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2001-03-30
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Declan, the humble crab and Kate, the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply
and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship
until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears. "We can't see each
other anymore..." she sobbed.
"Why ?" gasped Declan.
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere
crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean...and that
no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Declan was shattered, and scuttled sideward away into the darkness and to
drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far
and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join
in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters
all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose
from his throne.
Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor.......
and all could see that he was walking, not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw
after another!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally
looked King lobster in the eye.
There was a deadly hush....
Finally, the crab spoke...
"Fuck, I'm pissed."