Oakland CPM Archive/oakcpm.iso/cpmug/cpmug021.ark/ZOSO21.DOC

Text File | 1984-04-29 | 19KB | 326 lines

                1978
            BACK FROM THE WARS...

LET'S GET REACQUAINTED. NO, LET'S NOT !!! I HAD A CHANCE TO USE THIS PROJECT
AS A SPRINGBOARD TO LITERARY RECOGNITION... IT WAS ALL SET... WHAT HAPPENED ?
SIMPLE, I WAS TOLD TO START CROSS-REFERENCING (SINCE SO MANY SEMI-DUPLICATIONS
SEEM TO BE ARRIVING). I AM NOW SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU WHERE I HAVE SEEN THINGS
BEFORE... I CANNOT WRITE THIS WAY, MY NORMAL CONGENIAL FLOW WILL BE INTERRUPTED
BY THE MENTION OF THE [VOLUME.NUMBERS] WHERE I RECALL HAVING SEEN EXAMPLES OF
ALL THESE PETTY PLAGIARISMS THAT ARRIVE. RULES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN !!! AFTER
MY LAST DISCOURSE, I DECIDED TO TAKE A BRIEF 'CALIFORNIA-VACATION' (YOU KNOW,
OUT THERE WHERE THE GRASS IS GREENER - THAT MUST BE WHY I'VE ALWAYS HEARD ABOUT
'NATURAL-HIGHS' FROM YOU GUYS?). ANYHOW, AS I REMEMBER IT, IT GOES SOMETHING
LIKE THIS: YOU RETRIEVE YOUR LUGGAGE AT LAX (L.A. AIRPORT), IGNORE THE TAPE
RECORDING (24 HRS. A DAY) WHICH REPEATS, "THE WHITE ZONE IS FOR THE IMMEDIATE
LOADING AND UNLOADING OF PASSENGERS ONLY, NO PARKING !!!", THEN GO AND SEDUCE
A SIX-FOOT BLONDE LADY WHO WILL ONLY HAVE TO LEAVE WHEN THE U.S.C.'TROJANS' OR
THE U.C.L.A.'BRUINS' NEED THEIR POM-POMS SHAKEN... NO BIG LOSS... A FLORIDA
ORANGE (THOSE ARE THE GOOD ONES) HAS AN EQUAL BRAIN, AND FOR THOSE TIMES WHEN
YOU THINK ABOUT THE YEARS TO COME, YOU'LL REALIZE THAT SOMEONE OTHER THAN HER
WILL HAVE TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR BABIES. THEN IT'S OFF TO SEE THE SIGHTS...
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: SEE THE SIGHTS FROM YOUR AIRPLANE AS IT IS LANDING ! WHAT
NEXT; A VISIT TO LAS VEGAS PERHAPS; I USED TO WORK THERE (REALLY !!!) - PERHAPS
NOT !!! SO A QUICK FLIGHT TO SAN FRANCISCO (CALL IT 'FRISCO)... HIGHLY RECOM-
MENDED FLY PSA (A MOST VALUABLE INSIGHT FOR NEWCOMERS), THE HOSTESSES (CALL
THEM 'STEWS') ARE A DELIGHTFUL CHANGE OF PACE !! SO THEN IT'S BACK TO 'BIG-TOWN
WEST (L.A.)' FOR A HOLIDAY VISIT WITH THE OLD FAMILY (THEY MOVED TO PARADISE
A LONG WHILE BACK)... YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GOOD FENCES MAKING GOOD
NEIGHBORS... I FEEL THAT WIDE CONTINENTS BREED CLOSE FAMILIES !!! WELL THE REST
OF THE STORY WOULD BORE YOU, HOWEVER IF YOU EVER SEE A FILE ON SOME YET-TO-BE-
RELEASED DISK CALLED, 'FONENUMS.ZOS', YOU GUYS IN THE SOUTHWEST WILL HAVE JUST
HIT THE MOTHERLODE; BUT TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING CAN DULL THE SENSES, SO IT'S
BACK HOME FOR ME, AND THIS COLUMN FOR YOU...


            *** PETTY GRIPE DEPT. ***

BITCH, BITCH, BITCH !!! SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST INCAPABLE OF BEING CONTENT. NO
SOONER THAN I HAD FINISHED MY REPLY TO ALL OF THE TTY PEOPLE (VOLUME 13.21),
TONY INFORMED ME THAT SOME VDM OWNERS HAD TROUBLE READING MY 80 CHARACTER
LINES ON THEIR QUAINT I/O DEVICES. I WILL NOT ACCOMODATE YOU, AND HERE'S WHY:
I PAID GOOD BUCKS FOR THE TOOLS I USE, AND I CHOOSE TO USE THEM. FRANKLY, I
CAN'T FATHOM WHY ANYONE WOULD ADMIT TO OWNING ONE OF THOSE THINGS AT ALL. I'VE
SEEN WHAT YOU GUYS ARE UP TO: THOSE HORRID, NARROW LITTLE PROGRAMS WRITTEN IN
PROCESSOR TECHNOLOGY'S 5K BASIC (YOU KNOW THE ONES WITH A LINE FOR EVERY SINGLE
LITTLE THING - 15 DECWRITER PAGES JUST TO PRINT YOUR VERSION OF WUMPUS [ABOUT
WHICH I SHALL BE HEARD FROM LATER]). YOU GUYS HAVE EXPOSED YOURSELVES TO CAT-
ARACTS AND MYOPIA BY LOOKING AT YOUR VDM'ED TVS. LEAVE ME OUT OF IT !!! THE
COMPANY WHO SUPPLIED THOSE B & W CRAYON BOXES TO YOU IS A PLACE TO SUSPECT...
SEMI-KITS, 8K BASIC THAT WILL BE READY IN 1976 AND ENOUGH ADVERTISING TO EN-
SURE YOU WILL HAVE PAID TOO MUCH FOR YOUR 'SOL'; ANOTHER MITS I THINK... OH
WELL, ON WITH THE REVIEW; THIS TIME AROUND WE HAVE A NEW PROBLEM TO CONTEND
WITH... HARDWARE SENSITIVE ITEMS... ONE PROGRAM 'ROCKET.ASC' REQUIRED INPUT
ON PORT 02 TO WORK; THIS BOMBED ME OUT. SEVERAL OTHERS SLIPPED THROUGH MY
OVERWORKED FINGERS BECAUSE THEY ASSUMED PORT 01 (WHICH AGREES WITH MY SET-UP).
IF ANY OF THESE DON'T RUN FOR YOU (AND IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH MEMORY), THE CUL-
PRIT IS LIABLE TO BE AN 'INP', OUT' OR 'WAIT' STATEMENT THAT IS NOT CONFIG-
URED FOR YOUR MACHINERY...

BLKFRI3.ASC
THIS IS ONE YOU'VE SEEN BEFORE (VOLUME 5.7). BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT RUN
QUITE AS WELL BEFORE. MY HAT'S OFF TO WHOEVER DID THE TOUCH-UPS !!!

BANNER.ASC
THIS IS A CLEVER LITTLE NUMBER THAT PRINTS HUGE MESSAGES. SOME OF THE CHARAC-
TERS ARE PRINTED QUITE WELL, AND OTHERS (ONES REQUIRING DIAGONALS) NOT SO
WELL. THE FIX WILL NOT BE EASY. IN ANY CASE WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH A 'BANNER' ?

CHESS.ASC
THIS PLAYS AT LEAST PART OF A CHESS GAME... YOU ARE ASKED WHETHER YOU WISH
TO BE BLACK OR WHITE; IF YOU REPLY 'WHITE', YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT NO LOGICAL
CHESS NOTATION WILL BE ACCEPTED; IF YOU REPLY 'BLACK', THE PROGRAM WILL THANK
YOU FOR YOUR GENEROSITY AND PRODUCE ENDLESS DATA TABLES ON YOUR CONSOLE. THERE
ARE NO INSTRUCTIONS, AND THE SOURCE IS CONSIDERABLY SHORTER THAN THAT OF ANY
OTHER (BASIC) CHESS GAME (AND THE ONES I'VE SEEN ARE ABYSMAL) WHICH I HAVE YET
TRIED. PERHAPS SOMEONE IS GETTING AN EARLY JUMP ON APRIL FOOLS' DAY.

BIO.ASC
ANOTHER BIORHYTHM PLOTTER... THIS ONE PAGINATES AND FLAGS 'CRITICAL DAYS'.
AT THE HEADING OF EACH PAGE YOU WILL BE ENTREATED TO CALL 'ELMER'; A PHONE
NUMBER WITHOUT AREA CODE IS SUPPLIED. I SUSPECT THAT ONE IS TO CALL ELMER
TO COMMENT ABOUT THIS PROGRAM. I SUGGEST INSTEAD THE FOLLOWING NUMBER TO
CALL WITH YOUR COMMENTS (IF YOU REALLY MUST): 505 243-7821. FOR THOSE WHO
DO NOT RECOGNIZE THIS NUMBER, IT IS ONE OF MITS' (UGH !!) MAIN HOT-LINES;
AND FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE PROGRAM, IT BEARS MORE THAN A CASUAL
RESEMBLANCE TO ONE OF THE 'FREEBIES' THAT IS INCLUDED WITH THE DISK BASIC
WHICH MITS (RETCH !!) DISTRIBUTES.

ACYDUCY.ASC
THE ALL-TIME SUCKER'S GAME REVISITED. THIS IS ONLY AN APPROXIMATE SIMULATION.
THERE ARE NO MARKED CARDS, NO CROOKED DEALERS, NO SHILLS AND NOBODY WEARING
A STOCKING MASK, CARRYING A SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN WILL RELIEVE YOU OF YOUR BANK-
ROLL. SOUNDS DULL, N'EST-CE PAS ? I WOULD BE MOST SURPRISED IF FAIRCHILD OR
ATARI EVER PRODUCES A GAME CARTRIDGE FOR THIS.

MAZE.ASC
GUESS WHAT THIS ONE DOES ? IF YOU AREN'T SURE, RUN IT. BEFORE IT HAS 'DONE
ITS THING', YOU WILL HAVE HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. THIS SEEMS
TO NEED LOTS OF MEMORY (NOT TO MENTION PATIENCE), AND I HAVE YET TO SEE ANY-
ONE DO ANYTHING WITH ONE OF THESE ONCE THEY ARE PRINTED. RATHER THAN HAVE
SEVERAL FEET OF PAPER WITH A SILLY MAZE (OH, RATS, I GAVE AWAY THE SECRET),
I WOULD PREFER A JAGGED LINE WHICH REPRESENTED THE CORRECT PATH THROUGH THE
MAZE WHICH NOBODY BOTHERED TO PRINT. COME ON GANG, I WANT THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH;
HAS ANYONE EVER TRIED TO SOLVE ONE OF THESE THINGS ?

MANDALA.ASC
YOU HAVE JUST MORTGAGED EVERYTHING YOU OWN SO YOU COULD FINALLY HAVE YOUR OWN
COMPUTER. WHAT BETTER WAY TO GET OFF THE GROUND THAN TO PRODUCE RELIGIOUS
ARTIFACTS. A MANDALA IS (I'M SURE YOU WEST-COASTIES KNOW THIS ALREADY) SOME-
THING ON WHICH ONE CONCENTRATES WHILE LEARNING TO MEDITATE. THE ROAD TO INNER
PEACE IS A LONG, HARD JOURNEY AND THE TRAVEL IS VERY SLOW INDEED. IN THIS RE-
GARD, THIS PROGRAM IS PERHAPS THE MOST ACCURATE SIMULATION WHICH HAS EVER BEEN
ATTEMPTED. BEFORE THIS PROGRAM DELIVERS THE ARTWORK, IT ASKS SOME STRANGE AND
MYSTERIOUS QUESTIONS. WHAT DO THEY REALLY MEAN ? AS THE DIVINE GURU SO APTLY
PUT IT: "THE FACE OF TRUTH WEARS MANY MASKS...".

DIAMONDS.ASC
THIS PRINTS DIAMOND SHAPED PATTERNS WHICH SHAMELESSLY SLOGANEER ON BEHALF
OF THE DIGITAL EQUIPMENT COMPANY. THIS TYPIFIES SO MUCH OF THE STUFF WHICH
COMES TO US IN THE MAIL; GOOD EXECUTION OF BANAL IDEAS. SINCE THIS WAS PIL-
FERED FROM THE DECUS LIBRARY, I HAVE SLEPT EASIER KNOWING THAT I BOUGHT AN
IMSAI INSTEAD. IF DIAMONDS REALLY ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND, THEN I SUBMIT
THAT WOMEN'S LIB CAME ABOUT A CENTURY TOO SOON (PERHAPS THE VERY POINT OF
THIS PROGRAM).

KING.ASC
THE DREADED 'KINGDOM' GAME AGAIN... FAMINE, PLAGUES, PESTILENCE, ILLITERACY,
RAMPANT SOCIAL DISEASES ETC. YOU ARE THE KING OR QUEEN OF THIS BLIGHTED WIL-
DERNESS, AND YOU CAN ONLY WIN THIS GAME IF YOU SPEND YOUR PRECIOUS 'RALLODS'
FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOUR GROVELLING SUBJECTS. REMEMBER, THIS IS ONLY A COMPUTER
GAME (BARELY A COMPUTER GAME). WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING !!! LET YOUR UNWASHED
SUBJECTS FEND FOR THEMSELVES. ADMIT THAT YOUR HEART REALLY WASN'T IN YOUR
MONARCHY. TAKE ALL OF YOUR RALLODS TO SOUTH AMERICA AND ENJOY YOURSELF (YOU
CERTAINLY WON'T ENJOY YOURSELF HERE).

TRADE.ASC
THIS IS THE 'STARTRADER' (ALSO KNOWN AS 'STARLANES' - VOLUME 3.25) GAME. A
FUN ALBEIT SOMEWHAT CONFUSING PASTIME. THIS ONE ALSO HAS INSTRUCTIONS WHICH
AUTOMATICALLY MAKES IT A VAST IMPROVEMENT OVER THE ONE WE RECEIVED EARLIER;
AND IF YOU RECALL I LIKED THAT ONE ALSO.

TAXMAN.ASC
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS THING ? DESPITE THE CATCHY NAME, IT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH TAXES. IT'S YOU VS. THE COMPUTER IN A GAME OF NUMBER FACTORING. TO
WIN YOU WILL PROBABLY NEED YOUR POCKET CALCULATOR. IN MY OPINION IT ISN'T
WORTH TYING UP YOUR CALCULATOR (NOT TO MENTION YOUR COMPUTER) FOR THIS.

APOLLO.ASC
THIS YOU WILL PROBABLY WANT TO RUN JUST ONCE (CRT'S ONLY - SUGGESTED 4800 +
BAUD); BUT IT'S CLEVER, AND THERE IS A CUTE SURPRISE HERE. I WON'T SPOIL
IT FOR YOU. YOU PATRIOTS MAY WISH TO REPLACE 'APOLLO - U.S.A.' WITH SOME-
THING LIKE 'SOYUZ - C.C.C.P.'.

HORSE.ASC
THIS IS A FUN HORSE RACE SIMULATION. TONY MADE ME PROMISE NOT TO TOUCH ANY
OF THESE GAMES, OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE CERTAINLY DONE MY NUMBER ON THIS ONE.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU IS: 1) CLEAN UP THE FORMATTING, 2) REARRANGED
THE INPUTS FOR SINGLE DATUM ENTRIES (LESS ERROR PRONE THAN 4 ENTRIES SEPAR-
ATED BY COMMAS), 3) ADDED MORE HORSES (THE SAME OLD NAGS GET TIRED - TIRING
AS WELL) AND 4) CORRECTED THE TOTE BOARD FOR 'TRACK-FORMAT' (EVERY PAYOFF
ROUNDED TO NEXT LOWEST $0.20 AND NEVER LESS THAN $2.20 - AS IF THEY DIDN'T
ROB YOU BLIND ENOUGH ANYWAY). THESE WOULD HAVE RESULTED IN A VAST !! IMPROVE-
MENT (MAYBE NEXT TIME). FOR YOU SOFTWARE HACKERS (BEGINNERS ESPECIALLY), THE
IMPROVEMENTS I MENTIONED WOULD BE REALLY EASY TO IMPLEMENT, AND THE RESULTS
WELL WORTH THE MINIMAL EFFORT !!!

TRAP.ASC
AH HAH ! THE INFAMOUS NUMBER TRAPPING GAME AGAIN (VOLUME 13.19). I SUGGEST
THAT YOU READ MY REVIEW OF THIS PROGRAM (VOLUME 13.21). I DIDN'T HAVE ALL
THAT MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS THEN, BUT THE REST OF MY REVIEW WAS WELL WORTH
THE PRICE OF THE DISK.

ENTE/ENTEP.ASC
THESE GUYS DRAW YOUR FAVORITE (NOT MINE !!!) SPACESHIP. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR
TTYS (IN WHICH CASE THE RUN WILL BE PAINFULLY SLOW) AND VDMS (SEE, I'M NOT AT
ALL HARD TO GET ALONG WITH).

RUSSIAN.ASC
IF YOU RECALL, A PROGRAM OF THE SAME NAME (VOLUME 13.16) DESERVEDLY RECEIVED
THE VERY WORST REVIEW THAT I WAS CAPABLE OF WRITING. THIS VERSION IS SO MUCH
BETTER THAT I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO BE UNKIND. THE UNDERLYING IDEA IS STILL
TRIVIA IN THE WORST OF TASTE, BUT THIS TIME IT WAS DONE RIGHT.

ROCKET.ASC
LANDER.ASC
I'LL BET YOU'VE SEEN THESE BEFORE, AND SADLY I'LL PROBABLY SEE THEM AGAIN ALSO.
THEY ARE INCLUDED IN THIS VOLUME TO FILL SPACE (OUTER SPACE).

FURS.ASC
UNDER WHAT STRANGE INFLUENCES WAS THIS ODDBALL ITEM CONCEIVED ? THIS RIVALS
'KINGDOM' FOR A PLACE NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP. BRIEFLY, ONE IS TO TRADE
PELTS (FOUR KINDS) IN NEW YORK OR CANADA. THERE ARE THREE TRADING POSTS; TWO
ARE DEFENDED BY THE FRENCH ARMY, AND ONE BY THE DUTCH. HOSTILE WEATHER AND
INDIANS ARE IMPLIED. IN THIS NONSENSICAL RECREATION OF HISTORY, THE FRENCH
ARMY IS CAPABLE OF BEING A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT... BACK TO THE HISTORY BOOKS,
WHOEVER WROTE THIS !! I HAVE BY NOW SPENT MORE TIME WRITING ABOUT THIS THAN
I SPENT THE ONE TIME (TOO MANY) I PLAYED IT.

SNOOPY.ASC
THIS ONE DRAWS PICTURES OF THAT DARLING LITTLE DOG FROM THE 'PEANUTS' COMIC
STRIP; YOU KNOW THAT LOVEABLE POOCH THAT SAYS ALL THOSE CLEVER THINGS, AND
PLAYS ICE-HOCKEY WITH THAT ADORABLE LITTLE BIRD. SOMEDAY, I'LL FIND OUT JUST
WHAT ALL-AMERICAN TOWN SNOOPY LIVES IN, AND WHILE HE'S DOING SOMETHING CUTE
ON THE ROOF OF HIS DOGHOUSE, I'LL PUT CYANIDE IN HIS FOOD. HEH, HEH !!!

BLKJK.ASC
THIS PLAYS BLACKJACK (FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW BETTER, THE 'IN' NAME FOR THIS
GAME IS '21', AND HAS BEEN SINCE LEGAL GAMBLING HIT NEVADA). MOST REMINISCENT
OF THE ONE FROM VOLUME 13.6. THE GAME IS NICE; THE FORMATTING'S HORRID, THAT'S
WHAT I SAID LAST TIME, AND IT'S STILL TRUE.

CHASE.ASC
ELECTRIFIED POSTS, HIGH-VOLTAGE WALLS AND DEATH-DEALING ROBOTS... HOW DID YOU
GET INTO SUCH A PREDICAMENT ? AN ABOVE AVERAGE GAME, BUT AFTER SEVERAL TRIES,
IT BECOMES EVIDENT WHETHER OR NOT YOU WILL WIN BY EXAMINING THE STARTING PO-
SITION. THIS GAME IS A FAVORITE WITH THE YOUNGSTERS (SINCERE COMPLIMENT). IT
WILL REMIND YOU OF A GAME BY THE SAME NAME (VOLUME 3.10).

STRTRK/2.ASC
THIS ONE IS A GEM IN SEARCH OF INSTRUCTIONS. SINCE I HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO PLAY
WITH THIS, I WILL TELL YOU ENOUGH TO AT LEAST GET YOU STARTED. TO FAMILIARIZE
YOURSELVES WITH THE COMMAND-TABLE, ENTER A ZERO <CR> WHEN GIVEN THE 'COMMAND ?'
PROMPT. WHEN IN THE 'COMPUTER' MODE, ENTER A NINE <CR> WHEN PROMPTED WITH 'COM-
PUTER ON COMMAND ?'. IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU ENTER THE APPROPRIATE
COMMAND TO PRINT THE 'WARP-COMPASS' BEFORE YOU TRY TO PLAY THIS; THE REASON
BEING THAT IN THIS VERSION OF STARTREK, ONE NAVIGATES COURSES OF 0-359 DEGREES.
THOSE COURSES (0-359), AND ALSO THE PHOTON TRAJECTORIES ARE WHERE YOU WOULD
LEAST EXPECT TO FIND THEM. THE MAJOR LIMITATION OF THIS IS THAT IT WAS MADE TO
RUN IN 32K (WITH 3.2 MITS BASIC). I PERSONALLY WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE SEEN
WHERE IT WOULD HAVE GONE IF THE AUTHOR(S) HAD OWNED MORE MEMORY.

STRTRK/3.ASC
THIS IS ANOTHER STARTREK. THERE ARE NO INSTRUCTIONS, AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT
AFRAID TO ADMIT THAT (RUN IT, YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN). THIS IS REALLY A SHAME
BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT BE VERY GOOD. BUT, WITH EACH MOMENT AT SUCH A
PREMIUM THESE DAYS, I JUST COULDN'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH THIS TO DETERMINE
HOW TO PLAY IT PROPERLY. IN ANY EVENT, I'M SURE THAT EVEN WITH MORE INFO ON
HOW TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, I WOULD STILL PREFER 'STRTRK/2'.

WARI.ASC
THIS IS ONE OF SEVERAL RENDITIONS OF 'WARI' (A.K.A. 'AWARI', 'KALI' ETC.)
WHICH I HAVE SEEN. THIS ONE IS THE BEST, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THERE ARE
NO INSTRUCTIONS (THEY CAN BE FOUND IN SEVERAL BOOKS AND SOFTWARE ARTICLES).
LIKE ALL OTHER (BASIC) VERSIONS I'VE SEEN EARLIER, THIS TAKES FAR TOO LONG
TO MAKE ITS (COMPUTER'S) MOVE. IF YOU'RE A PATIENT SORT YOU WILL ENJOY THIS,
OTHERWISE IT WILL LIKELY BE ONE OF THE FIRST ONES YOU ERASE.

W/SEARCH.ASC
THIS GENERATES WORD-SEARCH PUZZLES. IT DOES SO QUITE WELL. THERE ARE QUITE
A FEW UNEXPECTED SURPRISES (ALL PLEASANT FOR A CHANGE). AND I HAVE YET TO
SEE THIS PROGRAM MAKE ANY MISTAKES (HOW OFTEN DO YOU HEAR ME SAY THAT ?).

WUMP.ASC
AS SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE SURMISED, I AM NOT FOND OF 'WUMPUS' GAMES. IN FACT,
I'VE ASKED QUITE POLITELY (TWICE) THAT PEOPLE REFRAIN FROM SENDING THESE
TEDIOUS ATTEMPTS TO TONY... PERHAPS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS OPERATION
WORKS... LET ME EXPLAIN: TONY HATES COMPUTER GAMES; HE WILL NOT RUN THEM !! IT
DOES NOT MATTER TO HIM IF I SAY THAT A CERTAIN PROGRAM IS A LOSER; SINCE HE IS
NOT FAMILIAR WITH ANY OF THESE GAMES, HE TELLS ME TO REVIEW THEM ANYWAY. PER-
HAPS HE FEELS THAT JUST BECAUSE I SAY THAT A CERTAIN PROGRAM IS LIKE A CRETIN'S
NIGHTMARE, SOME OF YOU KIND FOLKS MIGHT NOT AGREE - A REASONABLE ENOUGH STANCE,
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE !! I CAN BE CRUEL IF I CHOOSE; AND YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE SUB-
MITTING THESE STAND TO SUFFER MIGHTILY FOR YOUR DISOBEDIENCE !!! YOU DO PUT RE-
TURN ADDRESSES ON YOUR 'WUMPUS' DISKS, DON'T YOU ? WELL MR. WISEGUY, WHO CON-
TRIBUTED THIS BORING !! REHASH, JUST FOR YOU, ONE FINAL REVIEW OF YOUR AWFUL
'WUMP' PROGRAM: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT PERSONS BRIGHT ENOUGH TO BREATHE WOULD
BE EVEN MOMENTARILY ENTERTAINED BY SUCH MORONIC EXCESS. HOWEVER YOU, SIR, HAVE
PROVEN ME WRONG !!! IT TAKES ALL KINDS, AND ONE MUST BE TOLERANT, BUT I WOULD
RATHER SPEND 1000 YEARS IN LUCIFER'S FIRES THAN ONE EVENING IN THE COMPANY OF
YOU AND YOUR OBVIOUSLY UNDER-UTILIZED COMPUTER. TO ANYONE ELSE (BUT YOU) WHO
MIGHT READ THIS, ALTHOUGH WUMPUS GAMES STINK; THIS IS MORE DESERVING THAN MOST
OTHERS OF BEING RUN AT LEAST ONCE. I HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THE NUMEROUS MISSPEL-
LINGS AND THE PIDGIN-ENGLISH TO BE FOUND IN THIS 'GAME', THESE ARE FAR AND AWAY
THE BEST PARTS. P.S. TONY, THAT'S IT !!! IF YOU ASK ME TO DO EVEN ONE MORE
'WUMPUS' REVIEW I'LL QUIT (I MEAN IT) !!!

TACOS.ASC
AS I MENTIONED, I JUST RETURNED FROM CALIFORNIA. MY FRAIL EGO WAS REINFORCED
TWICE... THOUGH I HAD LITTLE USE FOR BUSINESS, I DID VISIT CONVENIENT 'HOME
COMPUTER' OUTLETS. IMAGINE MY HAPPY SURPRISE WHEN I HEARD MYSELF DISCUSSED
TWO TIMES !!! ONE NAMELESS PLACE IN THE BAY AREA WAS MOST CORDIAL TO ME; AND
WHEN I POSED AS A CUSTOMER, SEEMED MOST POLITE... THEY EVEN SHOWED ME MY VERY
FIRST COLUMN (VOLUME 3A.DOC), AND TOLD ME THAT IF I WOULD BUY FROM THEM, STUFF
SUCH AS I WRITE, WOULD BE READILY AVAILABLE TO ME... THANKS A LOT !!! I CAN
GET IT WHOLESALE (AS WE SAY HERE). IN LOS ANGELES, I HAD QUITE A DIFFERENT
EXPERIENCE; TWO FELLOWS WHO HAD NO IDEA TO WHOM THEY WERE SPEAKING LET ME IN
ON THEIR NEFARIOUS LITTLE PLOT... THE IDEA WAS TO SUBMIT THIS ITEM TO ZOSO SO
AS TO GIVE ME YET ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO BE UNKIND... WELL, NO WAY !!! OF
COURSE THIS PROGRAM IS LOUSY, BUT GENTLEMEN OF THE (STORE NAME DELETED), IF
YOU REMEMBER, I ALSO SAW THE OTHER STUFF YOU RUN (WHICH YOU HAVE NOT YET SEEN
FIT TO CONTRIBUTE), AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THIS IS AS GOOD OR BETTER !!!


            *** CONTEST NEWS ETC. ***

THE CONTEST IS STILL ALIVE !!! WHEN I DECIDE THAT I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN JUST
WHAT I WANTED, I WILL ANNOUNCE THE WINNER... NOT YET !!! THE VERY FEW ENTRANTS
HAVE ALL SUGGESTED IDEAS (OH YES, READ ABOUT THE FAMOUS CONTEST WHICH I AM
SPONSORING IN VOLUME 13.21) WHICH INVOLVE MUTILATIONS OF MY C/BIOS. THIS, I
COULD HAVE HANDLED MYSELF. I WANT A CP/M INDEPENDENT ROUTINE WHICH WILL TRULY
RANDOMIZE MICROSOFT'S DISK BASIC. REFERRING AGAIN TO MY LAST COLUMN, I LAMENTED
THAT TDL HAD NOT ISSUED A DISK BASIC... NO LONGER TRUE !!!... THEY HAVE SOME
OF THE VERY BEST CP/M STUFF AVAILABLE, WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO YOU ?... NONE AT
ALL !!! IT WON'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU CALL THEM, THEY WILL DENY THE
EXISTENCE OF THE VERY BEST SOFTWARE YOU Z-80 TYPES (I AM ONE) MAY EVER SEE. I
HAVE IT ALL (EXCEPT FOR MICRO-SEED), BUT THAT WON'T HELP ANY OF YOU... PLEASE
GET IN THE HABIT OF USING THE FILETYPE '.ASC' FOR STUFF WRITTEN FOR MICROSOFT
BASIC AND '.BAS' FOR BASIC-E AND C-BASIC. SPEAKING OF THESE TWO SPLENDID COM-
PILER BASICS, '.INT' FILES ARE STILL BEING SOLD... WHEN YOU READ THAT SOME EX-
PENSIVE ITEM IS 'WRITTEN IN C-BASIC', THAT COLD CHILL YOU FEEL IS MERELY YOUR
SELF-PRESERVATION INSTINCT TAKING OVER...



                    HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


                            ZOSO