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1999-01-27
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"That's some catch, that Catch 22."
-- Yossarian, in Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Round and Round We Go
by Rick Moen
Our story thus far: Microsoft legal affairs spokesman Adam Sohn
acknowledges the refund clause ("There is a recourse for that"),
but tells PC owners they should get their refund money from the PC
manufacturers. (Of course, another Microsoft spokesman, Tom Pilla,
contradicts this: The EULA "is intended only to insure that people
use Windows properly and do not make illegal copies." But never
mind creative contract-reading for now.)
Got that? We have a recourse, and it's to go to the OEMs for our
refunds. Sounds simple enough, right?
And what do the OEMs say, you ask?
Toshiba flack #1: Refunds are not available for bundled OSes separately
from the PC.
Toshiba flack #2: Refunds are not available at all.
Toshiba flack #3: Refunds are "probably against company policy".
Toshiba flack #4: No refunds for OSes / Microsoft will not reimburse us,
you see / our lawyers instruct me not to comment further.
Toshiba flack #5: Toshiba will accept no refunds of bundled software.
Toshiba flack #6: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Dell flack #1: "Quality assurance" prevents us from honoring our EULA
obligation.
Dell flack #2: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Gateway flack #1: If you turn on your PC even to erase the preloaded
copy of Windows, you automatically consent to the EULA. (Tee hee!)
Gateway flack #2: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
IBM flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Packard-Bell flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Sony flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
NEC flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Micron flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Unicent flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Umax flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
Quantex flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get a refund?
(Flack:) No.
CompUSA PC division flack: (David Chun:) Can I return Windows and get
a refund? (Flack:) No.
Now, I have to ask you here, do you detect the glimmerings of a pattern?
It's just possible that Adam Sohn (not to mention Tom Pilla) simply isn't
aware of the nearly complete and total refusal of its OEMs to cooperate
in his proposed solution to this problem -- and consistently for years
on end, one might point out.
So, we are happy to perform the public service of informing him of
the sudden intelligence. Good morning, Microsoft! The companies
you're instructing us to consult to get our refunds for unused,
unwanted software have a long and impressive record of shutting
their doors in our face.
The Windows Refund coverage has been at some pains to highlight
the success stories -- the exceptions. One must understand that
the reason Donna, Geoff Bennett, and Chris Schoedel have become
celebrities is specifically because what they achieved is
nearly impossible and otherwise unprecedented.
The manufacturer statements above are a drop in the bucket: We
could probably have unearthed similar buck-passing pronouncements
from any major-name PC manufacturer. The point is that telling
customers to seek recourse from their PCs' manufacturers, as
refund agents for Microsoft, is unreasonable and has been for
untold years. Why? Because it's been tried; they refuse.
When you press the manufacturers, they tend to protest that they
themselves cannot get reimbursed by Microsoft if they comply.
If so, that is a problem, and we earnestly wish the OEMs luck
in straightening it out -- but it's not the customers' problem.
Whether you take your claim directly to Microsoft, as users in
the San Francisco Bay Area will be doing, or attempt to do so
via your OEM, please remember to be both polite and firm:
You have every right, under the very terms of the unused software's
licence, to return it for refund -- and Microsoft and its OEM
agents have no business either turning you away or making you
run around in circles.