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D/L From Aquarium:
I thought I'd share this one with you all. Good for a chuckle.
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#: 307544 S17/Chit-Chat/Soapbox [CLIPPER]
14-Mar-93 06:32
Sb: Comparing Languages
Fm: Charles Leichtag 100012,2310
To: All
Comparing languages while standing on one foot:
I picked this up on another forum and thought that some of you guys
might enjoy reading it.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and
shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency assistance is
impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and
which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over
there."
Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you
run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If
you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no
exception-handling ability.
Modula-2: After realizing that you can't accomplish anything in
this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN
place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE, THEN
return HANDGUN to HOLDSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be
retied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds
the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds ...
BASIC: Shoot yourself in foot with water pistol. On big
systems, continue until entire lower body in waterlogged.
-OR-
Basic: Your neighbor with a new PC tries to shoot his right foot - but
misses. Eventually, after your helping him all Sunday afternoon, he
shoots his left foot. The next day he happily describes to everyone in his
office just how he did it.
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day
figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If
you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into the left of leg
of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot,
the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the
ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to
pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
Unix: % Is foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm: .o:
No such file or directory % is %
DOS: You can't get to either foot from here.
Xbase: Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot
yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your
users can too.
Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just
as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll
have so much fun doing it that you don't care.
Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot.
The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't
allow it to explain.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page
document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years
later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Macintosh: Select gun from tools palette. Double click on foot.
Sorry, there are no bullets in clipboard.
But the proper APL is:
Foot <- you shoot bullet
The function "shoot" takes 2 arguments "you" and "bullet", where the
number feet shot is dependent on the rank of the bullet matrix. (For
non-APLers rank = dimensions). APL makes no discrimination as to
whose feet might be shot, it is purely the determination of the bullets.
Assembler: You shoot someone else in the foot.
Eiffel: You cover yourself entirely with armor plate - except for your
foot. You then guarantee to shoot yourself only in the foot.
Smalltalk: You send a message to your foot with a gun as one of the
parameters. The message is: foot shoot-yourself.
Ada: You arrange a rendezvous with your foot in order to shoot it. But,
boss, it surprise you. It-a no show up.
Michael McCormick
Milwaukee, WI