ftp.ee.pdx.edu/2014.02.ftp.ee.pdx.edu.tar/ftp.ee.pdx.edu/pub/frp/stories/last-words

Internet Message Format | 1994-08-16 | 34KB

From [e-mail] Wed Dec  5 08:09:38 1990
From: [e-mail] (Trevor Paquette)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp
Subject: Famous Last Words Collection
Date: 3 Dec 90 16:36:25 GMT
Organization: ITA Inverse Theory & Applications, Calgary, Alberta
Originator: gl@cs-sun-fsd
Nntp-Posting-Host: cs-sun-fsd


 I have been collecting the 'famous last words' for sometime now and here
is what I have so far. Enjoy.
  - Trev
---------- cut here --------------

"Don't worry, he is probably just first level."
"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."
"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror"
"Can I eat this green slime?"
"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"
"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"
"This type of undead can't drain levels"
"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"
"We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping"
"That's only a statue"
"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it"
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Nov 28 18:04:06 1988

I will post Pull Yourself Together, Man's last words after the next Latella
Heroes' Reserve Game when I kill Possessed-a-Traitor.  I already know what
they are but I ain't wasting a presence attack here.
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Nov 29 06:00:18 1988

This is not an exact quote, but Chief Petty Officer Cornelius Riggs
    must have had a conversation something like this in my
    Traveller Campaign:  (Riggs was a NPC Engineer in this game)

    "Let me get this straight...our ship is attatched to a larger
starship, which has a nuclear device wired to the power plant and is
on collision course with a populated starport.  Our maneuver drives
don't work, because this whole ship is a piece of Sh*t and the only

way to deflect the starship from blowing up the starport is to hotwire
the jump-drives to boost us *Almost* to jump and thus throw us and the
other starship in a random direction away from the planet.
    All this With jump-drives which only work half the time and a
power plant held together with chewing gum and prayers, while we are
next to a larger mass object than the ship and within 10 radiuses of
the planet.
    You really want to do this??
    PC:  "Just Do It!"
    Riggs: "Ok...."

    Fortunately for C.P.O. Riggs, his blasted body was dug
out of the wreckage of the engine room in time to administer a stasis
drug, saving the brain cells for revival on the tech-13 hospital
on the starport they just saved...But he was clinically dead for
several hours.

 Of course with their competent Engineer out of it, the PC's still
had to defuse a nuclear device attatched to the only working power
plant on both ships...I think between them, the people doing the
defusing had Engineer-1, Jack of all Trades-1 and Demolitions-1...
    Gee that was a fun Traveller campaign...
    -Brad
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Nov 29 10:12:09 1988

More Last words and other funny stuff I've heard:
1) "Look, behind you!!!"  Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked
    parttymember crept up.  End of the other member.
2) "I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"
3) "Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"
4) "We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."
5) "Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?"
6) "How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?"
7) "I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level."
8) "Don't I get the farie fire bonus on my parry."
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Nov 29 15:54:18 1988

"I'm the rootin'est tootin'est fastest hammer slingin' bear in the galaxy!"
            - Bruno the Magnificent when attacking the god of war
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Nov 29 05:12:10 1988

Some possible things characters might have said just before they died:

AD&D:        "I sell the ring. How much do I get?"
Star Wars:    "Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist..."
Traveller:    "Who took the battery out of my grav belt?"
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Wed Nov 30 13:33:19 1988

  I've been interested in 'Funny Last Words' ever since I saw the
article in the Dragon (tm) Magazine a while ago.  Here are some
of the ones that I can remember from previous campaigns :

"They're wearing blue robes?  They must be Druids.  Roll for initiative,
 suckers."  (At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.)
"I see HOW MANY wights?!"  (from the crypts of Ravenloft)
"Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked."
"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding
 the treasure."
"A Nightmare, huh?  I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."
"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."
                          -- Paul Hinker (Posting as Andrew Ingalls)

============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Wed Nov 30 09:35:55 1988

I once played an AD&D .5ling named Kasul (pronounced Ka-'Zule). He was
perhaps the most enjoyable fighter/thief I have ever played. Our party
wound up storming a ruined, jungle infested fort in search of a rich
man's daughter.

We were given devices that allowed us short term flight. At one point
it was decided that Kasul should scope out the fort and make a cursory
look for the girl. So, he was givin all of the devices. He flew this
way and that. He located the girl and flew around somemore. When he
landed, the party made plans to attack the fort.

For his part, Kasule was to give two of the remaining flying devices
to a fighter and lead him to where the girl was stashed in a tower. A
Very High Tower. Kasul and the fighter flew upto the tower found that
the girl was not in the topmost chamber but one flight down; so, they
entered the topmost room.

There was a trap-door in the floor that led into the girl's cell. It
was decided that the fighter would drop through the trap-door, grab
the girl and use both of his flying gimicks to get them out and away.
Kasul, on the other hand, would cause a diversion and hold off any
resistence.

What followed was something like:

Fg:"I open the trap-door and drop down."
GM:"Ok. Kasul, what do you do?"
Kasul:"I look out the window, what do I see?"
GM:"Your party has started its attack, there are guards running out of
    the bottom of the tower you are in."
Kasul:"Ok, I start droping peices of broken furniture and stones on
       them."

 The tower was broken at the top therefore the stones and time broke the
 furniture.

GM:"Ok, the guards know you are up there now."
Kasul:"Uh, oops :-)"

 The fighter and the girl burst up through the trap-door and fly out of the
 broken roof.

GM:"Kasul, a ladder is now sticking up through the t-door and guards
    are swarming up it."
Kasul:"Ok, I step to the window-sill and Fly!"

 ...Dead silence from the players... the DM kinda looks up

Me:"I can still fly can't I?"
DM:shakes his head sadly.

 and I plummet to earth, only to land on all of the rocks and broken tables
 and chairs I had dropped before.

Dean...k...
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Wed Nov 30 12:50:35 1988

Readers:
 As one of my cohorts pointed out to me I forgot one of the most famous set
of last words, both by my characters.
 Ganja Silversword (In field plate +2...): "They need a twenty to hit me,
I'm invincible" such was unfortunately not the case... DM Reply (roles a 20):
"Is that good enough?"

Coraq Wildway (While trapped in a dungeon..) : "Don't worry, I have a
 plan!!!"

Coraq eventually returned through a nifty bit of luck, but he was dead for 2
years...
                                Ethan Evans
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Wed Nov 30 08:43:31 1988

Some more Famous Last Words:
"I bet that without Mjolnir you're a real wimp."
"Who's the bitch with the spiders?"
"We killed all monsters on this level."
"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Thu Dec  1 12:44:04 1988

Shalamar passed on (only temporarily) last session.  Her last words were

something like: "What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said
crocodile."
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Thu Dec  1 07:58:45 1988

"Well ...., I'll touch it again"
"I attempt to disbelieve"
"I cast a fireball" (into a 10'x10'x10' room)
"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."

While walking through an icy cavern the players start feeling colder and
taking several points of damage (a large brown mold). They panic and retreat
a little ways back up the hallway whereupon it was heard:

 Druid: "I send my summoned fire elemental down to check it out."
 M-U : "I fire off three quick fireballs down the hall"

Famous Last Words of the DM: (prior to attempts at lynching & stoning to
 death)

"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or take
 210 points of damage"
"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf"
   "why not?"
   "It's special bodak power"
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Thu Dec  1 20:11:01 1988

(Said about an enemy agent who had been using PC's pretending she was a
 government agent just before her cover was about to be blown)

 "Hey, shouldn't someone follow her? "(as she entered the house where the
  enemy base had been)
 " It's OK, I trust her..."
 *BOOM!!!!!*
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Fri Dec  2 00:51:43 1988

These are some of the best lines I've heard from players while I was a
DM.

 "Stand back you wimps.  I'll kill it."   This was said by a first
                                          time PC fighter when
                                          encountering a rust
                                          monster.

 "Oops."   Said many times by
           a clumsy thief.
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Fri Dec  2 11:46:01 1988

"OK! I moon the Balrog!"
"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me?? OK, I shoot again!"
"Where'd that thief go now?"
"Trap? What trap?"
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Wed Nov 30 03:06:03 1988

"So what?"
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Dec  5 07:39:18 1988

"Don't be silly.  If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button",
do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?"

"I drink from the vial marked `POISON' on the off chance that someone put
a potion of extra healing in by accident."

"Hmmm...the sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK".  I wonder what's inside."

"You're all a bunch of wimps!!  I'll prove to you myself that an entire
orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian."

"All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no
light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!!  Let's yell and scream a lot so
we can locate each other by sound!!"

"I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn whether
the other goody-good PC's like it or not."

"Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him
right if we set his precious forest on fire."

"A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough.  You see, right away I
recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter."

"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body?  With
TENTACLES for arms?  Hunh.  Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct.
 Let's kill it."

"Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team
Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character."

"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm
gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"

"I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of contempt."

"Nonsense.  This is an AD&D game, so that CAN'T be Cthulhu."

"Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred
and feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?"

"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell
won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself.  Here, I'll prove it."

"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard.  I'd better wash it off after
we kill this fire lizard."

"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he
promised not to betray us."

"So I'm safely across the pit?  Whew!  For a minute there I was worried
that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."

"Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might
as well try to seduce her."

"Thank God!!  A hobgoblin camp up ahead!  Maybe they can help heal our
wounded!"

"Don't worry!  The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my
level, are infinitesimal."

"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather
fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?"

"So you're Tiamat, huh?  Are you evil?  Yes?  Would you like to convert?"

"I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force."

"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped,
that's good enough for me."

"Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing..."

And one for the DM:
"OK, so the kobolds all pull out laser technology and destroy the ninth
level party immediately.  You guys are dead...again.  (Chuckle, chuckle)
Roll up new first level characters, and... Jack, don't be silly.  Put that
knife down at once."

 But far and away, the two most common last words of characters are:
 "YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH...gluk" and "Oops".

                   --Bill "Go out with a gag, not a whimper."
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Dec  5 14:19:40 1988

"I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it across the
room at the aliens..."
"Wait!  Isn't that grenade Contact Fused???"
     - Hyperman and Beach Dude while battling Predators on Europa.
     - By the way, he missed...

"Ha ha!  Now that I have the villains trapped, I engage my Solar Flare
 power!"
 - StarPulse just before he EMP'd the entire city of Los Angeles.
 - He is currently on trial for 3,346 counts of 1st degree murder, 12,000
   counts of Paranormal Assault and several other misc. crimes.  He is also
   going to get about 1,200 years for contempt of court.

"No matter what you or your puny laws decide, in two hundred years all you
 will be dust and it will not matter.  And, from your ashes I shall emerge."
 - Starpulse, just before getting his 1,200 years for contempt.

"All right, I guess Toronaga's right.  There can't possibly be anything on the
 other side of this airlock.  Why not open the damned thing."
 - Giancarlo Diovanni (Splatmaster), just before finding out that there
   really WASN'T anything on the other side of the airlock, including a door.
   He is currently taking the long tour to Arcturus.

"Whistling sounds?  Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!"
 - Another dead Splatmaster character.

"Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge.  I go through the door and find
 the helm."
 - A badly wounded Splatmaster character.

"They can't possibly outflank us.  We have a multi-scanner!"
 - Giancarlo Diovanni.

"Come on!  Arrows versus Kevlar?"
 - Giancarlo Diovanni.

"What do you mean Tsu Han's pilotting the shuttle?  Does he even have
 Insystem Pilot?  WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND SHAKING YOUR HEAD?"
 - Just about everyone to the GM when Tsu-Han took off in the shuttle.  He
   had grown bored of sniping at birds with the Mark X Laser Cannon on board.
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Dec  5 17:02:24 1988

"So that giant fell into the pit?  I'll jump over it and get his treasure."

"Oh, that sorceress looked a little pale when she examined the mirror which
 has the pentagram in front of it on the floor.  I think I'll break the
 mirror."
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Dec  5 14:59:01 1988

It's not trapped, you just want it to yourself. {He still got it for himself}
Me first Me first.
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Dec  6 09:29:56 1988

"Dinosaur? Hey, no problem, right Balinor?"


ever heard the sound of a half-elf ranger being stepped on by a
brachiosaurus? NOT very pretty.... but then, at that point, neither was i
anymore! *grin*
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Dec  6 09:50:17 1988

An elven mage (and juggler) and an half-elven bard (note that these are
not 'classes', since I play a skill-based system, just descriptive) are
travelling together.  After an encounter with some humans, who weren't
very appreciative of their act (but, being weaponless, were unable to
hack our heros to pieces):
 "Humans are dull."

============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Dec  5 05:37:21 1988

- You call yourself a barbarian, you son of a witch ?
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Mon Dec  5 16:58:09 1988

Anyone with an original Deities & Demigods should understand this one:

"You say this scroll reads 'Hastur..Hastur..Hastur?'  I wonder what 'Hastur..
Hastur..Hastur' means.  Joe, you got any ideas what 'Hastur..Hastur..Hastur'
could mean?"

(I actually saw a DM do this to someone. Glad I wasn't playing at the time)
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Tue Dec  6 18:54:35 1988

To powerful demon:  "Try me sh*t breath!"
To sleeping dragon: "Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."
Thief:  "Come on, we haven't found any traps so far."
============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Wed Dec  7 07:21:38 1988

Hmmm...let's see...well, one day, our party was wandering around the ruins of
some old underground temple or something like that, and we were opening all
the doors we saw in an attempt to get back to the surface.  I was playing
Dumbar the Dim-Witted Drunken Dwarf at the time, so they were always getting
me to do all the dirty stuff, so I finally got fed up and wouldn't open
another door. Exasperated,the human ranger walks up and yanks the last door
open.

Ranger: "What do I see?"
DM:  "Do you remember the trap that killed Indy's guide in Raiders of the
      Lost Ark?"

(Taps was sounded, with some minor giggling by a rather dim-witted dwarf in
the background.)
============================================================================
>From sharp@.ucalgary.ca Tue Dec 13 04:10:12 1988

There is a world in our GM's Traveller campaing where you are
send to test your survivability.  You land with the clothes on
your back and a musket with 100 rounds.  The native life is
not fun (like the large walking carpet with teeth -- *bear*)

Incident #1 :
 Landed a few days ago, stalking a walking carpet. Unload a musket shot at
close range and drops the carpet. Walks over, grabs the carpet by the
scruff of the neck. "Easy kill."  The carpet was playing dead... Hamburger...

Incident #2 :
 Terry and friend are out hunting, and are seperated. The GM determines that
a meteor is about to strike.  The size is about that of a bus (requires 4
straight 6 rolls) It lands and the friend investigates to find ...

Friend : "Diamonds ... Gold... Saphires !!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're
 rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!!  ...Terry .....  Terry ??"

 Looks at meteor more closely to see a charred hand sticking out from under
the meteor.

Incident #3 :
 Traveller again, different planet.  The mercenaries have been contracted
to take over a small underwater habitat and hold it until the main rebel
forces arrive.
 Terry (same player -- a bit flippant) is running from a large group of
pursuing paramilitary police.  Into a connecting tunnel... "I've got you
now!" says Terry as he lobs the grenade at his pursuers.  They did not find
any of the bodies.

Not last lines, but rather unusual :

Incident #1 :
 D & D (the *good* set, not AD&D).  A party is exploring a dead city.
There is the experienced thief played by Brian, a barbarian (1st level), some misc
fighters, a couple of dwarves (one is a bit chicken),
and a couple of misc NPC's.

DM : "There is a door there"

Brian: "I go through the door... Wait, I check for
    traps"

DM: "Too late... Thud, the arrow gets you"

B: "SH.."

The room contains a young red dragon that is
sleeping.  Good says Brian, but chaos erupts in
the party, and like all good DM's, ours asks us
to write down what we are doing.

The chicken dwarf was trying to talk two others
into going into the room.  They psychically decided
to write down the same action (Pick up the dwarf
and throw him into the room).

The barbarian who is not afraid charges the dragon.
Brian wants to run out of the room.... The result..

The dragon wakes up (DM rolls) ... Friends it thinks.
Sees the barbarian, revises the decision, and makes
barabarian ash.  Meanwhile, Brian runs for the other
part of the door and meets the dwarf flying in.
Both get caught in the fire, Brian survives.
[time passes, mostly being chased and mutilated by
 a red dragon]

Brian is the only one left, and is in a rubbled in
area with the dragon clawing to get in.  So with the
aid of Hargraves fumble tables..
B: I strike with my morningstar
DM: (B rolls 1 for fumble then 20) The weapon breaks
B: "SH**  I take out my broadsword and strike"
DM: (B rolls 1 for fumble then 20) The weapon breaks
B: "SH** I will try the spear in here"
DM: (B rolls 1 for fumble then 20) The weapon breaks

B: "I try the dagger that I found"
The dagger was found earlier in the adventure
DM: Hits, it is a dagger of dragon slaying.

There are many more, including the tale of how
Elhar the Cautious became Elhar the Cautious ?
But they will have to wait for another day.


============================================================================
>From [e-mail] Fri Dec 16 10:50:23 1988
    In one game that I ran my players (all very low level) had to get an
orb from the lair of a black dragon. To make this possible they found a staff
that offered protection from black dragon breath. They assumed that it also
offered protection from his claws and bites. They called the staff their
DRAGON-BE-GOOD stick.

    They get up to the lair of the black dragon and the magic-user says,
"I'll go in and get the orb. What could the dragon possibly do to me ? I've
got the dragon-be-good stick!".

    Needless to say he was promptly sliced, diced, and julianne-fried.

                    Peter Farabaugh

===========================================================================
>From : unknown

"Don't worry.  I've got a plan."
    Said by Thorir the Barbarian before leading the blatanly obviously
    Good aligned party through the front gate of the enemy castle.

"They can't see me.  I'm invisible!" [Note: He was wrong]
    Said by Bumblewood Bramble, a halfling thief, just before attepting
    to pick the pocket of the leader of the dominant religion in a
    foreign land.  [Note:  He survived this encounter]

"I wonder what's in here?"
    Said by Bumblewood Bramble just before looking down a hole out of
    which a snake-like head shot and bit a large portion of his
    face off.  [Note:  He lived to plague the party yet another day]

"Don't worry, I can hit him!  I can hit him!"
    Said by an Elven archer who then proceeded to miss the monster
    and hit another party member in the back, dropping him.

"Stop!"
    Said by a druid during a fight between the party and a hydra.
    This succeeded in stopping the ENTIRE combat [Note:  This
    happened during the fighter's two-attack round] until the druid
    casually strolled up to the hydra and whacked him with a staff
    (doing 1 point of damage) for no apparent reason.

"Shut up, bird!"
    Said to a parrot who happened to be repeating the True Name of
    a demon which subsequently exterminated the party.

"But he has to be our friend!"
    Said in reference to a player who we later discovered was
    running a treacherous anti-paladin in a Good party.


"He wouldn't try that trick again!"
    Said in reference to the aforementioned anti-paladin when he
    joined the NEW Good party.

"How would you like to have this sword?"
    Said by an evil magic-user just before giving a +3 intelligent
    two-handed sword to our 7th level fighter who was possessed
    by the sword the first time he tried to use it.  He did quite
    well, though.  Too bad it was against our party which was battling
    said mage later in the week.

"Take this ring as a token of my esteem."
    Said by an evil lord upon giving a magic ring to our magic-user.
    This ring proved quite useful in decimating the party when it
    created an energy/elemental creature in the form of a dragon.

    [Note:  Our party no longer accepts gifts from unknown NPCs]

"I kick in the door."
    Said by a player whose paladin was then implaled by a swinging
    log trap with spike attached.

"BEGONE THINGS OF EVIL!!!"
    Said by a cleric in a tomb of greater undead.
    [Note:  Their reply was "Begone thing of good." said
     just before they attacked.]

"I'll sell you this quiver of unstable, unidentifiable magic arrows for
 only 6 gp apiece."
    Said by a merchant.  [Note:  One of these was an arrow of
    slaying, backbiting; another an arrow of web, backbiting.
    The rest performed similar dangerous functions]

"Trust me, guys."
    Said by a (now high-level) pc thief immediately before deserting
    the party and leaving it to its fate (he did this many a time).

"DUCK!  DUCK!!  DUCK!!!"
    Said by our magic-user to the fighters charging a group
    of marauding orcs right before he COLOR SPRAYed them.

"Oops."
    Said by a 6th level mage, Salon Bayard, after discovering
        exactly how destructive and WIDESPREAD a fireball is when
    cast outdoors.

"I throw my knife at the wizard."
    Said by the previously mentioned anti-paladin in reference to
    the previously mentioned 6th level mage who had already been
    taken out.  This dagger pushed his hitpoints to critical, i.e.
    below -5.  [Note:  The wizard did live, unfortunately, but
    it was quite amusing when this happened]

"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."
    Said by a 1st level character.
    [Note:  He did not make 2nd]

============================================================================
From: [e-mail] (HILLS)

"What do you mean, 'It doesn't work'?!?"  (Item with no more charges left.)
"Let's go in."  ("Empty" room)
"Let's not go in." ("Full" room, "Empty" hall)
"Dragons give you a lot of Exp..." (new player)
"I'll open it."  (Didn't want to wait to check for traps on a door)
"It seems easy enough..." (General comment on a mission)
"I think he can be trusted" (About an NPC)
"Those noises are probably nothing." (dungeon had all sorts of strange noises)
"He hit me for HOW much?!?" (By player to GM about a multiple critical hit from
                             behind)
"I'll pull the lever.." (lever inset on barren wall)
"Oh these, I've fought them before..." (I hate it when players think they know
                                        a monster...)
"I'll hit him back!" (Spoken at the start of a bar brawl)
"I'm bored..." (Spoken by player to GM during campaign.  Player rapidly ceased
                to be bored...)
"Quick!  What did that scroll say?"  (PCs in trap where scroll spoke of how to
                                      get out.)
"How did he dissappear like that?" (New player about a warrior with a ring of
                                    invisibility and two attacks per round...)
"I wish for <Anything>" (Wishes are taken literally, always...)
"I pull out my trusty <Anything>" (Nothing can always be trusted.)
"I'll go down." (Character climbed down rope and left all valuables to charge
                 of other PCs)
"I'll try to pick his pockets."  (lvl 30 Magic user's pockets.)
"I'll grab it." (Hasty player alienates other characters from powerful item)
"MONEY!" (spoken at large pile of gold just before inter-character riot)
"Magic is for wimps" (last words of a fighter spoken to a magic user)
"Oh.  He'll miss.  Just look at my AC." (spoken to GM about an attack by a
                                         peasant with a knife)
"I know what it is." (spoken again about a monster the player thought he knew.)
"Maybe we should just kill him." (Spoken about a member of an asassins guild.)
"Oh no!  Let's go help them!"  (Good character discovers Evil characters
                                who were acting)
"Nah, couldn't be..." (flapping of large leathery wings)
"...it is!" (dragon)
"run!" (dragon plays with them, then eats them.)
"I guess THAT worked" (spoken about a troll carelessly thrown into a fire...
                       troll was wearing a ring of fire resistance.)
"Read it to me..." (mistaken for Read it AT me... Fireball scroll)
"You have desecrated the temple of..." (Angry priests of evil allignment)
"I want to kill something..." (Whined to GM.)
"This is a push-over dungeon." (*I* made it.  Angering the GM isn't a good
                                idea.  Character eaten by herd of rats.)
"...Oops." (spoken by a kender after having "borrowed" treasure from a dragon)
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."  (words of an enlightened soul just
                                        before the ship mis-jumped)
"I'll use my taunt skill." (My kender should have stopped there.)
"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf." (My kender's last taunt)
"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." (Last words as person with demolitions
                                       skill in Robotech rolls a 99%)
"You mean there's more?!?" (player asks disbelievingly as more undead enter)
"MAGIC ITEMS!"  (just before a character brawl)
"He looks like a sunburnt elf?  Huh?"  (My description of a Drow)
"My God will protect me." (God fails to protect him)
"I disbelieve!" (used action disbelieving in monster that was real)
"You wouldn't dare!" (Spoken to GM that would.)
"Hey, we're out!  We're safe!"  (Well, the first half was true...)
"Laughter Booms from above..." (Last thing my meddling investigator ever heard)
"I'll try it on." (magic suit of shrinking)
"The guy told me <Anything>"  (When will players ever learn not to trust NPCs?)
"C'mon!  We're a team!"  (Spoken as a morale boost to an army that soon
                          mutinyed.)
"You don't look like a mage..." (spoken to a mage)
"DO NOT OPEN" (sign on door)
"It'd be stupid to trap this!"  (Again, didn't want to wait for checking for
                                 traps.  It was.)
"I'll kick the door in!" (Door kicked in...)
"I'll light a fire" (Twice!  Woods at night attracted bears once, and Woods
                     at night after a drought.  Same campaign)
"All right, now you're going to talk."  (man had poison gas pellet in mouth.
                                         ever seen Dune?)
"CLICK..." (Three cases!  Once as hammer pulled back on gun behind me.  Once as
            gun was empty, and once when weapons were down on the ship.)
"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"  (He was right.)
"It could be dangerous..." (Last words ever heard from a guide in the jungle)
"I think he can make it."  (Rational for not following a PC as backup)
"Here, hold this rope while I go down."  (Needs no explanation)
"You DID take the swimming skill?"  (Spoken by GM to player when character fell
                                     overboard.)
"I'll stand Guard." (cowardly PC didn't want to enter orc cave.  Orcs were out.
                     Orcs came back.)
"What do you mean I hear water?"  (Character was in tunnel at the time.)
"I thought you brought the food!"  (Dividing up supplies, one PC forgot that he
                                    was in charge of bringing food.)
"Well, if you didn't Belch, who did?"  (Spoken before turning by one player.)
"It must have been him." (Spoken after turning by another.)
"Torch flames aren't supposed to turn blue"  (One of the side effects of
                                              methane gas.)
"I bar the door!"  (Door opens inward...)
"I'll cover you!" (In heat of combat.  Never trust other PCs)
"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!" (Beholder's are intelligent, and one
                                          overheard this.)
"I can't possibly miss..." (He did.)
"Uh guys?  Hello?  Anyone?"  (Sudden realization that other PCs not around.)
--
______________________________________/Through the darkness, the future past,
Trevor Paquette  ICBM:51'03"N/114'05"W|The magician longs to see.
{ubc-cs,utai,alberta}!calgary!paquette|One chants out, between two worlds,
[e-mail]             |"Fire, walk with me."