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you-said-a-mouseful
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Dialogue from TV series "Pinky and the Brain" season 1, episode 48,
entitled "You Said a Mouseful", originally aired 14 November 1997,
written by Gordon Bressack.
Brain: The recalibration of the infindibulum capacitor is dependant
upon.... Grrr. The uh, the ratio of the formula of H2O plus the square
root of the uh.... That sound, it's incessant!
Lab Assistant: Heh, I'll get it.
Brain: Bah! What sort of idiot would waste away his life on such utter
mindlessness? Oof!
Pinky: Haha, it's loads of fun, Brain, and just a trifle painful.
Brain: Ask a stupid question....
Pinky: Narf! Alright, Brain. Why do they call it lunch?
Brain: I have no idea, Pinky, except that you are out to it! Now go
away before I am forced to add the weight of an eraser to your head!
Wait! That's it! the weight of an eraser subtracted from the....
They're doing it again.
TV Announcer: Yes, they're doing it in Lapland. They're doing it in
Brazil. They're even doing it in Washington, D.C. Kicky Sack!
Everyone's doing it. Kicky Sack, the sensation that kicks fun into high
gear. Just pump up your official Kicky Sack sack kickers, and kick
off.
Kids in commercial: It's a kick!
TV announcer: Kicky Sack, from Socko! Kicky Sack sack kickers and
khaki socks sold separately.
Pinky: It's my favorite commercial. I like it even better than that
commercial where they have all those bland people with big, strange
hair.
Brain: I've told you before, Pinky. That isn't a commercial; it's
CNN.
Pinky: Narf! Imagine my chagrin.
Brain: This is the Axis Shiftatron, a device that will alter the
earth's axis by one-millionth of a percent, causing a shift in weather
patterns, resulting in one less day of rain everywhere in the world,
except for Los Angeles. Even that tiny change in weather patterns will
have a catastrophic effect on coffee bean crops. This will force
everyone to switch to tea drinking.
Pinky: Annnnd...?
Brain: What do you mean, "and"?
Pinky: Well, "but" or "if" seemed inappropriate.
Brain: [sigh] And this ray will destroy every tea bag in the world --
except mine. As the owner of the world's only tea bag, I will rise to
prominence!
Pinky: That's brilliant, Brain! Oh, you're so amazing. You know, I
tried to move the earth yesterday, and it was really, really heavy.
Brain: Actually, Pinky, in your naivete, you've stumbled upon a slight
snafu. The only way the Axis Shiftatron can successfully change the
earth's axis, is if the earth suddenly loses weight!
Pinky: Poit! What if everyone on the earth went on a diet?
Brain: Diets don't work.
Pinky: Even if you call them a whole new way of eating?
Brain: No. You might as well ask everyone on earth to pump helium
into their shoes, and suspend themselves in mid-air long enough for me
to implement the Axis Shiftatron. [...] Pump helium.... That's it!
Pinky! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but then my name would be Thumby.
Brain: In a perfect world, your name would be Dummy! We will sneak
into the Socko Kicky Sack sack kicker factory, and alter their assembly
line so that the air being pumped into the Kicky Sack sack kickers will
be replaced by helium gas, causing millions of Kicky Sack sack kickers
to rise into the air, thus lifting thousands of people off of the earth.
And then...
Pinky: Tea time! Waaah!
[Our heroes are outside the factory.]
Brain: I must study the operation of the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack
Sack Kicker Factory in detail, Pinky.
Pinky: But Brain, how will we, two small mice, convince the huge owner
to let us inspect his enormous factory?
B: We will introduce ourselves as the only thing guaranteed to gain the
respect of any American businessman: Japanese industrialists, seeking
to buy the company.
[They enter the building.]
B: Now, remember, I am Mr. Kawasaki, and you are Mr. Hayasaka.
Kurt Sackett: Welcome to the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker
Factory. I'm Kurt Sackett, senior supervisor. Can I help you?
B: Yes. We are two tiny Japanese industrialists, seeking to buy this
company. I am Mr. Kawasaki....
P: ...And I am Mr. ...uh... Turkey-Lurky.
B: Turkey-Lurky? Isn't it Mr. Hayasaka?
P: Where? Poit! Hmm, I must have missed him.
KS: I am honoured by your visit. Let me show you our assembly line.
First, sheets of sheer synthetic sheepskin are slit into several
Kicky-Sack shoe shapes in shapely shoe sizes by six sitting sheet
slitters.
B: I only see five sitting sheet slitters.
KS: The sixth sitting sheet slitter's sick. His son Sammy's subbing
'til the sick sixth sitting sheet slitter's back, sitting pretty.
P: You're not the sheet slitter?
S: No, I'm the sheet slitter's son.
P: Well.... You keep on slitting sheets until the sheet slitter comes.
Haheheheh! Whooohaaah.
[View of a machine labelled "Sheet Slitter Shoe Shaper".]
KS: The Shoe Shaper then shapes the slit synthetic sheepskin sheets,
and shoots out shoes through the chute.
KS: Now, this is Mr. Plunkett, the new khaki sock plucker. (I had to
fire our previous sock plucker. He had a bit of an attitude.)
B: So, you sacked the cocky khaki Kicky-Sack sock plucker?
KS: The second cocky khaki Kicky-Sack sock plucker I sacked since the
sixth sitting sheet slitter got sick.
[Lights dim. Machine whirs and slows down.]
KS: Whoops! Don't worry; just an electrical problem. One of the
Kicky-Sack sack pickers will have to flick the plug.
P: Not the khaki sock plucker?
KS: Oh, _my_, no! The Kicky-Sack sack pickers flick the plug. The
khaki sock plucker can't reach the socket over the latex child
perambulator fenders we use to line the treadmill.
B: It might make more sense to have the sixth sitting sheet slitter's
son flick the plug, if the sack pickers and the sock pluckers are behind
the rubber baby buggy bumpers.
[Sammy flicks the plug. Everything whirs back up.]
KS: I never thought of that!
B: Of course, you didn't.
Sack Picker#1: That is one smart fellow! He felt smart!
[Pinky bounces past on the conveyor belt, inside a Kicky-Sack shoe.]
P: Whaahhahah! Zart!
Sack Picker#2: Two smart fellows! They felt smart!
[View of a toy boat mounted on the wall. Plaque below it says "1st
Prize. Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker Khaki Sock Factory Room
Annual Picnic."]
B: And what, pray tell, is this?
KS: Oh, this is the toy boat I won in the sack race at the Hackensack
Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker Khaki Sock Factory picnic in Secaucus.
[The move further down the conveyor-belt line.]
KS: And finally, the Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kickers are inflated by our
genuine Parker Packard pewter pressure pump.
P: Look, Brain! I mean, Mr., um, Turkey-Lurky. It's purple!
B: I'm Kawasaki, Pinky. You're Turkey-Lurky.
P: Well, I don't think that's a very nice thing to say about a person.
[Brain grabs Pinky by the snout, stifles him.]
B: I've seen all I need to see of the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack
Kicker Factory. [To Pinky:] Pinky, we must take our leave, and sneak
back under cover of nightfall. [They walk into a large pair of shoes.]
Both: Pe-fwoooah.
[They fall, breath knocked out of them. They look up, and up, and up,
at the unsmiling face of the factory guard.]
KS: I see you've met the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker
Factory's security specialist, Peggy Babcock. No one gets past her.
B: Peggy Babcock... Peggy Babcock... Peggy Babcock. Why does that name
sound familiar?
[She picks them up, raises them to in front of her unfriendly face.]
P: Oh, I think I know! Peggy picked a peck of pickled peppers.
[Peggy growls. Dissolve to Acme Labs, night.]
B: This is it, Pinky.
P: Our supper, Brain?
B: No, Pinky. This pea contains a single helium element. Once this
pea is added to the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker Factory
assembly line, every Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker will fill with helium
the first time it is inflated. Now, Pinky, here is the plan. Remember,
every step must be performed with precision!
You must slit the sixth sick sheet slitter's son's sheet, secure it next
to the toy boat from the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kickers'
picnic in Secaucus, stretch it past the sack pickers' station and the
sock plucker's chute, and pick a sack, pluck a sock, and flick the plug,
so I can put the pea in the plucked sock with the picked sack for
ballast and bounce it off the rubber baby buggy bumper, into the Parker
Packard purple pewter pressure pump. Is that understood?
P: I understood "Now", and "Pinky".
[Brain covers his face. Cut to the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack
Kicker Factory. They're climbing in through the Night Deposit slit.]
P: Tra-lalala!
B: Pinky, quiet!
[Brain throws a lever to start the conveyor belt.]
B: I must be fooling myself. This will never work.
P: Oh, why not, Brain? All I have to do is slit the sixth sick sheet
slitter's son's sheet, and secure it next to the toy boat, from the
Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kickers' picnic in Secaucus, speed it
past the sack picker and the sock plucker, and pick a sack, pluck a
sock, and flick a plug.
B: Why, yes, Pinky! That was perfect!
P: Poit! Yes, and I have no idea what it means!
B; [sighs] Then, just listen to me. I will shout out each step.
P: All right, Brain. And I shall watch out for Peggy Babcock.
B: Peggy Babcock?
P: Peggy Babcock! Where?
Both: Whaaaah!
[Pinky and Brain run, collide. The pea goes flying up, then falls and
hits Brain hard on his head, which develops a lump. He staggers.]
B: Ohhhhh. Now, Pinky, schlit the seat.
P: Which seat?
B: The schlick shick sleet schlitter's schleet.
P: Beg pardon?
B: Oh, I'll do it.
[Brain takes the pea, and unrolls a sheet down the surface of the
fast-moving convey er belt, towards the dangerous-looking blades of the
Sheet Slitter Shoe Shaper. He looks up, alarmed.]
B: Troy boit! Tow boot! Toy beat!
P: Narf! What's a boit, and where should I tow it?
[He's sitting on top of the toy boat.]
B: Yeee--owww.
[Pinky is barely eluding the blades.]
B: Plick the flug! I mean flee the flack.
P: Trowt! How will I know what he means by that?
B: Yeee--owwwww. Ow. Ooh. Eee. Aw. Ummm.
[Brain goes through the Sheet Slitter Shoe Shaper, emerging peeking out
from a newly constructed Kicky-Sack shoe. He peers ahead, and is again
alarmed.]
B: Blinky! Bluck the flig!
[A mechanical arm comes down and puts a sock over his head.]
P: Are you OK up there, Brain? Is your plan thingie going well?
[Brain's head emerges from the sock.]
B: Pig the flick! I mean, flog the plu....
[A rod stuffs him back into the shoe with a rubber ball.
P: I suppose I should take that as a "No." Narf!
[Brain pops the ball off, and jumps out of the shoe, terrified.]
B: Ahhh-hahh! Not the rugger booby biggy boopers! Yahhhh!
[He's bounced off the walls, several times, landing flat on his back in
the middle of the conveyor belt, stunned. Ahead is the Parker Packard
pewter pressure pump, and its filler nozzle. Brain is rolling right
under the latter.
B: Oh no.
[Filler nozzle comes down onto Brain's mouth. He inflates with helium,
rises, opens his mouth, and whizzes around the factory, landing on the
nose of....]
B: Pebby Bagbop! Yawwww!
[Falls to the floor. Pinky walks over to him.]
P: Poit! Is that Gaelic, or something?
B: Piggy Bigbop!
P: Oh, I know! It's some sort of greeting! Well, piggy bigbop to you,
too!
[Peggy Babcock picks them both up, grinning ferociously. Cut to them
flying out through the factory window, landing just outside the gates.
Both: Yaawwwww!
P: Oh, no, Brain. Trows! You forgot your pea.
B: Oh, never mind about that, Pinky. We must get back to the lab, to
prepare for tomorrow night.
P: Poit! What are we going to do, tomorrow night, Brain? Try to sell
seashells at the seashore?
B: No, Pinky. The same thing we do every night; try to wake over the
turld!
[They start walking away.]
[Cast is singing the closing theme song:]
They're Binky, they're Binky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.
No, wait a second, Wait. It's Brinky and.... No. No. No, I've got
it; I've got it. Pinky, Pinky and the Bain. [Breaks out laughing.
Pinky and the Brain stop walking, pause.] No, that's not it. Stinky
and the Crane. Oh no. Peggy Babcock, Peggy Babcock, Peggy Babcock.
Rubber baby buggy bumpers. She sells seashells, she sells seashells,
she sells seashells.... I did it! [Pinky and the Brain turn around,
stare back.] {something} sixth sheet slitter's son. Am I getting that
right? Sixth... sixth.... [Brain starts tapping his feet.] Aw, man!
Oh, God, how many takes is.... That's not easy! I quit.
[Pinky and the Brain turn around again. Fade out.]