DP Tool Club 31/CDASC_31_1996_juillet_aout.iso/vrac/tdihroy1.zip/WIT.WIT

Text File | 1996-05-30 | 15KB | 269 lines

W0101     Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
W0102     Every Titanic has its iceberg.
W0103     An honest politician: One who stays bought.
W0104     A closed mouth gathers no foot.
W0105     What`s the most popular form of birth control?   The headache.
W0106     Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
W0107     Whatever advice you give, be brief.
W0108     He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
W0109     Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
W0110     If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
W0111     When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
W0112     A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
W0113     When all else fails, read the directions.
W0114     If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
W0115     If reality wants to get in touch with me, it knows where I am.
W0116     When forced to choose between two evils, try the new one.
W0201     Every human being comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
W0202     To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
W0203     To save one life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
W0204     To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult,
W0204     to criticize the competent.
W0205     There`s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
W0206     There`s at least one fool in every married couple.
W0207     There is always someone worse off than yourself.
W0208     The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
W0209     The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
W0210     Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole:
W0210     For support rather than illumination.
W0301     The plural of spouse is spice.
W0302     The only rose without thorns is friendship.
W0303     The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn`t.
W0304     The light of a hundred stars doesn't equal the light of the moon.
W0305     He who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn`t been asleep.
W0306     The hardest thing to do is to disquise your feelings when sending
W0306     a large crowd of visiting relatives home.
W0307     The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth
W0307     and sharpen my tongue.
W0308     The best prophet of the future is the past.
W0309     The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
W0310     The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
W0401     The average woman would rather be beautiful than smart
W0401     because the average man can see better than he can think.
W0402     That must be wonderful!  I dont understand it at all.
W0403     Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
W0404     Someone is speaking well of you.
W0405     Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
W0406     No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting.
W0426     Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
W0501     Some men are discovered; others are found out.
W0502     Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
W0503     When all is said and done, too many people
W0503     keep on saying and doing.
W0504     Fame is proof that people are gullible.
W0505     We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
W0506     No really great man every thought himself so.
W0507     There is as much greatness in acknowledging a good turn,
W0507     as there is in doing it.
W0508     Beware of hip and rum drivers.
W0509     Home to a young boy is merely a filling station.
W0510     Early to rise and ditto to bed, make a man healthy,
W0510     but socially dead.
W0511     Beware the man who can't be bothered with details.
W0512     Nothing beats reading a good book when there is work to do.
W0513     While forbidden fruit may be sweeter, it spoils faster.
W0514     You're smart when you only believe half of what you hear,
W0514     Wise is when you know which half to believe.
W0515     A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
W0527     While forbidden fruit may be sweeter, it spoils faster.
W0528     When seeking love give nothing, Having found love give all.
W0530     In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes,
W0530     Youth on the bow, Pleasure at the helm.
W0531     If she had lumbago she couldn't sing a note.
W0601     Show affection, it will probably meet with pleasant response.
W0602     Share your happiness with others today.
W0603     She`s learned to say things with her eyes that others
W0603     waste time trying to put into words.
W0604     Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
W0605     People will buy anything that`s one to a customer.
W0606     Ours is a world where people don`t know what they want and
W0606     are willing to go through hell to get it.
W0607     One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
W0608     One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
W0609     Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
W0610     Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
W0611     Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
W0612     No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
W0613     Never say you know a man
W0613     until you have divided an inheritance with him.
W0614     Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
W0615     Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
W0616     Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle
W0616     to get you out of Casablanca.
W0617     Matrimony is the root of all evil.
W0618     Many a family tree needs trimming.
W0619     Man and wife make one fool.
W0620     Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
W0621     Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver the other gold.
W0622     Make a wish, it might come true.
W0623     Love is sentimental measles.
W0624     Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
W0625     Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
W0626     Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
W0627     Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
W0628     The heart is wiser than the intellect.
W0629     May the force be with you.
W0630     It`s a poor workman who blames his tools.
W0701     It`s clever, but is it art?
W0702     It is far better to be deceived
W0702     than to be undeceived by those we love.
W0703     It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man`s life.
W0704     The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
W0705     If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
W0706     If you make a mistake,
W0706     immediately fix it to the best of your ability.
W0707     If you continually give you will continually have.
W0708     Quit work and play for once.
W0709     If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
W0710     I`ve given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
W0711     The orator speaks, with his flood of words
W0711     and his drop of reason.
W0712     He who is good for making excuses
W0712     is seldom good for anything else.
W0713     He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
W0714     He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
W0715     He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
W0716     He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another`s mishap.
W0717     He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
W0718     Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
W0719     By following the good, you learn to be good.
W0720     Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear through.
W0721     An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
W0722     The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
W0723     All who would win joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
W0724     No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
W0725     Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
W0726     An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
W0727     He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.
W0728     No facts are sacred, none are profane.
W0729     Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
W0730     Public speaking takes a two minute idea,
W0730     and a two hour vocabulary.
W0731     All work and no play makes jack.  And lots of it.
W0801     God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
W0802     Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
W0803     Faith goes out through the window
W0803     when beauty comes in at the door.
W0804     Everything bows to success, even grammar.
W0805     Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
W0806     Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
W0807     Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
W0808     Behind every argument is someone`s ignorance.
W0809     Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
W0810     A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a
W0810     fool can see from a mountaintop.
W0811     Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
W0812     Only the doctor can suffer from good health.
W0813     Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
W0814     Democracy will continue as long as people have faith
W0814     in the people they are going to elect next.
W0815     The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
W0816     God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
W0817     Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
W0818     If we were intended to talk more than we hear,
W0818     we'd have two mouths and only one ear.
W0819     Better to be religious with your eloquence,
W0819     than eloquent with your religion.
W0820     Freedom has a thousand charms to show,
W0820     that slaves, however content, will never know.
W0821     The louder he talked of his honor,
W0821     the faster we counted our change.
W0822     Of all the ills that men endure,
W0822     hope is the only cheap and universal cure.
W0823     If you bow at all, bow low.
W0824     Toil is most pleasant when done.
W0825     Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
W0826     A minister says matrimony should be enduring.  It is.
W0827     No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
W0828     A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
W0829     Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
W0830     To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
W0831     A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
W0901     Do not clog intellect`s sluices
W0901     with knowledge of questionable uses.
W0902     Deprive a mirror of its silver
W0902     and even the Czar won`t see his face.
W0903     Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
W0904     A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
W0905     A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
W0906     Hearts will never be practical til they're unbreakable.
W0907     They do not love that do not show their love.
W0908     Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
W0909     Honi soit qui mal y pense.
W0909     (Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.)
W0910     Ideals kill some men in politics,
W0910     but politics kill more ideals in men.
W0911     Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
W0912     No woman should imitate men;  men are not worth it.
W0913     At 18, I was ashamed of how ignorant my father was.
W0913     At 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in three years.
W0914     Most campaign literature is an insult to intelligence.
W0914     Sad that many never realize it.
W0915     You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
W0916     America did not invent human rights,
W0916     Human Rights invented America.
W0917     The reason people blame things on previous generations?
W0917     There's only one other choice!
W0918     Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
W0922     One disadvantage of having nothing to do:
W0922     You can't stop and rest.
W0923     Real love stories have no endings.
W1001     Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude
W1001     is the school of genius.
W1002     Justice delayed is justice denied.
W1003     They know enough who know how to learn.
W1004     The laborer is worthy of his hire, if his labor is.
W1005     Love is blind, to everything except fat.
W1006     A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
W1007     Pale ink beats a good memory.
W1008     Would that government spent our money like it was their own.
W1009     Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
W1010     If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
W1011     Just because he's on the road, it doesn't mean his mind is.
W1012     Death and taxes may always be with us,
W1012     But at least death doesn't get any worse.
W1101     A guy has to get fresh once in a while so a girl
W1101     doesn't lose her confidence.
W1102     I ain`t broke, but I`m badly bent.
W1103     The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
W1104     The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
W1105     Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
W1106     Blessed are the peacemakers, they will never want for work.
W1107     Bachelor's wives and spinster's children are always perfect.
W1108     Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the wall.
W1109     Whatever you have, spend less.
W1110     In fashion be a reed in the wind,
W1110     In principles be a rock in the stream.
W1111     He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
W1112     The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.
W1113     Learning music by reading about it,
W1113     Is like making love by mail.
W1114     Think you've got influence?  Try commanding someone else's dog.
W1121     Character is what you know you are,
W1121     Not what others think you are.
W1125     Don't need a new religion, haven't used the old one up yet.
W1126     There are two sides to every question, politicians take both.
W1127     Politics is either passing the buck or passing the dough.
W1128     To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
W1129     Never despair.  If you do, you work on in despair.
W1130     Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
W1201     Two wrongs do not make a right, it usually takes three or more.
W1202     Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
W1203     The greatest programming project of all took six days;
W1203     on the seventh day the programmer rested.
W1204     The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
W1205     Every noble work is at first impossible.
W1206     To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
W1207     No man's religion ever survives his morals.
W1208     Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
W1209     Selfishness is that vice we see in others, never in ourselves.
W1210     Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
W1211     Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
W1212     To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
W1213     It is better to live rich than to die rich.
W1223     Take a lesson from the weather:
W1223     It pays no attention to criticism.
W1228     No one really knows enough to be a pessimist.
W1229     You are not judged by how much you love,
W1229     but by how much you are loved by others.
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