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- The "C" Bible
- 1:1 In the beginning Unix created the Kernel and the C.
- 1:2 And the Kernel was without form and (void); and obscurity was on
- the face of the C. And the spirit of Unix moved upon the face
- of the C.
- 1:3 And Unix said, Let there be Code: and there was Code.
- 1:4 And Unix saw the Code, that it was tight: and Unix divided the
- unstructured from the GOTO-less.
- 1:5 And Unix called the Code compact, and the unstructured he called
- spaghetti. And the Program and the Module were the first day.
- 1:6 And Unix said, Let there be a ++ in the midst of the tightness,
- and let it divide the Variables from the Variables.
- 1:7 And Unix made the Function, and divided the Variables which were
- inside the Function from the Variables which were outside the
- Function: and it was so.
- 1:8 And Unix called the Function Recursive. And the Program and the
- Module were the second day.
- 1:9 And Unix said, Let the Variables in the Functions be gathered
- together unto one place, and let the Data Segment appear:
- and it was so.
- 1:10 And Unix called the Data Segment Structure; and the gathering
- together of Variables he called the Heap: and Unix saw that it
- was good.
- 1:11 And Unix said, Let the Structure bring forth Nulls, the Data to
- terminate, and the Data yielding Pointer after his kind, whose
- Pointer is in itself, upon the Structure: and it was so.
- 1:12 And the Structure brought forth Nulls, and Pointers each after
- his kind: and Unix saw that it was good.
- 1:13 And the Program and the Module were the third day.
- 1:14 And the Nulls terminated the Data, so that each and every
- Function would therefore loop: and Unix saw that it was good.
- 1:15 And Unix let them be for fat EXE files the Recursion of the
- Function to give coding upon the C: and it was so.
- 1:16 And Unix made two great Functions: the GetCh to rule the In, and
- the PrintF to rule the Out: he made the many TO Functions also.
- 1:17 And the Program and the Module were the fourth day.
- 1:18 And Unix said, Let the Coding bring forth abundantly the Nested
- If creature that hath life, and the ability that it has to
- confuse and obfuscate, for a GOTO It has not.
- 1:19 And Unix created great Whale Programs, and every Function that
- loopeth looking for the terminating Null, and every unclean
- workaround that inhabiteth the Programs: and Unix saw that it
- was good.
- 1:20 And Unix blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply,
- and fill the Functions of the C, and let Code multiply in the
- Programs and fill the Hard Disk.
- 1:21 And the Program and the Module were the fifth day.
- 1:22 And Unix said, Let the Function bring forth the Recursive
- creature after his kind, Pointer and Nested If, and let him loop
- the Null after his kind: and it was so.
- 1:23 And Unix made the Stream I/O after his kind, and every loop that
- that creepeth upon the face of the Hard Disk. And Unix said,
- Let the File I/O be as slow as Interpreted Basic.
- 1:24 And Unix said, Let us make Codes in our image, after our Kernel:
- and let them have Pointers over the Variables of the Heap, and
- over the Functions, and over the Null-finding loops, and over all
- the File I/O, and over every creeping Program that creepeth
- upon the Hard Disk.
- 1:25 So Unix created C in his own image, in the image of Unix created
- he him; Small and Huge Model created he them.
- 1:26 And Unix blessed them, and Unix said unto them, Be fruitful,
- and multiply, and replenish the Hard Disk, and subdue it:
- and have dominion over the Functions of the C, and over the Nulls
- of the Data, and over every looping thing that runneth upon the
- CPU.
- 1:27 And Unix said, Behold, I have given you every Value bearing
- Function, which is upon the Recursion of the Nested If, and
- every Directory Tree, in which is the Pointer to a File
- yielding Data; to you it shall be for Terminating Nulls.
- 1:28 And to every slow beast of the Hard Disk, and to every unreadable
- fowl of logic, and to every needless complexity that creepeth upon
- the Function wherein there is Null, I have given every Heap for
- the Data, and it was so.
- 1:29 And Unix saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was
- very terse. And the Program and the Module were the sixth day.
-
- 2:1 Thus the Functions and the Heap were finished, and all the
- host of them, such that understanding came not.
- 2:2 And on the seventh day Unix ended his work which he had coded
- and he rested on the seventh day from all his Kernel which
- he had coded.
- 2:3 And Unix blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because
- in it he had rested from all his Coding which Unix had created
- and made.