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From: [e-mail] (Richard Kulawiec)
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Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
Subject: Satellite of Love News #10
To: [e-mail] (Rich Kulawiec)
Date: Mon, 23 Dec 91 7:25:06 EST
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[ Editor's notes -- The FAQ is coming along nicely, and will probably
get finished during the holidays.  If anyone has working addresses for:

Pete Bradley = [e-mail]
Jeff Baker = starnet![e-mail]
Greg Berigan = [e-mail]
Jim Klingler = [e-mail]
Annie = [e-mail]
Mark Gleaves = "pmvax::cmdglv"@vaxa.weeg.uiowa.edu

please let me know, as these addresses appear to be broken for various
reasons.  Thanks, ---Rsk ]

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Item 1:
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From: aminet![e-mail] (Keith Barrett)
Date: Mon, 2 Dec 91 10:59:09 EST
Subject: SOL Newsletter item [Connecticut viewers]

I'm curious - are there other MST3k viewers in Connecticut? Feel free to
drop me email; perhaps we'll have a marathon.

Keith Barrett

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Item 2:
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From: David Arnold <[e-mail]>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 91 08:36:31 -0500
Subject: Another Washington Post article

Here's another article from the Washington Post.  This guy usually is a
tough reviewer!

                      'MST3K' Means Fine Television
                  Tom Shales, Washington Post, 11/27/91
                     (Reproduced without permission)

Only one movie series on television claims that the films it shows are "the
worst we can find."  It's "Mystery Science Theater 3000", on cable's Comedy
Central channel, and its boast is hardly idle.  Each week is unreeled a
certified piece of absolute crap.

Bad movies are hardly scarce on TV, of course, especially cable.  What makes
these stand out is that you get to watch other people watching them --
specifically, one human being and two robots.  The premise is that the three
of them have been marooned in space by "evil overlords" and sentenced to
sit through some of the lousiest motion pictures ever made.

Thus is an all-time pet peeve -- people talking aloud at movies -- transformed
into a hilarious laff riot.  It's the best thing that ever happened to worth-
less junk, a pure if slightly perverse pleasure to watch.  "MST3K," as it's
known to its fans -- who in turn are known to one another as "Misties" --
is my new favorite television program, extrememly wonderful and instantly
indispensable.

There is nothing about it I don't like and nothing about it I would change.

On Thanksgiving Day, Misties will have cause to be truly thankful, and to
become truly misty.  Comedy Central is programming 30 straight hours of
"MST3K" drawn from the last three years of weekly installments.  That's 15
turkeys for Turkey Day, the channel brags.  The official starting time is
12:01 a.m. Thursday.

Among the titles to be shown: "Jungle Goddess," "Time Of The Apes," "Catalina
Caper," and "Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster."  Real bombs, real clunkers, real
dogs.  Bravo, bravo, bravo!

Oh, it's an acquired taste, all right, but once you acquire it you may become
its helpless slave for life.  The fan club membership is approaching 10,000;
"MST3K," which airs Saturday mornings and late Friday nights, is easily the
most noticed thing on Comedy Central.

The network, formed when Ha! and the Comedy Channel merged last year, is now
available in 21 million cable homes, including 400,000 in the Washington
area.  It is carried on systems in Fairfax and Arlington counties and in
northern Prince George's County, but not yet seen in the District or Mont-
gomery County.

Joel Hodgson, the man behind the series, is also the man in front of the
series.  The 31-year-old standup comic plays Joel Robinson, chief maroonee,
foil to robot pals Tom Servo and Crow.  Tom Servo, who looks like a bubble-
gum dispenser, and Crow, who looks like a mutated hood ornament, are voiced
by Kevin Murphy and Trace Beaulieu, two of Hodgson's co-writers.

They and the others who write and produce the series have been nominated for
an Ace award for best comedy series on cable.  Ok, so an Ace is the most
meaningless award in the world -- it's still an award!  (They'll probably
lose anyway, to HBO's overpraised and self-congratulatory "Dream On.")

An affable, laid-back, soft-spoken fellow who suggests a cross between silent
movie comics Harry Langdon and Stan Laurel, the sleepy-eyed Hodgson says from
Minneapolis, where the show is produced, that he's been sassing back at
movies for much of his life.

"It really started at home and in college," Hodgson says.  "When I was a
little kid I assumed, like most kids, that everything on TV was right.  When
you're a kid, you think God makes the movies -- you know?  It was weird
growing up and finding out that a lot of it wasn't right.  There were things
TV didn't really know about."

"So our show is kind of about liberty, the liberty for people to know that
not everything on TV is correct, or the final word."

Hodgson and the robots introduce each show, and hear from the evil overlords
what movie they're going to be subjected to, and rush out of the theater
during commercial breaks, sometimes to put on a skit that may restage a
particularly ridiculous scene from the film.

During a showing of a ludicrous juvenile delinquent movie called "Daddy-O,"
Joel and the 'bots, as he calls them, did a song called "Hike Up Your Pants"
in honor of the hero's nearly armpit-high trouser line.  A Godzilla movie
was accompanied by "The Godzilla Geneology Bop" tracing the monster's
ancestry and noting that such figures as Yoko Ono and Steve Guttenberg
dangle from distant limbs of the family tree.

While the film is rolling, you see the backs of Joel and the 'bots' heads
sitting in the lower right corner of the screen.  Occasionally Joel will
reach up and tweak an actor's nose or something like that.

Now, why are they stranded in outer space, riding around on what they call
"the satellite of love?"  This is important to the concept.  "If it were
just a theater," Hodgson says, "with people walking in and making fun, a
viewer would go, 'If they don't like it, why don't they get out?'"

For all the cynical derisiveness that is endemic to it, the show has an
intoxicatingly friendly feel, partly because it brings to mind kid-vid shows
from TV's past (the opening credits, with theme song, are a parody of sitcom
openings from years gone by_ and partly because the attitude toward the bad
movies is essentially affectionate.

"It's fun to watch a bad movie," Hodgson says.  "As we grow up and get more
sophisticated, the things people thought were really grand in the past become
really funny.  Sometimes if a movie is good and time goes by, it becomes a
bad movie.  It becomes incongruous to what's going on in the world and
becomes funnier."

Is it a kid's show, or an adults' show?  Hodgson says he gets lots of mail
from children so young the mothers have to write the letters (the kids draw
pictures),  but he also hears from doctors, lawyers, sci-fi nuts, teenage
girls, computer nerds and "slackers" -- people who just watch TV all the time.

When he started the series on a UHF station in Minneapolis four years ago,
Hodgson imagined it would appeal only to videophiles, "sophisticated people
who really understand TV."  Now he's happy that he hears a little bit of
everybody and that the MST constituency is so vast.  "It would bum us out
if it was all one or the other" kind of viewer, he says.

While kids may like to watch the robots and the cheesy films, many of the
700 remarks Joel and the 'bots make per movie (up from 200 per movie in the
first season) have to be sailing right over the kiddies' heads.  Recent
programs included references to Lillian Hellman, Norman Cousins, Beethoven's
sonatas, Enrico Fermi, Isaac Asimov, "Of Mice And Men," Calvinism, nihilism
and surrealism.  There is also the occasional pharmacological aside.

During the showing of the ignominious debacle "Robot Monster" (the one with
the guy in the gorilla suit and the fishbowl head), Tom Servo observed, "I've
seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does."  Such touches
make "MST3K" more than a string of sarcastic jokes.  It's a thousand points
of reference, hopscotching the culture.

And yes, a movie can be too bad even for this show.  "It's hard to do movies
that really aren't motivated at all, that are so bad you can't make sense
of the plot," Hodgson says.  Surprisingly, perhaps, he hasn't heard complaints
from any of the filmmakers involved in any of the films he and the 'bots
have hooted at.

But he did hear once from actor Miles O'Keefe, who played Tarzan opposite
Bo Dereks' Jane -- though that's certainly not the film that screened on
"MST3K."  It was an even worse O'Keefe picture; Hodgson can't remember which
one.  "He called us and said he really liked it," Hodgson says.  "He said
his friends always call him and give him a hard time whenever the movie is
on anyway.  He was very nice about it."

The secret of "MST3K" is that you're not just watching a bad movie, you're
watching a bad movie with friends.

Hodgson is now working on other show concepts for HBO Downtown Productions --
more naive art in the spirit of "MST3K."  One is "The Mr. Elk and Mr. Seal
Show," a variety hour supposedly being staged at a country lodge.

Whatever he does, he wants to stay headquartered in Minneapolis and not go
to Hollywood or New York.  He and his cohorts are able to produce a two-hour
"MST3K" for $50,000, Hodgson says, estimating that it would cost four times
as much to do the same show in Los Angeles.

One of the many endearing things about the program is its Midwestern grass-
roots ambiance.  "MST3K" is clearly homemade and not a store bought cookie.

As for the title, "Mystery Science Theater" is obviously enough, but what
does the "3000" signify?  "We just said 'Lets make it 3000 so it's really
cool,' " Hodgson says.  "It doesn't mean it's taking place in the year 3000.
It just means it's _that cool_."

[ Italics in the article approximated by _underscores_.  -ed ]

==========
Item 3:
==========
From: David Arnold <[e-mail]>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 91 08:44:34 -0500
Subject: MST3K post: Annoyed with schedule!

Was I the only one who was pissed that the schedule released by Comedy
Central bore little relationship to what was actually aired on the "Turkey
Day Marathon" last week?  I had planned my whole day to be able to tape
much of it, partly for myself to get a couple of episodes I'd missed, and
mostly to make a few tapes as part of my bro-in-law's Christmas present.

I think that maybe three of the scheduled shows actually appeared when they
were supposed to!  Others were re-arranged, added unannounced, or dropped
altoghether.  As far as I could tell, they didn't show "It Conquered The
World" or "Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster" at all.  :-(  Were these shows
that were moved and I missed?  I only missed the ones that ran at 4 a.m.
and 4 p.m. EDT.  I either saw part of the others or taped  them.  Oh, also,
the episode touted for last Saturday (11/30) was not "War of the Colossal
Beast" as indicated, but the Viking Women movie again.

While I did get 18 hours of MST for bro, I didn't get two shows I'd really
wanted, and am *still* waiting for a rerun of "The Crawling Eye."  *sigh*

Well, that's enough bitching for now.

David Arnold

Inet:   [e-mail]
UUCP:   uunet!syrinx.umd.edu!davida
Bitnet: davida%syrinx.umd.edu@cunyvm

==========
Item 4:
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From: Major Matt Mason <[e-mail]>
Date: Wed, 04 Dec 91 18:18:09 EDT
Subject: MST3K December Listings

Just got my monthly listing from Comedy Central today; here's the
December MST3K lineup:

12/6, 10 am only:  Moon Zero Two

12/7, 10 am & 7 pm:  Amazing Colossal Man, The

12/13, 10 am and 1am:  Untamed Youth

12/14, 10 am & 7 pm:  Unearthly, The

12/20, 10 am and 1am:  Black Scorpion

12/21, 10 am & 7 pm:  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (!!)

12/27, 10 am and 1am:  Rocketship XM

12/21, 10 am & 7 pm:  Fugitive Alien

All times are Eastern and Pacific.

-MMM-

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Item 5:
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From: [e-mail]
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 91 09:01:33 CST
Subject: looking for last connecting segment in Turkey Day marathon

I managed to tape all of the Turkey Day marathon except the last two hours.
Does anyone out there (near Austin,TX preferably) have a copy of those last
two hours.  I already have that particular movie on tape; I am merely interested
in the mad scientists segments at the beginning and end, and any extra things
that they showed during the commercials (like Making MST3K, etc.)
Can anyone help me?
Marty Hoff <[e-mail]>

==========
Item 6:
==========
From: Arun Welch <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 9 Dec 91 15:10:16 -0500
Subject: MST3K video

Has anyone seen the "Play MST for me" video?  Is it stuff collected off
the show, or new material?

Arun Welch
Lisp Hacker, Anzus Consulting
[e-mail]

[ What video is this?  Has it been aired, or is it available via mail,
or what? ---Rsk ]

==========
Item 7:
==========
From: Arun Welch <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 9 Dec 91 16:24:56 -0500
Subject: MST3K stuff

They're having a sale on just about everything in the catalog right now,
if no one else has posted let me know and I'll post it.

[ I presume he means the MST3K fan club catalog... ---Rsk ]

==========
Item 8:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Jim Wieser)
Date: Mon, 9 Dec 91 16:34:30 EST
Subject: MST3000 [Commando Cody]

Did they every finish the Commando Cody episodes. If they did,
how did things end up. Nipple, Nipple, Tweek, Tweek, Fly!

[ I presume they did...but I'm not sure I'd notice or care! ---Rsk ]

==========
Item 9:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Who, Me??)
Date: Mon, 9 Dec 91 19:53:58 -0800
Subject: Studio Light Goof in Movie?


I wish I could remember WHAT the name of the movie that this goof
appeared in, or even what day, but I will try to describe it as best I can.

It was the movie in which they are flying through space, someone gets
marooned on a planet, the 2nd ship has to return to their home planet,
and eventually make it back to the planet the 1st ship crashed on, but
it is 20 years later or something...  Then at the end it turns out that
the...

**SPOILERS** =-)

...the girl is the daughter of the captain and she stays on this planet
(Earth!) with the .... the .. uhh... dude.

Ok, now on to the goof!  (At least it LOOKS like a goof, but Joel and
the bots didn't pick up on it!)

During the last 5 minutes or so of the movie there is a scene where the
girl is kissing the guy near a pool of water.  As the camera (not
gamera..) pulls back and up, if you watch VERY carefully in the water
towards the bottom of the screen, you will see TWO distinct yellow
glows!  Now, the planet is Earth, so I ruled out two suns... =-)  I had
someone else look at it and he agreed with me that the two lights DO in
fact look like reflections of studio lights or something...!

Did anyone else notice these?  Anyone else think they are studio light
reflections?  I have an urge to write MST3k and reprimand them for not
catching the goof =-).

Rich

==========
Item 10:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Lon Ponschock)
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 91 19:42 CST
Subject: Thanks for Mail Lists

Also, I notice in # 8 that the issue of MST3K-style banter
spreading to movie theatres has *finally* been addressed.

Any possiblilty of you doing an editorial for the benefit of your readers?

[ What, you think anything I have to say is to anyone's benefit? :-) ---Rsk ]

I, for one, am in the camp of ABSOLUTE silence in a public theatre
no matter HOW funny one thniks that one is being.

Any feedback?

Thanks again  :)

    PS. this is something I"ve always wanted to add to my signature
but probably won't from the Planet of the Apes knockoff:

      "Let's cr*p in our hands and throw it at people."  MST3K

So long for now.
--
    [e-mail]

==========
Item 11:
==========
From: sybase![e-mail] (David Hawkins)
Date: Thu, 12 Dec 91 09:27:46 PST
Subject: Re:  Welcome to the MST3K mailing list. [Roger Corman]

[...]

Anyway, some SOL notes:
Just read Roger Corman's autobiography, "How I made over 100 movies in
Hollywood and never lost a dime," and it's interesting.  "Viking Women"
was filmed in 3 days.  The actor playing Todd said he couldn't run up
that hill to look for the sea so Corman threw down his script and ran
up the hill to show it could be done.  The ships in storm stuff that
was done on a soundstage was so cold that they gave them plenty to
drink.  Abby Dalton said she could hardly stand after the end of that
day.  Anyway, it's an interesting book and is in the stores now. I
picked up my copy at Tattered Cover in Denver.

Has anyone pointed out that that's not really Jack Perkins.  Check
the credits.  Same guy, Michael Nelson (I think), does the skits on
the Colossal man, and as the gym guy in Daddy-O.

There's a film magazine where you can order the old serials.  Radar
Men from the Moon (Commander Cody) was a 12 parter and Phantom Creeps
was a 9 parter, I think.  But you can order tapes and watch the whole
series.  Anyone want the address/phone-number?

later, david
--
David Hawkins    [e-mail]

==========
Item 12:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Thu, 12 Dec 91 23:10:30 EST
Subject: MST3K: Turkey Day Tidbits!

Well, I only managed to catch 6 hours of Turkey Day on tape,
but here are the various Turkey Day tidbits I caught that aired
before commercials.

*Key*
TS=Tom Servo
C=Crow
J=Joel
G=Gypsy
ANN=Comedy Central Announcer-Guy (Penn Gillette)

ANN: Here's a special Thanksgiving hymn from Comedy Central.
ALL (TS, C, J): (singing)
     We gather together to watch cheesy movies
     At Comedy Central on Thanksgiving Day.
     At Mystery Science (all breathe) Theater 3000
     It's thirty straight hours and it's called Turkey Day.
ANN: Catch Turkey Day, all day Thanksgiving, here at Comedy Central.
TS: Hey, how come _he_ doesn't have to sing?
C: He's in the union.

J: Hi, you're watching Turkey Day at Comedy Central. Remember,
   the USDA and your agricultural extensions recommend you cook
   your bird thoroughly to 140 degrees throughout. Thanks.

C: Turkey Fact Number 12: Turkeys would rather walk through an electric
   fan than around it. Ha ha. They're just stupid.

TS: Turkey Fact Number 12: Turkeys are filled with enough
    L-Tryptophan to knock you on your sorry Thanksgiving ass.

TS: Hi, Tom Servo here with a Turkey Day fact here at Comedy Central.
    Hey, did you know that Puritans used to beat up Quakers? Ha ha ha.
    It's true. Back after this.

J: Hi, I'm Joel Robinson and your watching Turkey Day. Don't be afraid
   to say no to organ meats this holiday season.  Thanks.

C: Turkey Fact Number 12: If you do a stutter count, Turkeys are
   likely to jump offsides.

J: Hi, this is Joel Robinson on the Satellite of Love.  It's Turkey
   Day at Comedy Central. (holds up turkey baster) This is a turkey
   baster.  Everything is permitted within the boundaries of
   Thanksgiving.

J: Hi, my name is Joel Robinson on the Satellite of Love, and you're
   watching Turkey Day.  The count is 5 down and the amount is $125.

J: Hi everybody, my name is Joel Robinson from the Satellite of Love.
   You're watching Turkey Day at Comedy Central.  These are Potato
   Buds and this is a turkey baster. Be careful.

TS: I'm Miles Standish and I'll be back to pick you up later. Ha ha!

G (in Chasidic outfit): Boo!

                         * * * * *

That's all that was on my 6 hours, but they started to repeat themselves,
so that may be all.  Anyone else catch others?

A lot of time on my hands....

"I understand now.  Gallagher *is* funny!"
     --- Joel, _It Conquered the World_

==========
Item 13:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Sun, 15 Dec 91 22:05:28 EST
Subject: MST3K  --- THE BOTS

   Okay, from what I have heard about the Bots makeup (ie. parts)
Crow is also part soap dish, and Gypsy is two baby car seats put
together. This from the Turkey Day special. Of course someone else
has probably already said this, so I'll shut up now.

 OMST3KQuote: Bob: Oho! White Goddess having trouble?
             Crow: Oho! White facist getting smart?

                          Al, Tom Servo's #1 fan

==========
Item 14:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Mon Dec 16 07:18:59 1991
Subject: MST3K

thanks for all the back issues!  i've already printed them off and sent
the hardcopies to minneapolis.  i'll definitly let you know what they
think.  i'll also let everyone know what it's like once i'm back.
thanks!

[ I wonder if they'll think we're as nuts as we think they are. ---Rsk ]

==========
Item 15:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Mon, 16 Dec 91 15:04:19 EST
Subject: MST3K: buncha stuff

   Howzit goin', MiSTies?  I'm a new subscriber, so my rxns to previous post-
ings may seem out of date. Bear with me.

In SOL #4, Tim Lynch writes:

>For some reason we haven't yet fully understood, my wife and I suddenly
>started talking about the MST3K ticket for the '92 election.  Think about it:
>
>President--Joel Robinson (of course)
>
>Veep--Frank (magnanimity is one of Joel's strengths, and Frank's got the
>intellect)
>
>Surgeon General--Dr. Clayton Forrester (or he can be scientific advisor,
>whichever is preferred)
>
>CIA Director--Cambot
>
>Chief of Staff--Crow
>
>Sec'y of the Interior--Tom
>
>Thoughts?  Alternate ideas?

   Well it hit me recently that the SOL Magic Voice (possibly Jann Johnson)
would make a fine SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE  ('cause she's a voice . . . and . . .
heh, the . . .thing . . .'n', uh).  BTW, why doesn't Magic Voice's name appear
in the credits?  She's contributed on more than one occasion to the host
segments.  (Wouldn't it be weird if it were Majel Barrett??!)

   ANYWAY!  Has anyone else noticed how some of the quips in the MST dialogue
are poorly dubbed in?  Because I can't get Comedy Central up here at NCSU
(the horror), I tape episodes and transfer the best routines to audio so I can
listen to them when I want.  In doing so, I can hear faint outtakes in the
background.  Some examples:  In POD PEOPLE, just before Tommy gives peanuts to
Trumpy, Joel says: "Carbon (something) all over my droid!"  Listen carefully
and you can hear how Joel started to say the same thing but in Tommy's voice.
And from DADDYO, following the PANTS UP song, Joel gets vapor-locked (someone
please explain that) and the Bots try to get his attention.  Before Crow says,
"Joel!  Snap out of it, buddy!", you can hear Crow's voice saying, "I can't
turn it off!  I don't know how it works!"  There are countless other examples,
but these will suffice.  Just something I noticed.

   OK, on to my true point ('bout time, huh?). Some time ago I made a proposal
on the rec.arts.tv group to all Misties, asking them to post their own
heckles to popular movies (cheesy and good).  Response was limited.  Then
someone told me about this newsletter and I immediately signed on.  I was
happy to see that several people had beaten me to the idea.  Bryan Lambert
wrote in about his ordeal through HIGHLANDER II:

  * "Alert.  The maximum security installation has been penetrated by a 1964
Plymouth Grand Fury."

   Rev P-K (Brian Siano) lampoons the Bo Derek vehicle, TARZAN THE APE MAN:

   *"What kind of boat is that?"
   *"A tramp steamer, obviously."

   And Al, Tom Servo's #1 Fan takes on KING OF NEW YORK:

   *(3 goons jump out and shoot him up with machine guns right there in the
      booth.)
   *"You're not dealing with AT+T!"

   It's obvious that MST3K has affected practically all Misties in this manner
and I propose that we start sending in our own cynicism as often as possible.
With the last few years in entertainment being what it was, there are just too
many movies, TV shows, cartoons, and commercials that need to be made fun of.
Maybe all such submissions should be compiled into one newsletter item.  It
would be something like a feature section and would mean less lengthy articles
(like this one!).  Watcha say, RSK?

   Just so you won't think that I'm slack, I'll include some of my own
heckles.  Some of my favorites:

From BATMAN: (Joker, after icing Grissom, looks down at the newspaper splat-
   tered with his blood)
SERVO: Ooo!  What's black and white and red all over?

From TERMINATOR 2:JUDGEMENT DAY (Arnold is being lowered into the molten
   metal.)
CROW: Here's that vacation you wanted.

   Well, ball's in your court Mists.  I'll probably see STAR TREK VI and maybe
THE ADDAMS FAMILY over the holiday so I should have plenty of material by next
year.  Talk to yous later!

   -The Quack -- [e-mail]

==========
Item 16:
==========
From: "Syndesis Corp/J. Foust" <[e-mail]>
Date: 17 Dec 91 21:57:29 EST
Subject: MST text, info

Hi, just got the MST3K digest from a friend.  Please add me to the
mailing list.  I'm in the fortunate position of having met most of
the cast and crew of the show.  They use a NewTek Video Toaster, and
NewTek invites the real Mysties to the annual Xmas party in Topeka.
The most recent party was this past weekend.

For those dying for inside information, I accompanied Trace and Mike
to see the "Addams Family" movie.  No, they didn't sit in the lower
right of the theatre, and I don't think they made a peep the whole
time.  However, they do return to banter while walking or driving.
("Hey, look, a statue of Meryl Streep.")

And my contribution to the mailing list is a transcript of a
computer-related skit.  Sorry, I don't remember the episode.  For
those with 'vi' on the brain, here's a few clues to the jokes:  the
'wp' refers to Word Perfect on the PC, and an expanded Amiga has a
"fat Agnus chip".

---
Tom Servo: (typing)  Uhm, cd slash wp51 return.  Ah, criminy, stupid
clone.  I really miss my Mac.  Hey, Crow, what does this mean?  "Too
many parameters hyphen WP51."

Crow: (reading an issue of Byte)  Oh, you used a forward slash instead
of a backslash.

Tom: Oh, oh OK.  Cd backslash WP51, return.

Joel: (voice over:  Hi everyone, welcome back to the Satellite of
Love.  Tom Servo and Crow are in the middle of another user interface
war.  Let's watch.

Tom:  This is rich: "Bad command or filename."  They expect you to be
a machine to operate this machine.

Crow:  And I suppose you prefer a little animated clown who would
juggle over to the little file cabinet and then wink at you and point
to the right drawer.

Tom:  Yeah, sure, at least I don't have to have a photographic memory
to get my Mac to work.

Joel:  Most user interfaces work perfectly well.  It's really just a
matter of the individual's personal preference.  We think the joke
will be on Tom Servo and Crow.

Tom:  The problem with IBMs and compatibles is that they lack the elegance
and intuitive nature of the Mac.  Mac products are proven, reliable
and they always work.

Crow:  Oh yeah, what about System 7?

Tom: It's coming, it's coming, OK?  There were a few bugs in it, OK?

Joel:  (voice over)  You can have a lot of fun with those hopelessly
mired in computer nuance.  Watch this.  "Hey, has anyone seen the
mouse for my Amiga?"

Tom:  Amiga?  Amiga?  Now there's a machine for ya.

Crow:  Hey, has anyone seen my Fast Angus drive?

==========
Item 17:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Tue, 17 Dec 91 22:25:08 EST
Subject: Transcription of Godzilla Geneology

Well...here it is as far as I can make out. There are a couple of
points in it that are a bit shaky and I am not sure of, but it gets
the general gist of it. This is the song that Joel, TomServo, and Crow
sing about a half hour into Godzilla vs. The Sea Creature.


Joel: In order to know Godzilla, we've got to look into his past.

Crow: You know studying geneology is gonna be a blast.

Joel: Ah, you've got it little robot pal, we're swinging into high.

TomServo: Come on, let's cut to the chase you couple of geeks, and get to the
          family tree!

Joel: Well it started with a nuclear blast and pets that were released.

TomServo and Joel: Oh, like baby alligators and other nasty beasts?

Joel: Right. The fusion reaction caused them to grow a thousand times their
      size.

TomServo and Crow: Oh.

Crow: Well that explains Godzilla's attractive tail and thunderous thighs!

Joel: Right. Now you're getting it little buddy, but now we must move on.
      Godzilla's not the only one to benefit from the A-bomb.

TomServo: Yeah look, there's Aunti Ness from Scotland's Loch, they married in
          the spring. And thier first-born was Godzookie, and now we begin to
      sing....

Crow: Godzookie went to Hollywood, an agent to the stars. He had an affair with
      Lorna Lufts and smoked a big cigar.

TomServo: And outta the lust of the love affair Rob Pearlman resulted.

Crow: Then Ron met Yoko Ono, and they began to spawn. A couple of hundred
      horrible things as green as forest lawn.

TomServo: There they are: there's Kermit the Frog, the Swamp Thing, Hulk, and
      Earnest Borgnight too...

Crow: But Earnest Borgnight isn't green!

TomServo: Well put him on a boat and he is.

Crow and Joel: What?!

TomServo: Hey! Who's that at the bottom, a wallowin' in his shame.

Joel: Oh, that's just Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame.

TomServo: Huh.

Joel: To wrap the worst mutation...

Crow: No, you don't suppose?!

TomServo: Oh yes it is, the horror of horrors,

All: Karl Baldwin's nose!

Joel: Commercial sign on top.

Crow: Dig it.

==========
Item 18:
==========
From: [e-mail] (J. Porter Clark)
Date: Sat, 21 Dec 91 14:18:01 CST
Subject: Santa Claus conquers the Martians

As soon as MST3K's _Santa Claus_ came on this morning (12/21), my
9-year-old son hollered, "That's what they made us watch at school this
week!"  He claimed that this was unbearable torture, but I'm sure that
he didn't mind skipping a regular class for it.  He liked MST3K's
version better, but I don't think it's one of their best--the movie was
far too dopey.  I might have enjoyed it more if I had seen _Roadhouse_.

Pia Zadora's part was a revelation!  What a monster talent! :-)

J. Porter Clark       [e-mail] or [e-mail]