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Text File  |  1992-08-21  |  4KB  |  70 lines
  1. Eight Fun-Filled Days and Glorious Nights...
  2.  
  3.                     or
  4.  
  5. What the Travel Agent Said (and what she really meant)
  6.  
  7.  
  8.      Ever get the feeling that your travel agent for your last vacation had
  9. never been to whereever it was she sent you?  Here's a short primer for reading
  10. between the lines of his hype.
  11.  
  12. Travel Agent (or Brochure)                English Meaning
  13. --------------------------                ---------------
  14. All the amenities                         Free shower cap
  15. Stately                                   Needs renovation
  16. Aristocratic                              Needs major renovation
  17. Gentle breezes                            Gale-force winds
  18. Picturesque                               Theme park/Mystery House nearby
  19. Airy                                      No air conditioning
  20. Brisk                                     Freezing
  21. Carefree natives                          Terrible service
  22. Bustling metropolis                       Hoards of hostile natives
  23. Open bar                                  Free Ice Cubes
  24. Plush                                     Top AND Bottom Sheets
  25. Spacious Quarters                         Sparsely furnished rooms
  26. Surprizing Bargains                       Save on Coconut Bird Feeders
  27. Convenient                                Bring Bus Fare
  28. Motorcoach                                Bus
  29. Deluxe Motorcoach                         Clean Windows on Bus
  30. Unique                                    No one else would do it like this
  31.                                           (they wouldn't dare)
  32. Quaint                                    Run-down
  33. Warmed by the Gulf Stream                 Cold
  34. Cooled by the Humboldt Current            Hot
  35. Off the Beaten Path                       People have stopped coming here
  36. Remote                                    People NEVER came here
  37. Standard                                  Substandard
  38. Deluxe                                    Standard
  39. Superior                                  Free Soap
  40. Undiscovered                              Not worth discovering
  41. Authentic Native Dishes                   Inedible but Cheap
  42. Playground of the Stars                   Mel Torme once stayed here
  43. If you like being pampered                You CAN get waited upon
  44. Exquisite Cuisine                         Limited Menu
  45. Choice of Menu                            Chicken
  46. Tree-lined Boulevards                     No sight-seeing
  47. Old-World Charm                           No Bath
  48. Carriage Trade                            No Kids or Pets
  49. Sun-drenched                              Arid Desert Wasteland
  50. Tropical                                  Monsoons year-round
  51. Majestic Setting                          A long way from town
  52. Panoramic Vista                           A VERY long way from town
  53. Options Galore                            Nothing is included in your itinerary
  54. Secluded Hideaway                         Impossible to find
  55. ...too numerous to mention                I've never been near the place
  56. Preregistered rooms                       Already occupied
  57. Leisurely transfer                        Boring bus ride
  58. Explore on your own                       Pay for it yourself
  59. Knowledgeable Tour Hosts                  They's flown before
  60. Nominal Charge                            Extortion
  61. "Thieves" Market                          Thieves
  62. Dare to be DIFFERENT!!!                   Dare to be STUPID!!!
  63.                                               (Wierd Al)
  64. Mystery Tour                              Regular Tour Cancelled
  65. No extra fees                             No Extras
  66. Steeped in History                        Old and Retarded
  67. Tipping is considered an insult           The natives LOVE to be insulted
  68. ... and Much, Much More!!!                Thats's about ALL there is
  69.  
  70.