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- From: philc@sco.COM (Jimi Hendrix)
- Newsgroups: alt.sources
- Subject: MAD magazine rock concert story program
- Message-ID: <8606@scorn.sco.COM>
- Date: 1 Aug 90 17:22:45 GMT
-
-
-
- /*---------------------------------------------------------------
- C implementation of MAD magazine's
-
- ALL-INCLUSIVE DO-IT-YOURSELF
- ROCK CONCERT
- Newspaper Story
-
- by
-
- satyr@ucscb.ucsc.edu 1987
- ------------------------------------------------------------------*/
- #include <stdio.h>
- #define when break;case
-
- main ()
- {
- char *w1, *w2, *w3, *w4, *w5;
- char *w6, *w7, *w8, *w9, *w10;
- char *w11, *w12, *buf, *malloc();
- int flag, mark, x, i;
-
- srand(getpid());
-
- buf = malloc(BUFSIZ);
-
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : sprintf(buf, "Thousands of");
- when 1 : sprintf(buf, "Millions of");
- when 2 : sprintf(buf, "Hundreds of");
- when 3 : sprintf(buf, "Several");
- when 4 : sprintf(buf, "Uncounted millions of");
- when 5 : sprintf(buf, "Fourteen");
- when 6 : sprintf(buf, "A huge number of");
- when 7 : sprintf(buf, "Billions of");
- when 8 : sprintf(buf, "Seven and a half");
- when 9 : sprintf(buf, "Many");
- when 10 : sprintf(buf, "Quite a few");
- when 11 : sprintf(buf, "More than one");
- break;
- }
- strcat(buf, " ");
-
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "screaming");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "ripped-off");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "born-again");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "Bloom County");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "suicidal");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "toxic");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "whacked-out");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "slightly used");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "pregnant");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "molting");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "frigid");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "calcium deficient");
- break;
- }
-
- strcat(buf, " ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "rock fans");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "teenagers");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "marmot-breeders");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "Sandanistas");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "Bob Uecker look-alikes");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "boat people");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "amnesiacs");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "Trivial Pursuit players");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "owl worshippers");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "bed-wetters");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "Delorean dealers");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "soothsayers");
- break;
- }
- strcat(buf, " packed ");
-
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "the City Auditorium");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "the Kingdome");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "Bernie's Car Wash");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "St Patrick's Cathedral");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "the Oval Office");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "Buddy Hackett's hot tub");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "the Australian outback");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "a new Honda Civic");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "Ted and Rita's family room");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "the K Mart linens section");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "Lake Huron");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "the Exit 17 offramp");
- break;
- }
-
- strcat(buf, " last night to see ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "the Jacksons");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "Van Halen");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "Boy George");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "the Little Rascals");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "Kate and Allie");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "Botswana wife-swappers");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "the Dallas Mavericks");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "Mr T's caterer");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "the Miss Bulgaria finalists");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "the last Civil War veteran");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "Casper Weinberger");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "a KGB double agent");
- break;
- }
- strcat(buf, " in concert. Many fans ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "stood in line");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "counted their toes");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "shouted pygmy oaths");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "chanted \"DEE-fense!\"");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "aged prematurely");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "licked Snickers wrappers");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "donned wet suits");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "polished their nose-rings");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "wept openly");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "broke wind");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "swapped zip codes");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "fondled their ear lobes");
- }
-
- strcat(buf, " for more than ten hours while waiting to ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "pay $30");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "sell their sisters");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "grovel shamelessly");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "lose their virginity");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "renounce Satan");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "give up breathing");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "sacrifice a beagle");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "betray their scoutmaster");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "sell their vital organs");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "give up their citizenship");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "pawn their phony Omegas");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "change their sex");
- break;
- }
-
- strcat(buf, " for a ticket. Despite ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "a few outbreaks of");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "the usual");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "some harmless");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "post-Olympic");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "sloppy attempts at");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "authentic Haitian");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "precision drill");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "the romantic lure of");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "the Reagan Cabinet's");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "some very creative");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "the lethal effects of");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "the distinctive odor of");
- break;
- }
- strcat(buf, " ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "rioting");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "terrorism");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "drunkenness");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "car-stripping");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "pillaging");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "nude break-dancing");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "possum worship");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "Karl Malden impersonations");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "silicone rejection");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "out-of-body retching");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "estate planning");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "parakeet training");
- break;
- }
-
- strcat(buf, " and the occasional ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "arrest");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "flogging");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "hearing loss");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "death screams");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "melt-down");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "spraying");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "flossing");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "glassy-eyed stares");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "pre-soaking");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "poor penalty-killing");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "factory recall");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "painless removal");
- break;
- }
- strcat(buf, " of ");
-
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "unruly");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "off-duty");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "stoned");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "pre-Columbian");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "singles-bar");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "fur-bearing");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "Lucasfilm");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "Libyan-backed");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "reincarnated");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "moss-covered");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "cutesy-pie");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "splattered");
- break;
- }
- strcat(buf, " ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "punks");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "drug dealers");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "Sagittarians");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "nerds");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "welfare cheats");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "Unitarians");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "surfers");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "mercenaries");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "Cornhuskers");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "skycaps");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "Munchkins");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "centerfolds");
- break;
- }
-
- strcat(buf, ", the promoters of the event called it ");
- switch (rand() % 12)
- {
- case 0 : strcat(buf, "an unqualified success.");
- when 1 : strcat(buf, "a victory for good taste.");
- when 2 : strcat(buf, "more fun than Pearl Harbor.");
- when 3 : strcat(buf, "a vindication of greed.");
- when 4 : strcat(buf, "proof of God's love.");
- when 5 : strcat(buf, "an incredible waste of time.");
- when 6 : strcat(buf, "as significant as Flag Day.");
- when 7 : strcat(buf, "a triumph for Jerry Falwell.");
- when 8 : strcat(buf, "a glorification of self-abuse.");
- when 9 : strcat(buf, "as memorable as 'Lottery'.");
- when 10 : strcat(buf, "a festival for degenerates.");
- when 11 : strcat(buf, "an answer for Communism.");
- break;
- }
-
- printf(" MAD Magazine\n");
- printf("-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_\n");
- printf(" ROCK CONCERT LAST NIGHT\n\n");
-
- /* this is gross, dont look */
- x = 70;
- mark = 0;
- gack:
- if (!flag)
- if (buf[x] != ' ')
- while (buf[x--] != ' ')
- ;
-
- for (i=mark;i<x+1;i++) {
- if ( (mark == i) && (buf[i] == ' ') ) continue;
- putchar(buf[i]);
- }
- putchar('\n');
-
- if (flag)
- putchar('\n'), exit(0);
-
- mark = x + 1;
- x = mark + 71;
- if (x >= strlen(buf)) {
- x = strlen(buf);
- flag++;
- }
- goto gack;
-
-
- for (i=0;i<BUFSIZ;i++) {
- if ( ((i % 72) == 0) && (buf[i] == ' ') ) continue;
- putchar(buf[i]);
- if ( (i != 0) && ((i % 71) == 0) )
- putchar('\n');
- }
- putchar('\n');
- }
- --
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