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From: [e-mail] (Eric Reaves)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.archives
Subject: STORY: Wasted Knights (pt 4)
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Date: 3 Jan 1996 09:02:19 -0500
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WASTED KNIGHTS IN NEHWON  (part 4)
(In which an old hero is consumed, a new hero injects himself and life
has many hardships if you associate with the wrong people.)

DISCLAIMER:
This story is provided purely for your entertainment.  There are no real
people depicted in this, nor is there a lesson to be learned, and anyone
trying to read elements of moral, intellectual or allegorical intent into
it will be tracked down and killed or forced to join the gaming group whose
efforts to avoid reality through Role Playing are generating this fable.

Trademark Stuff:
Nehwon, Lanhkmar, and Assorted Names of Characters, which when first
referenced, are indicated with (tm), were created by Fritz Leiber. The story
itself has been transcribed from the interaction generated during play of
several "Lanhkmar" modules created by TSR.  The copyright is owned by
Eric Reaves, Lori Reaves and probably various other folk that had a hand in
playing the games, as well as MPGN, which is where Nehwon lives in the
meeting rooms.  No association or representation with TSR or MPGN of any
type is implied nor is to be inferred from mention of their creations in
this work.  You may not copy this if you are going to sell it, nor may you
modify it for any reason if you do copy it to distribute to other people
that have not seen it yet.

Characters:

Talon :  Big/Huge Northerner (barbarian race) with decidedly martial air.
Uses 2 long swords and wears chain mail.  Has decided ideas of honor, which
don't necessarily match what anyone else might expect.

Basher:  Big/Huge Northerner (barbarian race) wearing gladiator half armor
and bearing 2 shortswords he calls drususes (drusi?).  The original tank
warrior.  All brawn and no whatever that other organ is that fighters don't
need.

Minneatonabal: Mingol warrior wearing chain mail with a bow, shield and
saber.  Medium height and very agile.  Sarcastic and bitter much of the
time, yet of a higher moral character than some other folk who will remain
nameless.
Oh, and of course Bill.  Her bosom companion, trusty mount and hell of one
BIG Buffalo.  He is probably the most reasonable member of the group.
Certainly the most stable.

Bandit: Smallish dark skinned attractive Kleshite. He carries a number of
daggers and wears no armor. Very nervous disposition and very sickly.  He
seems to have a cold most of the time. Obnoxious is a good word for him
despite his physical attractiveness.

(Abandoned character)
Elbert:  (Don't remember his race, think it was) Northerner.
Uses daggers and shortsword and wears leather armor.

(Dead character)
Gilgamesh: Nehwon Ghoul - Transparent flesh, skeletal
appearance, Medium sized.  Uses an Ax and spiked shield.
Ghouls do not wear armor.  It would detract from the splendid
appearance their bones give.




##During the last installment, readers witnessed the most morale
destroying of all intra-party events, combat between characters with
character death as the outcome.  Everything ever said about intra-party
squabbling being foolish and counterproductive is true.  Also, as is
usually stated, these events come about due to a gnomish desire for
secrecy and dwarvish bullheadedness on the part of the players.  What
you may NOT know, is how exciting it is.  I think all the players
(except the intemperate ingrate playing Gilgamesh) felt a certain giddy
but guilty pleasure from watching one of the game's bigger pains-in-the-
butt get what was so righteously due him.  Which, as is almost always
the case, was only what he deserved.  These kinds of players almost
always make assertions from the afterlife that they have been playing
correctly, and everyone else is at fault for their own poor role
playing.  Which is really kind of silly, for the only way to know,
positively and without doubt, that you have played your hand or your
character righteously is by measuring the score at the end of play to
determine if you won or not, and Gilgamesh definitely did not win.

##(OTOH, As a sage once told me, "I have known lots of good losers in my
life and, without fail, that is what they have all been... losers.")

So, if you will forgive the preaching, we will resume our narrative by
trailing along behind Minneatonabal...

Minn rode through the streets of Lanhkmar, during broad daylight, with a
dead ghoul stretched across the saddle in front of her and everyone that
saw her wondered just what was going on... and how they could make a
rilk off of it.  Finally, being able to think of nowhere else to go, she
rode over to Baron Thudd's house where she asked if she could stay in
the stable for the night and wake over her dead companion while she
tried to figure out what to do with her life.  The Baron solemnly agreed
to her request, but then a look of wonder came into his eyes as he
pointed to the lintel over the gate where a brightly colored bird was
sitting.  He stated that he had heard such birds were sometimes sent out
by Sheelba.  This observation was reinforced when the bird uttered, "K-
k-kom t-to the Sqwamp! Kom to the Sqwamp! Awk!"  Then he flew away.
(The bird, not the Baron.)

After asking a few passersby where a Sqwamp might be, Minn finally
realizes the bird is probably talking about the great eastern marsh and
headed there.  She rode down the marsh road.  Then, when the same bird
appeared near the road and squawked at her again, "INTO the sqwamp,
Kluck!" she turned off the road and rode into the marshy mush.  Pretty
soon, she was at Sheelba's place... or perhaps it is the other way
around.  Anyway, she talked to Sheelba, worked out a deal of her own,
and turned Gilgamesh's corpse over to Sheelba for disposal.

Sheelba: "Digestic alloc est!"  ... and the body is separated into clear
giblets and disappears.
Minn: "What did you do with him?"
Sheelba: "Why, I gave him a ghoul's funeral.  I divided his body up and
put it into various tribal cooking pots throughout Nehwon."

------------------------------
Guy: "Come along now.  You arrived a little early, but I can always use
the chance to get a little ahead of my quota."
Gilgamesh: "Who are you? and where are we going?"
Guy: "I am Death."
Gilgamesh: "Gee, you seem much smaller in person than you do in the
posters."
Death: "Yes, I know.  I have taken a few liberties with just a few PR
items.  It helps to keep recruitment up."
Gilgamesh: "Oh.  Well, I wasn't really ready to go, but since I am here
anyway, I might as well enjoy it as much as possible.  Where are we
going?"
Death: "That is the thing I like about you ghouls, you aren't so
terribly worried about little things like life.  I think I will start
you in the kitchen.  It is past time you learned to cook.  Watching what
you did to all your meals has made me queasy for too long."
-----------------------------------

Minn eventually made her way back to Lanhkmar, where Talon had been
looking desperately for her.  I believe he had spent 5 or 6 hundred gold
rilks for info on her location... and found nothing.  Of course TALON
was very easy to find.  All you had to do was look for the crowd of
laughing barflies coming up with new locations Minn might be and going
to collect their money for the hot tip and then using that to buy hot
drinks and come up with new locations.

!!DM: now talon about why you were unable to track or find people who
could lead her to you?
!!DM: or you to her?
!!DM: She booked half way across the city so by the time you could track
her even a little way the people who saw her had left the area.  OK?
!!Talon nods (grudgingly)
(some mechanics on rolling attacks and damage snipped out here)
!!Talon: Yes..i understand
!!Talon: OK...I'm satisfied
!!Talon: Now.. about the sword of sharpness I found ;)
!!DM: You fumble it when removing it from the scabbard and loose your
hands
!!DM ;-)
!!Talon: darn it...I still have my feet right?
!!DM: wait it falls to the ground
!!(*DM rolls (1d20) : 14 = 14)
!!DM: and hits your feet
!!Talon: ouck
!!Talon: err ouch
## Sorry, the OOC just slipped past my censors.

The day after Minn's return, Talon had heard rumors of a fighting contest
at a fair which had been set up on Punishment Square.  (##Not my fault.
It wasn't I who worded it that way.)

When Minn and Talon arrived, there were tents everywhere and large
crowds... and probably many thieves among them.  Both of them guarded
their purses closely. (G)(Later on we find out that no amount of
guarding or planning is good enough to protect cash in this city)

Talon was looking for a short gladiator that he had heard of, supposedly
one that rode a hog.  But first he found a short, charismatic, dark-
skinned man that he thinks he has seen before somewhere, but just can't
remember where.  (## And you do too, btw.)

ShortMan: "Hi big fellow.  Were you thinking about entering the lists today?"
Talon: "No.  Who are you?"
ShortMan: "Why, I am Bandit.  Named after my tribe's totem.. the Raccoon."
Talon guards his purse even closer.
Bandit: "If you were to want to enter the fight, I might be able to help
you out.."
Talon: "Oh? and how is this?"
Bandit: "Why magic, of course.. how else?"
Talon gets a strained look on his face.. almost as if he can feel it
coming now.

Announcer: "And Now LADIES and GENTLEMEN! The GREATEST FIGHTING GAMES IN
the WORLD..."
Crowd: "RRRRRRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRR"

Talon and Bandit walked over to the ringside.  Talon wanted to bet on
the big guy and Bandit was wanting to bet on the short one, but before
they could get their money out, the short fellow in the blue armor had
(Chop, Smash, Wham!) beaten the big fighter into the ground.

Talon: "No, I did not have a desire to get in the ring today."

Minn rides up to Talon, "I saw the gladiator over......  YOU!"  She
points at Bandit and her hand starts to shake.
Talon: "You know this man?"
Minn: "Yes.  As much as I wish I didn't!"
Bandit slides Talon between himself and Minn, "Ah, Minneatonabal, you're
not still mad are you?  You know it wasn't my fault don't you?"
Minn, glaring at Bandit: "Yes, but somehow, some way, disaster just
seems to follow you around without you intending for it to!  At least you
claim you don't intend it."

A number of screams were heard from around the corner, and a young woman
came running past crying, "Oh, Oh, Oh, It is terrible and eating people!
Oh, Oh, Oh, It is terrible and eating people!"  Then she ran on past and
away.

Minn: "SEE! I KNEW it would happen!"

So they ran around the corner full speed and came to a screeching halt
when they saw..

Minn: "Oh, Man! Tis a Bug!  Tis a Bug to end all bugs!"
Bandit: "Actually, I think he is eating people, not bugs.  See? It is
even asking the blessing over his meal.  Where do you think he came from?"
Talon: "Who cares?! Have at him!  Talon's pest control to the rescue!"

Bandit began chanting and casting sand(?) into the air.
Talon drew his 2 swords and charged the giant mantis.
Minn quickly screwed together her breakdown lance and then passed Talon
at full gallop.

Minn's lance bounced off the thing's chitin, while Bill gored him in the
abdomen as they rushed past.  Talon hit him with one sword, and missed
entirely with the other.  One leg of the Mantis scored a tearing blow on
Minn as she rode by.   And finally, Bandit's spell went off and the
beast shrank from 10' high to just 8'.

Minn: "Whoop-de-durn-do. THAT will sure help."

Talon and the thing traded blows while Minn was resetting for another
charge.  Bandit began casting again when a strange twist in the
substance of the world occurred, and *poof* a keg of water and several
packets of food appeared at his feet.  He finished the spell anyway,
causing the sound of ANOTHER mantis ripping and squealing to come from
behind the beast.

The thing fell for it, turned and looked and Talon tagged him while he
wasn't looking.  Minn bounced her lance off the thing's head while Bill
gashed a hole in its leg.

Talon finished it off in the next round taking only a few cuts himself
in the process.

The insect corpse shrinks out of sight.

Talon: "So, you are a Black Mage eh, Bandit?"
Minn: "No!  It is MUCH worse than that!  He is a WILD mage!  Stay as far
away from him as you can!"
Bandit (shrugging): "Don't worry so much about it, Minn gets carried
away every now and then."
Minn (holding her fist under Bandit's nose): "I will show you carried
away, Jerk!  Just stay away from ME!"

Searching  around, Bandit found part of a dead man in black robes who
had been carrying some bottles before he became insect food.  One of the
still living witnesses said, "He just fell off the back of a wagon, I
heard glass breaking and the NEXT thing I know, there is this giant
green appetite snacking on the guy."

Continuing to look, the party found 3 whole bottles of liquid and 2
broken bottles whose contents had mixed together somewhat in the dirt.
Despite a temptation to try to scoop up the mixed liquids from the 2
broken bottles, Bandit made his spellcraft roll and realized that mixing
magic potions can be very dangerous.

Examining the corpse, Bandit discovered the man is.. er.. was hideously
misshapen and deformed.  (Now he is mostly dog chow.)  Quickly adding 1
and 1 together, Bandit says, "It looks like this guy was a black mage.
I wonder where he was going and where he came from."
Talon: "I know where he is going now.. and I am just as glad.  Ugly
fools like this do not deserve to live."
##Talon HATES black mages.  Must be something that happened when he was
a child. (G)

After further searching, they discovered a note, mostly scribbles like
"get eye of newt."  And, of course, wagon tracks going through the
puddled potions and off to the side streets.

Oh, yeah, they also found 900 coins on the Black Wizard.

Minneatonabal climbs up onto Bill and begins following tracks
Talon follows Minne
Talon exclaims, "come on Bandit!!"
Bandit says, "Hey, sing out so I can follow you.  I wanna look at one
more thing here."
Talon says, "la dee dum dee dum dee dum"
Minneatonabal says, "Just leave him Talon, he's not worth it"
Talon says, "Feelings....Nothing more than feelings"
Talon says, "trying to forget my......"
Talon says, "feelings of loveeeeeeee"
Talon says, "Feeeeeeelingsss"

DM: Barry Manalo, a god in this world strikes you dead
Talon stops singing...and follows closely behind Minn & Bill
Minneatonabal asks, "How much $$ you got, Talon?  'Nuf for singing
lessons?"
DM: Other gods strike Barry Manalo dead and raise you up on the spot
Bandit finally runs up and asks, "have we found the wagon yet? huh? have
we?"
Minn just sighs, seeing that it really was too good to be true that
Bandit was lost.

So, anyway, the world's greatest trackers finally caught up to...
A milk wagon(?) parked in front of a ritzy building in the Noble's Sector.
Bandit exclaims, "Well CURDS and WHEY!"

They investigated further and found that the wagon had nothing to do
with the incident.. other than bumping the mage when the man panicked
and dashed in front of the wagon in unreasoning terror.

Bandit says, "Hm. I wonder why?  Your horse is a nice looking animal."

About then is when Minn noticed a group of guards walking down the
road.. and they all wondered just what kind of trouble they were in for
wearing armor and being in the Noble Sector.

Fortunately, Minn's note from Baron Thudd (that she was in his employ)
served to extricate them from the hot water that we all thought they
were in.  And it got them out of paying any bribes as well.

Guard asks, "I take it that these men belong to you?"
Talon smiles meekly
Minneatonabal: Sadly, yes
Talon exclaims, "sadly!"
Minneatonabal says, "Such as they are"
Talon bites his tongue
Minneatonabal says, "Sir, if you'll follow these wagon tracks... back up
the road, you will find the corpse of a nefarious wizard who was run
over by this wagon when he spooked the horse"
The guards walked away, but they glanced back from time to time.

Deciding that NOW is a good time to be somewhere else, the troublesome
trio walked along trying to decide what to do..  Bandit wanted to go
back to the 'circus' while Talon wanted to go stir up some trouble at
the Temple of the Rat God.  He wanted to see if he could find Hisvet,
but was willing to wait for a day or so to look for her, so they all
went back to the circus.

Since this group is forever bruised and broken, they are always looking
for healing potions.  This is mostly what they looked for at the circus.
Unfortunately, as is true of most circuses, the only things for sale are
trashy things they didn't need and couldn't afford.  Except Bandit of
course, HE loaded up with finger traps, rubber snakes and cool cardboard
X-ray vision glasses.  (The strangest stuff seems to fall into this
world from other dimensions...  and Bandit finds most of the strangest.)

They came to the arena...
Bandit asks, "Where did the shrimp go?" of the man at the fighting pit.
Minneatonabal says, "Subtle, Bandit"
Man: "The fight's over, if you want to talk to him, his manager is in
the green tent over there ----->"
Talon asks, "shall we?"
Bandit goes over ----->
DM: OK you have the correct number of "-" in your ----->, so you find
the right tent.
Bandit knocks... then realizes that hitting a tent flap makes no real
loud sound.
Talon exclaims, "Knock Knock!!"
Voice exclaims, "Ah yes, come on in my good man!"
and they do.
Man asks, "and what can I do for you fine gentlemen?"
Minneatonabal says, "Ahem"
Mann adds, "and the lovely lady"

They inquired of the short fellow, making exclamatory noises about his
fighting prowess.
The Manager replied that Goliath (for so the short guy, who we all know
was a dwarf but the party didn't, was named) was resting right then.

Talon asks, "where did you get him?"
Talon asks, "can he speak?"
Minneatonabal: ARF
Talon exclaims, "down girl.. atta girl... set!"
Talon exclaims, "err sit!"
Minneatonabal bites talon
Talon yelps
Manager guy says, "Most certainly he can speak, although he has a rather
odd accent"
Talon says, "I would like a chance to speak to him."
Bandit mutters, "I will sell you this clown act for a 100 gold."
Manager says, "mighty odd lady you got there"
Talon asks, "odd?"
Bandit says, "yeah, well we like her."
Manager says, "eyes like a dove, smells like a bull"
Minneatonabal snorts
Talon says, "flattery is her weakness"

This man is about 5' tall and somewhat chubby and has an odd accent.

Talon asks, "And your name sir?"
Manager says, "ah yes, my name"
"my nom de plume"
"my name is"
!!Minneatonabal: the dm stalls.....
"Winston Charles Plains"
"but you can call me "WC"
Bandit says, "mine's bandit gladtameetcha."
WC says, "Well I'm pleased to meet you too, Gladtameetcha"
Talon asks, "where is it you hail from?"
Bandit: "I don't suppose you could flush out the little fighter could ya?
WC says, "Why of course, say you look like a fine fighter yourself"
WC says, "a rather strong man, like you, was born to lead"
Talon says, "Bandit has never lost a match"
WC says, "that wimp, I was talking about you my fine young man"
Bandit mutters, "Hmph.. matches haven't EVEN been invented yet."
!!DM: nor has tennis
Bandit says, "oh, that's fine. he is right.  I am a wimp."
Talon laughs
WC asks, "Well let me get Goliath here, now where is my gong?"
Bandit asks, "you gong call him?"
WC bangs on his gong, a servant arrives
Talon asks, "he is your servant? Friend? Slave? Hireling?"
WC says, "Fetch me Goliath, there's a good chap" and the servant goes
out quietly
WC says, "He is my employee, as it were, but I treat it like a partnership."

Since this frivolous conversation transcript has gone on far too long
already, a quick synopsis reveals the short man was essentially in sort
of a daze and not able to provide intelligible answers to any question.
Except, they DID learn he was a dwarf.  And his warthog's name was
Harley.

After all this yammering, WC told the group of a hedge wizard named
Bones, with his shop set up in a tent with a big red + on it.  They had
NO idea how they missed this earlier, but they go over there now.

Talon says, "Knock Knock"
Bandit says, "hiya mister bones."
Bandit asks, "heard any good spells recently?"
Bones exclaims, "Dam it man, I'm a hedge wizard not a knock knock
straightman!"
Talon says, "Sorry...was awaiting the "Who's there" ;)"
The man is an elderly gentleman, gray hair beard and a robe.

After some more carrying on in this fashion..

Bandit asks, "is Goliath enchanted?"
Bones says, "Goliath, enchanted?  Now that's a good question."
Bandit says, "yeah, that is what we thought too."
Bones says, "Of course if he was, I would never tell people like you."
Bones says, "but dammed if I don't know what makes him tick."
Bandit asks, "you ever hit him with a dispel magic?"
Bones asks, "Why should I do a dumb thing like that?"
Bandit says, "well, IF he is enchanted.. then if you don't.. you are
contributing to slavery of a miner."
Bandit rolls on the floor laffing at his own joke.
Bones says, "Minor? I'll have you know, from what's he told me, He is
almost as old as me!"
"and I'm 70!"
Bandit says, "miner.. ah nevermind."

(some more of the same, till finally)
Bandit says, "Bones, if you get a chance.. do a dispel on him..  see
what happens. (G)"

(aside) When Bandit came by early the next day.. the circus was packing
up and getting ready to leave.  It seems that when Bones dispelled
Goliath, that is exactly what he did.  Somehow, WC had gotten into
Ningauble's cave and managed to make a copy of a dwarf fighter he saw in
another dimension.  The dispel magic, of course, dispelled Goliath and
*poof* he was gone.  Gone as well, was the major draw for customers of
the circus and they were packing up and heading back to the caves.
Bandit, of course, did NOT tell Minn about this.

After a night of worrying about it, Bandit and Minn decided to look
around in the neighborhood where the Black Mage was killed, just to see
what they could see.  Eventually, after a good deal of bar crawling,
they found someone that said she had seen some black robed ugly men
going in and out of a house on the corner of Nun Street and the Street
of the Gods.  They hustled on back to the Eel and got Talon and Basher.

The building was a 3 story sturdy stone structure with only 2 doors and
very few windows (those only on the upper floors.)  The group broke in
through the kitchen door and, with no result other than some indication
that the building had not been deserted yet, searched the first floor.

DM: where to now?
Bandit: south.
DM: as you head south down the hallway
DM: you come 15' later (more of less)
DM: to a door
Basher: ORDER. Talon bandit Minn Basher
DM: OK, I assume standard coward procedure, everyone but talon
DM: backs away before he opens it?
Minneatonabal: yep
Basher: sounds good!
Bandit: 15' (G)

##just thought I would provide a little of the suspense the rest of the
group felt as..
DM: Talon opens the door
DM: and you all go through into the other hall.
## OK. so it was sort of a let down.

They found stairs and sneakily went down them to the basement...

    A    Y   Y Y   Y EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE   #
   A A    Y Y   Y Y  E     E     E     E     E     E     E      !#!
  AAAAA    Y     Y   EEEE  EEEE  EEEE  EEEE  EEEE  EEEE  EEEE    #
 A     A   Y     Y   E     E     E     E     E     E     E
A       A  Y     Y   EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE   #

and of course.. set off an alarm.

Bandit: "dam. an alarm spell."
##ok, so it was an alarm SPELL then.

They were in a room with a rack filled with scrolls, which Bandit took a
few minutes to loot.  Talon walked over to a door to the north, opened
it onto men inside making gestures and mystic musings, promptly lost the
init and was hit by 2 magic missiles.
##in this case, the init would not have made a difference, for they had
been casting for several rounds now and were just finishing their spells,
and there were 6 of them.

Bandit says, "Shoot, Talon, we can take em."
Minneatonabal: 6 to 4? :(
Talon says, "yes brave one..;)"

##Only, it isn't really 6 to 4, because Minn is still on the stairs, it
is 6 to 3.
Talon and Basher both strike and kill a mage each.
Bandit sticks one and causes his spell to disrupt.
The three remaining mages cast:
1&2.) a rainbow looking spell that stuns Talon and Bandit.  Basher ducks
the blast and is unaffected.
3.) a greenish cloud that chokes Basher until all he can do is pull
Talon out of the room while getting vomit on both of them.
This leaves Bandit both stunned and violently ill still in the cloud.
Everyone can hear his retching, but can not see him.
## just keep this usage of color spray in mind for the future. some funny
stuff is coming in future issues. ##

Basher finally manageed to get his breath back enough to hold it, and he
and Minn entered the room, trying to find Bandit and pull him back out.

They don't see, or hear, the wizards by the way.

After a few minutes, when everyone was feeling much better, they tried
it again.. holding their breath to enter the cloud.  They figured that
these mages COULDN'T have many spells left.

Bandit: yeah, but do they have a big brother?
Talon says, "if they do, perhaps I'll kill him and get you his BIG
spellbook"

Minneatonabal tried to patch up Talon somewhat
*Minneatonabal rolls (1d20) : 18 = 18
but mistakes salt for one of her salves.  They all watched Talon hop
around in agony while they tried to keep from giggling.

Talon shruged and thanked Minn anyway for trying

DM: The cloud is still in the room

So the plan is no sooner made than implemented.  They were going to hold
their breath and go through the clouded area to see if they could find
where the mages got off to.

Bandit exclaims, "AAAAH!"
Bandit says, "ER, I don't think this is a good idea. I can not run 2
minutes into this stuff.  I will have to wait for it to clear."
Minneatonabal: "OK, you wait here and kill the mages if they come up
behind you. (snicker)"

So, the HEALTHY members of the group searched the clouded room for
exits.  They found.. 1 closet, some tables and a secret door west toward
the area under the kitchen.  The closet, by the way, was filling with
gas.

Bandit says, "ARGH! they had beans for lunch."

Minn snatched a book off the floor..  which turned out to be (GUESS
WHAT?!) a spell book.

Leaving the closet for a while, they searched on west through the secret
door and found a very dusty room with no footprints.  It did however,
have 3 rat holes and another door to the west.

Bandit, heard the rest of the group go through that door and managed to
hold his breath long enough to dash through the cloudy room.

Talon goes to the door to the west and opens it...
DM: and behind the door
DM: is
!!DM exclaims, "A NEW CAR!"
!!Talon shivers
!!DM says, "kidding."
!!Bandit: how many hit dice does a car have?
!!Bandit: 2, hangin from the mirror?
DM: a hallway leading to more stairs that SHOULD go up to the kitchen.
There are no footprints in the dust.

Oh, yeah, and 2 more doors just past the stairs.

Bandit says, "they went thru the closet... I guess.."
Talon says, "I suspect bandit"
Bandit: "What do you suspect me of?  Oh.. you mean.. yes, that is my
guess, a hidden door in the closet."
Minneatonabal: "Remember, Gil said that a 6' rat shrank and went thru a
rat hole..."

##Arrrgh! I forgot. During one of the sessions for which I had no log,
Gilgamesh had gone to the Temple of the Rat God and looked around.
Wandering around in the maze which comprises that Deity's temple (and
mind set of it's worshipers too, but who would bring up something like
that?).  Gilgamesh had been accosted by a VERY tall rat, that told him
something wasn't right in the temple.. that bad things were going on and
for him to stay tuned for more information.  Then it shrank (ZOOopp...)
back to normal rat size and ran into the wall.##

Minneatonabal: "there were holes in that last room."

(Bandit once again made a spellcraft roll and realized that there was no
other indication that anyone had taken a shrinking potion.  Shrinking
potions cause a pinkish goopy fluid to flow out the pores of your skin
until a 6' man becomes 3" tall.  There was no such residue in that room
so the mages couldn't have got out that way.  At least that is what
Bandit told the group.)

Talon: "dat badit he be smart"

So, with that behind them, Talon walked over to the first door and
kicked it open.  Minn started to search it, and was...
*DM rolls (1d10) : 8 = 8
NOT surprised when she spotted 3 bugs.

DM: the bugs look like <__==\_ and are 2 feet long.
(the group in harmony) "Huh?"
DM: (sigh) they are 2 feet long scorpions.

Talon just stood in the door looking at them as Minn backed out of the
small room.  After some little bit of discussion, Talon attempted to
close the door on the ugly things... Just as one of them decided Talon
looked threatening and leaped forward and..  Missed with one claw...
Missed with the second claw... and Missed with the tail.  Talon slammed
the door.

The other closet turned out to have nothing at all in it.. So the group
went back to the (somewhat less) cloud filled room which was revealed to
be an alchemy lab.  Bandit wound up getting all the scrolls from the
walls while Minn and Talon search the 2 dead mages.  Then they moved
back to the west and went up the stairs and back into the kitchen.

##by this time, the entire group figured the remaining black mages had
slipped away via some hidden door somewhere.  Hee, Hee, they sure were
embarrassed when they found out.  But unfortunately for you, you will
have to figure it out on your own.  Here is a map to help.  Maybe. (g)
BASEMENT
[][][][][][][]rh[]rh[][][][][][][][][]    1. Scroll Room
[]   5 |  []      3 []      2 []  1 []    2. Alchemy Lab (small)
[][][][]   |        sd         |    []    3. Small Room (rat holes)
[]    []dn[]  [][][][]        []dn  []    4. Supply Closet
[]   6 |  []  [] 4   |        []    []    5. Wine Racks
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]    6. Root Cellar


The kitchen was no different than the last time they went through it.
They crossed the floor again back to the stairs they descended before,
and went up this time.

On the second floor they find some abandoned bedrooms with little of
note.  There were some previously racy items of clothing that now are
pretty much rags.  There was one room with bats in it.  A lot of bats
apparently for a long time.

(*Ugh.. surely the DM would not hide anything of worth in THERE.
There has to be a foot of bat guano ALL over the room.
Let's let bandit search it.
No after you I insist.
Lets just shut the door in the firm knowledge that NOTHING would be
worth going through THAT mess.
Good idea.)

Oh, and one more thing..  the second floor had lots of muffled noises as
if there were someone upstairs, tied up and doing a lot of MMMPPPHHH'ing.

They went up the stairs to an oddly shaped 3rd floor.  Minn and Talon
both opened a door at the same time.  Minn found a naked woman fastened
in some sort of rack (obviously a victim of some vile bondage
enthusiast) and Talon found a room full of skeletal dogs (obviously
victims of Alpo deprivation) attempting to regain some flesh in whichever
way they could.
(Talon and Minn in harmony) "Oh gross!"

Minn left her door to go help Talon.  Talon wanted to do the same for
Minn, but his prize wasn't as tied up as Minn's was.

They beat at the dog bones for a while, (discovering that bladed weapons
only do half damage to skeletons) and Bandit (after some silliness with
trying to get skeletons to be distracted by audible glamour) freed the
poor lady, giving her his shirt so that Talon was just totally without
any sort of luck that evening.

Finally getting tired of beating bones for little purpose, they slammed
the door shut on the doggie skels.

Bandit spent this time talking to the lady. Some folks just have all the
luck.

!!Talon: naked woman?
!!DM: well not any more
!!DM: she's got Bandit's shirt on
!!Talon: drat! she cute?
!!DM: yes
!!DM: very
!!Minneatonabal: Yeah, Talon, you're the only one who didn't get to meet...
!!Minneatonabal: a naked lady tonight
!!DM: after all, a true fighter doesn't stop combat just to ogle, right
talon?
!!Talon lied, "u got it... ;)"

The lady turned out to be Polly Purebred, who had no idea where she was,
or how she got there.

Polly: "I have been here for days now, and am very hungry and thirsty.
Thank goodness you came along, for I would have died without being freed."
(Talon looks vaguely regretful for a second, but no one notices.)
Polly: "I don't know how I got here, one second I was kissing my
fiancee/husband at the wedding, and the next second I was on that rack."
Minn: "Oh, that is terrible!  I bet your husband misses you tremendously!"
(Talon looks even more regretful.)
Polly: "Oh, I know I miss him, I am looking forward to being Mrs.
Pounden Thudd!"
Minn: "Pounden.. isn't that the name of Baron Thudd's son?"
(Talon immediately begins to look more enthusiastic)
Polly: "Why yes, do you know him?"
Minn: "M'lady, I have some bad news for you.."
Talon (interrupting) "But first the GOOD news!  I don't have a date for
tonight and can fit you into my schedule!"

After telling her about the death of her husband, the group sent her
back to Baron Thudd's house on Bill and accompanied by Basher.

Minn: "I don't care Talon!  You are NOT going to harass that poor girl
anymore today!  Besides, since Basher is an NPC for the evening, we
needed to do SOMETHING with him."

The reduced party searched some more of the house, finding pretty much
nothing.  Then, Talon, fearing something had happened to Basher, left
and went to look for him.  Minn and Bandit go sit outside the house for
a few minutes, until they saw Talon, Thudd, Bill, Polly and several of
his men at arms coming back toward them.  Polly was carrying armor that
looked a lot like Basher's.

Making inquiries, Minn and Bandit learned that Basher had sneaked a kiss
of Polly, (he quit being an NPC) and *poof* nothing was left of him but
his clothes, dropping to the ground.  After Polly had explained all the
happenings to Thudd, the Baron figured they all needed to go back to the
house, during which trip they met Talon and that is how they all came to
be there.  They then all trooped up to the rack room, where they found
an embarrassed and nude Basher hung on the same rack Polly was
originally on.

Bandit exclaims, "OOPS.. don't look Minn.. its a streaker.!"
The Baron starts to say something
He says, "I think I can explain"
Bandit says, "Baron.. don't hesitate.. you're among friends. (G)"
Thudd says, "Well a long time ago my son had met with some action in the
rat human wars, the details of which he never really told me."
"and when he was going to marry Polly, he was very shy about it."
"You see, during the ceremony, she kissed him and suddenly there were
clothes and no her."
"He was so distraught he went searching for her night and day, and this
searching meant his death."
Bandit says, "Minn, try kissing Basher now." {snicker}
Minneatonabal: urg
Thudd says, "I think that whoever kisses the person with the curse, gets
placed on this device"
"and gets the curse to pass down to another person"
Minneatonabal: maybe bill should try
Bandit doesn't want to be in a room with a tied up buffalo.
Minneatonabal: at least he couldn't get any more naked!
Talon kisses Basher.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOWSA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talon suddenly disappears, his clothes fall down to the ground.
!!Bandit: hm. smooth move exlax. (G)
DM: You suddenly notice Talon naked, and gagged on the frame
!!Talon: curse confirmed
Bandit says, "lets tickle him."
Minneatonabal: "no, just get his clothes back to him.  He is ugly enough
with them on."
Minneatonabal unties Talon and hands back his clothes
Talon starts getting his gear back on and says, "thanks dear"
Bandit says, "spoilsport."
Talon kicks bandit

Since Thudd was there, and had several maces,

!!Bandit: "What? No pepper gas?"

(These are the only magical weapons ANYone had seen in this world for
this entire game) the group decided to clean out the dog skeletons.
They did, rather easily with Thudd's help (circa 14'th level fighter),
then went down and shot the scorpions dead with arrows.  Thudd forgot to
collect his mace from Minn on the way out, thus leaving her something
else to hang on Bill.

In one of the remaining room, Bandit found many books:
"Why rats do it better."
"The rat art of war."
"Our great rat god and you."
"Map of sewers of Lankhmar below (not a book)"
Bandit exclaims, "AH HA!"
Talon: that's a good thing ;)
"10001 Ways to kill a Human"
Talon: I heard there were more ;)
!!DM: well they stopped because the book was getting too fat
Minneatonabal exclaims, "Let's burn that one!"
DM: and many many more

So, they finished here, and Bandit borrowed one of the Baron's men to
haul all those books back to the Eel.

Oh, FYI, one of the spells in the book from the closet was "rope trick".
###############################

The next day, the group split up since Minn had some stuff to do, Talon
wanted to get some rest and recover from some of those dog bites (and he
went out and got a dog of his own),
(Bandit: "got a girlfriend now huh talon?")
and Bandit went to the library and tried to find out who owned that
building they were in yesterday.  Then he found someone to read all
those scrolls he picked up.

It turns out the building used to belong to Hisven(tm), and now belongs
to the higher-ups at the Rat God Temple, while the scrolls were for
alchemical formulae instead of spells.  While finding out the latter,
Bandit went into several Alchemocaries, but finally wound up having to
go to the Alchemists Guild and join it to get any real idea of what was
on the scrolls.  ## which the DM delayed forwarding for so long, that he
forgot his notes and to this day, none of the players know what the
scrolls actually formulate. ##

The NEXT day:
DM: While you are seated at a table in the Silver Eel,
DM: eating a break fast
Bandit says, "Shlurp, smack, chew gullp. burp"
Talon: arf arf
DM: you notice a nervous man enter the room
DM: he heads to the bar and talks to Braggi
DM: Braggi points you out to him
Bandit says, "Hm.. looks like we got business.(G)"
Minn whispers "here comes trouble!"
DM: And he nervously comes slowly to your table.  Clearing his throat to
get your attention.
He says, "I represent individuals who can offer you a considerable sum
for your services as bodyguards and freelance agents. I have been asked
to contact you and ask if you are available for such employment."

It turns out that Mr. Self Assurance has been hired to set up a meeting
with some folks that need protection and the meeting is set for after
sundown in a deserted building on Plague St.

Well, of course, after thinking about it for a while, the group gets
paranoid and they go EARLY to wait on the folks that should be coming.

Who, of course, never come.

It turned out that it was some of the "good" rats of Lanhkmar, who were
being threatened by the other bunch of rats, wanted to hire some
bodyguards, but having the party waiting inside the house scared them
off so they never showed up.

We later found out that this was a BIG mistake on their part, for the
bad rats eventually caught 'em and dealt with 'em.

So after blowing the deal, but before finding out what was really
happening, the party becomes even MORE paranoid and goes walking about
the streets of Lanhkmar with their weapons out and they meet..

DM: you see an armored lady walking down the street in the other direction.
Talon asks, "what type of armor?"
DM: good question
Talon: glad I asked ;)
DM: ring mail
DM: of course neither of you are surprised.
DM: she readies her weapon, a sturdy two bladed battle ax and says,
"Hold there!  You with weapons drawn!"
"That you do battle, ere it be dawn."
Talon asks, "In whose name do we hold?"
She exclaims, "In Adjlar's name I bid thee hold!"
Talon asks, "Adjlar, who is that?  Sounds like some sort of civil
government rank about equal to Food Taster."
She says, "Adjlar is great and mighty and true."
"I follow him, as best as I can do."
(Everyone looked a little pained.)

Bandit asks, "uh, is Adjlar a god or something?"
She says, "Adjar isn't just your ordinary god you know."
Everyone: "So?"
She says, "You walk down the street, your weapons bared."
"and I am asked why I make thee stop?"
Bandit says, "you see we got our weapons wet..  and we were just letting
them dry out."
She says, "As they say 'Business before pleasure' should it be true"
"that you are interested in Adjlar then there's not much I can do"
"but tell of his wonders in battle of fame"
"and all of his sayings, from the battles of the same."
(Everyone looks a little MORE ill)

Talon says, "OK. that's sweet.. he is some God of battle or something"
Bandit is tired of terrible rhymes.
Bandit wonders why we never get mimes.
Talon tosses a gold piece to her feet and says, "give that to your temple"
Bandit says, "uh, is Adjlar a god that seeks converts?"
She says, "Why yes, we are always looking for converts."
"Not many people appreciate him."
Bandit sighs and says, "well why don't you tell me bout your religion then"
*and why doesn't the dm keep it short too.
She says, "Adjlar was a great warrior from the east."
"He was famous for his battles where."
"He would argue elaborate theological arguments as he hacked his enemies
to bits with his mighty battle ax."
Minn: "Sounds pretty scary to me."
Talon says, "please...continue as you follow us back to our lodgings"
She belts her ax, it is an impressive ax.
Bandit asks, "sounds neat. what happened to him?"
And says, "He fought many battles, and one day he ascended into the sky,
in a mighty battle."
Bandit asks, "don't you hate it when that happens.?"
She says, "My name is Kaniia by the way."
When asked about her armor, and how she could wear it around openly this
way..
Kaniia says, "most constables are cowards at heart, they don't like trouble."

DM: You all hear the sound of many men coming towards you!!
Talon asks, "Kaniia.. is this your way of getting new converts?"
DM: You hear something about the "Overlord"...
DM: The voices are imploring you to surrender and lay down your weapons.
DM: The unseen forces turn towards you... they run straight into you and you
hear them march past you in solid formation... still unseen.

Bandit says, "well that was fun.. now how bout that drink?"
Talon: WHAT was that?
Bandit goes into the inn. before anyone kills him.
Minn yells after him, "Was that you, you little jerk?"
Talon believes he may REALLY need a drink
Minn KNOWS so
Kaniia says, "I hate wizards."
Minn: "Yeah, some of them worse than others of them."

So Kaniia joins the party (##as an NPC)


Thus ended the session.

** Oh yeah, we have lots of fun Kaniia.  You want to take a turn holding
Bandit's head in the dishwater?**
***Don't mind if I do.  Don't let him get away when you turn him loose.
He was slippery already and now he is soapy too.***