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From matgerke@phoenix.princeton.edu Wed Dec 30 17:55:58 1998
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns
From: matgerke@phoenix.princeton.edu (Matt Gerke)
Subject: Universal Poker
Keywords: chuckle, originally appeared in Sep, 1996
Approved: rhf-reruns@netfunny.com
Path: myrddin.imat.com!news1.best.com!news2.best.com!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!newsfeed.direct.ca!news.netfunny.com!funny-request
Message-ID: <Sd5d.14b4@netfunny.com>
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1998 7:20:01 PST
Lines: 81
Xref: myrddin.imat.com rec.humor.funny.reruns:394
The following is an original produced by a number of people, among them
Tim Hutfilz of Princeton University.
<Order> Is each here? Does each have his opposite?
<Chaos> I am here, but my opposite is you.
<Order> Huh?
<Evil> Don't let him bug ya'. We're here.
<Truth> My opposite is not here.
<Good> Is your opposite "Lies"?
<Truth> My opposite is "Void". He couldn't make it.
<Evil> >snicker< Figures!
<Order> Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!
<Evil> Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!
<Good> I have the cards.
<Evil> I've got the chips.
<Truth> I have the beer.
<Chaos> I have the cards!
<Order> Shut up.
...
<Order> Whose deal is it?
<Evil> Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time?
<Truth> It is Good's deal.
<Good> OK, five card draw...uh, everything is wild.
<Evil> How can anyone win if everything is wild?
<Good> No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if...
<Order> I like this game.
<Evil> This is pointless.
<Truth> It is time to deal.
<Good> Here we go! Your bet, Truth.
<Truth> Five.
<Order> Five and raise you five.
<Evil> Don't you morons get it? It doesn't matter how much you bet!
<Order> I like ten better.
<Evil> >sigh< Call.
<Chaos> I fold.
<Evil> YOU CAN'T LOSE!
<Chaos> I still fold.
<Good> OK, I'll call. How many, Truth?
<Evil> What's the point in taking more cards?
<Truth> I will keep the cards I have.
<Order> I will take two.
<Evil> Why?!?
<Order> I didn't like those.
<Evil> None for me.
<Chaos> I'll take six.
<Good> Sorry, you folded. Dealer keeps his. Bets?
<Evil> Oh, just get this over with.
<Order> But now we have to bet!
<Evil> Any money you put in, you're just gonna get back!
<Truth> I am in agreement with Evil. Let us show our cards.
<Truth> I have five aces.
<Order> I have five ace of spades.
<Chaos> I have a three.
<Good> Please be quiet. I also have five aces. We all win.
<Evil> Hold it, bub. Six aces, read'em and weep.
<Good> Where did you get that card?
<Truth> He stole it from Chaos.
<Evil> You know the rules, boys. The pot's mine.
<Good> That was a stupid game.
<Order> Whose deal is it?
<Truth> The dealer progression is opposite the deal. Chaos deals.
<Chaos> Whee!
<all but Chaos> >groan<
<Chaos> Eleven card stud-hold'em with threes, eights, jacks, and
kings wild...fives count as fours, fours count as nines,
and queens don't count unless there is a prime numbered
spade showing...
<Order> I fold...
[Ed: printed by permission of Tim Hutfilz]
--
From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and
Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup
rec.humor.funny.
Web users, you can read a random joke from the archives just by bookmarking
http://www.netfunny.com/cgi-bin/randomurl/rhf/jokes/masterlist