her purity,</LINE>
<LINE>her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand</LINE>
<LINE>other her defences, which now are too too strongly</LINE>
<LINE>embattled against me. What say you to't, Sir John?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Brook, I will first make bold with your</LINE>
<LINE>money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a</LINE>
<LINE>gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O good sir!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I say you shall.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want</LINE>
<LINE>none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her</LINE>
<LINE>own appointment; even as you came in to me, her</LINE>
<LINE>assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I</LINE>
<LINE>shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at</LINE>
<LINE>that time the jealous rascally knave her husband</LINE>
<LINE>will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall</LINE>
<LINE>know how I speed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,</LINE>
<LINE>sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:</LINE>
<LINE>yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the</LINE>
<LINE>jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the</LINE>
<LINE>which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will</LINE>
<LINE>use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer;</LINE>
<LINE>and there's my harvest-home.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him</LINE>
<LINE>if you saw him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will</LINE>
<LINE>stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my</LINE>
<LINE>cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the</LINE>
<LINE>cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I</LINE>
<LINE>will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt</LINE>
<LINE>lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night.</LINE>
<LINE>Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style;</LINE>
<LINE>thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and</LINE>
<LINE>cuckold. Come to me soon at night.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is</LINE>
<LINE>ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is</LINE>
<LINE>improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the</LINE>
<LINE>hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man</LINE>
<LINE>have thought this? See the hell of having a false</LINE>
<LINE>woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers</LINE>
<LINE>ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not</LINE>
<LINE>only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under</LINE>
<LINE>the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that</LINE>
<LINE>does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds</LINE>
<LINE>well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are</LINE>
<LINE>devils' additions, the names of fiends: but</LINE>
<LINE>Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath</LINE>
<LINE>not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he</LINE>
<LINE>will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will</LINE>
<LINE>rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh</LINE>
<LINE>the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my</LINE>
<LINE>aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling</LINE>
<LINE>gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots,</LINE>
<LINE>then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they</LINE>
<LINE>think in their hearts they may effect, they will</LINE>
<LINE>break their hearts but they will effect. God be</LINE>
<LINE>praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour.</LINE>
<LINE>I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it;</LINE>
<LINE>better three hours too soon than a minute too late.</LINE>
<LINE>Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE III.  A field near Windsor.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Jack Rugby!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vat is de clock, Jack?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he</LINE>
<LINE>has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,</LINE>
<LINE>Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill</LINE>
<LINE>him, if he came.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.</LINE>
<LINE>Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas, sir, I cannot fence.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Villany, take your rapier.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>RUGBY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Forbear; here's company.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Bless thee, bully doctor!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Save you, Master Doctor Caius!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, good master doctor!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Give you good morrow, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee</LINE>
<LINE>traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to</LINE>
<LINE>see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy</LINE>
<LINE>distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is</LINE>
<LINE>he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my</LINE>
<LINE>AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is</LINE>
<LINE>he dead, bully stale? is he dead?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he</LINE>
<LINE>is not show his face.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or</LINE>
<LINE>seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of</LINE>
<LINE>souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should</LINE>
<LINE>fight, you go against the hair of your professions.</LINE>
<LINE>Is it not true, Master Page?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great</LINE>
<LINE>fighter, though now a man of peace.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of</LINE>
<LINE>the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to</LINE>
<LINE>make one. Though we are justices and doctors and</LINE>
<LINE>churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our</LINE>
<LINE>youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis true, Master Shallow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor</LINE>
<LINE>Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of</LINE>
<LINE>the peace: you have showed yourself a wise</LINE>
<LINE>physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise</LINE>
<LINE>and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mock-vater! vat is dat?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de</LINE>
<LINE>Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me</LINE>
<LINE>vill cut his ears.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That is, he will make thee amends.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;</LINE>
<LINE>for, by gar, me vill have it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Me tank you for dat.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and</LINE>
<LINE>Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you</LINE>
<LINE>through the town to Frogmore.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Aside to them</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir Hugh is there, is he?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will</LINE>
<LINE>bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We will do it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Adieu, good master doctor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a</LINE>
<LINE>jack-an-ape to Anne Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold</LINE>
<LINE>water on thy choler: go about the fields with me</LINE>
<LINE>through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress</LINE>
<LINE>Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou</LINE>
<LINE>shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;</LINE>
<LINE>and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,</LINE>
<LINE>de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne</LINE>
<LINE>Page. Said I well?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, 'tis good; vell said.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let us wag, then.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

</ACT>

<ACT><TITLE>ACT III</TITLE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE I.  A field near Frogmore.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,</LINE>
<LINE>and friend Simple by your name, which way have you</LINE>
<LINE>looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every</LINE>
<LINE>way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town</LINE>
<LINE>way.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I most fehemently desire you you will also look that</LINE>
<LINE>way.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and</LINE>
<LINE>trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have</LINE>
<LINE>deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog</LINE>
<LINE>his urinals about his knave's costard when I have</LINE>
<LINE>good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Sings</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>To shallow rivers, to whose falls</LINE>
<LINE>Melodious birds sings madrigals;</LINE>
<LINE>There will we make our peds of roses,</LINE>
<LINE>And a thousand fragrant posies.</LINE>
<LINE>To shallow--</LINE>
<LINE>Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Sings</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Melodious birds sing madrigals--</LINE>
<LINE>When as I sat in Pabylon--</LINE>
<LINE>And a thousand vagram posies.</LINE>
<LINE>To shallow &c.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He's welcome.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Sings</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>To shallow rivers, to whose falls-</LINE>
<LINE>Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master</LINE>
<LINE>Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over</LINE>
<LINE>the stile, this way.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.</LINE>
<LINE>Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student</LINE>
<LINE>from his book, and it is wonderful.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>  Ah, sweet Anne Page!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Save you, good Sir Hugh!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, the sword and the word! do you study them</LINE>
<LINE>both, master parson?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this</LINE>
<LINE>raw rheumatic day!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There is reasons and causes for it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fery well: what is it?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike</LINE>
<LINE>having received wrong by some person, is at most</LINE>
<LINE>odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you</LINE>
<LINE>saw.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never</LINE>
<LINE>heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so</LINE>
<LINE>wide of his own respect.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What is he?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the</LINE>
<LINE>renowned French physician.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as</LINE>
<LINE>lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,</LINE>
<LINE>--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you</LINE>
<LINE>would desires to be acquainted withal.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>  O sweet Anne Page!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:</LINE>
<LINE>here comes Doctor Caius.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So do you, good master doctor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep</LINE>
<LINE>their limbs whole and hack our English.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.</LINE>
<LINE>Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>  Pray you, use your patience:</LINE>
<LINE>in good time.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>  Pray you let us not be</LINE>
<LINE>laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you</LINE>
<LINE>in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Aloud</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb</LINE>
<LINE>for missing your meetings and appointments.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I</LINE>
<LINE>not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place</LINE>
<LINE>I did appoint?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the</LINE>
<LINE>place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of</LINE>
<LINE>the Garter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,</LINE>
<LINE>soul-curer and body-curer!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, dat is very good; excellent.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I</LINE>
<LINE>politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I</LINE>
<LINE>lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the</LINE>
<LINE>motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir</LINE>
<LINE>Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the</LINE>
<LINE>no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me</LINE>
<LINE>thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have</LINE>
<LINE>deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong</LINE>
<LINE>places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are</LINE>
<LINE>whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay</LINE>
<LINE>their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;</LINE>
<LINE>follow, follow, follow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>  O sweet Anne Page!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of</LINE>
<LINE>us, ha, ha?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I</LINE>
<LINE>desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog</LINE>
<LINE>our prains together to be revenge on this same</LINE>
<LINE>scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me</LINE>
<LINE>where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE II.  A street.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to</LINE>
<LINE>be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether</LINE>
<LINE>had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ROBIN</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man</LINE>
<LINE>than follow him like a dwarf.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FORD</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want</LINE>
<LINE>of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,</LINE>
<LINE>you two would marry.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Be sure of that,--two other husbands.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where had you this pretty weather-cock?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my</LINE>
<LINE>husband had him of. What do you call your knight's</LINE>
<LINE>name, sirrah?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ROBIN</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir John Falstaff.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir John Falstaff!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a</LINE>
<LINE>league between my good man and he! Is your wife at</LINE>
<LINE>home indeed?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Indeed she is.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any</LINE>
<LINE>thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.</LINE>
<LINE>Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as</LINE>
<LINE>easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve</LINE>
<LINE>score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he</LINE>
<LINE>gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's</LINE>
<LINE>going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A</LINE>
<LINE>man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;</LINE>
<LINE>and our revolted wives share damnation together.</LINE>
<LINE>Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck</LINE>
<LINE>the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and</LINE>
<LINE>wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all</LINE>
<LINE>my neighbours shall cry aim.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Clock heard</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me</LINE>
<LINE>search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be</LINE>
<LINE>rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as</LINE>
<LINE>positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is</LINE>
<LINE>there: I will go.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host,
SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well met, Master Ford.</LINE>
<LINE>&c.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;</LINE>
<LINE>and I pray you all go with me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I must excuse myself, Master Ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for</LINE>
<LINE>more money than I'll speak of.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and</LINE>
<LINE>my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I hope I have your good will, father Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:</LINE>
<LINE>but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a</LINE>
<LINE>Quickly tell me so mush.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he</LINE>
<LINE>dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he</LINE>
<LINE>speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will</LINE>
<LINE>carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he</LINE>
<LINE>will carry't.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is</LINE>
<LINE>of no having: he kept company with the wild prince</LINE>
<LINE>and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too</LINE>
<LINE>much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes</LINE>
<LINE>with the finger of my substance: if he take her,</LINE>
<LINE>let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on</LINE>
<LINE>my consent, and my consent goes not that way.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me</LINE>
<LINE>to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have</LINE>
<LINE>sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,</LINE>
<LINE>you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing</LINE>
<LINE>at Master Page's.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit RUGBY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff, and drink canary with him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>  I think I shall drink in pipe wine first</LINE>
<LINE>with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>All</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have with you to see this monster.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE III.  A room in FORD'S house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, John! What, Robert!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I warrant. What, Robin, I say!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter Servants with a basket</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, come, come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here, set it down.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Give your men the charge; we must be brief.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be</LINE>
<LINE>ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I</LINE>
<LINE>suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause</LINE>
<LINE>or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:</LINE>
<LINE>that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry</LINE>
<LINE>it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there</LINE>
<LINE>empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You will do it?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I ha' told them over and over; they lack no</LINE>
<LINE>direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt Servants</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here comes little Robin.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter ROBIN</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ROBIN</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Ford, and requests your company.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ROBIN</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your</LINE>
<LINE>being here and hath threatened to put me into</LINE>
<LINE>everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he</LINE>
<LINE>swears he'll turn me away.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be</LINE>
<LINE>a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet</LINE>
<LINE>and hose. I'll go hide me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit ROBIN</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Mistress Page, remember you your cue.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,</LINE>
<LINE>this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know</LINE>
<LINE>turtles from jays.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let</LINE>
<LINE>me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the</LINE>
<LINE>period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O sweet Sir John!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would</LINE>
<LINE>thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the</LINE>
<LINE>best lord; I would make thee my lady.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let the court of France show me such another. I see</LINE>
<LINE>how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast</LINE>
<LINE>the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the</LINE>
<LINE>ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of</LINE>
<LINE>Venetian admittance.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing</LINE>
<LINE>else; nor that well neither.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou</LINE>
<LINE>wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm</LINE>
<LINE>fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion</LINE>
<LINE>to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see</LINE>
<LINE>what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature</LINE>
<LINE>thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Believe me, there is no such thing in me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What made me love thee? let that persuade thee</LINE>
<LINE>there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I</LINE>
<LINE>cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a</LINE>
<LINE>many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like</LINE>
<LINE>women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury</LINE>
<LINE>in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none</LINE>
<LINE>but thee; and thou deservest it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the</LINE>
<LINE>Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek</LINE>
<LINE>of a lime-kiln.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one</LINE>
<LINE>day find it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not</LINE>
<LINE>be in that mind.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ROBIN</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Within</STAGEDIR>  Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and</LINE>
<LINE>looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>FALSTAFF hides himself</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>What's the matter? how now!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,</LINE>
<LINE>you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What's the matter, good Mistress Page?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man</LINE>
<LINE>to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What cause of suspicion?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I</LINE>
<LINE>mistook in you!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, alas, what's the matter?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the</LINE>
<LINE>officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that</LINE>
<LINE>he says is here now in the house by your consent, to</LINE>
<LINE>take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis not so, I hope.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man</LINE>
<LINE>here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,</LINE>
<LINE>with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a</LINE>
<LINE>one. I come before to tell you. If you know</LINE>
<LINE>yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you</LINE>
<LINE>have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not</LINE>
<LINE>amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your</LINE>
<LINE>reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear</LINE>
<LINE>friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his</LINE>
<LINE>peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were</LINE>
<LINE>out of the house.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you</LINE>
<LINE>had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink</LINE>
<LINE>you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot</LINE>
<LINE>hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here</LINE>
<LINE>is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he</LINE>
<LINE>may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as</LINE>
<LINE>if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time</LINE>
<LINE>--send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Coming forward</STAGEDIR>  Let me see't, let me see't, O, let</LINE>
<LINE>me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's</LINE>
<LINE>counsel. I'll in.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.</LINE>
<LINE>I'll never--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,</LINE>
<LINE>Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, John! Robert! John!</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit ROBIN</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Re-enter Servants</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the</LINE>
<LINE>cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to</LINE>
<LINE>the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,</LINE>
<LINE>why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;</LINE>
<LINE>I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Servant</SPEAKER>
<LINE>To the laundress, forsooth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You</LINE>
<LINE>were best meddle with buck-washing.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!</LINE>
<LINE>Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;</LINE>
<LINE>and of the season too, it shall appear.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exeunt Servants with the basket</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my</LINE>
<LINE>dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my</LINE>
<LINE>chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant</LINE>
<LINE>we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Locking the door</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>So, now uncape.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see</LINE>
<LINE>sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not</LINE>
<LINE>jealous in France.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Is there not a double excellency in this?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I know not which pleases me better, that my husband</LINE>
<LINE>is deceived, or Sir John.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What a taking was he in when your husband asked who</LINE>
<LINE>was in the basket!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so</LINE>
<LINE>throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same</LINE>
<LINE>strain were in the same distress.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I think my husband hath some special suspicion of</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross</LINE>
<LINE>in his jealousy till now.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have</LINE>
<LINE>more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will</LINE>
<LINE>scarce obey this medicine.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress</LINE>
<LINE>Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the</LINE>
<LINE>water; and give him another hope, to betray him to</LINE>
<LINE>another punishment?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,</LINE>
<LINE>eight o'clock, to have amends.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that</LINE>
<LINE>he could not compass.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside to MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>  Heard you that?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You use me well, Master Ford, do you?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, I do so.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Heaven make you better than your thoughts!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Amen!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, ay; I must bear it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If there be any pody in the house, and in the</LINE>
<LINE>chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,</LINE>
<LINE>heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What</LINE>
<LINE>spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I</LINE>
<LINE>would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the</LINE>
<LINE>wealth of Windsor Castle.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as</LINE>
<LINE>honest a 'omans as I will desires among five</LINE>
<LINE>thousand, and five hundred too.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in</LINE>
<LINE>the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter</LINE>
<LINE>make known to you why I have done this. Come,</LINE>
<LINE>wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;</LINE>
<LINE>pray heartily, pardon me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock</LINE>
<LINE>him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house</LINE>
<LINE>to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I</LINE>
<LINE>have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Any thing.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If there is one, I shall make two in the company.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray you, go, Master Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy</LINE>
<LINE>knave, mine host.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE IV.  A room in PAGE'S house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I see I cannot get thy father's love;</LINE>
<LINE>Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas, how then?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, thou must be thyself.</LINE>
<LINE>He doth object I am too great of birth--,</LINE>
<LINE>And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,</LINE>
<LINE>I seek to heal it only by his wealth:</LINE>
<LINE>Besides these, other bars he lays before me,</LINE>
<LINE>My riots past, my wild societies;</LINE>
<LINE>And tells me 'tis a thing impossible</LINE>
<LINE>I should love thee but as a property.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>May be he tells you true.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!</LINE>
<LINE>Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth</LINE>
<LINE>Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:</LINE>
<LINE>Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value</LINE>
<LINE>Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;</LINE>
<LINE>And 'tis the very riches of thyself</LINE>
<LINE>That now I aim at.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Gentle Master Fenton,</LINE>
<LINE>Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir:</LINE>
<LINE>If opportunity and humblest suit</LINE>
<LINE>Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>They converse apart</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall</LINE>
<LINE>speak for himself.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'slid, 'tis but</LINE>
<LINE>venturing.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Be not dismayed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that,</LINE>
<LINE>but that I am afeard.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I come to him.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>This is my father's choice.</LINE>
<LINE>O, what a world of vile ill-favor'd faults</LINE>
<LINE>Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you</LINE>
<LINE>good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress</LINE>
<LINE>Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of</LINE>
<LINE>a pen, good uncle.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in</LINE>
<LINE>Gloucestershire.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the</LINE>
<LINE>degree of a squire.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good</LINE>
<LINE>comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, Master Slender,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, good Mistress Anne,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What is your will?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My will! 'od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest</LINE>
<LINE>indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I</LINE>
<LINE>am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing</LINE>
<LINE>with you. Your father and my uncle hath made</LINE>
<LINE>motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be</LINE>
<LINE>his dole! They can tell you how things go better</LINE>
<LINE>than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.</LINE>
<LINE>Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?</LINE>
<LINE>You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:</LINE>
<LINE>I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>She is no match for you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, will you hear me?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, good Master Fenton.</LINE>
<LINE>Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.</LINE>
<LINE>Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Speak to Mistress Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter</LINE>
<LINE>In such a righteous fashion as I do,</LINE>
<LINE>Perforce, against all cheques, rebukes and manners,</LINE>
<LINE>I must advance the colours of my love</LINE>
<LINE>And not retire: let me have your good will.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That's my master, master doctor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth</LINE>
<LINE>And bowl'd to death with turnips!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,</LINE>
<LINE>I will not be your friend nor enemy:</LINE>
<LINE>My daughter will I question how she loves you,</LINE>
<LINE>And as I find her, so am I affected.</LINE>
<LINE>Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;</LINE>
<LINE>Her father will be angry.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ANNE PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This is my doing, now: 'Nay,' said I, 'will you cast</LINE>
<LINE>away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on</LINE>
<LINE>Master Fenton:' this is my doing.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night</LINE>
<LINE>Give my sweet Nan this ring: there's for thy pains.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now heaven send thee good fortune!</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit FENTON</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through</LINE>
<LINE>fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I</LINE>
<LINE>would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would</LINE>
<LINE>Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master</LINE>
<LINE>Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all</LINE>
<LINE>three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good</LINE>
<LINE>as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,</LINE>
<LINE>I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from</LINE>
<LINE>my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE V.  A room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Bardolph, I say,--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a</LINE>
<LINE>barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the</LINE>
<LINE>Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick,</LINE>
<LINE>I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered, and give</LINE>
<LINE>them to a dog for a new-year's gift. The rogues</LINE>
<LINE>slighted me into the river with as little remorse as</LINE>
<LINE>they would have drowned a blind bitch's puppies,</LINE>
<LINE>fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size</LINE>
<LINE>that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the</LINE>
<LINE>bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had</LINE>
<LINE>been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and</LINE>
<LINE>shallow,--a death that I abhor; for the water swells</LINE>
<LINE>a man; and what a thing should I have been when I</LINE>
<LINE>had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter BARDOLPH with sack</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my</LINE>
<LINE>belly's as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for</LINE>
<LINE>pills to cool the reins. Call her in.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come in, woman!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship</LINE>
<LINE>good morrow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of</LINE>
<LINE>sack finely.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>With eggs, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>How now!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown</LINE>
<LINE>into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault:</LINE>
<LINE>she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn</LINE>
<LINE>your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning</LINE>
<LINE>a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her</LINE>
<LINE>between eight and nine: I must carry her word</LINE>
<LINE>quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her</LINE>
<LINE>think what a man is: let her consider his frailty,</LINE>
<LINE>and then judge of my merit.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will tell her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Eight and nine, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, be gone: I will not miss her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace be with you, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word</LINE>
<LINE>to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FORD</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Bless you, sir!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath passed</LINE>
<LINE>between me and Ford's wife?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her</LINE>
<LINE>house the hour she appointed me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And sped you, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Very ill-favoredly, Master Brook.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How so, sir? Did she change her determination?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her</LINE>
<LINE>husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual</LINE>
<LINE>'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our</LINE>
<LINE>encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested,</LINE>
<LINE>and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy;</LINE>
<LINE>and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither</LINE>
<LINE>provoked and instigated by his distemper, and,</LINE>
<LINE>forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, while you were there?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>While I was there.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And did he search for you, and could not find you?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes</LINE>
<LINE>in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's</LINE>
<LINE>approach; and, in her invention and Ford's wife's</LINE>
<LINE>distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A buck-basket!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By the Lord, a buck-basket! rammed me in with foul</LINE>
<LINE>shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy</LINE>
<LINE>napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest</LINE>
<LINE>compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And how long lay you there?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have</LINE>
<LINE>suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.</LINE>
<LINE>Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's</LINE>
<LINE>knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their</LINE>
<LINE>mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to</LINE>
<LINE>Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met</LINE>
<LINE>the jealous knave their master in the door, who</LINE>
<LINE>asked them once or twice what they had in their</LINE>
<LINE>basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave</LINE>
<LINE>would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he</LINE>
<LINE>should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he</LINE>
<LINE>for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But</LINE>
<LINE>mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs</LINE>
<LINE>of three several deaths; first, an intolerable</LINE>
<LINE>fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten</LINE>
<LINE>bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good</LINE>
<LINE>bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to</LINE>
<LINE>point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in,</LINE>
<LINE>like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes</LINE>
<LINE>that fretted in their own grease: think of that,--a</LINE>
<LINE>man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as subject</LINE>
<LINE>to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution</LINE>
<LINE>and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation.</LINE>
<LINE>And in the height of this bath, when I was more than</LINE>
<LINE>half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be</LINE>
<LINE>thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot,</LINE>
<LINE>in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of</LINE>
<LINE>that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>In good sadness, I am sorry that for my sake you</LINE>
<LINE>have sufferd all this. My suit then is desperate;</LINE>
<LINE>you'll undertake her no more?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have</LINE>
<LINE>been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her</LINE>
<LINE>husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have</LINE>
<LINE>received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt</LINE>
<LINE>eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis past eight already, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.</LINE>
<LINE>Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall</LINE>
<LINE>know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be</LINE>
<LINE>crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall</LINE>
<LINE>have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall</LINE>
<LINE>cuckold Ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I</LINE>
<LINE>sleep? Master Ford awake! awake, Master Ford!</LINE>
<LINE>there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford.</LINE>
<LINE>This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen</LINE>
<LINE>and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself</LINE>
<LINE>what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my</LINE>
<LINE>house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he</LINE>
<LINE>should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse,</LINE>
<LINE>nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that</LINE>
<LINE>guides him should aid him, I will search</LINE>
<LINE>impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid,</LINE>
<LINE>yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame:</LINE>
<LINE>if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go</LINE>
<LINE>with me: I'll be horn-mad.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

</ACT>

<ACT><TITLE>ACT IV</TITLE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE I.  A street.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and
WILLIAM PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Is he at Master Ford's already, think'st thou?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but,</LINE>
<LINE>truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing</LINE>
<LINE>into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young</LINE>
<LINE>man here to school. Look, where his master comes;</LINE>
<LINE>'tis a playing-day, I see.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>How now, Sir Hugh! no school to-day?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Blessing of his heart!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in</LINE>
<LINE>the world at his book. I pray you, ask him some</LINE>
<LINE>questions in his accidence.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your</LINE>
<LINE>master, be not afraid.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>William, how many numbers is in nouns?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Two.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Truly, I thought there had been one number more,</LINE>
<LINE>because they say, ''Od's nouns.'</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace your tattlings! What is 'fair,' William?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pulcher.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats, sure.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You are a very simplicity 'oman: I pray you peace.</LINE>
<LINE>What is 'lapis,' William?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A stone.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And what is 'a stone,' William?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A pebble.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, it is 'lapis:' I pray you, remember in your prain.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Lapis.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That is a good William. What is he, William, that</LINE>
<LINE>does lend articles?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus</LINE>
<LINE>declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, haec, hoc.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark:</LINE>
<LINE>genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Accusativo, hinc.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you, have your remembrance, child,</LINE>
<LINE>accusative, hung, hang, hog.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Hang-hog' is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative</LINE>
<LINE>case, William?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>O,--vocativo, O.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Remember, William; focative is caret.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And that's a good root.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Oman, forbear.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Peace!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What is your genitive case plural, William?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Genitive case!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Genitive,--horum, harum, horum.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! never name</LINE>
<LINE>her, child, if she be a whore.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>For shame, 'oman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You do ill to teach the child such words: he</LINE>
<LINE>teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do</LINE>
<LINE>fast enough of themselves, and to call 'horum:' fie upon you!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no</LINE>
<LINE>understandings for thy cases and the numbers of the</LINE>
<LINE>genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as</LINE>
<LINE>I would desires.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Prithee, hold thy peace.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>WILLIAM PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Forsooth, I have forgot.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>It is qui, quae, quod: if you forget your 'quies,'</LINE>
<LINE>your 'quaes,' and your 'quods,' you must be</LINE>
<LINE>preeches. Go your ways, and play; go.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He is a better scholar than I thought he was.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Adieu, good Sir Hugh.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE II.  A room in FORD'S house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my</LINE>
<LINE>sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love,</LINE>
<LINE>and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not</LINE>
<LINE>only, Mistress Ford, in the simple</LINE>
<LINE>office of love, but in all the accoutrement,</LINE>
<LINE>complement and ceremony of it. But are you</LINE>
<LINE>sure of your husband now?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He's a-birding, sweet Sir John.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Within</STAGEDIR>  What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Step into the chamber, Sir John.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit FALSTAFF</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, none but mine own people.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Indeed!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, certainly.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Aside to her</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Speak louder.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again:</LINE>
<LINE>he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails</LINE>
<LINE>against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's</LINE>
<LINE>daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets</LINE>
<LINE>himself on the forehead, crying, 'Peer out, peer</LINE>
<LINE>out!' that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but</LINE>
<LINE>tameness, civility and patience, to this his</LINE>
<LINE>distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, does he talk of him?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the</LINE>
<LINE>last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests</LINE>
<LINE>to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and</LINE>
<LINE>the rest of their company from their sport, to make</LINE>
<LINE>another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad</LINE>
<LINE>the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How near is he, Mistress Page?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am undone! The knight is here.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead</LINE>
<LINE>man. What a woman are you!--Away with him, away</LINE>
<LINE>with him! better shame than murder.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Which way should be go? how should I bestow him?</LINE>
<LINE>Shall I put him into the basket again?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter FALSTAFF</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, I'll come no more i' the basket. May I not go</LINE>
<LINE>out ere he come?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas, three of Master Ford's brothers watch the door</LINE>
<LINE>with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise</LINE>
<LINE>you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There they always use to discharge their</LINE>
<LINE>birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where is it?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>He will seek there, on my word. Neither press,</LINE>
<LINE>coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an</LINE>
<LINE>abstract for the remembrance of such places, and</LINE>
<LINE>goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll go out then.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir</LINE>
<LINE>John. Unless you go out disguised--</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How might we disguise him?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman's gown</LINE>
<LINE>big enough for him otherwise he might put on a hat,</LINE>
<LINE>a muffler and a kerchief, and so escape.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather</LINE>
<LINE>than a mischief.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a</LINE>
<LINE>gown above.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he</LINE>
<LINE>is: and there's her thrummed hat and her muffler</LINE>
<LINE>too. Run up, Sir John.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will</LINE>
<LINE>look some linen for your head.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Quick, quick! we'll come dress you straight: put</LINE>
<LINE>on the gown the while.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit FALSTAFF</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he</LINE>
<LINE>cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears</LINE>
<LINE>she's a witch; forbade her my house and hath</LINE>
<LINE>threatened to beat her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the</LINE>
<LINE>devil guide his cudgel afterwards!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>But is my husband coming?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ah, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket</LINE>
<LINE>too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the</LINE>
<LINE>basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as</LINE>
<LINE>they did last time.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him</LINE>
<LINE>like the witch of Brentford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the</LINE>
<LINE>basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.</LINE>
<LINE>We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,</LINE>
<LINE>Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:</LINE>
<LINE>We do not act that often jest and laugh;</LINE>
<LINE>'Tis old, but true, Still swine eat all the draff.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two Servants</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders:</LINE>
<LINE>your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it</LINE>
<LINE>down, obey him: quickly, dispatch.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>First Servant</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, come, take it up.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Second Servant</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>First Servant</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any</LINE>
<LINE>way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket,</LINE>
<LINE>villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket!</LINE>
<LINE>O you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a</LINE>
<LINE>pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil</LINE>
<LINE>be shamed. What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!</LINE>
<LINE>Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go</LINE>
<LINE>loose any longer; you must be pinioned.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So say I too, sir.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Re-enter MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford the honest</LINE>
<LINE>woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that</LINE>
<LINE>hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect</LINE>
<LINE>without cause, mistress, do I?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in</LINE>
<LINE>any dishonesty.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Pulling clothes out of the basket</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This passes!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I shall find you anon.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's</LINE>
<LINE>clothes? Come away.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Empty the basket, I say!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, man, why?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed</LINE>
<LINE>out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may</LINE>
<LINE>not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is:</LINE>
<LINE>my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.</LINE>
<LINE>Pluck me out all the linen.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here's no man.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this</LINE>
<LINE>wrongs you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the</LINE>
<LINE>imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, he's not here I seek for.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Help to search my house this one time. If I find</LINE>
<LINE>not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let</LINE>
<LINE>me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of</LINE>
<LINE>me, 'As jealous as Ford, Chat searched a hollow</LINE>
<LINE>walnut for his wife's leman.' Satisfy me once more;</LINE>
<LINE>once more search with me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman</LINE>
<LINE>down; my husband will come into the chamber.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Old woman! what old woman's that?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not</LINE>
<LINE>forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does</LINE>
<LINE>she? We are simple men; we do not know what's</LINE>
<LINE>brought to pass under the profession of</LINE>
<LINE>fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells,</LINE>
<LINE>by the figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond</LINE>
<LINE>our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch,</LINE>
<LINE>you hag, you; come down, I say!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him</LINE>
<LINE>not strike the old woman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, and
MISTRESS PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll prat her.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Beating him</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you</LINE>
<LINE>polecat, you runyon! out, out! I'll conjure you,</LINE>
<LINE>I'll fortune-tell you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit FALSTAFF</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the</LINE>
<LINE>poor woman.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, he will do it. 'Tis a goodly credit for you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hang her, witch!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>By the yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch</LINE>
<LINE>indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard;</LINE>
<LINE>I spy a great peard under his muffler.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow;</LINE>
<LINE>see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus</LINE>
<LINE>upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let's obey his humour a little further: come,</LINE>
<LINE>gentlemen.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most</LINE>
<LINE>unpitifully, methought.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the</LINE>
<LINE>altar; it hath done meritorious service.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What think you? may we, with the warrant of</LINE>
<LINE>womanhood and the witness of a good conscience,</LINE>
<LINE>pursue him with any further revenge?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of</LINE>
<LINE>him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with</LINE>
<LINE>fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the</LINE>
<LINE>way of waste, attempt us again.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the</LINE>
<LINE>figures out of your husband's brains. If they can</LINE>
<LINE>find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight</LINE>
<LINE>shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be</LINE>
<LINE>the ministers.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed: and</LINE>
<LINE>methinks there would be no period to the jest,</LINE>
<LINE>should he not be publicly shamed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would</LINE>
<LINE>not have things cool.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE III.  A room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter Host and BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your</LINE>
<LINE>horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at</LINE>
<LINE>court, and they are going to meet him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear</LINE>
<LINE>not of him in the court. Let me speak with the</LINE>
<LINE>gentlemen: they speak English?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay;</LINE>
<LINE>I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at</LINE>
<LINE>command; I have turned away my other guests: they</LINE>
<LINE>must come off; I'll sauce them. Come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE IV.  A room in FORD'S house.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD,
and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis one of the best discretions of a 'oman as ever</LINE>
<LINE>I did look upon.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And did he send you both these letters at an instant?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Within a quarter of an hour.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt;</LINE>
<LINE>I rather will suspect the sun with cold</LINE>
<LINE>Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour stand</LINE>
<LINE>In him that was of late an heretic,</LINE>
<LINE>As firm as faith.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis well, 'tis well; no more:</LINE>
<LINE>Be not as extreme in submission</LINE>
<LINE>As in offence.</LINE>
<LINE>But let our plot go forward: let our wives</LINE>
<LINE>Yet once again, to make us public sport,</LINE>
<LINE>Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,</LINE>
<LINE>Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There is no better way than that they spoke of.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>How? to send him word they'll meet him in the park</LINE>
<LINE>at midnight? Fie, fie! he'll never come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You say he has been thrown in the rivers and has</LINE>
<LINE>been grievously peaten as an old 'oman: methinks</LINE>
<LINE>there should be terrors in him that he should not</LINE>
<LINE>come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have</LINE>
<LINE>no desires.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So think I too.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,</LINE>
<LINE>And let us two devise to bring him thither.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter,</LINE>
<LINE>Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,</LINE>
<LINE>Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,</LINE>
<LINE>Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;</LINE>
<LINE>And there he blasts the tree and takes the cattle</LINE>
<LINE>And makes milch-kine yield blood and shakes a chain</LINE>
<LINE>In a most hideous and dreadful manner:</LINE>
<LINE>You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know</LINE>
<LINE>The superstitious idle-headed eld</LINE>
<LINE>Received and did deliver to our age</LINE>
<LINE>This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, yet there want not many that do fear</LINE>
<LINE>In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak:</LINE>
<LINE>But what of this?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, this is our device;</LINE>
<LINE>That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come:</LINE>
<LINE>And in this shape when you have brought him thither,</LINE>
<LINE>What shall be done with him? what is your plot?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:</LINE>
<LINE>Nan Page my daughter and my little son</LINE>
<LINE>And three or four more of their growth we'll dress</LINE>
<LINE>Like urchins, ouphes and fairies, green and white,</LINE>
<LINE>With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,</LINE>
<LINE>And rattles in their hands: upon a sudden,</LINE>
<LINE>As Falstaff, she and I, are newly met,</LINE>
<LINE>Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once</LINE>
<LINE>With some diffused song: upon their sight,</LINE>
<LINE>We two in great amazedness will fly:</LINE>
<LINE>Then let them all encircle him about</LINE>
<LINE>And, fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight,</LINE>
<LINE>And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,</LINE>
<LINE>In their so sacred paths he dares to tread</LINE>
<LINE>In shape profane.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And till he tell the truth,</LINE>
<LINE>Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound</LINE>
<LINE>And burn him with their tapers.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The truth being known,</LINE>
<LINE>We'll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,</LINE>
<LINE>And mock him home to Windsor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The children must</LINE>
<LINE>Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will teach the children their behaviors; and I</LINE>
<LINE>will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the</LINE>
<LINE>knight with my taber.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That will be excellent. I'll go and buy them vizards.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,</LINE>
<LINE>Finely attired in a robe of white.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That silk will I go buy.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>And in that time</LINE>
<LINE>Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away</LINE>
<LINE>And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay I'll to him again in name of Brook</LINE>
<LINE>He'll tell me all his purpose: sure, he'll come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fear not you that. Go get us properties</LINE>
<LINE>And tricking for our fairies.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures and fery</LINE>
<LINE>honest knaveries.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Go, Mistress Ford,</LINE>
<LINE>Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>I'll to the doctor: he hath my good will,</LINE>
<LINE>And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.</LINE>
<LINE>That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;</LINE>
<LINE>And he my husband best of all affects.</LINE>
<LINE>The doctor is well money'd, and his friends</LINE>
<LINE>Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,</LINE>
<LINE>Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE V.  A room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter Host and SIMPLE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?</LINE>
<LINE>speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff</LINE>
<LINE>from Master Slender.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his</LINE>
<LINE>standing-bed and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about</LINE>
<LINE>with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go</LINE>
<LINE>knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian</LINE>
<LINE>unto thee: knock, I say.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his</LINE>
<LINE>chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come</LINE>
<LINE>down; I come to speak with her, indeed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll</LINE>
<LINE>call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from</LINE>
<LINE>thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine</LINE>
<LINE>host, thine Ephesian, calls.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Above</STAGEDIR>  How now, mine host!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of</LINE>
<LINE>thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her</LINE>
<LINE>descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy?</LINE>
<LINE>fie!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with</LINE>
<LINE>me; but she's gone.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of</LINE>
<LINE>Brentford?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, marry, was it, mussel-shell: what would you with her?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing</LINE>
<LINE>her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether</LINE>
<LINE>one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the</LINE>
<LINE>chain or no.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I spake with the old woman about it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And what says she, I pray, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, she says that the very same man that</LINE>
<LINE>beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of</LINE>
<LINE>it.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I would I could have spoken with the woman herself;</LINE>
<LINE>I had other things to have spoken with her too from</LINE>
<LINE>him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What are they? let us know.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, come; quick.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I may not conceal them, sir.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Conceal them, or thou diest.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne</LINE>
<LINE>Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to</LINE>
<LINE>have her or no.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Tis, 'tis his fortune.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>May I be bold to say so, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, sir; like who more bold.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIMPLE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad</LINE>
<LINE>with these tidings.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was</LINE>
<LINE>there a wise woman with thee?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught</LINE>
<LINE>me more wit than ever I learned before in my life;</LINE>
<LINE>and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for</LINE>
<LINE>my learning.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>BARDOLPH</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came</LINE>
<LINE>beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of</LINE>
<LINE>them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,</LINE>
<LINE>like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not</LINE>
<LINE>say they be fled; Germans are honest men.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter SIR HUGH EVANS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where is mine host?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What is the matter, sir?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have a care of your entertainments: there is a</LINE>
<LINE>friend of mine come to town tells me there is three</LINE>
<LINE>cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of</LINE>
<LINE>Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and</LINE>
<LINE>money. I tell you for good will, look you: you</LINE>
<LINE>are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and</LINE>
<LINE>'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Enter DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vere is mine host de Jarteer?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat</LINE>
<LINE>you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by</LINE>
<LINE>my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to</LINE>
<LINE>come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am</LINE>
<LINE>undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I would all the world might be cozened; for I have</LINE>
<LINE>been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to</LINE>
<LINE>the ear of the court, how I have been transformed</LINE>
<LINE>and how my transformation hath been washed and</LINE>
<LINE>cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by</LINE>
<LINE>drop and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant</LINE>
<LINE>they would whip me with their fine wits till I were</LINE>
<LINE>as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered</LINE>
<LINE>since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my</LINE>
<LINE>wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>Now, whence come you?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>From the two parties, forsooth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The devil take one party and his dam the other! and</LINE>
<LINE>so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more</LINE>
<LINE>for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy</LINE>
<LINE>of man's disposition is able to bear.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant;</LINE>
<LINE>speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart,</LINE>
<LINE>is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a</LINE>
<LINE>white spot about her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was</LINE>
<LINE>beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow;</LINE>
<LINE>and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of</LINE>
<LINE>Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit,</LINE>
<LINE>my counterfeiting the action of an old woman,</LINE>
<LINE>delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the</LINE>
<LINE>stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you</LINE>
<LINE>shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your</LINE>
<LINE>content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good</LINE>
<LINE>hearts, what ado here is to bring you together!</LINE>
<LINE>Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that</LINE>
<LINE>you are so crossed.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come up into my chamber.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE VI.  Another room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FENTON and Host</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I</LINE>
<LINE>will give over all.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,</LINE>
<LINE>And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee</LINE>
<LINE>A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the</LINE>
<LINE>least keep your counsel.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>From time to time I have acquainted you</LINE>
<LINE>With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;</LINE>
<LINE>Who mutually hath answer'd my affection,</LINE>
<LINE>So far forth as herself might be her chooser,</LINE>
<LINE>Even to my wish: I have a letter from her</LINE>
<LINE>Of such contents as you will wonder at;</LINE>
<LINE>The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,</LINE>
<LINE>That neither singly can be manifested,</LINE>
<LINE>Without the show of both; fat Falstaff</LINE>
<LINE>Hath a great scene: the image of the jest</LINE>
<LINE>I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.</LINE>
<LINE>To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one,</LINE>
<LINE>Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;</LINE>
<LINE>The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,</LINE>
<LINE>While other jests are something rank on foot,</LINE>
<LINE>Her father hath commanded her to slip</LINE>
<LINE>Away with Slender and with him at Eton</LINE>
<LINE>Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Now, sir,</LINE>
<LINE>Her mother, ever strong against that match</LINE>
<LINE>And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed</LINE>
<LINE>That he shall likewise shuffle her away,</LINE>
<LINE>While other sports are tasking of their minds,</LINE>
<LINE>And at the deanery, where a priest attends,</LINE>
<LINE>Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot</LINE>
<LINE>She seemingly obedient likewise hath</LINE>
<LINE>Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:</LINE>
<LINE>Her father means she shall be all in white,</LINE>
<LINE>And in that habit, when Slender sees his time</LINE>
<LINE>To take her by the hand and bid her go,</LINE>
<LINE>She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,</LINE>
<LINE>The better to denote her to the doctor,</LINE>
<LINE>For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,</LINE>
<LINE>That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,</LINE>
<LINE>With ribands pendent, flaring 'bout her head;</LINE>
<LINE>And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,</LINE>
<LINE>To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,</LINE>
<LINE>The maid hath given consent to go with him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Which means she to deceive, father or mother?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Both, my good host, to go along with me:</LINE>
<LINE>And here it rests, that you'll procure the vicar</LINE>
<LINE>To stay for me at church 'twixt twelve and one,</LINE>
<LINE>And, in the lawful name of marrying,</LINE>
<LINE>To give our hearts united ceremony.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>Host</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar:</LINE>
<LINE>Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>So shall I evermore be bound to thee;</LINE>
<LINE>Besides, I'll make a present recompense.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

</ACT>

<ACT><TITLE>ACT V</TITLE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE I.  A room in the Garter Inn.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Prithee, no more prattling; go. I'll hold. This is</LINE>
<LINE>the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd</LINE>
<LINE>numbers. Away I go. They say there is divinity in</LINE>
<LINE>odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to</LINE>
<LINE>get you a pair of horns.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FORD</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter</LINE>
<LINE>will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the</LINE>
<LINE>Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall</LINE>
<LINE>see wonders.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me</LINE>
<LINE>you had appointed?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor</LINE>
<LINE>old man: but I came from her, Master Brook, like a</LINE>
<LINE>poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband,</LINE>
<LINE>hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him,</LINE>
<LINE>Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell</LINE>
<LINE>you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a</LINE>
<LINE>woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear</LINE>
<LINE>not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know</LINE>
<LINE>also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along</LINE>
<LINE>with me: I'll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I</LINE>
<LINE>plucked geese, played truant and whipped top, I knew</LINE>
<LINE>not what 'twas to be beaten till lately. Follow</LINE>
<LINE>me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave</LINE>
<LINE>Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I</LINE>
<LINE>will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow.</LINE>
<LINE>Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE II.  Windsor Park.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-ditch till we</LINE>
<LINE>see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender,</LINE>
<LINE>my daughter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a</LINE>
<LINE>nay-word how to know one another: I come to her in</LINE>
<LINE>white, and cry 'mum;' she cries 'budget;' and by</LINE>
<LINE>that we know one another.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SHALLOW</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That's good too: but what needs either your 'mum'</LINE>
<LINE>or her 'budget?' the white will decipher her well</LINE>
<LINE>enough. It hath struck ten o'clock.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The night is dark; light and spirits will become it</LINE>
<LINE>well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil</LINE>
<LINE>but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns.</LINE>
<LINE>Let's away; follow me.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE III.  A street leading to the Park.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and
DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you</LINE>
<LINE>see your time, take her by the band, away with her</LINE>
<LINE>to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before</LINE>
<LINE>into the Park: we two must go together.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I know vat I have to do. Adieu.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fare you well, sir.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Exit DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying</LINE>
<LINE>my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little</LINE>
<LINE>chiding than a great deal of heart-break.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the</LINE>
<LINE>Welsh devil Hugh?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak,</LINE>
<LINE>with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once</LINE>
<LINE>display to the night.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>That cannot choose but amaze him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be</LINE>
<LINE>amazed, he will every way be mocked.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>We'll betray him finely.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Against such lewdsters and their lechery</LINE>
<LINE>Those that betray them do no treachery.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE IV.  Windsor Park.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised, with others as Fairies</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts:</LINE>
<LINE>be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and</LINE>
<LINE>when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you:</LINE>
<LINE>come, come; trib, trib.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>

<SCENE><TITLE>SCENE V.  Another part of the Park.</TITLE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute</LINE>
<LINE>draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!</LINE>
<LINE>Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love</LINE>
<LINE>set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some</LINE>
<LINE>respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man</LINE>
<LINE>a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love</LINE>
<LINE>of Leda. O omnipotent Love! how near the god drew</LINE>
<LINE>to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in</LINE>
<LINE>the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And</LINE>
<LINE>then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think</LINE>
<LINE>on 't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot</LINE>
<LINE>backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a</LINE>
<LINE>Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the</LINE>
<LINE>forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can</LINE>
<LINE>blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my</LINE>
<LINE>doe?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain</LINE>
<LINE>potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green</LINE>
<LINE>Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let</LINE>
<LINE>there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will</LINE>
<LINE>keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow</LINE>
<LINE>of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands.</LINE>
<LINE>Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter?</LINE>
<LINE>Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes</LINE>
<LINE>restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Noise within</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Alas, what noise?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Heaven forgive our sins</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What should this be?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Away, away!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>They run off</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the</LINE>
<LINE>oil that's in me should set hell on fire; he would</LINE>
<LINE>never else cross me thus.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL,
as Hobgoblin; MISTRESS QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and
others, as Fairies, with tapers</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,</LINE>
<LINE>You moonshine revellers and shades of night,</LINE>
<LINE>You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,</LINE>
<LINE>Attend your office and your quality.</LINE>
<LINE>Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.</LINE>
<LINE>Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:</LINE>
<LINE>Where fires thou find'st unraked and hearths unswept,</LINE>
<LINE>There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:</LINE>
<LINE>Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:</LINE>
<LINE>I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Lies down upon his face</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Where's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid</LINE>
<LINE>That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,</LINE>
<LINE>Raise up the organs of her fantasy;</LINE>
<LINE>Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:</LINE>
<LINE>But those as sleep and think not on their sins,</LINE>
<LINE>Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides and shins.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>About, about;</LINE>
<LINE>Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:</LINE>
<LINE>Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room:</LINE>
<LINE>That it may stand till the perpetual doom,</LINE>
<LINE>In state as wholesome as in state 'tis fit,</LINE>
<LINE>Worthy the owner, and the owner it.</LINE>
<LINE>The several chairs of order look you scour</LINE>
<LINE>With juice of balm and every precious flower:</LINE>
<LINE>Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,</LINE>
<LINE>With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!</LINE>
<LINE>And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,</LINE>
<LINE>Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring:</LINE>
<LINE>The expressure that it bears, green let it be,</LINE>
<LINE>More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;</LINE>
<LINE>And 'Honi soit qui mal y pense' write</LINE>
<LINE>In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white;</LINE>
<LINE>Let sapphire, pearl and rich embroidery,</LINE>
<LINE>Buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee:</LINE>
<LINE>Fairies use flowers for their charactery.</LINE>
<LINE>Away; disperse: but till 'tis one o'clock,</LINE>
<LINE>Our dance of custom round about the oak</LINE>
<LINE>Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set</LINE>
<LINE>And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,</LINE>
<LINE>To guide our measure round about the tree.</LINE>
<LINE>But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he</LINE>
<LINE>transform me to a piece of cheese!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:</LINE>
<LINE>If he be chaste, the flame will back descend</LINE>
<LINE>And turn him to no pain; but if he start,</LINE>
<LINE>It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PISTOL</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A trial, come.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Come, will this wood take fire?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>They burn him with their tapers</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Oh, Oh, Oh!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS QUICKLY</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!</LINE>
<LINE>About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;</LINE>
<LINE>And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.</LINE>
<SUBHEAD>SONG.</SUBHEAD>
<LINE>Fie on sinful fantasy!</LINE>
<LINE>Fie on lust and luxury!</LINE>
<LINE>Lust is but a bloody fire,</LINE>
<LINE>Kindled with unchaste desire,</LINE>
<LINE>Fed in heart, whose flames aspire</LINE>
<LINE>As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.</LINE>
<LINE>Pinch him, fairies, mutually;</LINE>
<LINE>Pinch him for his villany;</LINE>
<LINE>Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,</LINE>
<LINE>Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS
comes one way, and steals away a boy in green;
SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white;
and FENTON comes and steals away ANN PAGE.
A noise of hunting is heard within. All the
Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's
head, and rises</STAGEDIR>
<STAGEDIR>Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, and MISTRESS FORD</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch'd you now</LINE>
<LINE>Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher</LINE>
<LINE>Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?</LINE>
<LINE>See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes</LINE>
<LINE>Become the forest better than the town?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook,</LINE>
<LINE>Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his</LINE>
<LINE>horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath</LINE>
<LINE>enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his</LINE>
<LINE>cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be</LINE>
<LINE>paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for</LINE>
<LINE>it, Master Brook.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet.</LINE>
<LINE>I will never take you for my love again; but I will</LINE>
<LINE>always count you my deer.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And these are not fairies? I was three or four</LINE>
<LINE>times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet</LINE>
<LINE>the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my</LINE>
<LINE>powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a</LINE>
<LINE>received belief, in despite of the teeth of all</LINE>
<LINE>rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now</LINE>
<LINE>how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when 'tis upon</LINE>
<LINE>ill employment!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your</LINE>
<LINE>desires, and fairies will not pinse you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well said, fairy Hugh.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And leave your jealousies too, I pray you.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I will never mistrust my wife again till thou art</LINE>
<LINE>able to woo her in good English.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Have I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that</LINE>
<LINE>it wants matter to prevent so gross o'erreaching as</LINE>
<LINE>this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I</LINE>
<LINE>have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I were choked</LINE>
<LINE>with a piece of toasted cheese.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Seese is not good to give putter; your belly is all putter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>'Seese' and 'putter'! have I lived to stand at the</LINE>
<LINE>taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This</LINE>
<LINE>is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking</LINE>
<LINE>through the realm.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why Sir John, do you think, though we would have the</LINE>
<LINE>virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders</LINE>
<LINE>and have given ourselves without scruple to hell,</LINE>
<LINE>that ever the devil could have made you our delight?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>A puffed man?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Old, cold, withered and of intolerable entrails?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And one that is as slanderous as Satan?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And as poor as Job?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And as wicked as his wife?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SIR HUGH EVANS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>And given to fornications, and to taverns and sack</LINE>
<LINE>and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and</LINE>
<LINE>swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I</LINE>
<LINE>am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh</LINE>
<LINE>flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use</LINE>
<LINE>me as you will.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one</LINE>
<LINE>Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to</LINE>
<LINE>whom you should have been a pander: over and above</LINE>
<LINE>that you have suffered, I think to repay that money</LINE>
<LINE>will be a biting affliction.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset</LINE>
<LINE>to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to</LINE>
<LINE>laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her</LINE>
<LINE>Master Slender hath married her daughter.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE><STAGEDIR>Aside</STAGEDIR>  Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my</LINE>
<LINE>daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius' wife.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter SLENDER</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Whoa ho! ho, father Page!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Dispatched! I'll make the best in Gloucestershire</LINE>
<LINE>know on't; would I were hanged, la, else.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Of what, son?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page,</LINE>
<LINE>and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been</LINE>
<LINE>i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he</LINE>
<LINE>should have swinged me. If I did not think it had</LINE>
<LINE>been Anne Page, would I might never stir!--and 'tis</LINE>
<LINE>a postmaster's boy.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took</LINE>
<LINE>a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for</LINE>
<LINE>all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had</LINE>
<LINE>him.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how</LINE>
<LINE>you should know my daughter by her garments?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>SLENDER</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I went to her in white, and cried 'mum,' and she</LINE>
<LINE>cried 'budget,' as Anne and I had appointed; and yet</LINE>
<LINE>it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose;</LINE>
<LINE>turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is</LINE>
<LINE>now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Enter DOCTOR CAIUS</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha'</LINE>
<LINE>married un garcon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy;</LINE>
<LINE>it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why, did you take her in green?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>DOCTOR CAIUS</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Ay, by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll raise all Windsor.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exit</STAGEDIR>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>My heart misgives me: here comes Master Fenton.</LINE>
<STAGEDIR>Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE</STAGEDIR>
<LINE>How now, Master Fenton!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>ANNE PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Why went you not with master doctor, maid?</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FENTON</SPEAKER>
<LINE>You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.</LINE>
<LINE>You would have married her most shamefully,</LINE>
<LINE>Where there was no proportion held in love.</LINE>
<LINE>The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,</LINE>
<LINE>Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.</LINE>
<LINE>The offence is holy that she hath committed;</LINE>
<LINE>And this deceit loses the name of craft,</LINE>
<LINE>Of disobedience, or unduteous title,</LINE>
<LINE>Since therein she doth evitate and shun</LINE>
<LINE>A thousand irreligious cursed hours,</LINE>
<LINE>Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:</LINE>
<LINE>In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;</LINE>
<LINE>Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to</LINE>
<LINE>strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!</LINE>
<LINE>What cannot be eschew'd must be embraced.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FALSTAFF</SPEAKER>
<LINE>When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>MISTRESS PAGE</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,</LINE>
<LINE>Heaven give you many, many merry days!</LINE>
<LINE>Good husband, let us every one go home,</LINE>
<LINE>And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire;</LINE>
<LINE>Sir John and all.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<SPEECH>
<SPEAKER>FORD</SPEAKER>
<LINE>Let it be so. Sir John,</LINE>
<LINE>To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word</LINE>
<LINE>For he tonight shall lie with Mistress Ford.</LINE>
</SPEECH>

<STAGEDIR>Exeunt</STAGEDIR>
</SCENE>
</ACT>
</PLAY>