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Frostbyte's 1980s DOS Shareware Collection
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61ASC.ZIP
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ISSUE-61.ASC
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1991-12-29
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91KB
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1,139 lines
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE KKK KKK .----------------------------------. |
| EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE KKK KKK | Issue #61 - December 29th, 1991 | |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK | (c)1991 Eeeek Publishing Company | |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK `----------------------------------' |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK [ All Rights Reserved! ] |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK =================================== |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK Eeeek Publishing Company (EPC) |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK P.O.Box 331 Manhattan Bch, CA 90266 |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKKK (310)-370-9464 10am-3pm PST. |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKKK =================================== |
| EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE KKKKKKK |
| EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE KKKKKKK(tm) SEE THE EB AWARDS '91: Page 39-40 |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKKK |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKKK .----------------------------------. |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK |* BEST WISHES FOR A SAFE & HAPPY .| |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK | . * . * . * . * . * | |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK | * . * . 1 9 9 2 . * . * . | |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK |. * . * .* . * . * . * .| |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK | [ Remember: Don't drive wasted! ]| |
| EEE EEE EEE EEE KKK KKK | . From Your SysOps * . * * .| |
| EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE KKK KKK |* . & Eeeek Publishing Company* | |
| EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE KKK KKK `----------------------------------' |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| | >>|<< | WE ALWAYS WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!|
|----------------------------------| >>|<< |=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
| Have a SAFE & HAPPY 1992!..... | >>|<< | EEE EEE EEE EEE K K |
| ..............Eeeek BITS! (tm) | >>|<< | E E E E K K |
|----------------------------------| >>|<< | EE EE EE EE KK |
|This publication protected by U.S.| >>|<< | E E E E K K |
|& International Copyright Laws! NO| >>|<< | EEE EEE EEE EEE K K |
|Part may be changed or reproduced | >>|<< | |
|w/o written permission from the | >>|<< | PPPP CCCC |
|Publishers! Eeeeks is FREE but you| >>|<< | P P C |
|MUST REGISTER to have it on a BBS!| >>|<< | PPP C |
|Call B.E. (213)-371-3734 & contact| >>|<< | P UBLISHING CCCC OMPANY |
|The Editor #5. You may Register by| >>|<< |=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
|Mail as well! Address on last page| >>|<< | Write Us At: P.O.Box 331 |
|----------------------------------| >>|<< | Manhattan Bch, CA 90266 |
|.------------------------------- .| >>|<< | --OR-- CALL VOICE M-F @: |
||.-.--------------------------.-.|| >>|<< | (213)-370-9464 10:00am - |
||| | (c)1991 K.R.Taghadossi | ||| >>|<< | 3:00 pm PST ONLY! --OR-- |
||| | & J.L. Black | ||| >>|<< | modem: Beyond Eternity - |
||| | All Rights Reserved!! | ||| >>|<< | @ (213)-371-3734 24 hrs |
||`-`--------------------------'-'|| >>|<< |=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
|`--------------------------------'| >>|<< | Comments, Submissions welcome! |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Little Known Facts...........Page 4 | The Joker's Lair..........Page 26 |
| Accustomed 2 Customs.........Page 5 | I MYTHed That One!........Page 27 |
| WeIrD nEwS...................Page 6 | Historical BITS...........Page 28 |
| Did You Know?................Page 7 | Beyond Science............Page 29 |
| Resolutions 92:Once A Day....Page 8 | Beyond Science............Page 30 |
| What Are You Doin'?..........Page 9 | L.A.ONLINE................Page 31 *|
| Poetry -*- Drawer............Page 10 | Quotes 'N' Notes!.........Page 32 |
| Shop Online FREE.............Page 11 *| Silly Signs...............Page 33 |
| LYNZIE'S & CHANNEL 1.........Page 12 *| Metaphysical BITS.........Page 34 |
| HeadLine BITS................Page 13 | STANDOUT! Distributors....Page 35 *|
| Passings 1991................Page 14 | Odd BITS..................Page 36 |
| Laws Beyond Murphy...........Page 15 | It's The Truth!...........Page 37 |
| Be PercentageWISE............Page 16 | How's It Work?............Page 38 |
| Irresolution 1992............Page 17 | 1991 EB AWARDS............Page 39 |
| Irresolution 1992............Page 18 | 1991 EB AWARDS............Page 40 |
| Irresolution 1992............Page 19 | New Years Wishes To:......Page 41 |
| Irresolution 1992............Page 20 | New Years Wishes To:......Page 42 |
| Persuasive Proverbs..........Page 21 | Strrrrrrrange BITS........Page 43 |
| Lame Lawsuits................Page 22 | Strrrrrrrange BITS........Page 44 |
| Horoscopes 1992..............Page 23 | Strrrrrrrange BITS........Page 45 |
| Horoscopes 1992..............Page 24 | Strrrrrrrange BITS........Page 46 |
| BEYOND ETERNITY..............Page 25 *| Information Page..........Page 47 |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Little Known Facts! Page 4 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| * Barley helps rid the body of cholesterol, so have a beer! |
| * Did you know - sleepwalking runs in families! |
| * You gain weight when the temperature drops. Know why? Less sweat. |
| * A typical marble factory turns out 200 marbles a minute. |
| * A shrimp's heart is in it's head. [That could be said for some men too..]|
| * Brunettes tend to get grey earlier than blondes. [we take issue with |
| this one & suspect you simply notice it more in brunettes!] |
| * Plain black pepper has been found by Kentucky researchers to cause cancer|
| in mice. [ed: maybe mice are just more susceptible to cancer in general.]|
| * Pablo Picasso's dying words were "Drink to me." |
| * Science says your brain has more than 100,000 miles of nerve fibers. |
| * Weasels and leopards both kill for joy ...yes for joy. |
| * There are actually a few people who are alergic to water. |
| * That musical instrument known as a French Horn is actually German. |
| * When you order broccoli in England, don't act surprised when the |
| waitress brings you cauliflower..that's what broccoli is there! |
| * In NY, there is a car stolen every single five minutes. |
| * One out of every seven gynecologists is a woman. |
| * The tendency to develop a double-chin is a hereditary factor. |
| * Burglaries happen most on saturday nights in Jan, Feb, or Dec. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Accustomed 2 Customs! Page 5 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| So, here we are, facing another New Year together! We're all about ready |
| to make a lot of noise, blow some horns, light some firecrackers, and watch|
| a huge ball fall from a pole in the middle of Times Square, New York. So, |
| why the heck do we welcome the New Year in this manner? According to some |
| historians the custom began as an attempt to begin history anew. Out of |
| the chaos of New Year's eve came forth order. The modern day celebration |
| is not that much different from the primitive celebrations. It was and |
| is looked upon as a time of rebirth. An opportunity for new chances and |
| the beginning of a new life. It is celebrated the same almost throughout |
| the world. Primitive times, people took to excessive drinking, sex, and |
| the making of noise because it was believed from the chaos order came. |
| Today the tradition remains with resolutions being made (another primitive |
| custom). Originally the resolution was a form of confussion of personal |
| sins. And became an attempt to correct those personal sins. Truth is, |
| we celebrate the passing of the old year and welcome the new with noise, |
| drinking and numerous other customs in the hopes that the old year will be |
| washed behind us and the new will bring bigger and better things. |
| Singing "Auld Lang Syne" is a custom that comes from another custom of end-|
| parties by singing a song together. A custom which comes from the British |
| Isles. Roughly translated auld lang syne means "the good old days." |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| WeIrD nEwS ...... Sometimes even WE don't believe this!! Page 6 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| In 1985, at a Soviet Trade Show, one of the highlights was an "exhibition |
| of Shame & Disgrace." Its purpose was to embarrass the makers of defective|
| merchandise. One good example was a large shipment of high-heeled boots |
| for women......unfortunately the heels were on the toes. [ed: too bad the |
| REAL heels weren't on THEIR toes!!!] |
| |
| In Norway, a 50 year old man was moving into his new apartment when he took|
| a break to get something to munch. He went to a nearby cafe' but forgot to|
| take along his wallet - his wallet contained his new address. He was not |
| able to find his way home. "This is embarrassing," he told a newspaper a |
| month later, hoping that word of his situation would reach his new land- |
| lady, whom he'd paid a month's rent in advance to. [ed: I can understand |
| being lost... but 30 days later? What medications was this dude on...??] |
| |
| The IRS charged a couple with filing 978 fictitious tax returns which |
| asked for oer a million dollars in refunds. Each of the refunds was asked |
| for at $1052.00, and they arrived at 10 different IRS centers in the U.S. |
| All returns had the same name on them, were postmarked from the same exact |
| location & asked that the refunds be mailed to a PO Box in the Bahamas. |
| [ed: Real bright kids we're raisin', eh Myrtle?] |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Did you know...? Page 7 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|* Did you know that the bagpipes are not Scottish? Nope, they are not! |
| The Scottish have made the bagpipes a popular instrument in today's world;|
| but they did not invent them. No one is certain who first invented them, |
| but they can be traced back to the Middle East several hundred years |
| before Christ's birth. The bagpipe spread from the Mediterranean through-|
| out Europe. By the thirteenth century they became a popular instrument |
| in Italy. They did not reach England until the fourteenth century, and |
| Scotland until the beginning of the fifteenth century. The Scottish |
| claimed them and popularized them. |
|* According to the television series "Kung Fu," the art of kung fu comes |
| from China and karate from Japan. Truth is, kung fu does come from China |
| but karate comes from Okinawa. It was originally developed to fight |
| against the Japanese. Around the 15th and 16th century, the Ryukya |
| Islands, which Okinawa is the largest, was under the domination control |
| of the Japanese. During this time, the Japanese refused to permit the |
| Okinawans to bear arms of any kind. So, in order to rebell, the Okinawans|
| developed and perfected the art of karate. After much work on their |
| weaponless art, they formed secret groups to fight against their captures.|
| As time developed the art of karate moved to Japan where it became a |
| popular art and spread from there world wide. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Resolution '92: Once A Day By: James A. Stump Page 8 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Once a day - EVERYDAY - I will enjoy something for myself. |
| Not accomplishing work... |
| not exercising... |
| not performing some duty, favor, or obligation for someone else. |
| Once each day I will take at least a few minutes to... |
| read a chapter in a book I've wanted to read... |
| talk with a friend, if only on a telephone... |
| write a poem... |
| walk in a sunset... |
| or possibly even allow the decadence of a movie on television |
| Once each day I will enjoy something for me, myself and I. |
| Something for which I don't have to dress... |
| don't have to prepare... |
| don't have to fuss over in any way. |
| And once each day - EVERYDAY - |
| I will seek out something which amuses me... |
| that I may smile... |
| that I may know joy in that day. |
| I will do these things - so that when I am required to look back on life |
| I will find it filled with treasured moments... and laughter. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| What are you doing... Page 9 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| New Year's? Most of us will be celebrating in some manner or another. |
| Drinking will be plentiful, hopefully so will designated drivers, as will |
| parties and quiet gatherings of friends and family. But what of New Years |
| Day? Do we merely sit trying to recover from a hang-over, lack of sleep, |
| watching the Rose Parade and football games. How about we do something |
| different this year. How about a moment to reflect on how we, each of us, |
| can make the world a little better and brighter? It is simple to do. |
| You only need make some committments to do some very simple things. Things|
| that will cost you nothing. How about we start with a simple smile for |
| someone who looks particularly unhappy. Or a hello to someone you don't |
| even know who looks alone and perhaps even afraid. Or perhaps a moment |
| of time to open a door for an elderly person having trouble with mobility. |
| Funny thing is, you not only make these other people feel better, but you |
| make yourself feel better too. At home, a simple 'I love you' to your |
| spouse, said a little more often and to your children a simple 'good job' |
| when they have done something that took their best effort. And how about |
| not parking in a handicap space because 'I'm only going to be a minute in |
| the store,' because to you it may not matter but to that handicapped person|
| it does. Simple little things we can do to make everyone, including our- |
| selves feel better about people in general. No cost, just kindness. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Poetry -*- Drawer "Swings And Trees" By: Eric S.Hueckstedt Page 10 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| This Week we have yet another submission from Eric S. Hueckstedt, a reader |
| from San Diego, California. Thanks you Eric, once again! |
| |
| The sun streams brightly down |
| spanning across an old playground |
| providing many pleasant sensations |
| memories and a few self revelations |
| of special moments that somehow faded away |
| never again will I hear my father say |
| "Let's go out and throw around the ball." |
| his shadow casted so very tall |
| his guiding hand resting on my shoulder |
| for now I am so very much older |
| It's sad I can't go back to being a boy |
| to rejoice in some childish joy |
| to run, climb, jump, or hide |
| adults have many rules to abide |
| Wistfully, I watch the sun go down |
| and think back to that old playground |
| |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
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| than you will anywhere else." `--------------'-'------------.|
| From: Dr.File Finder's Guide To Shareware | @ # | -\---- |
| Channel 1 - PO Box 338,Cambridge,MA 02238 | ||||||||||||||||| |~~~~~~~ |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Headline BITS! From a Newspaper Near U! Page 13 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| * Here's an ad for ya...that makes you want to just rush out and....: |
| Cemetery Plots: 2 Butler County Memorial Park, never used, $2850. |
| * Rockland Incumbents Lose; Deceased Candidate Re-elected. |
| * Doctors Offer Suicide Guide |
| * Check With Doctors Before Getting Sick |
| * Fine GI's Wife For Sale In Black Market |
| * New Year Opens With Reverlry Throughtout Nation |
| Three burn to death in Road-House fire; stray Bullet Kills One in |
| Chicago and Wounds Five In APhiladelphia. |
| * Woman, Daughter Shot to Death By Yule Tree [watch out for those trees] |
| * Trapeze Girl Denies Skeleton Is Hers |
| * Venice Offers $500 Reward For Policeman's Murder |
| * Shoots At Wife; Misses; Gets Thirty Years In Prison |
| * Methodist Laymen Hit Liquor |
| * Farmer's Horses Replaced By Church Members |
| * Minister Suggests Ladies Take Off Miniskirts in Church |
| * Marriage Ends Over Mother's Seat |
| * Briton blames U.S. For Sex [now that's a new one] |
| * Home Of Newlyweds To Have Large Loving Room |
| * Most Lies about Blondes Are False |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Passings 1991....May they all rest in peace now! Page 14 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| George Gobel.........01-24-91.....Comedian.......Died from Heart Attack....|
| Danny Thomas.........02-06-91.....Comedian.......Died from Heart Attack....|
| Arthur Murray........03-03-91.....Dance Legend...Died from Pneumonia.......|
| Natalie Schafer......04-10-91.....Actress........Died from Cancer..........|
| Ken Curtis...........04-28-91.....Actor..........Died from Natural Causes..|
| Lee Remick...........07-02-91.....Actress........Died from Cancer..........|
| James Franciscus.....07-08-91.....Actor..........Died from Emphysema.......|
| Bert Convy...........07-15-91.....GameShow Host..Died from Brain Cancer....|
| Harry Reasoner.......08-06-91.....Newsman........Died from Heart Attack....|
| Shamu the Whale......08-06-91.....16 years old...Died from Respiratory Ills|
| Colleen Dewhurst.....08-22-91.....Actress........Died from Cancer..........|
| Frank Capra..........09-03-91.....Director.......Died from Natural Causes..|
| Dottie West..........09-04-91.....Singer.........Died from Car Accident....|
| Dr. Suess............09-25-91.....Author.........Died from Heart Failure...|
| Miles Davis..........09-28-91.....Musician.......Died from Pneumonia.......|
| Leo Durocher.........10-07-91.....Baseball.......Died from Natural Causes..|
| Redd Foxx............10-11-91.....Actor..........Died from Heart Attack....|
| Gene Roddenberry.....10-25-91.....StarTrek.......Died from Stroke..........|
| Gene Tierney.........11-06-91.....Actress........Died from Emphysema.......|
| Freddie Mercury......11-24-91.....Musician.......Died from AIDS............|
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Laws Beyond Murphy! Page 15 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| * When you have a party, neighbors never sleep. |
| * You must learn to take the bad with the lousy! |
| * Sometimes you strike out, sometimes you get rained out, and sometimes |
| it doesn't matter. |
| * You must decide first whose problem "it" is. |
| * If it isn't your problem, ignore it! |
| * If it is your problem, correct it. |
| * Everything happens with a purpose in mind. |
| * Life is full of flavor...learn to take a bite. |
| * Never deny having done something until you first find out if it was |
| appreciated or not. |
| * The boss is always right, except when he deletes a complete directory |
| on your computer. |
| * Don't be proud of a machine that thinks and suspicious of men who try. |
| * Every day is New Year's -- you make it what you want. |
| * Even a clouded crystal ball has some merits. |
| * All politicians try to ride white horses in an election year. |
| * If you decide to abstain from wine, women and song, make song the |
| number one priority. |
| * Driving Drunk is Dumb -- Be Safe on New Year's with a Designated Driver! |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Be PercentageWISE! Some startling end-of-year statistics! Page 16 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| The "Middle Class" average family income in 1973 was $33,370 |
| ...in 1990 it was $35,353 [ed: In 20 years!!!!!!!!] |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Bush has the WORST record of economic growth and jobs creation of any |
| modern president. The figures in the chart below represent average annual |
| percentage increases in real GNP during these presidencies: |
| TRUMAN: XXXXXXXXXXXXX 6.8% .-------------------------------------------|
| EISENHOWER: XXXX 2.3% | Between 11/89 & 11/91, approximately 416 |
| KENNEDY: XXXXXXXX 4.9% | THOUSAND jobs were lost! An estimated # |
| JOHNSON: XXXXXXXX 5.0% | of at LEAST 108,000 more people have been |
| NIXON: XXX 1.9% | laid off since Thanksgiving. |
| FORD: XX 0.9% |-------------------------------------------|
| CARTER: XXXXXXX 4.2% | Violent crime increased 9% in the last 1/2|
| REAGAN: XXXXXX 3.1% | of the 80s & is expected to rise even more|
| BUSH: X 0.6% |-------------------------------------------|
|--------------------------------| If the recent election trends continue, |
| Consumer confidence in Govern- | 1992 will mark the first time since 1924 |
| ment economic policies is the | that less than 50% of those eligible to |
| lowest it's been since 12/1980.| vote actually do. [ed: We hope, with all |
| Business failures 5x as great. | these stats, that this one is WRONG!!!] |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Irresolution '92 By: James A. Stump (Part 1) Page 17 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Why can't I pick that damn thing up? |
| I told her, I mean I told her a hundred times - Bree, that is, my best |
| friend - I TOLD her Derek was no heart stopping romance. He's barely second|
| marriage material. Well, I guess he is at least that, I mean, everybody is |
| good for a couple of years between first love and that final 'I'm too old |
| to get up and find somebody else' commitment. But Bree'll be surprised just|
| the same. She doesn't think I can do it. I'll show her. |
| |
| There it is again, that damn ringing. How many times has he called now? 10?|
| 12 times? I should just pick it up and tell him. Oh, it's stopped. |
| |
| But geez, he is fickle! I mean, we had a date, right? New Year's Eve & all |
| that? Derek was supposed to pick me up an hour from now. He wanted to spend|
| the evening with the gang, you know, Lela and Heather and Ralph and them. |
| But I told him Nada, Jose. We see those guys all the time. I'm not going to|
| waste my New Year's on them!' And then I told him it was the Bonaventure or|
| call a dating service! |
| |
| Oh, he grumbled, I mean, they all do, but he agreed. I mean, what else |
| could he do? |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Irresolution '92 By: James A. Stump (Part 2) Page 18 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Damn! There goes that phone again. Why don't I just pick it up? I mean, I |
| don't know, but I'm sure it's him. It gets on my nerves, you know? I mean, |
| knowing it's Derek on the other end and knowing that he knows I'm sitting |
| here listening to the damn thing ring. It's like he knows I'm not going to |
| pick it up so he's trying to annoy me. |
| |
| It stopped. Thank god. |
| I mean, I would answer it but I know what he is going to say. He's going to|
| tell me he can take me out after all. No, really! That's what he wants! I |
| mean, I made all these plans and everything, told everybody I was going to |
| the damn society party at the BonaVenture and then he calls and says he has|
| to work! |
| |
| What kind of a man has to work on New Year's Eve? I mean, can't he find a |
| job with a few holidays? After all, a girl's got to live too, you know. |
| Well, he called & said he had to work, he said ambulance dispatchers don't |
| get holidays, & I hung up on him which is what he wanted me to do or why |
| would he have called with a story like that? So I hung up on him, then I |
| hung up on him again. And I kept doing it until he called and said he got |
| someone to cover for him, but by then I had hung up on him so many times |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Irresolution '92 By: James A. Stump (Part 3) Page 19 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| that I couldn't do anything else! I mean, what did he expect? |
| |
| GEEZ! There goes that phone again. It is getting on my nerves. Imagine |
| spending New Years Eve like this listening to the phone ring. I don't even |
| know WHY I'm listening to the damn thing, I've already decided to break up |
| with him. I mean, why not? I was going to do it tomorrow, New Year's Day. |
| That's my New Year's resolution, to break it off with Derek after the party|
| at the Bonaventure. But I just know if I pick up that phone I'll do it |
| tonight. I mean, I would have to, right? |
| |
| Thank god. It stopped. |
| I don't even know why I got involved with Derek. Oh, my mother likes him, |
| she says he treats my kids good. And Bree thinks he's as cute the boil on |
| Donald Trump's rear end, but personally I don't know what I ever saw in him|
| He is persistent, I'll say that much. When I tried to brush him off the |
| first time, he wouldn't take 'No' for an answer. He said it was love at |
| first sight. Can you imagine? And he says he doesn't expect me to change, |
| he'll take me just as I am. Well, he's got that right. I'm not changing for|
| anybody, certainly not for a glorified taxi driver. What a jerk. Lela says |
| I'll never find anybody as good. Maybe she's right, but who needs him? |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Irresolution '92 By: James A. Stump (Part 4) Page 20 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| DAMN! Ring, ring, ring! Is that all he can do? Why does he keep calling? I |
| have half a mind to pick it up and tell him the whole thing's off! The |
| Bonaventure, New Year's Eve, everything! Why can't I do that? Just pick it |
| up and tell him that my New Year's resolution is that I don't need him in |
| my life, I don't need anybody! Maybe I would be alone, maybe I wouldn't |
| find another guy, but so what? I've got my brats running around the house |
| all day, driving me nuts, why do I need Derek doing the same thing? |
| |
| Sure, I like it when he takes me places and any girl likes to have a guy |
| hanging around after her and he has always been nice to me, but who does he|
| think he is? It's New Year's Eve, for chrissakes! You don't break a date on|
| New Year's Eve! Not for a job! |
| |
| I guess I'll just tell him. The next time he calls, I'll pick up the phone |
| & say, 'Look, Derek, it's over. Nobody breaks a date with me on New Year's |
| Eve & expects me to get over it.' That should do it. He'll understand. But |
| then, maybe he won't. Like I said, he is persistent. |
| But I've got to do it. The next time he calls. |
| |
| It's ringing again. Why can't I pick the damn thing up? |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Persuasive Proverbs Page 21 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|When the going gets tough, I change directions. |
|A dog is a dog except when he is facing you, Then he is Mr. Dog. |
|Anyone who profits from the experience of others probably writes biographies|
|What are you doing Friday? I don't know what are you doing Robinson Crusoe? |
|If all is not lost, then where is it? |
|Do it today, You might not be here tomorrow. |
|Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking. |
|Exhaustion error: DOS IS TOO TIRED TO BOOT. |
|I know it all, I just can't remember it all at once. |
|No problem is so formidable that you just can't walk away from it. |
|Reality is often inaccurate. |
|Take my advice, I'm not using it. |
|The agony of delete. |
|The noble secret of laughing at oneself is the greatest humor of all. |
|The only thing that I'm sure of is my growing sense of uncertainty. |
|When you're at the end of your rope...Tie a knot and hold on. |
|Words must be weighed, not counted. |
|You can always tell luck from ability by its duration. |
|Make the most of the best and the least of the worst. |
|People can travel faster than sound, yes, but not nearly so fast as rumor! |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Lame Lawsuits! Page 22 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Have you ever been so desperate for money that you would do what this man |
| did? Olaf Olavson of Stockholm, Sweden, was so desperate for money that |
| he sold his body to Karolinska Institute to be used for research after his |
| death. He did this in 1910. But in 1911, he suddenly came into a fortune |
| of cash through inheritance and went back to the Institute to attempt to |
| buy his body back. The Institute refused to sell his body back to him. |
| So he flatly refused to allow his body to be donated to them so they sued |
| him for breach of contract. The court ruled as follows: Olavson not only |
| owed his body to the Institute but also owed them money as well. Since, |
| between the time of signing the original contract and the court date, he |
| had two teeth removed and tampered with the property promised the institute|
| in the first place. |
| Some people even have trouble after life. This man did, and so did his |
| family. A man died in Vallejo, California and his wife and family made |
| the arrangements to have him buried. They selected a coffin at the mort- |
| uary and made the funeral arrangements. When the day finally came about, |
| the cemetery, where the mortuary was also, started to lower the casket into|
| the grave. The casket was too wide for the hole that had been dug. They |
| tried turning the casket on its side, then they tried breaking the handles |
| off,then they tried jumping up and down on it to force it in,it broke open.|
| The funeral was stopped, the lawsuit was settled out of court. |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Horoscope Forecasts for 1992 By: Manfred Page 23 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| GENERAL: 1992 is a year marked for MAJOR changes - be adaptable! |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| |
| ARIES: The coming year could prove to be your most profitable yet - in many|
| ways, but remember: Perfectionism only works in the movies! |
| |
| TAURUS: 1992 is a slow down point for you; you have been working too hard, |
| and your health may suffer because of it. Work on relaxing some! |
| |
| GEMINI: What may have seemed like a perfect life may now present a problem,|
| Don't let your overzealous nature cloud your vision this year. |
| |
| CANCER: This is probably going to be the year where you learn something you|
| need to - You don't need others simply for the sake of having them.|
| |
| LEO: Your stubborn nature often gets the better of you, this year you must|
| curb that reactionary living inside you, good things WILL result. |
| |
| VIRGO: Up until now you have led a pretty care-free existence. 1992 is a |
| year where all that will change. Caring & admitting it is o.k. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Horoscope Forecasts for 1992 By: Manfred Page 24 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| |
| LIBRA: This year is the year that you will find that you are the person you|
| never thought you'd be...and you'll like it. Keep up the work! |
| |
| SCORPIO: 1992 will bring about some inner-conflicts which you have been |
| trying to bury. Learn to deal with them before they harm you. |
| |
| SAGITTARIUS: You are actually going to have a pretty easy year, things have|
| been hectic for a couple, but 1992 sees more peace for you. |
| |
| CAPRICORN: You've been bouncing back and forth between yourself, & 1992 is |
| the time where you'll learn to just 'be' & answers will come. |
| |
| AQUARIUS: Usually you are so involved with the world that you forget about |
| those close to you; 1992 stands a good chance of changing this. |
| |
| PISCES: Time to stop relying on those insecurities as a crutch. 1992 is |
| going to show you that YOU are the only one with control over you! |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| GENERAL: 1992 is the birth of many new changes - work WITH the changes !! |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
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`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| The Joker's Lair: A Recipe for your New Years! Page 26 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| "THE BEST RUM CAKE!" |
| Ingredients: 1 to 2 qts rum, 1 tsp sugar, 1 c.dried fruit, 1 tsp soda, nuts|
| brown sugar, 1 c.butter, 2 Lg eggs, baking powder, lemon juice|
| |
| Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good huh? Now take a|
| large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check rum again, it MUST be just so!|
| To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass|
| and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat the |
| butter in large fluffy bowl. Add sugar and heat again. |
| Meanwhile, make sure the rum is of the finest quality, try another cup or 2|
| - open 2nd quart if needed. Add 2 arge leggs, the fried druit, and beat til|
| high. If the druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose withj a drew |
| scriver. Sample rum again, checking for tonscisticity. |
| Next, sift 3 cups pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter), and sample rum|
| again. Sift 1/2 p int of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained |
| nuts. Sample rum. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you |
| can find and wix mell. |
| Grease oven, & turn pake cam to 350 grades. Pour the whole mess into the |
| hoven and ake. Check rum again & bo to ged. NOTE: After baking this cake |
| you should wait at least 24 hours before driving. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| I MYTHed That One! Page 27 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| MYTH: There are several national holidays in the United States. |
| |
| FACT: There are no national holidays in the United States. What there |
| are is a group of federal and state legal holidays with only six |
| being recognized throughout the entire country as the same holiday. |
| Those holidays are: New Years Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Veterans|
| Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Technically speaking, only states |
| have the ability to designated legal holidays for themselves. The |
| president and Congress can only desinate holidays for the District |
| of Columbia and federal employees. Anything beyond the above men- |
| tioned holidays must be ratified by each state. |
| MYTH: Greenland was called that because it was so green and rich in soil |
| that it would enitce settlers to come to it. |
| |
| FACT: Greenland is not green at all. Most of the island, the largest in |
| the world, is covered by a permanent ice cap (4/5ths of it anyway). |
| Greenland did not become a country until 1979. Agriculture is |
| almost nonexistent and the economy of the country is based on fish |
| and sheep raising. Erik the Red who discovered Greenland came from |
| Iceland and found the new land much greener than his homeland. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Historical BITS! -- Late Decembers to Remember! Page 28 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| BIRTHDAYS in Late December: |
| 12-25-1899 Humphrey Bogart. Here's looking at you, kid. |
| 12-25-1918 Anwar Sadat |
| 12-27-1571 Johannes Kepler, discovered planets travel in elliptical orbits.|
| 12-29-1800 Charles Goodyear, invented vulcanization process for rubber. |
| 12-29-1876 Pablo Casals, cellist. |
| EVENTS in Late December: |
| 12-25-1843 First theatre matinee given at Olympic Theatre, New York City. |
| 12-26-1865 James Nason invents the first American coffee percolator. |
| 12-27-1831 Darwin begins his voyage onboard the HMS Beagle. |
| 12-27-1850 Hawaiian Fire Department established. |
| 12-27-1903 "Sweet Adaline", a barbershop quartet favorite, is first sung. |
| 12-27-1932 Radio City Music Hall in New York City opens. |
| 12-28-1669 A patent for chewing gum is granted to William Semple. |
| 12-28-1902 Trans-Pacific cable links Hawaii to US. |
| 12-29-1852 Emma Snodgrass arrested in Boston for wearing pants! |
| 12-30-1817 First coffee planted in Hawaii. |
| 12-31-1776 Rhode Island establishes wage & price controls to curb inflation|
| Limit is 70 cents a day for carpenters, 42 cents for tailors. |
| 12-31-1879 Edison gives public demonstration of his incandescent lamp. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Beyond Science! Page 29 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Gebhard sat, waiting in his cell for the authorities to come and take |
| him on his final walk. Having been convicted of murdering Pierre Villiers,|
| via stranglation, John now faced the same fate via a noose. When the |
| priest entered the cell, carrying his Bible, John stood, took the Bible |
| from the priest's hands and said, "This is my book and my life...I lived |
| by it....and I swear before God that I did not kill Pierre Villiers. I |
| go to my death an innocent man." |
| The young man's words fell on deaf ears, except those of the priest, who |
| told John he believed him. The Governor read the formal documents and John|
| was then led out of his cell to the gallows. |
| He showed no emotion. His steps were firm and without hestitation. When |
| ghe reached the gallows, the priest began to read from the Bible and John |
| stopped him saying, "No need to read. They can kill my body but they can |
| not kill my soul. I die an innocent man." The click of the trap door and |
| John dropped through, swinging into eternity. |
| Two hours later, according to law, a medical examiner confirmed John's |
| death. His body was then placed in a black box and, because of publicity |
| surrounding the trial and murder of Villiers, was buried directly behind |
| the prison. Guards were posted to stop any chance of grave robbery. The |
| body was placed in a grave 8 feet deep and then a cairn of stones placed |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Beyond Science! continued Page 30 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| over the top of the grave. Guards remained there day and night for two |
| months. |
| Other events occurred during this time and one was the capture of a Peter |
| Lorenz. Lorenz, who had been the chief witness against John Gebhard, con- |
| fessed to having killed Villiers. |
| A miscarriage of justice had been committed. The governor ordered a cash |
| payment to be made to John's widow and the exhumation of John's body so he |
| could be buried in consecrated ground at the expense of the government. |
| Mrs. Gebhard accompanied the officials to the spot where John had been |
| buried. She stood by while the guards removed the stones from the grave |
| and dug up the black casket John had been placed. The coffin was then |
| examined and they found the seals to be still fully intact. They removed |
| the seals, with the intent of moving John's body to a more suitable coffin.|
| But when they opened the coffin, they were atonished to find it empty. |
| The officials verified that the burial site had not gone unguarded from the|
| time John had been placed there in the ground. Several graves nearby were |
| dug up to determine if they merely switched locations, but John's body was |
| not found in any of them. To this day, no one has been able to explain how|
| or what happened to John Gebhard's body. John had told authorities that |
| no grave would hold him. No scientific explanation has ever been found. |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
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| (310) 33333. 777777 22222. 44 44 .00000. 555555 .00000. |
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`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Quotes 'N' Notes! Page 32 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| "I'd let my wife, children, and animals starve before I'd subject myself |
| to something like that again." - Director Don Siegel |
| on working with Bette Midler, 1989 |
| |
| "It's good girls who keep diaries - bad girls don't have the time." |
| - Roseanne Barr Arnold |
| |
| "I didn't know how to wear a tampon, and I thought if I wasn't a virgin, |
| maybe they'd fit better." - Valerie Bertinelli |
| on why she lost her virginity |
| |
| "I don't think men's bodies look good in the nude at all." |
| - Samantha Fox, 1986 |
| |
| "I dreamed the devil appeared the other night and wanted to make a bargain |
| for my soul and the William Morris Agency handled the deal. They got me |
| damned to hell for eternity - with options. - Woody Allen |
| |
| "I think Mick's a joke with all that fag dancing; I always did." |
| - John Lennon on Mick Jagger 1971 |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Silly Signs and other Things... Page 33 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| * Sign seen in front of a bank: Armed Robbery Only! |
| * Two signs seen together, one posted above the other: $500 Fine For |
| Littering Below it: Public Dump |
| * Confusing sign: ENTRANCE ONLY beneath it: Do Not Enter |
| * On a building: Diet Center beneath it: Coming Soon Chocolate Factory |
| * Ad from newspaper: "Christmas Day Potluck December 25 Bring a dish! |
| Kaul Funeral Home will provide the meats. |
| * Wedding announcement: Last-Fling to Wed! |
| Wong-Wright wedding plans announced |
| Hogg and Hamm to Exchange Vows |
| * Ad from a newspaper: (don't ask, please) LOST in Gotham area. One pair |
| of used men's underwear. Call D.J.'s Kwik Stop if found. |
| * FOUND false teeth, lower plate, good condition. Contact the Flemingsburg|
| Sewer Plant |
| * Romance is still alive: "Miriam, as a token of my undying love, I'm |
| knocking a $120 off what you still owe me. Your big Bear WES. |
| * Personals ad: Moderately intelligent, occasionally nice professional |
| male in early 40s seeks educated unemcumbered woman with sense of humor |
| & a backpack. If ex-husband in prison, please include release date. |
| * Sign: Chaput Funeral Home |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Metaphysical BITS! By: Manfred This Week: The New Year Page 34 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Hello Readers, |
| With the New Year on our heals, it is perhaps a time not only for the |
| resolutions but for reflections as well. What did the past year hold for |
| you? When you look back, do you recall only the bad things or do you see |
| the good as well? Fortunately for us, our states of mind are based upon |
| our perceptions. It is very important to train yourself to see things from|
| a realistic view. I do not advocate neither optimism nor pessimism, rather|
| I say one should be a realist. That means not focusing on the bad solely, |
| nor the good solely, but on the WHOLE. Sometimes we find it difficult, and |
| prefer to focus only on one aspect. The reason it is important is because |
| it maintains a balance within you. This balance affects your present and |
| eventually your future. If you have a realistic outlook, many things will |
| change - depression becomes almost unheard of, and not only your mental |
| health, but physical and spiritual health benefits. I know, easier said |
| than done again, but if you are taking responsibility for yourself (which |
| is something we must all eventually do) then it is up to you to do what is |
| necessary. When you sit down to write out that list of New Year's Resol- |
| utions this year, first reflect, and then project. Make your resolution |
| one which will help everything else (including the common cause) - resolve |
| to be a realist and look at more than 1 side...and have a happy 1992! M. |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
|STANDOUT DISTRIBUTORS AVAIALABLE *ONLY* ON THESE BBSes: Page 35 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|CA: Area Code/ BBS: Phone #: Appx # Users: |
| 213........METRO ONLINE (WestSide).......213-674-4210 3000 + |
| 310........LYNZIE'S MOTHERBOARD..........310-650-0519 1000 + |
| 310........BEYOND ETERNITY...............310-371-3734 N/A-HOST |
| 415........CALIFORNIA CONNEXION..........415-927-2739 1000 + |
| 619........SAN DIEGO CONNECTION..........619-584-8456 1000 + |
| 714........INTROLINE.....................714-871-4687 1000 |
| 818........KBBS..........................818-994-0442 3500 + |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|TX: Area Code/ BBS: Phone #: Appx # Users: |
| 214........TALKCHANNEL DALLAS/FTW........214-368-1129 2000+ |
| 713........TALKCHANNEL HOUSTON...........713-476-5196 4000+ |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|IL: Area Code/ BBS: Phone #: Appx # Users: |
| 708........INTIMATE MANSION..............708-934-3045 1000+ |
| 312........CHICAGO SYSLINK...............312-622-4442 1000+ |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| FIRST ISSUE is already available on these BBSes |
| |
| NEXT ISSUE AVAILABLE 12/30/91 |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Odd BITS! Page 36 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Nicolai Glatina from Romania has armpits that smell so bad that people who |
| stand near him will cough, gasp and even faint. Glatina bathes and uses |
| deodorant daily but every few hours the stench returns. He dates a woman |
| who works in a fish market, & doesn't think he smells bad at all! |
| |
| Sunlight increases sexual desire because it stimulates the pituitary gland |
| Darkness signals the pineal gland to produce melatonin which inhibits sperm|
| production, ovulation & sexual desire. |
| |
| Epitaph from a tombstone in Penobscot, Maine: |
| Here lies a poor woman - who always was tired, |
| She lived in a house - where help was not hired. |
| Her last words on earth were - "Dear friends, I am going |
| Where washing ain't done - nor sweeping nor sewing. |
| But everything there is exact to my wishes, |
| For where they don't eat - there's no washing dishes. |
| I'll be where loud anthems will always be ringing, |
| But having no voice I'll be clear of the singing. |
| Don't mourn for me now - don't mourn for me never, |
| I'm going to do nothing forever and ever." |
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.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| It's The Truth! Page 37 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Well, here we are faced with a New Year's eve celebration coming close. |
| Most will probably indulge in a drink or two -- some even more than 'or |
| two.' So what does one have to face after an evening of drinking? That's |
| right -- a hang-over. Did you know that science truly does not know why |
| a hang-over occurs? Well it is true. One thing is certain, alcohol does |
| restrict the flow of blood to the brain, and in many people it causes |
| dehydration. It also pushes the blood sugar level to drop and the acid |
| level of your blood becomes higher. Some scientists say that one's mood |
| can also play a major role in whether or not a hang-over happens or not. |
| Whatever the case, no one is certain why it happens. But here are some |
| important things on how to make yourself feel better if it does happen. |
| First, a little drink of alcohol, ie "hair of the dog..." is a common |
| method of stopping a hang-over. Truth is, by doing this you are merely |
| applying an anesthesia to yourself. Secondly, drink plenty of fluids, |
| making certain you do not drink fluids filled with acid -- so the orange |
| juice and tomato juice are out of the question. Getting the system flush-|
| ed out is a must. Don't try to perspire the alcohol out of your system |
| though, by going to a suana or something, your body is already dehydrated.|
| Try eating some honey. It is high in sugar and some say, has all the |
| necessities of life. To avoid all the above, drink less, but have fun! |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| How's It Work? Page 38 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| I just did something that is common place around the country. I poured |
| a steaming hot cup of coffee into a cup. But it was this action that made |
| me ask, how do they manage to do this? I mean, keep coffee hot in a ther- |
| mos or milk cold. How can they make something that will do both? So I did|
| some research and here's what I discovered. A thermos is made to cut down |
| the exchange of heat between the inside and the outside of the bottle by |
| slowing down the process in which heat travels, conduction, convection and |
| radiation. The typical thermos is made from either metal or plastic on |
| the exterior and the interior is a double glass bottle. A vacuum or near |
| vacuum exists between the two layers of glass and the lip at the top of |
| the thermos is sealed by melting the two bottles together. Glass is used |
| because it is a poor conductor of heat. The near vacuum between the two |
| layers of glass also stops or reduces greatly the loss of heat via convec- |
| tion. Since heat can travel through glass and the vacuum via radiation, |
| the exterior bottle is painted with a silver aluminum solution to reflect |
| the heat waves back into the thermos. The exterior casing is used to |
| protect the glass bottles. By this method and the theory of exchange, in |
| physis, "the colder of two bodies always absorbs heat waves until both |
| bodies are the same temperature," the heat of hot coffee is reflected back |
| to the coffee as is the cold of, say milk, reflected back to the cold item.|
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| The 1991 Eeeek BITS! Awards! Page 39 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| THE SCRATCH-N-SNIFF AWARD goes to Roseann Barr Arnold, whose singing of |
| the National Anthem made us cry for different reasons... |
| |
| THE HOOKER, LINE & SINK-'EM AWARD goes to the "Reverend" Jimmy Swaggart |
| who has obviously paid for his sins a lot this year, although I doubt God |
| meant to pay for them by the hour.... |
| |
| THE OVER-THE-HILL AWARD goes to our United States Senate who are obviously |
| in their second childhood by what we saw on National TV, but are they |
| really OVER the Hill or... |
| |
| THE "I-WAS-JUST-JERKIN'-AROUND" AWARD goes to ol' Pee Wee Herman, and I |
| guess we know how he got his name now... |
| |
| THE FINGER-LICKIN'-GOOD AWARD of course goes to Jeffery Dahmer who gave |
| new meaning to the phrases "I'm having a friend for dinner" and "You can't |
| eat just one..." |
| |
| THE "HE-MIGHT-BE-GOOD-UNDER-THE-SHEETS-BUT..." AWARD goes to ex KKK member |
| & ex-Nazi David Duke who makes Dan Quayle look like a blessing to us! |
`----------------------------------------------------------------------------'
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| The 1991 Eeeek BITS! AWARDS continued... Page 40 |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| THE "YEAH-SURE-WE-TRUST-YOU-NOW!" AWARD goes out to the man who has been |
| compared with the likes of Hitler, Stalin, Satan, Genghis Khan, Attila the |
| Hun, Qadhafi, Khomeini & Franco - none other than Saddam Hussein. We prefer|
| to call him So Damn Insane ourselves.... |
| |
| THE OH-POOR-BABY AWARD goes to Imelda Marcos, who informed her people that |
| she "came home penniless" after exiting a hired limo, and staying at a 2 |
| grand a night hotel. Imelda - Try PayLess Shoes... |
| |
| THE PUT-YOUR-MONEY-WHERE-YOUR-MOUTH-IS AWARD to those involved in the S&L |
| scams. In the first 10 months, 117 banks failed, and 11% of Americans |
| withdrew their monies for safety reasons! Guess the old hole in the matt- |
| ress doesn't look so bad anymore... |
| |
| THE "DIVES-OF-THE-RICH-&-FAMOUS" AWARD could only go to William Kennedy |
| smith, who was probably pretty lucky to have uncle Teddy take the stand. |
| Just shows to go you...money DOES have its priviledges... |
| |
| & FINALLY THE "OH-SHUT-UP-ALREADY" AWARD goes to Madonna, who seemingly |
| has a lot to say in interviews, of which we couldn't care less anymore! |
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| Special New Years Wishes To Our Distributing BBSes!!!!!! Page 41 |
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|IN AZ: ChattleRanch, SunWise BBS, The Broadcasters BBS, |
|IN CA: The Pinnacle Club, Metro Online, Wonderland PIN, Zone One, Sunshine |
| Daydream, LA Online, The Burbs, Changewinds, The DAG Board, In Touch,|
| Promethius Designs, Speed Of Light, Lynzie's Motherboard, Community |
| BBS, CA ConneXion, IeBBS, Holonet, She's At It Again!, Rendezvous, |
| MediaLine, DataByte Computer Service, San Diego Connection, Exactus |
| Information Service, InfoMat BBS, Happy Trails BBS, ACA, Interludes, |
| IntroLine, The Zoo, Pasadena Online, Area 88, El Dorado, KBBS, Baud |
| Town, Modem Butterfly's, Rocks BBS, The MOG-UR'S EMS, Bob Koster's |
| Fabulous BBS, The Moonshadow BBS, & CIA. |
|IN CO: BoardWatch, PineCliff BBS, & Bird Info Network |
|IN CT: Connections On-Line, Reverse Polarity, & Endeavor! BBS |
|IN FL: RainForest, Central Station, The Door, Crown Jewel,& Inner Dwellings |
|IN GA: SouthEastern Xpress |
|IN HI: Reno's Tavern (TCH) |
|IN IA: The Warp Zone |
|IN IL: Home Boy's Habitat, Final Frontier, After The Bars, Chicago Syslink, |
| 20/20, The Round Table, InfoQuest, Baud-E-House, The City, Intimate |
| Mansion, House Of Kinks, The Lambda Zone, Level One & Daze Inn. |
|IN IN: Radio Daze AM & FM, & GabLine |
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| Special New Years Wishes To Our Distributing BBSes!!!!!!! Page 42 |
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|IN KS: BBS Press Service, C.U.E. BBS, & Macs' BBS |
|IN LA: Golddust Plantation & Access New Orleans |
|IN MA: Channel 1, DataNet Conn, Argus Comp. Exchg, & Executive Conn. Online |
|IN MI: Solaris, Gateway Online, VNS, Rusty Nail, Express Way, Fun & Fantasy |
|IN MN: Gaze |
|IN MO: Party Line BBS(314), Party Line(816), & The Passport BBS |
|IN MS: Diamondhead TBBS Sys |
|IN NE: The Backdoor BBS & Hawg Wild! BBS |
|IN NJ: Space Station Two, Home Base BBS, & The Underground |
|IN NV: Bytes BBS, & The Network System |
|IN NY: The Male Stop, & Metro International |
|IN OH: Bill N' Bob's Place & CanCom On-Line Services |
|IN OK: Access America |
|IN OR: Down Home Funk BBS, Main Street BBS, Heartbeats, The Fun Connection |
|IN PA: Imagination Station |
|IN TX: TC Dall/FTW, Argus Info Service, Texas Talk, Modem Addictus Hospital,|
| Turning Point Info Service, Information BBS, Atomic Cafe, PC Nowhere,|
| TC Houston, Vanity Vanity Publishing, & The Stadium Club!, |
|IN UT: Midnight Express, Midnight Express II, FileQuest, & Razzmatazz |
|IN VA: The Cracker Barrel, PC Assist, Online!, Intercity, |
|IN WA: 28 Barbary Lane, & B.E. Too |
|IN WI: Exec-PC, Fond du Lac Data Exchange, The Void II, & P.A.W.S. BBS |
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| The security guard walked the grounds as he had done many times before. |
| He checked to ensure nothing was missing or out of place and that no living|
| being roamed the now closed area. But when he came upon a glass domed |
| site, in which a fine sculptured piece was supposed to be and found it |
| empty, he became afraid and ran. The glass dome was not broken nor had it |
| been moved. This was most disturbing to the security guard. But then, |
| some people react that way when in a cemetery a night regardless of any- |
| thing ocurring out of the ordinary. The cemetery is Graceland Cemetery |
| in Chicago, Illinois. The gravesite is that of one Inez Clarke. Inez |
| was a mere seven years old when life was claimed by a disease of the 1800s.|
| Her parents, who had spent much time attempting to protect their daughter, |
| as well as give her everything she wanted or needed, were totally dis- |
| traught over her death. In an attempt to immortalize the child, the |
| Clarkes commissioned an artist to carve a life-size replica of their child |
| out of stone. Once the replica was completed, it was placed over Inez's |
| grave and a glass dome was placed over the replica to protect it. People |
| have, it is said, actually seen tears fall from the eyes of this child |
| size stone statue. But the night security guard clearly saw that the |
| stone statue of Inez was not in the glass dome. He left the cemetery, |
| leaving behind his guard dog, his keys and the gates wide open. The next |
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| day, the guard returned. He found Inez's statue back in the glass dome. |
| Everything else was normal. The security guard is not the first to have |
| reported the glass dome to be empty. Others have also reported it and have|
| said they have seen the likeness of Inez or the statue roaming around the |
| cemetery. |
| Another unrestful spirit is that of Ludwig Wolff. Before Wolff died he |
| left instructions that he was not to be buried in a hole but rather in a |
| spacious monument built into the side of the hill at Graceland. His wishes|
| were fulfilled and his was laid to rest in a monument room that is twenty |
| feet wide, thirty feet long and twelve feet high. This sounds like plenty |
| of room for a dead body, one would think. But for Wolff it obviously was |
| not. On nights when the moon is full, passer-bys have reported hearing a |
| howling sound come from the monument. Some, with a strong heart, have gone|
| to investigate the howling sounds. They have reported seeing a green eyed |
| ghost running up and down the hill by the monument. Whatever peace Wolff |
| had hoped to attain in death in a large room, rather than a hole in the |
| ground, seems to have eluded him. |
| In yet another section of Graceland Cemetery is a modest monument placed |
| over the grave site of one Dexter Graves. Graves died in 1844 and the |
| memory of what type of man he was has been lost for many years. But the |
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| monument could suggest what type of man he was. A single plague is placed |
| at the base of the monument which simply reads: "Eternal Silence." The |
| monument is that of a hooded figure of death. Originally the statue was |
| totally black but the years have claimed it and there is now an eerie green|
| patina on the most of it. But the face of the statue remains black, as |
| though untouched by the years. Some say they can look into the face of the|
| monument and feel a cold chill run through their entire body. Others say |
| it is like viewing into the face of death itself. Most find Dexter Graves |
| burial site to be menacing. |
| Graceland Cemetery, an old, old burial ground in Chicago, old Chicago, |
| recieved its charter in February 1861. It can be visited by taking Lake |
| Shore Drive North, exit at Irving Park Road, go west to Clark Street and |
| the cemetery is right there. |
| Another cemetery of the area that is said to be haunted is Resurrection |
| Cemetery. Many of you have probably heard the story of Resurrection Mary. |
| If not, well I'm going to tell it to you -- Resurrection Mary was Mary |
| Bregavy, a pretty Polish girl who loved to live and party. She was twenty |
| two years old and loved dancing. On this one evening, she had a date with |
| a young man who took her to O'Henry Ballroom, now Willowbrook ballroom. |
| The dance was huge success and Mary had great fun with her new boyfriend |
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| and the other couple who had come along with them. They left the dance and|
| began driving. Mary's friend was driving very fast. So fast that he lost |
| control of the car and it jumped the curbing, striking a huge I-beam hold- |
| ing up the elevated train tracks. Three of the four had sustained only |
| minor injuries. But Mary was somehow thrown from the car and her lifeless |
| body lay on the sidewalk. Her grieving family buried in Resurrection Ceme-|
| tery. For five years after this, Mary appeared to be laid to rest in total|
| peace. But on a cold, snowy January night in 1939 a Chicago cabdriver was |
| hailed by a young girl on Archer Street. He picked her up and noted she |
| did not wear a coat. She did not get into the back, as most passenagers |
| do, but climbed into the front next to the cabdriver. The driver tried to |
| make conversation but the only thing she said was that she needed to get |
| home quickly and something about the snow came early this year! As they |
| drove on, the cabbie tried to talk to her but finally she screamed, "Stop |
| here." The cabbie stopped the car and the girl got out and vanished into |
| thin air. The place he had been instructed to stop was right in front of |
| Resurrection Cemetery. Since that time Mary has been seen hitchiking along|
| Archer Avenue many, many times. Some young men have reported picking her |
| up and being asked to take her dancing. Many have complied. Most have |
| reported feeling a cold chill to the bone when they danced with her. All |
| say she instructs them on her route home to Resurrection Cemetery. |
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| .-------------------------------------. |
| | (c)1991 K.R.Taghadossi/J.L.Black | .--------------------------------. |
| | ** ALL RIGHTS RESERVED !! ** | | Eeeek BITS! & U.S.Datanet are | |
| | (213)-371-3734 (modem) N81, 3/12/24 | | mutual distributors of Eeeeks! | |
| `-------------------------------------' | & DCN! See Below For USD's #! | |
| .-----------------------------. | EEEEK PUBLISHING COMPANY | |
| |-----------------------------| | P.O. Box # 331 | |
| | The following material is | | Manhattan Beach, CA 90266 | |
| | COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL! You | `--------------------------------' |
| | may NOT Change or alter | .------------------------------------. |
| | it in ANY manner without | | Eeeek BITS! Is currently FREE, but | |
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| | it to any BBS without the | | the main menu, OR Call U.S.Datanet | |
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