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-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----


bofh.food FAQ $Id: bofh-food-faq,v 1.16 1999/04/05 20:51:39 jdfalk Exp $
by J.D. Falk <[e-mail]>, with assistance from various BOFHs.

TABLE OF CONTENTS*
==================---------------------------------------------------------
    (Stuff marked with asterisks has been updated this month.)
  0. What is bofh.food all about?
  1. Where can I get this FAQ?
  2. What is J.D.'s chicken recipe?
  3. Why is J.D.'s chicken recipe in this FAQ?
  4. What is Simon Burr always raving about?
     (this amazing chocolate concoction)
  5. What should you buy the NetAxs folks to eat?
     (sushi at some of these places)
  6. What will I get in return?
  7. What's the big deal about Avi and slugs?
  8. Why is Avi's slug commemorated in this FAQ?
  9. Why was there no mention of Stephanie da Silva in this FAQ?
  A. What's with this funky numbering scheme?
  B. Jeff the Riffer seems like a strange guy.  What's he enjoy eating?
     (lamb soup with a grilled cheese sandwich.)
  C. Don't leeks go under bofh.food anyway?
  D. There should be more recepies in here.  How about peanut butter pie?
  E. Hillary's other favorite food appears to be bean soup.
  F. Is this the last question in the bofh.food FAQ?
 10. How do you cook a coot?
 11. How do you cook a gosling?
 12. Dan's Drunk Chicken
 13. Phil Homewood's rule regarding metal in microwave ovens
 14. There are aliens among us in meat shells
 15. Neal Stephenson
 16. Ingvar the Grey's Meatballs
 17. Can you really get intoxicated with popcorn?
 18. Squirrel Au Vin
 19. The Soupy Stuff for Soba
 1A. More Meat!  More Pie!  More Meat Pie!
 1B. Potstickers in Perl
 1C. Tzatziki
 1D. Beer/garlic/onion/herb bread (for bread machines)
 1E. Beer/garlic/onion/herb bread (for lazy people)
 1F. Is the LWC mentioned in J.D. Falk's food FAQ?
 20. pope not Calle's recipe-in-a-footnote
 21. Dave Taira's never-fails sushi recipe
 22. Rachel's Wasabi Mashed Potatoes
 23. Desecrated Coconut (for use in Chicken Curry)
 24. Three from Ingvar: Curry-Apple Fish, Chocolate Sauce, Mint Pears
 25. Why are those three lumped together under one section?
 26. But wait...
 27. Fermented Potatoes
 28. Migratory Birds
 29. Meri's Dead Chickens
 2A. Meri's Dead Pigs
 2B. Meri's Dead Fruit
*2C. Flapper Pie
 2D. Future Improvements to the FAQ.
 Footnotes[1]


0. WHAT IS BOFH.FOOD ALL ABOUT?
================================-------------------------------------------

    The BOFHnet newsgroup bofh.food is for discussion of what the BOFH
and all us proto-BOFHs like to eat, drink, or feed to our pit bulls and
other nasty animals that we keep around to scare off the lusers.
    If you do not understand what that means, then you would probably
be better off reading rec.cooking instead.

    Please note that, like the rest of the bofh.* heirarchy, any
message crossposted to more than three newsgroups will be canceled.  This
is a basic tenet of BOFHnet.  If you don't like it, you are welcome to use
most of the over 25,000 other newsgroups avaliable to you instead.

1. WHERE CAN I GET THIS FAQ?
=============================----------------------------------------------

    It will be posted to bofh.food on the 17th of every month.  You
can also get it by sending e-mail to <[e-mail]> with a
Subject: header of "gimme bofh-food-faq" (nothing else, no quotes, body
ignored), or from the URL:

        http://www.cybernothing.org/faqs/bofh-food-faq.html

2. WHAT IS J.D.'S CHICKEN RECIPE?
==================================------------------------------------------

    Well, it's still a recipe in progress -- I've tried it three
times, and each one came out similar but different[2].  *grin*
    In one o' them glass cake pans with the three-inch-high rounded
sides, stick a bunch of chicken parts.  I use boneless breasts, but
anything should work -- though it seems to be best if they're no more than
about an inch thick.
    Over that, splash a little olive oil, a lot of soy sauce, and some
bourbon (if it's flavorful like Elijah Craig, use about half as much
bourbon as you did soy sauce -- other brands may require more.) Shake
basil, a little cilantro, and red pepper over that, to about the same
consistency of herbs that you usually see on chicken.  Let it sit for a
few minutes to soak up some juices, then flip the chicken over and do the
herbs and pepper again.
    The first time I made this I was only able to let it sit for an
hour, so when I cooked it I would take it out every five or ten minutes
and spoon the marinade on top of the chicken so that it would be moist.
However, it's better to let it sit in the fridge for a day or so, flipping
the chicken over whenever you think of it.
    Then, push the oven up to about 375 degrees, and cook it for an
hour or so, flipping the chicken over every fifteen minutes.  You might
want to add more oil and/or herbs at this point.
    It goes very well with rice.

    Joseph S. D. Yao <[e-mail]> suggests "you might try some
ginger and/or garlic powder in place of or addition to (after all, it's
your taste buds) the red pepper.  Then again, I'm half Chinese, and your
taste bud mileage (TBM) may differ."

3. WHY IS J.D.'S CHICKEN RECIPE IN THIS FAQ?
=============================================------------------------------

    Because there haven't been very many questions asked here in
bofh.food since it was created.  Truth is, there still haven't, but I
won't let that stop me from making this one of the most interesting and
informative documents on the net.

4. WHAT IS SIMON BURR ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT?
============================================-------------------------------

    In <4ktujm$[e-mail]>, Simon Burr <[e-mail]>
finally explained in detail....

] Hmmmm, a recipe for the choc-[coffee|nuts|crystalised fruit|whatever else I
] can find] stuff ?
]
] Its kinda simple. You will need:
]
]  o Some chocolate, preferably without fillings of any sort in it. I prefer
]    Lindt Excellence, Galaxy, Dairy Milk, Yorkie bar and Milky bar.
]
]  o Something to add to the chocolate, the list of stuff I add is getting
]    longer and longer. ATM it is:
]
]      * Coffee beans
]      * Various nuts, including:
]        - Cashews
]        - Brazils
]        - Pistachios (sp ?)
]        - Almonds
]        - Pine kernels
]      * Bits of fruit, including:
]        - Crystallised pineapple
]        - Crystallised ginger
]        - Dried apricots
]        - Dried mango
]
]  o Something to melt the chocolate with. I use a microwave myself. You'll
]    also need a glass bowl or something similar to melt the chocolate in.
]
]  o Something to hold the melted chocolate and the stuff added to it. I use
]    a couple of ice cube trays.
]
] All you have to do is melt the chocolate, put it into the ice cube tray
] using a spoon and add whatever you want to the melted chocolate. You
] then have to wait for the chocolate to harden. The use of a fridge or
] freezer at this point speeds this process up no end. You then have to
] take the chocolate things out of the tray... and that's it.
]
] You can also play around with mixing several layers of chocolate. I've
] found that it takes 2 tea spoons of chocolate to fill each ice cube
] mold in the trays I use. I make the first teaspoon full something like
] Lindt Excellence and add some nuts, coffee beans or whatever. This is
] then cooled down in the freezer. When the chocolate has hardened I add
] a tea spoon full of a different type of chocolate, Milky bar is a nice
] one. This layer of chocolate also has stuff added to it as well.
]
] One of these days I'll get around to scanning in the photos I took of this
] process and put it on the web. However, since I took said photos before
] ASRLonI, don't hold your breath for this.

5. WHAT SHOULD I BUY THE NETAXS FOLKS TO EAT?
==============================================-----------------------------

    Some of the BOFHs at Netaxs are Hillary, Izzy, Avi, and Alex.  There
are of course more, as well as some people who used to work there who are
still around and hope to stay on a friendly basis with everybody there.  We
all say that Net Access is the best ISP in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA,
though some BOFHnet regulars may differ (because they work for competing
companies.)
    Everybody knows Hillary, Izzy is usually near her, and among Avi's
many strange and wonderful talents is the ability to brush his hair
straight up so that he looks quite a bit like Dilbert's boss.
    They used to feel that the best BOFH gathering spot in their neck
of the woods is allyoucaneat-sushi at AOI between 12th and 13th on Walnut
St., any Thurs/Fri/Sat night.  I agree that it's quite good.
    Hillary adds, "What does aoi stand for?  Nothing, you luser. It
means 'various shades of blue and green' in Japanese."
    Now, though, we feel that the best spot is Sagami, an expensive
but worth it sushi place in Collingswood, New Jersey.  They feature truly
amazing sushi, the best misoshiru to be had, classic japanese porn on the
walls, and easily embarrased waitresses.
    For those in the D.C. area, the best seems to be Sushi-ko (on
Wisconsin, some blocks North of Georgetown.)
    Rumour has it that the best sushi in the Bay Area has got to be
Pink Godzilla in Santa Cruz.  I look forward to testing that theory.
    Hillary and I were considering writing a bofh.food Sushi FAQ.

6. WHAT WILL I GET IN RETURN?
==============================---------------------------------------------

    Also according to Hillary, Avi might give you his secret software.
Your chances are improved if you bring a slug (or as sticky eyeball.)

7. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT AVI AND SLUGS?
============================================-------------------------------

    Avi brought a sticky blue silicon-based toy, shaped like a slug,
to the D.C. Area BOFH Bash 1.1 (it was dubbed 1.1 because 1.0 never really
happened due to mass last-minute cancellations.)
    It was being thrown around at Bardo, the bar where the bash was
held.  In the ruckus, it found itself thrown towards the ceiling one too
many times, and it never came back down.[3]

8. WHY IS AVI'S SLUG COMMEMORATED IN THIS FAQ?
===============================================----------------------------

    Nobody's written an Avi Freedman FAQ yet, and it had to go
/somewhere/ lest the entire history be lost.

9. WHY WAS THERE NO MENTION OF STEPHANIE DA SILVA IN THIS FAQ?
===============================================================------------

    Nobody had asked a question about her here yet.  They still
haven't, but here's her most likely answer anyway:

] Go look at my recipes archive.  I gave up on updating it about 4 months
] go, but it has a respectable amount in it (about 20 megs).
]
] At this URL:
]
] http://www.neosoft.com/recipes/

    We've also got her soba recipe below.

A. WHAT'S WITH THIS FUNKY NUMBERING SCHEME?
============================================-------------------------------

    I didn't want to switch to double-digits any sooner than I had
    to.  But this FAQ keeps growing (faster than my pant size), so
    I had to do it eventually.

    Additionally, I switched this FAQ into RCS in 1998, so now we've
    got new revision numbers.  As if anybody's likely to care.


B. JEFF THE RIFFER SEEMS LIKE A STRANGE GUY.  WHAT'S HE ENJOY EATING?
======================================================================-----

    Lamb soup with a grilled cheese sandwich.

] Ingredients:
]  o Lamb backbone left over from a birthday dinner at my mom's where my
]    brother (the *real* cook in the family) made a lamb roast for me.
]  o Lamb neckbones (purchased from store)
]  o A cup of generic frozen soup veggies (corn, carrot, beans, peas)
]  o three medium-sized idaho potatoes
]  o One medium sized yellow onion
]  o Water
]  o Various seasonings
]
]
] Basically, I just boiled the hell out of the meatbones in a soup pot for
] a few hours, then added the frozen veggies and potatoes (cut up), as
] well as various spices. Simmered covered for another hour, stirring
] occasionally.  Added the onion (cut up) and some more water. Simmered
] for a few more hours...
]
] I took out all the bones (well ok, I missed one tiny bone damn it,
] fortunately I didn't choke myself. Lamb vengeance is denied!) and tossed
] them, then covered the soup and took it off the burner to settle for
] another hour. Then put it in the fridge.
]
] We decided it was a bit bland so I added a few more seasonings to it.
] Garlic powder, pizza seasoning, and a few drops of Mongolian Fire Oil.
] And more salt.

C. DON'T LEEKS GO UNDER BOFH.FOOD ANYWAY?

    Yes, they do. [5]

D. THERE SHOULD BE MORE RECIPES IN HERE.  HOW ABOUT PEANUT BUTTER PIE?

    Dave Hankins' mother makes peanut butter pie using the following
recipe, painstakingly entered into an e-mail program by his father:

> Peanut Butter Pie
>
> 6 oz. cream cheese
> 1 cup confectioner's sugar
> 1/3 cup smooth peanut butter
> 1/2 cup milk
> 1/4 cup finely chopped unsalted peanuts
> 1 pkg. Dream Whip or 1 small container of Cool Whip
>
> Whip cheese until soft & fluffy;  Blend in confectioner's sugar & milk;
> Prepare Dream Whip (or Cool Whip) according to directions;  Fold peanut
> butter & Dream Whip (or Cool Whip) into mixture;  Pour into 9" graham
> cracker pie shell;  Sprinkle w/peanuts;  Chill until firm;
>
> or
>
> 1 quart vanilla ice cream
> 9 tablespoons peanut butter
>
> Blend until mixed;  Put in pie shell & sprinkle top;  Freeze;

E. HILLARY'S OTHER FAVORITE FOOD: VEGGIE BEAN SOUP
====================================================-----------------------

    Here's how you make Hillary's yummy veggie bean soup:

] You need:
]
] One pound of fresh beans of various kinds (please don't use canned. Go
] somewhere with a good produce section to buy fresh, or buy a dried soup
] mix but you then have to deal with soaking and all that which personally I
] refuse to do.)
]
] One pound of chopped tomatoes
]
] Two chopped onions
]
] A few cloves of garlic, chopped (do you sense a trend?)
]
] Your favorite hot sauce
]
] Several carrots, chopped
]
] A small amount of pasta shells, twirls, elbows, or whatever (maybe 1/4
] cup?)
]
] Some beer. Dark is my favorite, but ales work too.
] Herbs/spices/hotsauce
]
] You put a teaspoon of oil in the bottom of a BIG pot. Put in the onions
] and cook them til they start browning, then add the garlic and cook til
] fragrant. Then, put in your beans, tomatoes, and 5 cups of beer. Throw in
] a cup of water for good measure. Let this cook for a while - like, an
] hour. Then add the other stuff - your carrots, herbs, spices - be
] creative. I like to add basil and oregano and habanero sauce, myself. Add
] the pasta too. Then you're gonna cook this for another couple of hours,
] minimum. Stir and stuff...simmer gently...don't burn it, for god's sake.
] It's quite good, and can be "soup" or "stew" as you prefer. Let me know
] how it goes.

F. IS THIS THE LAST QUESTION IN THE BOFH.FOOD FAQ?
===================================================------------------------

    It used to be, but we came up with more.

10. HOW DO YOU COOK A COOT?
============================-----------------------------------------------

This culinary gem comes from Mark Stapleton.

> [for those of you not from Minnesota, the coot is a large waterfowl
> whose flesh is legendary for its inedibility]
> Take a large, fresh coot. Clean and gut the carcass.
> Soak overnight in strong brine.
> Empty and refill soak pan with clear water. Soak 24 hours in a cool
> place.
> Empty and refill soak pan with a marinade containing acid (flat beer
> or strongly flavored vinegar), oil, and a handfull of whole cloves.
> Marinade 24 hours.
> Place carcass in roasting pan and place in a 300-degree oven with
> whole red potatoes and carrots. Place a large building brick in
> carcass. Bake until vegetables are ash and brick is soft. Throw away
> ash and carcass and eat the brick. (It's tastier than the bird.)


11. HOW DO YOU COOK A GOSLING?
===============================--------------------------------------------

Elias Halldor Agustsson (the man with the absolutely wonderful hostname
of the.bofh.is) reports that _Les Diners de Gala_ by Salvador Dali (ca.
1970) gave a recipe similar to the following:

> Capture a gosling and pluck off all the plumage.
> Light a circle of small fires and put the gosling in the middle.
> The gosling will try to run away, but as it tries to break the
> circle of fire, it will in effect broil itself alive. In order
> to keep it alive long enough for it to broil itself thoroughly,
> one must cool its head with a sponge dipped in cold water ...


12. DAN'S DRUNK CHICKEN
========================---------------------------------------------------

    Dan Ritter sent this one in, pre-quoted even.

>Dan's Drunk Chicken
>
>Ingredients:
>
>1 cup basmati [6] rice
>1 lb  boneless chicken
>1 medium sized onion
>1 medium sized green pepper
>1 can someone else's beer [7]
>a few cloves of garlic
>some salt
>some black pepper
>a little more black pepper
>
>Take a 9" brownie pan. Line it with aluminum foil - two sheets crosswise
>is best. The aluminum is part of the flavoring here, so it's important
>not to leave it out.
>
>Spread the rice around the bottom. Sprinkle some salt and some black
>pepper. Chop the onion into half-inch by a small number of strata squares.
>Add the onion. Chop the green pepper into about the same size. Add the
>green pepper. Dice the garlic finely, and toss that in, along with a can
>of someone else's beer. Slice the chicken into strips, lay it into the
>mess, and add a little more black pepper.
>
>Cover tightly with aluminum foil. Place in a 450 F oven for 45 minutes.
>Check to see if the rice is done. It won't be. Uncover, and let the
>chicken burn for 10 minutes or so. Add more water, cover tightly, and
>pretend to give up. 10 minutes or so later, it will be very tasty, and
>exceedingly hot.


13. PHIL HOMEWOOD'S RULE REGARDING METAL IN MICROWAVE OVENS
============================================================---------------

] In article <5u12g5$l9k$[e-mail]>,
]     [e-mail] (Jonathan H N Chin) writes:
] > Is foil not metal?
]
] No. Foil is not metal, it is metal. While you should never use
] metal in your microwave, using metal is perfectly acceptable.
]
] This never made sense to me, either.
]
] > What are the criteria (and why) for what should and should not
] > be put in a microwave oven?
]
] Well, the rule that's always worked for me (and I know not the
] complete basis for this, it just is):
]
]   foil is OK, just make sure it doesn't go anywhere near the sides
]   of the oven. And yes, the bottom is a side. Keep it right in the
]   middle and you're fine. Get it within an inch of the sides and
]   enjoy the fireworks.
]
] Basically, the reason metal is BAD is because it can cause arcing.
] Keep the airgaps big enough and you should be fine.
]
] Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility if your microwave explodes,
] implodes, launches toward the moon, gains sentience or otherwise
] behaves in a manner contary to the manufacturer's specification.
] I am just stating what works in my National Jr. Yes, we have
] caused fireworks once, by not following the "keep the airgap big"
] rule. Pretty. Expensive.


14. THERE ARE ALIENS AMONG US IN MEAT SHELLS
=============================================------------------------------

    Though this is not from a posting in bofh.food, it probably
    should have been.

> Aliens In Meat Shells
>
> Ingredients
> 1 dz aliens, small
> 1 cow, mutilated and de-boned
> 10 dz eggs, large
> 20 8 oz packages, seasoned bread crumbs
> 1 lb butter, soft
> 6 cloves garlic, crushed
> 5 tsp oregano
> 5 tsp black pepper
> 1 6-ft long piece of aluminum foil
>
> Take your 6-ft long piece of aluminum foil and fashion a helmet out of it.
> Place the helment on your head (this protects you from the mind-control
> powers of the aliens).  Now take your mutilated and de-boned cow
> (doscarding the hooves and carcass) and grind the meat and organ tissue to
> a smooth consistency.  Take the ground cow and mix in your eggs, garlic
> and bread crumbs, along with 1/2 lb of your soft butter.
>
> Now take your aliens (make sure they are thoroughly washed and scrubbed)
> and roll them in your ground cow mixture, coating each completely.  You
> can shape them into eggs (a festive touch for Easter) or simply leave them
> in quasi-human form.  Sprinkle oregano and black pepper over them and bake
> in an oven pre-heated to 425degF for 3 hours or until the meat shells are
> a deep, sizzling brown.
>
> Serves 50-60 unbelievers.

    BTW, if anybody has a good recipe for a giant cockroach in an
    Edgar suit, I don't want it.  There's only so much that your
    average BOFH's indelicate sensibilities can take.


15. NEAL STEPHENSON
====================-------------------------------------------------------

    Neal Stephenson[8] is a really cool author.  Somebody should
    name a dish after him, or maybe after something he wrote.

    Hey, Dan Ritter did.

> Being bored[9], and searching for my name in Altavista[10], I reread
> the bofh.food FAQ, and discovered that there is a Great Need for a
> dish referencing Neal Stephenson in some way.
>
> This is that dish[11]. It's called Snow Crash.
>
> Snow Crash
> ----------
>
> For Four:
>
> 1 quart strong vanilla ice cream[12]
> 1 pint whipping cream[13]
> 8 tablespoons shredded dried coconut
> 4 tablespoons brown sugar, well-powdered
> 4 shots, plus 4 tablespoons, Amaretto liqueur
> 4 shots vodka (optional)
>
> In a large glass or metal bowl, whip the cream, adding pinches of
> the brown sugar until soft peaks form.
>
> Use four large chilled parfait glasses. Pour a shot of Amaretto in the
> bottom of each. Add a dollop of cream. Add a scoop of ice cream. Layer
> on some coconut. Continue adding cream, ice cream, coconut until you
> reach the tops of the glasses. If you are using vodka for more kick,
> leave room at the top. Add the vodka and the last of the Amaretto, then
> the last of the coconut. Chill thoroughly before serving.


16. INGVAR THE GREY'S MEATBALLS
================================-------------------------------------------

] You neet an iron skillet to fry them in and they should be fried in
] butter, not oil.
]
] Ingredients:
] * Eggs
] * Ground beef
] * Pepper
] * Salt
] * Breadcrumbs (optinal)
] * Chopped onions
]
] Mix ground meat, eggs, onions and spices in a bowl. Let sit for 30
] minutes (preferrably in a fridge, covered). Roll into balls, fry until
] done.
]
] A small help for rolling them: take up goo with a spoon, place in
] non-dominant hand, roll.


17. CAN YOU REALLY GET INTOXICATED WITH POPCORN?
=================================================--------------------------

    Bev thinks so, and she's got her own newsgroup.  Do you have
    your own newsgroup?  Hm?  I rest my case.

> Real simple.
>
> * enough popped corn to fill a big ol' bowl
> * one large head of garlic
> * one shot of amaretto liqueur
> * 1/4 cup butter.
>
> Before starting, stick head of garlic (in foil wrap or roaster) in 375'
> preheated oven for 45 minutes or however long it takes till you can smell
> it and the cloves are soft.
>
> Pop corn. Put in big bowl.
>
> Melt the butter. Pour into smaller bowl. Remove garlic from oven. Peel
> cloves and drop into butter. With fork, mash cloves into paste. Dump
> shot of amaretto into bowl. Stir/mash till the whole thing is a smooth,
> dark gold goo with no lumps at all.
>
> Drizzle ensuing mixture over popcorn.
>
> Get tipsy.


18. SQUIRREL AU VIN
====================-------------------------------------------------------

    Originally from the Scary Devil Monastery, this one was given
    to me via IRC.  Don't ask which channel; I won't tell you.

<|>         |\__/|  .~    ~.
<|>         /o=o'`./      .'      recipe for squirrel au vin:
<|>        {o__,   \    {         ingredients:
<|>          / .  . )    \          1 squirrel (remove hair)
<|>          `-` '-' \    }         1 bottle of Boones Strawberry Hill
<|>         .(   _(   )_.'        to prepare:
<|>    :.  '---.~_ _ _|             Get really drunk, eat the squirrel.


19. THE SOUPY STUFF FOR SOBA
=============================----------------------------------------------

    Stephanie da Silva, who knows more recipes that most people
    will ever eat, writes:

] To make that soupy bit.
]
] First cook your soba noodles (9 oz or so), drain, rinse.  Plunge into
] hot water to reheat.
]
] For broth, combine 5 cups dashi stock, 1/3 cup shoyu, 1 tablespoon
] sake, 1 tablespoon sugar and heat.  Pour over noodles.  Garnish
] with chopped green onions.  Add other stuff like shrimp tempura,
] green bean tempura, etc, on top.


1A. MORE MEAT!  MORE PIE!  MORE MEAT PIE!
==========================================---------------------------------

    If you recognize the reference above, don't tell me (I already
    know what it means), but be sure to tell /somebody/ so that you
    can be proud of the otherwise useless contents of your brane.

    Jeff the Riffer, who you may remember from section B above,
    posted the following:

> Hmmm, ok, time to make dinner... The wife suggests a meat pie. Say, that
> sounds good. We even have a pie dish now, yowza.
>
> Take out two hamburger balls[1] to defrost, as well as carrots, a green peper,
> and half an onion (spanish).
>
> While meat is defrosting, cut up a carrot (after skinning it), half the green
> pepper, and the onion. Put meat in pie dish and sprinkle cut vegetables on
> top. Take our remaining white bread (home-made with bread machine) and soak
> it in milk. Add to pie-dish and mix things around a bit by hand. Hmmmm, add
> some seasonings... Without measuring I sprinkled in salt, pepper, garlic
> powder, and paprika. Mix some more, make sure everything is spread around
> evenly.
>
> Woops. Forgot the potatos. Get two out, nuke 'em for 3 minutes on high. Remove
> from  microwave, burn fingers. Run under cold water. Cut half-cooked potatos
> into largish chunks (bite-sized) and add to pie-dish. Mix around again. Ok,
> NOW it's done... Put in oven at 400 degrees.
>
> After a while (um, 20 minutes?) mix remaining milk with two eggs. Add some
> allspice, cumin, paprika, and grated cheese (monterary jack). Mix thoroughly
> by hand with a fork, then open oven and pour mixture into pie-pan. Watch
> cheese clump to bottom of measuring cup. Hmph. Fork out cheese and spread
> loosely over pie. Close oven, continue to bake.
>
> When the "crust" was cooked and the cheese was golden brown, removed from
> oven. Cut into quarters, served with dollop of sour-cream.
>
>
> All in all, a truely succesful experiment. Unfortunately, when I cook I tend
> to do it this way and thus don't *measure* what I use. The seasoning was a
> bit off (potatoes shoulda been salted seperately or something) but it didn't
> take too much time to prepare and was a good, self-contained meal (bowl food
> as we call it).


1B. POTSTICKERS IN PERL
========================---------------------------------------------------

    Daniel B. Holzman based the following recipe on something in
    a book he snagged from a library.

] Pound of beef or pork (resturaunts use pork), 3 scallion stalks (chopped
] finely), ginger to taste, 2 tsp sesame oil.  Mix it in a bowl until
] you've a coherent mass.
]
] Put it in the fridge and get started on the dough.
]
] 1 package of years, half a cup of warm water, 2 tbsp peanut oul, 2 tsp
] sugar.  Mix it, let the yeast do its thing.
]
] 2.5 cups of flower in a food processer.  Set the thing going, pour in the
] yeast-mix.  Watch the dough-ball form, keep it forming till it isn't
] sticky.  If that isn't happenning, ad a tablespoon of water.
]
] If you don't have a food processor get one^H^H^H^H^H^H^H mix the stuff in
] a bowl, making dough the old fashioned way.
]
] Roll the dough into a rope 16" or so long.  Cut it into 32 pieces.
]
] foreach(@doughpiece)
] {
]     palm_flatten($_);
]     %diameter($_)=2 inches || roll_with_pin($_);
]     meatFill($_,1 TBSP);
]     fold_in_half($_);
]     pinch_top_closed($_); # make pleated "fin"
] }
]
] Heat up a pan, lightly oil it with sesame oil.
]
] Stick 'em in a pot such that the "fin" points up.
]
] Brown the bottoms.  Fill the pan with a cu pof water, cover, and let it
] boil off.  This cooks the meat.  Let the things cook until a crust forms.
]
] Serve hot.


1C. TZATZIKI
=============--------------------------------------------------------------

    It's hard to pronounce.  Even when you can pronounce it, it
    sounds like the Yiddish word meaning "knick-nack," and
    people look at you funny.  But it tastes good.  Here's how
    Christer BorΣng makes the stuff.

> One cucumber, peeled and grated.
> 300g yoghurt
> 1 tblspoon olive oil
> 1 teaspoon vinegar
> garlic (pressed), mint, salt and pepper to taste.
>
> Mix oil, vinegar and garlic, add the yoghurt. Stir.
> Pour off the water from the cucumber, mix everything.
> Refrigerate a few hours, minimum.  After a day or two it reaches
> maximum strength.
>
> The last batch I made had half a garlic in it, and a pretty big one at
> that. It seems to taste more garlicky than pure garlic...:-)


1D. BEER/GARLIC/ONION/HERB BREAD (for bread machines)
======================================================---------------------

    This would appear to be one of a series, since it's also more
    garlicky than expected.  It could also be part of a series
    because it's yet one more from Stephanie da Silva.  Or, it
    might be part of a series because the next recipe is for a
    very different version of the same thing.  If the syncronicity
    is becoming too much for you, go read alt.fan.sailor-moon.

] Since I started this (first attempt to post failed due to a full
] disk partition) I've finished this batch of bread.  I should clarify,
] my problem with the texture is not that it's too heavy, but that it's
] too light, too much like store-bought bread, and too uneven a crumb.
]
] So this batch of bread was the first one I fiddled with.  Combined
] two different recipes, and still diverted from the recipe.  I was
] looking in the machine as it was going and decided I made the dough
] too wet (but the current batch going is also wet, so I guess that's
] how the dough is supposed to be).  I thought my fiddling had thrown
] off the dry/wet balance, so I stopped the cycle after the first knead
] and started over, adding a little more flour.
]
] I thought it improved the texture.  I"m going to try this again, but
] let it go longer through the first rise to the punchdown, and then
] restart it kneading again.
]
] Here's what I did (to the best of my recollection).  It came out
] more garlicky than I was expecting.
]
] 1 egg in a measuring cup
] beer in same measuring cup, enough to fill to 1 cup
] 1/4 cup + 1 tablespoon water
] 1 tablespoon oil
] 1/3 small onion, grated
] 2 garlic cloves, chopped
] 3 1/4 cups flour + another 1/4 cup flour
] 1 teaspoon salt
] 2 teaspoons sugar
] 1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
] pinch rosemary
] pinch marjoram
] pinch sage
] 2 teaspoons yeast


1E. BEER/GARLIC/ONION/HERB BREAD (for lazy people)
===================================================------------------------

    This one's original, and won't be seen outside of this FAQ
    except in clear-cut cases of copyright violation.

        1. Take some garlic, onion, and herbs.

        2. Spread/shake them on some bread.  You might want to
           use some cheese (appropriately melted) or some butter
           to make it all stick.

        3. Grab a beer to wash it down with.

        4. Enjoy.

1F. IS THE LWC MENTIONED IN J.D. FALK'S FOOD FAQ?
==================================================-------------------------

    No, but Wednesday, Hillary and Stephanie are. (Not that they're
    Cabal members or anything.)[14]


20. POPE NOT CALLE'S RECIPE-IN-A-FOOTNOTE
==========================================---------------------------------

    [15]


21. DAVE TAIRA'S NEVER-FAILS SUSHI RECIPE
==========================================---------------------------------

    1) Find a good sushi place.[18]
    2) Order.

    Alternatively:
    1) Have Japanese or Okinawan[19] grandparents.
    2) Show up at their house.


22. RACHEL'S WASABI MASHED POTATOES
====================================---------------------------------------

] this recipe was tested on several bofh this weekend at the pre-cypherpunk
] masquerade ball bbq at my house this saturday.
]
] some potatoes, peeled. i used about six.
] about 3-4 oz cream cheese.
] 2-3 tablespoons butter.
] salt
] wasabi (i made mine from a powder, and unlike most stories
] i've heard about powdered wasabi mix, this stuff was hella hot.
] (i've always wanted to use the word "hella" in a posting!)
]
] put the potatoes in a pot and add water to more than cover them.
] salt the hell out of the water.
] boil potatoes until they are soft.
] drain the potatoes and add the butter and cream cheese and mash
] the hell out of them. add the wasabi, a bit at a time. add less
] than you think you might want because if you let the mashed potatoes
] sit any length of time, the intensity of the wasabi flavor increases.
] i used quite a lot, though, and it was well-received (something like
] 2-3 tablespoons).
]
] let the mashed potatoes sit for about 10-20 minutes. then add two
] or three tablespoons of milk and reheat them while continuing to
] mash them (this makes them a bit creamier, i found.)
]
] serve. serves 3-5 hungry bbqing bofh.


23. DESECRATED COCONUT
=======================----------------------------------------------------

    Simon Cozens brings us this short and simple recipe.

> For use in Chicken Curry. Very simple:
>
> Defrost chicken.
> Wave over coconut.
> Cut chicken.
> Make curry.


24. THREE FROM INGVAR
======================-----------------------------------------------------

] From: [e-mail]
] Subject: Curry-apple fish
]
] Take white fish (cod, sei, whatever), toss in pan.
] Add cream and curry, let simmer until good.
] Carve apple, toss in mixture.
] (hillary says: Don't forget the honey[21])
]
] Eat with fried potatoes, crisps[22], rice or something.

] Subject: Ingvar's chocolate sauce
]
] Melt chocolate in a double boiler[23], add cream, sugar and whiskey to
] taste. Add extra cocoa if not chocolatey enough. Eat with ice cream.

] Subject: Mint pears
]
] Take canned pears.
] Place on oven-proof dish.
] Place after eights on them.
] Heat until finished.
]
] Goes well with ice cream and chocolate sauce.


25. WHY ARE THOSE THREE LUMPED TOGETHER UNDER ONE SECTION?
===========================================================----------------

    The table of contents is more than one 24-row screenful, and
    I didn't want it to keep growing quite that fast.


26. BUT WAIT...
================-----------------------------------------------------------

    Shaddup.


27. FERMENTED POTATOES
=======================----------------------------------------------------

    Yes, another from Ingvar, but this one was posted much later.

] Freeze distillation:
]     Take liquid to distill, freeze to sludge, pour off the
]     still-liquid part. Optionally repeat.
]
]     Pro: Can be done without high-tech equipment. Concentrates
]     taste.
]     Con: Only able to raise alcohol contents to about 30% (iirc).
]
] Boiler distillation (low-tech version):
]     Take one _large_ pot, pour liquid inside. Place thick-walled
]     thing in middle. Place fabric on top of pot and weigh down
]     with ice. Heat.
]
]     Pro: Can be done without much high-tech equipment.
]     Con: Hard to make it work.
]
] Boiler distillation (higher-tech version):
]     Take beaker. Take glass distillation colonne.
]     Use according to established distillation practice (can be
]     read in any chemistry book nearby).
]
]     Pro: Good results
]     Con: Cannot raise alcohol contents above 96%.


28. MIGRATORY BIRDS
====================-------------------------------------------------------

    Mark Luntzel got this from a relative, and passed it on.

> According to the Knight Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal
> bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds
> has been changed.  The bands used to bear the address of the Washington
> Biological Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv."; until the agency
> received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
>
>      Dear Sirs:
>      While camping last week I shot one of your birds.  I think it was a
>      crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want
>      to tell you it was horrible.
>
> The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service."


29. MERI'S DEAD CHICKENS
=========================--------------------------------------------------

    After waving your dead chickens over your servers for a while,
    you could cook them using this recipe from Meri Alderdice.

] 4 tablespoons butter or margarine
] 8 small pearl onions, peeled
] 8 shallots, peeled
] 4 cloves garlic, minced
] 8 (4 ounce) boneless, skinless chicken breasts
] 2 tablespoons unbleached white flour
] 1/2 teaspoon curry powder
] 1/2 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves OR a pinch of dried thyme leaves
] 1 teaspoon whole peppercorns
] salt to taste
] 4 medium carrots, scraped and julienned
] 1 bell pepper, red or yellow, seeded and julienned
] 1 cup small mushrooms
] 1/4 cup finely cut fresh parsely
] 1 cup dry red wine
] 1 cup chicken broth
] 3 medium tomatoes, minced
] 1/2 cup golden raisins
] 1/2 cupe toasted slivered almonds
]
] 1. Heat 2 tablespoons butter in a 10-inch skillet until foamy. Add pearl
]    onions, shallots, and garlic. Saute until golden, about 10 minutes, then
]    remove vegetables and place in the bottom of a large glass baking dish.
]
] 2. Rub chicken breasts with a mixture of flour, curry powder, and thyme
]    leaves. Brown in the remaining 2 tablespoons butter with peppercorns until
]    breasts are golden brown on both sides, about 10 minutes. Remove the
]    chicken from the skillet and place in a baking dish.
]
] 3. Add carrots, pepper, mushrooms, and parsley to the chicken, then pour wine
]    and broth over. Top with minced tomatoes. Cover and bake in 350 degree oven
]    until tender, about 1.5 hours. During the last 15 minutes, remove the lid,
]    add raisins and almonds, salt to taste, and finish baking, uncovered.
]
] 4. Serve on a platter of rice, using the pan juices as a sauce served on the
]    side.


2A. MERI'S DEAD PIGS
=====================------------------------------------------------------

    Sometimes dead chickens aren't enough.  Some people have reported
    good luck with dead pigs.  Pigs also feed more hungry sysadmins
    than chickens do.

] 4 pork chops, center cut
] salt and pepper to taste
] 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
] 1 pound onion -- sliced
] 2 cups apple cider
] 2 tablespoons coarse mustard
]
] 1. Trim excess fat from chops. Season with salt and pepper. In a large
]    skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Add pork chops and cook, turning,
]    until well-browned, about 4 minutes per side. Remove to a plate.
]
] 2. Reduce heat to medium-low and add onions to skillet. Cook, stirring
]    occasionally, until softened and brown, about 12 minutes.
]
] 3. Add cider, increase heat to medium-high, and boil until cider is reduced
]    by half, about 8 minutes. Stir in mustard and remaining salt and peper.
]
] 4. Return chops with any juices that have accumulated on plate to skillet and
]    push down into onions, covering with onions. Reduce heat to low, cover,
]    and simmer, turning once, until chops are fork-tender, about 1 hour.


2B. MERI'S DEAD FRUIT
======================-----------------------------------------------------

    Waving dead fruit over ailing machines never seems to have any
    effect, but cobbler is always yummy.

] Filling:
]
] 1/2 cup granulated sugar
] 2 tablespoons cornstarch
] 1 can (1 lb. 13 oz) sliced peaches -- drained, juice reserved
] 1 can (10.5 oz) apricot halves -- drained, juice reserved
] 1 tablespoon butter
] 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon -- ground
] 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg -- ground
]
] Crust: [24]
]
] 1 cup all-purpose flour
] 1 cup granulated sugar
] 1.5 teaspoon baking powder
] 1/2 teaspoon salt
] 4 tablespoons butter -- softened
] 2 large eggs -- lightly beaten
]
] Topping:
]
] 1 cup heavy cream
] 2 tablespoons honey -- room temperature
] 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
]
] 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
]
] 2. In a medium saucepan, mix together sugar and cornstarch. Stir in 1/2 cup
]    each of reserved peach and apricot juices. Cook over medium heat, stirring
]    constantly, until mixture boils and thickens, 2 minutes. Remove from heat.
]
] 3. Stir in butter, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Add peaches and apricots. Spoon
]    fruit mixture into a 1.5 quart casserole.
]
] 4. To prepare topping, mix flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, buttermilk,
]    butter, and egg. Spoon topping over fruit mixture.
]
] 5. Bake cobbler until topping is lightly golden, 30 minutes. Transfer
]    casserole to a wire rack to cool slightly.
]
] 6. For garnish, beat cream, honey, and cinnamon at medium speed until soft
]    peaks form.
]
] 7. Serve cobbler warm, topped with spiced whipped cream.


2C. FLAPPER PIE
================-----------------------------------------------------------

    This was taken from a message that one of my lusers[25] reported
    as spam.  It wasn't spam, and there's no spam in the recipe, but
    it occured to me that the most appropriate thing I could do would
    be to share share their recipe with my fellow BOFHs.

Flapper Pie

Crumb crust:     1 1/4 cups graham wafer crumbs
                 1/4 cup sugar
                 1/3 cup melted butter

    Combine and line pie plate - save 1/4 cup for topping.
    Bake 375 for 8 minutes.

Filling:         1/2 cup white sugar
                 2 tbsp. cornstarch
                 1 tbsp. flour
                 1/4 tsp. salt
                 2 cups milk
                 2 egg yolks slightly beaten
                 1 tbsp. butter or margarine
                 1 tsp. vanilla

Method:    1)    Combine sugar, flour, cornstarch, salt, stir in 1/2 cup
                 milk and egg yolks to make a paste.
           2)    Heat milk to boil.
           3)    Gradually add 1st mixture to milk, while stirring.
           4)    Cool.  Pour into crust.
           5)    Top with beaten egg whites.  Bake until browned.
                 Sprinkle remaining graham crumb mixture on top.


2D. FUTURE IMPROVEMENTS TO THE FAQ
===================================----------------------------------------

    1. More about favorite BOFH foods.
    2. Conversion to *roff, LaTeX, and anything else I come across
       that would scare off the less-than-fully-clued.
    3. Whatever else we can think up.


FOOTNOTES[1]
=============--------------------------------------------------------------

[1]    Yes, these are footnotes.  Yay.

[2]     This is due to the fact that the measurements "a little", "a lot",
    "some", and "to about the same consistency of herbs that you
    usually see on chicken" have not yet been determined by the
    International BOFH Cooking Measurements Cabal[4].

[3]     It's still there, guarding the beer vats against the possible
    influx of beer lusers asking why everything's so much darker and
    stronger than their usual Bud Light.

[4]    There Is No International BOFH Cooking Measurements Cabal[TM].

[5]    This is destined to become a cryptic, long-forgotten joke once
    <54qesk$[e-mail]> has expired, but I'm including
    it so that any future anthropologists who should happen to
    research BOFHnet FAQs will scratch their heads in utter confusion,
    and thusly come to understand the purpose of BOFHnet just a little
    tiny bit more.

[6]    Pronounce this "spasmatic". Doesn't it make you feel better?

[7]    You don't /drink/ beer from a can, do you?  Right.

[8]    This, too, is destined to become a cryptic, long-forgotten joke
    once <5uv7lo$[e-mail]> has expired.  Hint to those
    aforementioned anthropologists: <5uv7lo$[e-mail]>
    was posted in alt.fan.wednesday and therefore should not be in
    this FAQ at all.

[9]    i.e. taking a break from coding nifty things for the PalmPilot.

[10]    (I'm hoping for some degree of anonymity here, and seem to be mostly
    successful.)

[11]    It's dessert. It's alcoholic. It's not really food, per se, is what
    I'm trying to get across. It's a dramatic way to end a meal that was
    meant to precede the serious drinking, which will get done in an hour
    or so. Until then, this will put a chilly glow on.

[12]    In an ideal world, you would make this along with the other three
    guests a few hours earlier in the afternoon. It would be a nice sunny
    afternoon, and after spending several hours of it on the porch, talking
    about things which have nothing to do with computers and drinking beer,
    one of them would have noticed the ice cream maker and volunteered.
    Needless to say, this is not an ideal world. Use Breyer's, or whatever
    the best currently available is.

[13]    This does not come out of an aerosol.  It may or may not require the
    use of nitrous oxide canisters.  Even if it doesn't, they're good
    things to have around.

[14]    http://www.aber.ac.uk/~ccs95/misc/lwc.html

[15]    Cut 120g of beef into shreds. Chop a few cloves of garlic and
    some pickled ginger. Pour olive oil into HOT pan (or wok). Shove
    garlic and ginger into hot oil. Let them pay for their ancestors'
    sins for a while while stirring as to avoid burning them to death
    (we just want to torture them, not kill them. see?). Let the
    shredded beef join and fry for yet some time. Add soy sauce and
    plenty of chili paste. Add chopped/sliced carrots, water
    chestnuts, bamboo sprouts and bean sprouts. Let fry for a
    little while, then add some water and a handful of frozen broccoli
    (cut into small pieces). If you added the correct amount of
    water the broccoli should be just about done at the same time as
    the water has been reduced into a thick sauce.

[16]    pope not Calle's crappy dictionary didn't list "vattenkastanje",
        "bambuskott" or "b÷ngroddar" so Calle resorted to wild guessing.

[17]    Preferably before it got frozen.

[18]    Good sushi places have an immensely old Japanese man behind the
    counter, working with a blade sharp enough to cut diamond, and
    with speed and precision to rival Bishop doing the thing with the
    knife, and more style than a Nike ad.

[19]     Granted, you probably won't get nigiri. But you'll get more maki
    than you can shake a stick at, and maybe fresh andagi[20], too.

[20]    Okinawan donuts. Yum.

[21]    Yes, she did.  Ask her....

[22]    Chips.

[23]    Says hllary.

[24]    The original recipe called for half as much crust as listed here.
    However, I was finding that it just really wasn't enough to provide
    more than a film of topping, so the quantities have been doubled.

[25]    at a company where I no longer work 'cause they imported some office
    politics from another company and fucked up a really cool place

[TM]    That's a trademark symbol, not a footnote!  Furrfu.

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