YEP! THIS IS WHERE THE BLURBS ARE KEPT. IT IS SUGGESTED THAT YOU LEAVE AN EMPTY LINE OR TWO AT THE END OF THIS FILE (DON'T WORRY, BLURB WILL NEVER DISPLAY EMPTY LINES).
SOME USES FOR BLURB: FORTUNES, JOKES, PHILOSOPHICAL SAYINGS, WISECRACKS, EPIGRAMS, ETC.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx
Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. - Fred Allen
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas
Awards are like hemorrhoids; in the end, every asshole gets one. - Frederick Raphael
Cynic, n. a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. - Ambrose Bierce
Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
Habit, n. a shackle for the free. - Ambrose Bierce
I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx
In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde
Lawsuit, n. a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
A thing worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody else to do it.
A true victory requirest at the very least an antagonist and a battle; anything less is but a takeover.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
Burp.
Chance favours the trained mind. -- Pastuer
Death: To stop sinning suddenly.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.
Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel anyway.
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
When choosing between two evils, always try the one you have never tried before.
When your only tool is a hammer, you tend to treat everything you find like a nail.
With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
You are growing sleepy, very sleepy. At midnite tonite, you will write a blank check in the amount of the balance of your check book and mail it to me at...
You have been targeted for termination.
" If All Fails, READ THE DOCS ! "
Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here
Marriage, n. a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. - Ambrose Bierce
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
Abstract art is a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. - Al Capp
Achievement, n. the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. - Ambrose Bierce
Saint, n. a dead sinner, revised and edited. - Ambrose Bierce
Samson had the right idea about advertising. He took two columns and brought down the house.
A woman never forgets her sex. She would rather talk with a man than an angel, any day. - O.W. Holmes
That which needs to be proved cannot be worth much. - Nietzsche
The most inconvenient feature about poverty is that one is apt to get used to it.
2.998e10 cm/sec; It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A country that put men on the moon can't keep cold cereal from getting soggy.
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
A thing not worth doing is worth not doing well.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After three days men grow weary of a wench, a guest, and rainy weather. -- Benjamin Franklin
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An optimist believes this to be the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this to be true.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.
Any person, when confronted by enough stress, will sooner or later turn out a product which is utterly beyond their ability.
Any phenomenon, once observed and noted, will cease to exist. In theory, a particularly astute observer could destroy everything as we know it...
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Assumed Decimal Point: Located two positions to the right of a programmer's current salary in estimating his own worth.
Be good; if you can't be good, have fun.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't marry for money...You can borrow it cheaper.
Don't worry about being in a dangerous situation. You have the rest of your life to straighten it out.
Donsen's Law: The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally, he knows everything about nothing; while the generalist learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about everything.
Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything you have learned.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.
Every creature has within itself the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
Everyone needs to believe in something; I believe I'll have another beer.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
Groebe's Law: The more complex the problem, the sooner the deadline.
Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. Shavelson's Extension: ...after having done its damage. Grelb's Addition: If it was bad, it will be back.
I am not a Merry Man! -- Worf
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -- Earl Wilson
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3 percent?
Is it Friday yet?
Last guys don't finish nice.
Law of Inertia: Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get done by itself.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
Marriage -- a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Money is the root of all evil -- and a man needs roots.
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. -- Steve Wozniak
Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
A god in hand is worth two in the bush. -- Aaron
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A programming language is low-level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
Pardon me, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder. -- Spock
Pareto Phenomenon: Very few things seem to contribute to a majority of problems.
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
Smile, it makes the world wonder what you are up to.
Smith's Fourth Law of Inertia: A body at rest tends to watch television.
SNAFU (Situation Normal All Fouled Up).
The early worm gets the bird.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The purpose of the propeller is as a fan to keep the pilot cool. Turn it off and watch him sweat.
The true pleasures in life are almost always overshadowed by the blatently obvious ones.
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
Bell's Rule: The average time between throwing something away and needing it badly is two weeks. This time can be reduced to one week by retaining the thing for a long time first.
Better late than really late.
If you can kill a snake with it, it ain't art. -- Orcenith Lyle Bonge
Walk softly and carry a fully charged PHASER!
Nutritional tip: Only Irish Coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alchohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
