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Subject: STORY: Evil Unbound Ch 6 1/2 (parody)
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Date: 26 Oct 1994 09:52:35 -0400
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Copyright 1994
                           Evil Bound to the Bed
              (with really nasty stuff done to it *censored*)
                             By Tony Figueroa
                  Chapter 6 1/2: The Electric Adventurer

    The party of six sat in the tavern of Randarsharav, drinking their mugs
of drink as thunder shook the windows in their frames.  Figures entered and
left through the banging doorway.  Those who entered were soaked to the
bone and those who left weren't necessarily dry either.
    "I am compelled to oblige," Falsayer replied. "The Church has decreed
that I protect our sovereign state."
    "Alone?" Ben asked.
    "You were a soldier once, correct?"
    "Well, sort of..."
    "Then you understand duty.  But this is more.  This is honor as well.
The king has been usurped by the ogre, Warui Otoko, and I will kill him for
it."
    "Warui Otoko?!" Exclaimed everyone present in the tavern, turning about
with flabbergasted expressions on their faces.
    "To speak that name is an ill omen," muttered the barkeep.
    "That is fate," chanted a small three-foot monk.
    "Warui Otoko?" Asked a young man, peeping into the tavern through the
doorway.
    "Shut up!" Screamed someone seated near him.  A frying pan flew from
the crowd, knocking the youth unconsciouss.  The tavern-goers returned back
to their own affairs.
    "If just his name brings about misfortune, I will pray for 5,079 days
to ensure my success before beginning my long journey."
    "But you'll be dead!" Gasped Maina.
    "I will allow nothing to jeopardize my honor."
    "Can I have some of that?" A small hand reached towards Ador's plate.
    "No, go away!" Ador swatted away the ravenous monk.
    "If that is the case," Maina decided, "We should simply all go along
with you instead.  It'll make a better story."
    "It's too late for that," spoke a figure dressed in blue with a red
headband stretching to its limits around a frying pan wound and short black
hair.  Black laces drifted from the back of his collar in the wind behind
him. "But it may improve your chances of success.  The courses of our lives
are being directed by one sick author.  If we can stop him before it's too
late, we might just survive."
    "Fat chance of that," Warath said, reading through his text of "Spells
and Psionics for the Restraint Impaired."
    "Well then, forget that," continued the stranger. "I will instead
assist you in your quest.  For you see, to reach the castle, you must pass
through the Dragonhorn Mountains.  And if you wish to cross them, I will
guide you safely past the winged and wingless wyrms if you promise to help
me with a problem of my own."
    "First, give us your name, Shingo, and we will consider your... oops."
    "Ahh! A telepath," Shingo surmised. "What else were you looking for in
my mind?  You aren't by any chance a sick minded weirdo who'd want to
know..."
    "What is it you want?" Maina asked, while Warath looked frazzled.
    "I want you to help me reunite me with my love, Ryoko.  She's being
held prisoner in the Mendou Fortress guarding the only safe route that is
Dragonhorn Pass." Shingo smiled.  There was no possible way they could
resist his offer, the very tan youth thought.
    "Let's fight the dragons," Dexler said.
    "I like fighting dragons," Warath agreed.  Ben attempted to object, but
nobody noticed.
    "We'll kick their butts!" Ador joined in.
    Shingo's confident appearence was shattered.  Downtroddenly he looked
at his feet.
    "Let's help him," Maina argued.
    "Good idea," Ben agreed.
    The other's slowly went along with Shingo's plan with assisstance from
a member from his high school's Torture Research Club.
    Early in the morning, the group rose to set out on their quest.  The
forest grew thicker as they approached the mountains.  Something made a
rustling sound amongst the leaves.  A strange breaze blew through the
trees.
    "My bra's gone!" Maina yelped as she felt something swiped.  Everyone
turned in her direction in time to see a small figure with a large bag
slung over his shoulder bounding far away into the depths of the deep
forest.
    "Are you alright," Warath asked her.
    "The chainmail isn't that comfortable anymore," she said, moving
around.
    A brown haired teenager in an orange sweater leapt from the bushes,
"I'll help you take it off!" Maina elbowed him into the ground as he
grabbed for her chest.
    "Moroboshiii," Maina seethed as she dug his face into the ground with
anger and an elbow.
    "Ataru, what are you doing here?" Shingo asked.
    "I heard you were going over to Ryoko's," he stood up from the ground,
wiping dirt from his face. "I thought I'd better keep an eye on you," he
said with a serious tone.
    "DARLING!!!" A female voice cried out from above.
    "Actually, good luck, Shingo.  I wish you and Ryoko the best."  Ataru
fled into the forest at high speed as a shadow passed overhead.
    Soon, the trek through the forest led them up the side of the great
central mountain of the Dragonhorns.  Near the summit, the peak split in
two, and a sprawling complex was laid in between the two ridges.
    Trees were still plentiful here, meaing that their altitude wasn't
dangerously great.  Now, a great wall stood before them with a large iron
gate dissallowing their entrance.  Vines and bushes covered the much of the
stone wall, showing that it had existed for a long time.
    "It's too high to scale," Dexler observed. "There may also be defenses
on it."
    "Allow me," Warath said, followed by a chant.  A fireball streaked from
his hand, hitting the gate and melting it into slag.  Another chant
released an ice blast, freezing the molten metal. "After you, Shingo," he
said.
    "I know the Mendou tricks," Shingo told him. "We'll be out of here in a
jiffy, and we'll all be happy."
    As soon as they passed through the gate into the fortress complex, a
gust of wind blew at the outside wall, revealing a highly polished sign.
The words "Konou Estate" shone with a cared for brilliance.
    The adventurers walked through the complex.  Shingo looked around with
a surprised expression.  They've remodeled since last time, he noted.
    The grass in the area the group tred across began to sway and swirl as
a wind picked up.  Black petals flooded the area, and a young girl in a
gray dress with black trim appeared.  She twisted her red lips into a smile
and flipped her high-tied ponytail of dark hair with her hand.
    "Who are you?" Shingo asked. "I don't know of any Mendous who fit your
appearence, or are you just one of their guards," he said, assuming a ninja
fighting stance.
    "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME?!  You are intruders, and I need to practice.
My name is Kodachi the Black Rose!" A flurry of black petals assaulted the
group, and a black lash wrapped around Shingo, pinning his arms.  When the
rose petals dropped, Kodachi's dress was on the ground, and she was clad in
a tight green gymnist suit.  With a flip of her wrist, she sent him flying
into the wall.  An electrical flash erupted as hit the top, discharging
power from the electrified barrier.
    A cacophony of laughter erupted from the Black Rose as the party turned
to face her.  She spun the white stick in her hand, twirling about the
black lash in swirls, circles, and hypnotizing patterns.  Warath began a
chant, but the lash caught him about the throat, strangling off the sound
from his mouth.  He felt himself lifted off his feet and swung about.  The
world flew by his eyes.
    Maina, Ben, Ador, and Falsayer tried to avoid him, but Warath slammed
into every one of them, knocking them to the ground.  Warath finally went
sailing into the distance, screaming, "I can see my house form here!"
    Kodachi waded into the group's midst, battering them with her martial
gymnist techniques.  Leaping into the air, she landed on Maina's head and
gracefully leapt off, hurling Ador into Falsayer with her gymnist lash.
She then landed feet first, catching Ben's head between her legs.  Rolling
back, she flipped him into the charging swordswoman.  All appeared to be
lost as the priest and palladin wobbled about before dropping unconsciouss.
    A yellow flash flared above, and a glowing figure appeared crouched on
the ground.  Shingo rose, glowing brightly. "You fully charged me!" He
berrated the Black Rose. "I am Shingo, finest bodyguard in all the land!
You shall feel the wrath of my..." Shingo lept at Kodachi and grabbed her
astonished form from behind. "... Electric Backrub!"
    Laying on the ground with the ninja above her, she gritted her teeth as
she endured the electrocution.   Her lips contorted as she restrained
herself.  Kodachi suddenly burst out into hideous laughter that couldn't
help but hear.  She pounded her fists and kicked her legs as Shingo fried
her with high voltage.
    "She's laughing at me!" Shingo thought aloud.
    "Stop at once!  What is the meaning of this!" Demanded an unknown
voice.  The party on the ground began regaining their senses and rising to
their feet.
    Shingo stopped and looked up.  Holding a bokken sword strongly and
garbed in a kendo outfit, someone was actually threatening him.  The tanned
ninja was amazed. "Who are you?" He asked rudely, still laying on the
subdued Black Rose.
    "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME IN MY OWN HOUSEHOLD!  First, get off my
sister, so I can remove that glowing grin from your face!" Threatened Konou
with his wooden (yet deadly) sword.
    "Not much room for a second demand, huh?"
    "I am upperclassman Konou of Furinkan High School.  I will defeat you
in a single blow!"
    "We'll see," Shingo said, rising from Kodachi Konou.  Electricity
surged up and down and his arms.  They stared at each other.  The rest of
the party, recovered, watched the confrontation. "Eat This!" Shingo
screamed and fired a titanic lightning blast from his arms that struck the
upperclassman squarely, sending him flying back.  Konou struggled on the
ground thirty yards away.  He raised a charred hand and waved his scorched
bokken in the air which crumbled into ashes, not even leaving him with the
hilt.
    "I don't understand," the ninja said. "This was supposed to be the
Mendou fortress, not the Konou household."
    "Maybe you took a wrong turn somewhere," Warath suggested.
    "It was fate," chanted the three-foot monk.
    "Who invited you?!" Maina screamed at the dimunitive monk, promptly
proceeding to kick him out.
    "Where'd Shingo go?" Warath asked, looking from side to side. "He was
here a minute ago."
    "He's in my house," growled Konou from the ground.  The party quickly
proceeded inside the largest building.  Past the pond and the river with
the bridge was an entrance which they entered.  The ninja was in the living
room glued to the television!
    "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Maina yelled at him.
Shingo didn't appear to notice.
   "Oh, hello," the ninja said with surprise. "When did you get here?"
   "It doesn't matter," the voice of Konou pronounced. "You'll be leaving
now." The upperclassmen in his blue and black kendo outfit leveled his
twelve foot long cannon at his living room.  Kodachi to his right did
likewise as did a squat ninja two-feet tall on a tricycle with a miniature
bazooka.  They fired.  The house collapsed.  Everybody screamed.

                                   -----

    After the party dug themselves and their guide out of the rubble, they
quickly fled the complex.  Shortly afterwards, Konou and Kodachi did the
same.  The small ninja screamed underneath but no one heard.  He screamed
louder, and then Konou pulled him and his trike out from the blasted
masonry. "Find them and follow them," Konou instructed him, setting the
mangled tricycle down upon the ground.
    "You can count on me," assured the ninja, riding his three-wheeler off
into the distance.
    "That was a bust," Warath said. "Well, we're out of the mountains now.
Thanks, Shingo. Bye." The party walked off, leaving the glowing youth
behind.
    "Wait, you agreed to help me get Ryoko!" He called after them.
    "We made a deal.  We must fulfill it," spoke Falsayer.
    "Well, where is she?" Maina asked Shingo.
    "There," he said, pointing to a fortress surrounded by a high wall with
a sign displaying the words "Mendou Residence."
    "Oh," Maina said.
    Overhead, an Apache Helicopter zoomed in on the party. "This is Chopper
Three reporting.  We've spotted Shingo with an armed band.  What are your
orders, Master?"
    "Don't let them in under any circumstances!  Use extreme prejudice."
Shutaro Mendou ordered.  The young master in his white suit proceeded to
slice the head from a wooden dummy of Ataru Moroboshi with the finely honed
katana that was his trademark.
    "Dear gods, what's that?" Warath asked of the Apache coming at them
from the west.
    "A helicopter," Ben answered.
    "Get down," Shingo ordered, raising his hand and blasting the chopper
with lightning.  Mendou's men ejected as the 'copter lost control,
exploding violently. "That took care of them," he said.
    Hidden in the underbrush, Konou's ninja was well hidden.
Unfortunately, his spot was now illuminated by the falling burning chopper.
"Not again!" He screamed as the Apache crashed onto his location.
    "Now for the gate." Shingo blasted the high wall around the complex,
blowing the gate into shrapnel.
    "It doesn't look like he needs our help to me," Warath said, arms
across his chest.
    "You're just upset 'cause you didn't get to blow open the gate," Maina
told him.
    Goose-stepping guards with assault rifles scattered everywhere as the
high wall's iron doorway exploded.  Mendou himself cocked his head and took
up his sword before leaving to investigate. "Aren't kids noisy these days,"
his parents told themselves.
    Hurling fireballs and discharging electrical blasts, the party fought
their way into the heart of the Mendou residence and neared the fortress.
F-15's, tanks, and Apaches all met their doom at the determined group's
hands.  From out of the firestorm ahead marched a lone figure.  The smoke
cleared, and Mendou stepped before them not twenty feet away.
    "Shingo, you worthless shadow warrior, you're supposed to be guarding
me not blowing up my place!"
    Shingo stuck out his tounge and said, "Bleh," while wiggling his hands
at the side of his head with his thumbs in his ears.
    Mendou's expression crumbled, and he charged with an animal-like growl.
Shingo clasped Mendou's blade between his hands and electrified it.
Dancing with yellow lightning bolts streaming from him, Mendou yanked away
his sword and slashed again.  Shingo leaped to avoid the katana.
    Four men carrying a carriage ran by at high-speed.  From the enclosed
carriage, a female voice cried out, "I don't hold any grudges!" and a hand
tossed out several grenades which landed at the party's feet.  Shingo
dashed off after her, screaming, "Ryoko!" The grenades exploded, leaving
the party and Mendou with burns and tattered clothing.  The battered group
ran after them.
    Shingo chased the carriage, but it was just too fast for him.  This is
strange, he thought.  The ninja figured four men carrying a heavy object
would be slower than himself.  Nevertheless, he decided to use the rest of
his built-up power to catch up with them.  His glow faded as he dashed
forward, leaping into the carriage with Ryoko. "The bastard's after my
sister again!" Mendou growled, gripping his katana tightly as he ran as
fast as he could.
    Ryoko pulled back from the now no longer glowing guardian ninja. "Why'd
you come back?" She asked, holding a hand to her eyes as if she were about
to cry. "You don't love me.  You were with Lum."
    "I just needed to recharge.  You're the only one I care for, Ryoko."
    "Oh, Shingo," the couple embraced as seven unhappy people ran after
them.  Ryoko slid a hand from their embrace and a dropped a trio of
grenades outside.
    "We almost have them," Mendou cried out.
    "Who is your sister anyway, Mendou," Ben asked.
    "Ryoko," he answered.
    "Then why are we chasing them?" Warath asked his group.
    Then the grenades under their feet exploded.  Ash fell from Maina's
once golden blonde hair.  She growled, "I'm gonna kill that bitch!"
    "You'll do no such thing," the grenade blackened Mendou said, advancing
on Maina with his sword at her neck.  Maina drew her two-handed sword and
swung at the high school student.  Their clashing swords drew the attention
of Mendou's guard who began surrounding the area.
    "Please reconsider," Ataru said.  Moroboshi was now seated on the
opposite side of Ryoko from Shingo. "This loser is nothing but your
brother's guardian.  I on the other hand..."
    Ataru looked at the grenade that'd been shoved into his mouth.  Ryoko
pushed him out onto the ground.
    "Darling!" A voice cried out from above.  Lum flew in lower to see her
darling shoved from a carriage and explode.  She stopped in midair to gasp.
Not willing to believe him dead, she landed, setting her tiger-striped
boots down in the dried leaves.  Her billowing green hair fell about her
bare shoulders, and she saw that he'd managed to spit out the explosive at
the last moment.  "Rrrrr..." She took off skimming the ground in her tiger-
striped bikini after the "Darling Detonator." Electricity crackled about
her.
    The intricate gates closed after Ryoko's carriage as it entered the
field before her private mansion.  She brought Shingo to a luxurious room
and told him to wait here.  She then went into a dark room where a giant
pentagram lay written all over the floor.  With a word from her lips, the
candles about it ignited.  I'll summon a spirit to protect us from all
those idiots, she decided.
    There was a bright flash after much chanting, and a ghostly white
humanoid shape took form. "Defend my house O'Spirit," she spoke
harmoniously.
    "I'm sorry, but I cannot do that.  You see, I am the Spirit Who Slays
Those Who It Is Summoned To Defend."
    "Uh-oh," Ryoko gulped.
    Maina and Mendou clashed swords as the rest of the party and Mendou's
guards watched the battle.  Enough time had passed for night to fall.
Neither combatant was tiring, and Maina's hair was even recovering from the
explosions.  At that point, two figures appeared on a hill, black against
the moon. "We find you at last!" Called out a male voice. "We shall have
our revenge!" They leaped from the hill, and a black lash snaked at out
Mendou's guards, sending them flying.  Kodachi landed among their fallen
forms in her green gymnist suit with a black rose between her teeth.
    Konou charged brandishing a new high-tech bokken built to last.  The
guards were being badly beaten by Kodachi.  She fended off the adventurers
as well.  Falsayer moved to intercept Konou but wasn't fast enough.  Konou
moved in on Mendou and Maina.
    "Stay back! They're mine!" Mendou shouted to Konou in the blue and
black kendo uniform.
    "They're mine!  I'll defeat you and all who stand in my way!" Konou
charged and was parried by Mendou.
    "You shall taste defeat at my hands!" Mendou countered.
    Seeing an opening through which to escape, the party decided to flee.
Kodachi blocked their way, twirling her gymnastic whip. "Where's the
electric warrior?" She demanded.
    "There," Warath pointed to Ryoko's mansion.  With a blur of green,
Kodachi was gone.
    "I must help him," Falsayer said.
    "Let's get out of here while we have a chance," Dexler offered.
    "Someone led us here, and we just told the enemy where he is.  That's
unacceptable.  That's betrayal.  I'm going." Falsayer ran as best he could
in platemail to Ryoko's mansion.
    "Oh well," Warath said, following the palladin with the rest of the
group in tow.  Dexler grumbled.
    In a formerly luxurious room, Shingo and Ryoko battled a murderous
spirit.  One of Ryoko's masked servants attacked it with his Ryoko
handpuppet and was brutally bashed aside.  Just then, the door burst open.
A woman with flowing red hair and a purple dress tossed a sigiled sticker
onto the a wall.  A white glow surrounded the walls setting up a spiritual
barrier to block escape for the ghost.  Extending a silvery blade, she lept
at the spirit who turned to face her with razor talons and ghostly fangs of
nightfire.
    A brown-haired youth in a blue jean jacket and a red headband handed
Ryoko a slip and said, "Here's the bill."
    The red-haired woman slashed downward into the spectre with her blade,
causing it to moan in torment.  Its ghostly form split in two and
evaporated.  She then landed, her tight dress barely containg her. "Way to
go, Mikami!" The youth cheered her.
    "This is too much!" Ryoko cried, looking at the bill.
    "Hey," Mikami said, walking over to her. "Ghost-Sweeping is hard to
come by.  You should be glad we were in the area."  The spiritual barrier
began to fade.
    "Are you guys done yet?" Cried a shy female voice from outside.
    "No! Wait outside, Meiko!" Mikami told her.  The growls of numerous
creatures could be heard outside.  Ryoko handed Mikami the money. "Thanks,
Bye-Bye!" With that, they left.  The door only remained closed for a two
seconds.
    It burst open to admit Kodachi Konou.  The window flashed brightly and
blew inward into shards.  Lum entered.  Falsayer drove his sword into the
doorway and panted.  The rest of the adventurers accumulated behind him.
    Meanwhile, Shutaro Mendou and Konou battled.  After exchanging blows
for some time, Mendou pulled back.  He snapped his fingers and said,
"Army!" Hundreds of battered soldiers and tanks moved over the side of the
hill into sight. "Air Force!" Fighter jets zoomed overhead.
    Konou appeared fazed.  He took a step back and commanded, "Bring out
Land Dragon the Ninth!" A few men ran up pushing a wooden hut on wheels.
The man on the back adjusted the bamboo barrel in the turret.
    Back at the house, Kodachi was looking at Lum. "Who are you?"
    "Who are you?" Lum asked back, blinking.
    "Who are all you people?!" Ryoko screamed, standing up.
    "I am Kodachi, the Black Rose, and I'm taking the electric warrior back
with me!" She announced, pointing a finger at Shingo.
    "She's a psycho I met on the way here," the ninja guard explained to
Ryoko as she reached for a grenade and prepared to leave.
    Ryoko turned her head to Kodachi and asked, "Why do you think you can
demand this in my house?"
    "Because I'm dangerous," she replied, spinning her gymnist lash.
    In response, Ryoko chucked a grenade at Kodachi which lodged in her
mouth.  The Black Rose's eyes bulged wide as she jumped about, trying to
spit it out.  Not a second after she succeded did it explode.
    Maina charged forward and bonked Kodachi on the head with her hilt,
knocking her out.  She then charged to attack Ryoko who spread her arms out
before her and chanted several arcane syllables.  The adventurers fell
asleep.  Lum remained hovering.
    "Why aren't you asleep?" Ryoko asked of the green haired girl.
    Lum blinked. "Maybe because I'm an alien," she said, wondering. "Divine
retribution!" She called out, sending a lightning bolt to strike her.
Shingo leaped in the way, absorbing the blast.  He flew back into Ryoko,
electrocuting the long raven-haired member of the Mendou clan.  Lum flew
off, satisfied that vengeance had been suitably dealt.
    Ryoko and Shingo looked frazzled. "Thanks for the thought anyway," she
told him.
    Land Dragon the Ninth had successfully defeated Mendou's force.
Shutaro's jaw lay on the ground to where it had dropped in disbelief. "You
shall pay for this dishonor," Mendou warned the upperclassman.  Shutaro
whipped out a sherbert cone and hurled it at Konou, striking him between
the eyes.  He fell over dazed. "Knew that'd come in useful someday," Mendou
said to the fallen figure.
    Days later, the party awoke in their encampment.  The Konous had been
wheeled back to their estate in Land Dragon the Ninth by the pilots.  At
this time, Mendou was still yelling at Ryoko, trying to get back Shingo,
his guardian.  Shingo was guarding Mendou in the shadows without being
seen.  He was, at least, during commercials.  His senile dad had now
degenerated to guarding the garden.
    In a few hours, the party was back on the road.  They heard a female
voice up ahead call out, "Ni hou!" to someone.  She then yelped.  They
crested the hill to find an unconsciouss purple-haired girl wearing a pink
outfit laid out on the path under her bicycle next to a big bump in the
road.
    "We can't just leave her laying here," Falsayer said. "Let's take her
with us and fix her up.  We need something normal to keep us occupied so we
don't run into another insane series of events like we just did."
    In agreement, they picked up the young girl and tended to her as best
she could.  They passed on the guided tour of the pools with bamboo poles
in them a couple of miles later.

                            To be conitnued...
                            in your nightmares.

                  (For it to continue anywhere else would
                          be to tempt apocylapse.
                          -Explained in Part Two)

    The characters of this story are completely fictional.  They are not
intended to resemble any actual, imagined, or imaginary persons living,
dead, undead, animated, or otherwise.  If any of the characters do in fact
resemble anyone else, it is because they are in fact that person (appearing
of their own free will) and not merely a semblance of them.
    Any reproduction of this work without a printer, videotape, camera,
photographic memory, xerox machine, scanner, or some writing instrument is
not possible and should not be attempted.