Parenting - Prenatal to preschool/Parenting_PrenatalToPreschool.bin/dp/0020/00207.txt

Text File | 1993-06-21 | 34KB | 565 lines

$Unique_ID{PAR00207}
$Pretitle{}
$Title{Birth to 6 Months:  On Being a Parent}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{
Editors of Consumer Guide
Mendelson, Robert A
Mendelson, Lottie M
Meyerhoff, Michael K
Ames, Louise Bates}
$Subject{Birth to 6 Months Parent Parents Parenting depressed postpartum
depression baby blues responsibility responsibilities exhaustion exhausted
sleep sleeping eating schedule sex father fathers child-rearing single
sex-role spoil spoiling bored lonely speak speaks speaking language talk talks
talking read reading book books touch touching stroke stroking massage
massaging sensorimotor skills stimulation baby-sitter sitter sitters day care
day-care name names PARENT SUPPORT GROUP GROUPs}
$Log{
When your baby cries, he has a genuine need that requires attention*0056501.tif
Both parents should share childrearing responsibilities*0056601.tif
Both parents play a special role in taking care of babies*0056801.tif
Taking care of a baby provides some of life's sweetest pleasures*0057001.tif
Inherently, men and women are equally qualified to take care of babies*0060401.tif
Acquiring sensorimotor skill is the first phase of intellectual development*0053201.tif
Doing what comes naturally will help your baby develop skills*0053301.tif}

The New Parents' Question & Answer Book


Birth to 6 Months:  On Being a Parent


     Now that the initial excitement of having my first baby is over, I find
myself feeling down--almost depressed--from time to time.  Is this normal?

     While severe postpartum depression--often induced by hormonal
imbalances--is mercifully rare, a strong dose of the "baby blues" is quite
common.  After the excitement and anticipation that fills a first pregnancy,
the day-after-day drudgery of actually caring for a newborn tends to be a real
letdown.  Furthermore, although becoming a parent presents many new
opportunities, it clearly signals the end of a relatively carefree period in
life and the onset of some rather daunting responsibilities.  The realization
of this fact can be overwhelming at times.  Therefore, you shouldn't worry too
much about feeling down on occasion during the first weeks.  And you can be
assured that a lot of these feelings probably will melt away as soon as your
baby starts giving you those first smiles.


     I've never been so exhausted in my life.  Will I ever get a decent
night's sleep again?

     Don't count on getting one for a while.  It may take several weeks or
even months before your baby manages to sleep through the night.  What's more,
it's likely to take somewhat longer than that before you really believe he's
going to sleep through the night and can allow yourself to relax enough to get
a full night's sleep.  Therefore, you may have to adjust your own habits to a
certain extent.  Once, your baby starts settling into a reasonably regular
sleeping and eating schedule, you need to take advantage of every opportunity
to get some rest while he is quiet and content.  Also, you might want to
abandon any claims you may have had to being an immaculate housekeeper and
gracious host.  Taking care of yourself is more important than seeing to it
that your home is spotless at this point; and until you get your strength
back, you should feel free to tell well-meaning but intrusive friends,
relatives, and neighbors who want to visit the baby that you're simply not up
to receiving a steady stream of guests right now.


     Having a baby has brought us closer together in a spiritual sense, but
our sex life has virtually disappeared.  Does this happen to everyone?

     Just about, although it is typically a very temporary phenomenon.
obviously, the wear and tear on a woman's body during childbirth makes having
sex rather uncomfortable for a while.  Furthermore, the fatigue induced by
middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes does a lot to diminish the sex
drive.  After the first several weeks, however, a lack of sexual activity may
be a sign that some serious underlying psychological problems are beginning to
develop.  For example, a woman may resent the fact that she is doing all of
the hard work and dirty chores connected with taking care of the baby while
her husband gets to waltz in and play Daddy after all the drudgery is done.
Conversely, a man may resent the fact that his wife and child seem to be
developing a very special and close relationship while he is being left out.
Therefore, if your sex life doesn't start to make a reappearance after a
reasonable amount of time, the two of you should sit down and discuss the
situation.  If problems persist, you might consider seeking counseling.


     Does the father play a special role in raising a child?

     We all have certain images of what a father does as opposed to what a
mother does, but it is important to realize that those images are culturally
induced.  The fact of the matter is that with the singular exception of
breast-feeding, there is nothing that women are inherently more qualified to
do than men when it comes to taking care of babies.  Some studies have found
distinct differences between the ways in which fathers interact with their
children as compared to the ways mothers do.  As it turns out, however, when
the traditional positions are reversed--that is, when the fathers take over
primary responsibility for child rearing while the mothers work outside the
home--so do the interaction styles.  Therefore, the father does indeed play a
special role, but that role does not necessarily have to be any more or less
special, nor does it have to be essentially different, from the role of the
mother.


     How can we both take an equal part in parenting?

     The best way to form a true parenting partnership is to plan it in
advance.  Modern mothers and fathers simply can't make assumptions about who
will do what according to traditional standards; these standards are becoming
more irrelevant every day.  In this day and age, there is no reason why a
mother-to-be and father-to-be can't sit down before the birth and fully
discuss what will need to be done and who will do it so that everyone involved
will be content.  In general, it is recommended that both parents share all
child-rearing chores and responsibilities equally to the extent possible.
This allows both parents to get a full understanding and appreciation of all
the difficulties involved, as well as to receive a full share of all the
rewards that are available.  As opposed to a strict and mutually exclusive
division of labor, this sort of system helps to promote cooperation and reduce
resentment; both parents will have pretty much the same perspective on
whatever problems arise and will have pretty much the same set of experiences
to either endure or enjoy.


     Will a baby suffer if he has a single parent?

     Despite what you may have read or heard about sex-role development and
other such issues, there is no evidence to suggest that a child who has a
single parent is destined to encounter specific problems of any kind.  On the
other hand, there is ample evidence to suggest that enjoying and being
effective at the process of parenting is a lot tougher when you're flying
solo.  Taking care of a baby involves a lot of hard work, and it also provides
some of life's sweetest pleasures.  As is the case with anything else, if you
can share the experience with someone else, the bad times are easier to deal
with and the good times feel even better.  Of course, this does not mean that
a single parent should run out and find the first available mate, but it does
suggest that a single parent should consider enlisting a support
system--friends, relatives, other single parents--so that he or she doesn't
have to go through everything alone all the time.


     My newborn doesn't do much except sleep, eat, and soil his diaper.  Is
there anything I can really teach him at this time?

     Believe it or not, during these first weeks, you will be teaching your
baby the most fundamental lesson of his life.  No matter how good-natured your
baby is, and no matter how adept you are at tending to his needs, there
inevitably will be many times every day when he is hungry, cold, or otherwise
suffering some physical discomfort.  When this happens, he will cry; and when
he does, you will probably show up and do whatever you can to reduce his
discomfort.  This constantly repeated cycle of discomfort, followed by crying,
followed by your presence, followed by the reduction of discomfort teaches
your baby--on a very basic level--that there are people who love him and will
take care of him.  The resulting capacity to trust in his world will help him
to feel secure and to engage in healthy relationships for the rest of his
life.


     Won't I "spoil" my baby if I respond immediately to all of his demands?

     During the first months, it is really impossible to "spoil" a baby.  In
order for that process to take place, there has to be a capacity for
intentionality and manipulation on the part of the baby, and that simply
doesn't exist in the beginning.  When your baby cries at this point, he is
doing so reflexively in response to physical discomfort.  He has a genuine
need that requires reasonably immediate attention, and there is nothing he can
do to alleviate it himself.  Therefore, by "giving in" to his "demands," you
are merely teaching him that he is loved and will be taken care of.  You are
not, in any way, giving him the impression that he can "boss you around."


     Lately, my baby has started crying when he's bored and lonely as well as
when he's in physical discomfort.  Should I respond immediately to these cries
too?

     Starting at about four months of age, armed with a growing social
awareness, your baby will begin using the cry deliberately to get your
attention, not only as a reflexive response to physical discomfort.  Once this
happens, the possibility of "spoiling" enters the picture.  It is important to
keep teaching your baby that every effort will be made to meet his needs--and
being rescued from boredom or loneliness certainly is a valid need--but you
also can start teaching him that his needs are not the only things that matter
in life.  Therefore, if you hear a cry that sounds like a call for attention
rather than a reaction to physical distress, your first response can be
something like "I hear you, but you'll have to wait a minute--I'm busy right
now."  Your baby won't understand a single word of what you say, but through
your actions, you will be teaching him that although he is still loved and his
needs will still be taken care of, he won't always be able to get whatever he
wants whenever he wants it.


     My baby is thrilled when I give him lots of attention, but is it
necessary for me to "entertain" him all the time?

     Certainly not.  Although you will always be a special target of his
interests, your baby also will be increasingly interested in the world around
him.  If your baby appears to be content only when you are interacting with
him, he probably is not getting enough opportunities to explore and
investigate the nonpeople parts of his environment.  You might consider
providing him with access to a greater number of objects to play with, and you
certainly should consider putting him in an infant seat and moving him to
different parts of the house so he has new and different scenes to look at and
listen to.  Pleasant interchanges with his parents should be a major part of
your baby's early experience, but it should not be such a large part that it
prevents him from learning about other things as well.


     If my baby doesn't understand what I'm saying and can't speak himself,
what's the point in talking to him?

     No one is sure exactly how language learning gets put into motion.
However, extensive research has repeatedly shown that babies who are talked to
often during the first months of life eventually develop superior language
skills to those who are exposed to a lot of silence from the people around
them.  This sometimes is not an easy thing for parents to do.  After all, we
don't talk regularly to chairs, fire hydrants, and other things that don't
talk back, so it's hard to get into the habit of talking to a little baby.
Therefore, if talking a lot to your baby is not something that comes naturally
to you, you should consider making a concerted effort to do so.  It doesn't
matter too much what you say, as your tone and inflection will communicate
much more than the actual words at this point.  Hearing a lot of words spoken
by human voices, however, will help trigger one of the most important
processes in your baby's early development.


     Is it important to read books to my baby?

     As in the case with talking to your baby, reading to your baby seems to
be important as well.  Even though he won't be able to understand the words,
much less recognize characters or follow plots, he will appreciate the tone,
inflection, and rhythm of your voice as you read.  Although the evidence is
neither direct nor conclusive, research does seem to indicate that this in
some way instills an appreciation of books on a basic level.  What's more,
children who are exposed to books right from the beginning tend to do better
with reading skills later on.  At this point, what you read to your baby is
not important, but you certainly should consider getting into the habit of
regular sessions as soon as possible.  In fact, you may find that reading to
him as you rock him is a very effective way of getting your baby to fall
asleep at certain times.


     I don't know any lullabies and have a lousy voice anyway.  Am I depriving
my baby of something special if I don't sing to him?

     There is no evidence to suggest that babies are destined to suffer in any
way if they are not sung to by their parents.  However, it is clear that
listening to their parents sing is something that babies do enjoy a great
deal.  The critical factor is that the singing has to be something that the
parents enjoy doing as well.  If the people who are singing aren't having fun,
the experience--at best--will be meaningless for the one being sung to.
Therefore, it is a good idea to stop worrying about knowing lullabies or
having a wonderful singing voice.  If you feel like singing, just
sing--whatever you want to sing in whatever way you can.  As long as singing
to your baby makes you feel good, you can be assured that your baby will get
the same--if not more--benefits as he would if he were being serenaded with
classics by Caruso.


     I've heard that babies should be stroked and massaged a lot.  Is that
true?

     It is undeniably true that babies need a lot of tactile stimulation
during the early months; but it also is undeniably true that most parents
provide more than enough stimulation simply by doing what comes naturally in
the course of caring for their babies.  Problems are more likely to occur if
parents start feeling that there is something special they should be doing and
become self-conscious about touching their babies.  Therefore, if you feel
inclined to take a course in infant massage, as long as it's something you're
comfortable with, there certainly will be no harm in it and you'll probably
find it enjoyable.  But if it's something that makes you feel awkward or
strange, you and your baby will be better off if you just go on doing what
you've been doing all along.


     How can I help my baby develop his physical skills?

     There is nothing you can do to prod your baby into developing his
physical skills--holding his head up, rolling over, sitting up by
himself--before he is ready.  However, once he is ready, he can be prevented
from developing these skills if he is not given enough opportunities to
attempt them and practice them.  You probably won't have to make any special
efforts in this regard, but from time to time, make sure that you are
periodically placing him on his stomach so he can try lifting his head, that
you are not keeping him harnessed or restricted in some other way that would
prevent him from moving freely much of the time, and that you are not being
too eager to help him "finish it off" when he makes an effort to roll over,
sit up, or whatever by himself.


     How can I help my baby learn how to use his eyes and his hands together?

     Acquiring sensorimotor skills--such as being able to find one's hands,
and then being able to use the eyes and hands together to reach for and grasp
an object--is the first phase of intellectual development.  Since most parents
are eager to have their child become as bright as possible, attempts to speed
up the process of acquiring these skills are very common.  Researchers have
studied an enormous variety of methods for many years.  However, the evidence
indicates that during the first months, sensorimotor development ordinarily
cannot be accelerated to any significant extent.  Babies who have no
"stimulation" beyond their crib rails and bedclothes seem to acquire these
skills at roughly the same pace as babies who are exposed to high-tech
mobiles, elaborate crib gyms, and other forms of "educational" toys and
equipment.  Again, if they are overly restricted and/or deprived of the kind
of stimulation that is contained in an ordinary environment, babies can be
prevented from developing these skills; but most parents, simply by doing what
comes naturally and without going overboard in terms of effort and expense,
end up doing the very best that can be done for their babies in this regard.


     How old should my baby be before I leave him with a baby-sitter for an
evening?

     There is no set answer to this question.  It probably is a good idea to
wait a few weeks until your baby's sleeping and eating patterns become
somewhat predictable before you leave him with a sitter for several hours.  If
an emergency arises or something important comes up, however, there really is
no reason to believe that your absence is going to cause serious problems for
your baby, even if he is only a few days old.  The major consideration usually
isn't when the baby is ready to be left with a sitter, but rather when the
parents are ready to leave him with a sitter.  It is natural for new parents
to be overly anxious about the possibility of something going wrong, as well
as for them to believe that no one but them will be able to do what needs to
be done for their baby.  After a while, it probably will be a very good idea
to give yourself a break and go out for an evening alone.  However, in the
very beginning, leaving him with a sitter should be avoided if it's a big deal
to you and makes you uncomfortable.


     I have to leave my baby with a baby-sitter for the evening.  What can I
do to feel more at ease about it?

     Do your "sitter homework" and you'll be able to leave your baby and most
of your anxiety at home.  Ask friends, neighbors, and relatives for the names
of sitters that they use regularly.  Then, do your own interview with the
prospective sitter.  Ask her to come and stay with the baby while you take a
bath or do other things at home.  This allows you to see for yourself how
comfortable and competent she is with your baby.  Walk her through all the
routines she will have to perform, making sure to point out any and all
special requirements, idiosyncrasies, medical problems, dietary restrictions,
temperamental pieces of equipment, favorite toys, etc.  Point out safety
measures and discuss them in detail.  Make sure she is familiar with all
emergency procedures and equipment for the building in which you live.  Go
through your written list of rules and expectations.  Is she allowed phone
privileges?  If so, put a limit on them; nothing makes a parent more uptight
than not being able to get through to their home when they're checking in.  If
she passes the "at home" test, plan an evening at a friend's home where the
phone is readily available.  Let the sitter know where you will be at all
times, and see to it that she has ready access to your list of critical phone
numbers, including the number where you can be reached, the number of your
pediatrician, the numbers for emergency services such as fire and police, and
one for a relative or friend to contact in case you can't be reached for some
reason.  Until you're comfortable with each other, explain to her that you
want to be "bothered" by her slightest question or doubt.  Tell her you will
call during the outing.  If you're still worried, try coming home early to see
how the sitter and your baby are getting along.  If all goes well, the next
outing can be a movie, play, shopping, or whatever.


     We both plan on continuing our careers.  When will our baby be old enough
for day care?

     Most day-care centers will not accept babies younger than three weeks of
age, and many will not accept babies younger than six weeks old.  However,
this is not really a matter of the baby being old enough.  The key concern is
whether or not the parents are prepared to separate themselves from their baby
for a substantial part of the day.  Some parents are comfortable doing so at
the three-week mark, others won't be ready for it until much later; you will
have to decide what feels right to you.  The quality and accessibility of the
day-care center also should be considered.  Especially during the early
months, it is critical that your baby receive a lot of prompt, nurturing care.
You must also realize that no amount of care from competent day-care personnel
can compensate completely for a severe lack of the special kind of care that
only you as parents can provide.  Your baby has fundamental emotional needs
during this period, and finding outstanding day care can be difficult.  So, in
general, as long as there is an option, many child development specialists
prefer to see parents wait until the six-month mark before they place their
baby in a day-care center on a full-time basis.


     We are planning on placing our baby in day care, but we feel guilty about
it.  Should we?

     Guilt is the emotional equivalent of physical pain.  It tells you that
something is wrong.  Rather than just suffering through it, you should attempt
to identify the underlying problem so you can stop it.  Perhaps you feel
guilty because you really don't want to be away from your baby.  In that case,
stay home with him if you can.  You may be feeling pressure to "get out of the
house and do something important," but the fact is that nothing is more
important than helping your child get the best possible start in life, and
nothing makes a more significant contribution to society than a good job of
parenting.  Perhaps you feel guilty because you have to work outside the home
for personal or financial reasons, but you're afraid that your baby will
receive inadequate nurturing and attention in a day-care center.  In that
case, do everything you can to find the highest quality center possible.  In
addition, try to compensate for whatever shortcomings it has by remaining
completely and actively involved in every aspect of your baby's day-to-day
experience.  Other options you might look into are working only part-time;
seeking a job at a company with on-site day care, so that you can look in on
the baby during your lunch hour and breaks; job-sharing, in which you and
another parent work alternate days at the same job while splitting the salary;
or working out of your home.  Above all, remember that, as a parent, you
inevitably will feel guilty about a lot of things from time to time, but it's
only a "bad" thing if you don't respond to it constructively.


     Is my baby more likely to be in danger in a day-care center than at home?

     If the day-care center is of high quality, with a properly designed and
maintained physical facility and a well-trained and experienced staff, your
baby will not be in serious danger.  Of course, babies in group situations are
at greater risk for getting infections and contagious diseases, but proper
health standards and practices keep this problem from getting out of hand.
The key thing to be concerned about is determining whether or not a particular
day-care center is indeed of high quality.  Most states have fairly good
licensing requirements for such operations, but even the best licensing
requirements are no guarantee.  In many areas, personnel are so overburdened
that a day-care center may go many months and even years without an on-site
inspection.  Therefore, it is up to you to check out the day-care center
yourself on a regular basis to be sure that all rooms, equipment, and
procedures meet--and continue to meet--your standards.


     How do I go about finding a high-quality day-care situation for my baby?

     Begin by talking to relatives, friends, and coworkers about their
day-care arrangements, and gather a list of possibilities.  Next, start
inspecting as many facilities as possible.  Don't just talk to someone on the
phone; go to the facility, more than once if possible, to see for yourself
whether it is appropriate and safe for your baby.  Among the questions you
will want answers to are:

  -  Does the facility accept children your baby's age?
  -  Is there a waiting list?
  -  Is the facility licensed?  While a license does not guarantee a safe
     environment, most licensed facilities are generally inspected once a year
     and are evaluated for important factors such as sanitation, fire alarms
     and extinguishers, and caregiver qualifications.  They generally must
     also have liability insurance.  To learn about state regulations in your
     area, contact your state's department of social services.
  -  Who will be taking care of your baby, and what are their qualifications?
     Babies need a steady, experienced, concerned caregiver who will be
     available for cuddling as well as for taking care of basic needs.  Ask to
     speak with the caregivers, see their credentials, and watch them in
     action.
  -  How many caregivers are available?  A facility should have a ratio of at
     least one adult for every three children to be able to provide the
     necessary care for your baby.
  -  Do all personnel practice good hygiene?  Do they wash their hands before
     and after tending to each baby?  Is the facility itself clean and neat?
     Are equipment and toys clean and well-maintained?
  -  Are there arrangements for sick children?  Is a pediatrician on call to
     provide advice?
  -  Are all personnel trained in first aid and emergency procedures?
  -  Is it an open facility?  In other words, are parents welcome to drop in
     unannounced and see all areas of the facility?
  -  Is there a parents' association or other arrangement that allows you
     frequent access to your child's caregiver?  Is there a system for
     supplying caregivers with feedback about your baby's behavior at home and
     for receiving similar feedback from them?
  -  Is the facility easily accessible from your work/home?  Are there fees or
     other penalties charged if you are late in picking up your child due to
     bad weather, traffic, or car trouble?

     Finding a high-quality day-care facility may not be easy, but the more
time, effort, and thought you put into the process, the more likely it is that
your baby will be safe and that you will have some peace of mind.


     How can we remain "completely involved" in our baby's care when we both
work?

     It's simple.  Just remember that day-care personnel are neither your
personal servants nor surrogate parents for your baby.  Rather, they should be
treated as partners in the child-rearing process.  This means that you must
discuss with them any and all issues having to do with child-rearing policies
and practices that will be employed both at home and at the center.  It means
that you must provide the personnel with full, detailed accounts of what your
child does at home and get from them full, detailed accounts of what your
child does at the center.  It means that you will have to become a part of
your child's day-care environment.  Most day-care centers have a
parent-teacher association, and through that, you can see to it that your
priorities and preferences are part of the overall atmosphere and flavor of
the center.  You also can volunteer your time and talent to your child's
individual classroom as often as possible.  Day care is not an "answer" but
rather an "opportunity," and it's up to you to make the most of it.  Too many
parents make the mistake of thinking that once they've selected a high-quality
facility, their job is done.  If a high quality facility is to do everything
it can for your baby, your "presence" must be felt at all times.


     Despite taking every precaution, I can't stop worrying about my baby's
safety.  Am I an overly anxious, overly protective parent?

     You certainly are, but you are also a very typical parent.  There is
nothing more precious to you than your child, and particularly because he is
so helpless at this point, it is natural and normal for you to be constantly
concerned about his well-being and to be overwhelmed by feelings of complete
responsibility.  To a certain extent, this is healthy, in that it prods you to
do the very best you can to provide a safe and appropriate environment for
your baby.  However, there will be times when it becomes uncomfortable, and
you will gradually have to learn how to relax.  As you gain experience and
confidence, this will get easier, and although accidents will inevitably
occur and set you back a few steps now and then, you'll eventually reach a
point where your baby's safety will still remain strongly in the back of your
mind at all times, but it will not consume the major part of your
consciousness on a daily basis.


WHAT'S IN A NAME?

     What you name your baby is entirely up to you, but it is important to
realize that your choice in this matter will have tremendous consequences for
your child.  While this ordinarily is not a major problem, some parents choose
a name for personal reasons that eventually wreaks havoc on their child's
day-to-day experiences throughout his life.  Because of this, some
countries--such as Sweden--actually have enacted laws that prevent parents
from giving their children bizarre, unwieldy, or otherwise inappropriate
names; it is considered a form of child abuse.  Of course, no matter how
careful you are in this regard, current events and nicknames can make even the
most conservative choices problematical at some point in the future.  For
example, parents who named their boys Adolf in the 1920s had no idea that
Hitler was coming along, and many parents named their boys Roosevelt without
realizing that their pals would call them Rosie later on.  However, in
general, a little common sense and sensitivity can go a long way.  Although
unusual spellings--such as Jahn rather than John or Mairee instead of
Mary--are distinctive, they also can be disruptive.  Diminutive names--such as
Willie or Cissy--may be fine for family use, but they can be embarrassing when
an air of formality is appropriate.  Names which typically are given to
members of the opposite sex--such as Carroll or Joyce for boys and Toni or
Bobbi for girls--certainly haven't prevented some people from becoming happy
and successful, but they typically produce a lot of unnecessary suffering
during the school years.  Taking names from famous historical figures or
popular cultural heroes may give you some pleasure, but it also may imbue your
child with an identity that is not his in interactions with other people.
Therefore, before bestowing a name upon your unsuspecting baby, take a little
time to make sure that it will be primarily a source of pride and not a
constant source of pain for him.


JOINING (OR FORMING) A PARENT SUPPORT GROUP

     Most parents spend a lot of time reading books and magazine articles,
listening to lectures, attending classes, and engaging in other activities in
search of experts who will provide them with insightful information and will
calm their fears about raising a child.  However, many parents overlook some
of the best experts available--other parents.  Child rearing is not an exact
science, and because they have to speak in generalities and talk about
averages, the professional experts often present a distorted picture of the
child-rearing experience.  And, since these experts have a sometimes
overwhelming air of authority about them, it is often difficult for parents
to receive real comfort from them in certain situations.  Therefore, it would
be a good idea for you to consider joining a parent support group.  Chances
are, a few already exist in your community, and you can find them through
listings in your local phone directory or newspaper.  If there are none, you
can start one yourself by posting notices at church or synagogue, the
supermarket, or other suitable places.  It is almost impossible to extol the
benefits of these groups too much.  Parents who participate report that they
simply couldn't buy anything as valuable as the wealth of practical tidbits
they pick up from other mothers and fathers, nor could they ever be made to
feel better than they do when they hear that someone else is going through
precisely the same emotions and dealing with precisely the same problems
that they are.  Especially if you can find a small group where the other
parents have children who are approximately the same age as yours, you are
guaranteed not only to get a lot of information and support, but you'll
probably have an enormous amount of fun and form a number of strong and
lasting friendships.