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software-cheque-warranty
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1998-07-26
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63 lines
PAYMENT AGREEMENT AND LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
This check is fully warranted against physical defects and poor
workmanship in its stationery. If the check is physically damaged,
return it to me and I will replace or repair it at my discretion with a
check of equal or similar value. The check was written by me and may
or may not be legible by you. No other warranty of any kind is made,
neither express nor implied including, but not limited to, the implied
warranties of Merchantability, Suitability for Purpose, and Validity of
Currency. Any and all risk concerning the actual value of this check
is assumed by you, the recipient. Even though I or my agents may have
assured you of its worth, either verbally or in written communication,
we may have had our fingers crossed, so don't come whimpering back to
me if it bounces or the currency is useless to you.
The money, if any, represented by this instrument remains my
property. You are licensed to use it, however you are not allowed
to copy the original check except for your personal records, nor
are you permitted to give the money itself to anyone else. Neither
may you allow any other person to use the money. Remember, you may
hold the money in a safe or in your possession (but not in an interest-
bearing account at a bank, thrift, or other savings instatituion),
notwithstanding these rights, the money still belongs to me, and I'm
going to call on you from time to time just to keep tabs on it.
THIS AGREEMENT STIPULATES THAT YOU MUST RECORD THE TRANSACTION
REFERENCE NUMBERS RESULTING FROM ATTEMPTS TO CASH THIS CHECK AND
CONVERT IT TO YOUR LOCAL CURRENCY, AS WELL AS THE SERIAL NUMBERS
FROM ALL CURRENCY INVOLVED.
This agreement supersedes all others between us, including the equally
ridiculous one you have undoubtedly pasted on the back of your
packaging, or concealed somewhere in the middle of it. The location of
your version of this or any other covenant between us is irrelevant to
its inapplicability here. Only this one pertains, and I really mean
it. In fact, this one supersedes yours even though yours may say that
it supersedes mine. Why, even if yours said it would supersede mine
even if mine said it would supersede yours even if yours said... Oh
well. You get the idea.
You may decline this agreement by returning the uncashed check to me
within twenty-four hours. If you attempt to cash it, however, you have
implicitly accepted these terms. You may also implicitly accept these
terms by:
1) Calling my bank to inquire about the status of my account;
2) Reading the check;
3) Putting fingerprints on the check;
4) Acknowledging this letter, or
5) Attempting to retrieve the goods for which the check was
written.
Please be advised that I have adopted a strict rubber-glue solicitor-
advocate policy. Any nasty thing that your lawyers say bounces off of
me and sticks back to you. Be further advised that you agree to pay my
legal expenses if I decide to sue you for violating this agreement or
for any other reason that might strike my fancy. Violations will be
punishable by fine, imprisonment, death, any two of the above, or all
three.