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1998-01-14
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7KB
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136 lines
Dear
[ ] Sir [ ] Clueless One [ ] Twit [ ] Great Man on Campus
[ ] Madam [ ] Dweeb [ ] Twerp [ ] Comrade
[ ] Elvis [ ] Moonbeam [ ] Boor [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer
[ ] Citoyen [ ] Geek [ ] Grad Student [ ] Cur
[ ] Republican [ ] Democrat [ ] Liberal [ ] Conservative
[ ] Communist [ ] Dilbert [ ] Dogbert [ ] Ratbert
You are being gently flamed because
[ ] you sent a "Please Remove Me" message to the list, rather than
the list server.
[ ] you continued a boring, useless, stupid thread.
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to.
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads.
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities.
[ ] you advocated Net censorship.
[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps).
[ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group.
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article.
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article.
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article.
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article.
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article.
[ ] you threatened others with physical harm.
[ ] you made a bigoted statement(s).
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority.
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve.
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor.
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread.
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack.
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll.
[ ] you posted an obvious troll.
[ ] you have a sig that is more than 5 lines long.
[ ] you have a sig with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics.
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet.
[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject.
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ.
[ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over.
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S.-only phenomenon.
[ ] you crossposted excessively.
[ ] you, in any way, make, shape, or form, agreed with Senator Exon.
[ ] you posted the Good Times virus spread by e-mail message.
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after
60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post.
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get-well cards to a little boy with
cancer who is trying to break the Guiness book record.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post, and your addition
was "I agree" or "Me too."
[ ] Barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever, and
started stinking up the place, just because you read an article about
the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine.
[ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
[ ] Repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or
Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.
[ ] you, in any way, make shape, or form, used the term(s)
[ ] "infobahn" [ ] "Neutopia" [ ] "synergy" [ ] "warez"
[ ] "SUX" [ ] "wymyn" [ ] "ROOLZ"
[ ] KEWL/KOOL/K0oL [ ] "information superhighway"
[ ] Other annoying term:
[ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup;
[ ] hollow earth theory [ ] alien President theory
[ ] orbital mind control frisbees [ ] faith healing
[ ] government weather control [ ] Russian psychics
[ ] Squeaky Fromme [ ] the nation of France
[ ] robot spy bees [ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens
[ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate"
[ ] Other:
[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
[ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
[ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup [ ] SNL News
[ ] Oliver Stone [ ] Hard Copy [ ] Inside Edition
[ ] The National Enquirer [ ] The Sun [ ] NY Post
[ ] The Union Leader [ ] Pravda [ ] OMNI Magazine
[ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft [ ] The Simpsons
[ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
[ ] Other:
In the future, you may wish to;
[ ] save the "welcome to the list"message you recieved when you joined.
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die.
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded.
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the Net.
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational.
[ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you.
[ ] exercise some humility.
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to.
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group.
[ ] take personal discussions or stupid/boring threads to e-mail.
[ ] get used to being mocked.
[ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmeceutical experiments.
[ ] join your people on your planet of origin.
[ ] remove the pipe from your nether regions.
[ ] buy a nice firey lakefront plot in the Hell you so richly deserve.
I would like like to suggest that, for the common good, you;
[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post.
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group.
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts.
[ ] post only to alt.dev.null.
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in
that thread.
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post.
[ ] shop for clues at a better clue shop.
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup.
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup.
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool.
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems.
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet.
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
[ ] patience [ ] tolerance [ ] caution
[ ] common courtesy [ ] succinctness
[ ] vocabulary [ ] higher brain functions
[ ] Other:
Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine
your progress toward being;
[ ] a useful member of Internet society.
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society.
[ ] a human being.
[ ] a fully-functional human being.
[ ] a tolerable poster.
[ ] integrated into humanity.
[ ] re-integrated into the wild.
[ ] Other:
Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.