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sith-lord-want-ad
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2002-09-29
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Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith
Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side
Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The
ideal candidate for this position would enjoy
galactic travel and possess a complete understanding
of and competence in the Force or demonstrate a
willingness to learn.
Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence,
hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master's
planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy
widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand
weapons and high-powered space/air vehivles. Some
slaying of the enemies of the Dark Side is also
required, which may be performed by using the Force
or hand weapons.
Qualified applicants would possess good
communications skills (especially when speaking in
menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented
individuals and risk takers. A background in the
study of the Force (light or dark) is desirable, as
would typically be acquired by those with advanced
degrees or significant coursework in Jedi Arts from
the University of Coruscant.
Applicants should also be familiar with holographic
projection equipment, possess a valid galactic
pilot's license for all classes of ships, and must
show a willingness to give in to their hate. A
proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind
tricks to control others is also desirable as is the
ability to speak several galactic languages.
Ideal candidates for this position would also have no
children or other living relatives who are strong in
the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given
several weeks to meet this requirement.) Compensation
for this position is commensurate with experience,
and is extremely competitive for the field. Benefits
include a generous severance package, a company
starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance.
The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely
with the Sith Master and experience in such small,
team-based organizations is vital to the success of
the Master's plans. Discretion is also highly
valued, as is the ability to see the future before it
happens.
Applications will be accepted through the end of
August. Transmit them holographically to
Jobs@darkside.com.
(Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused
organization founded a long time ago. Our core
values reflect the short-term advantages of
harnessing hatred for institutional power and the
long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We
provide direction to our partner organizations though
knowledge management, incident control and our rapid
on-site intervention expertise.)