DP Tool Club 31/CDASC_31_1996_juillet_aout.iso/vrac/crahvol1.zip/RAH9301.TXT

Text File | 1993-01-01 | 35KB | 792 lines

      R a N d O m    A c C e S s    H u M o R      RAH! RAH!

           Volume  0     Number   4       January 1993

       A rag-tag collection of fugitive humor, some of which
         is vaguely related to the BBS/Online System world.

                        Editor: Dave Bealer

           Member of the Disktop Publishing Association

          Copyright 1993 Dave Bealer, All Rights Reserved

         Random Access Humor is an irregular production of:

                     VaporWare Communications
                       32768 Infinite Loop
                  Sillycon Valley, CA. 80486-DX2
                 USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way

VaporWare Communications is an operating division of VaporWare
Corporation, a public corporation.  VaporWare Corporate Officers:

                        Luther Lecks
              President, Chief Egomaniac Officer

Dorian Debacle, M.B.A.              Gabriel Escargot
V.P., Operations                    V.P., Customer Service

Pav Bhaji, M.Tax.(Avoidance)        Carlos Goebbels
V.P., Finance                       V.P., Political Correctness

Kung Pao Har Hoo, M.D., Ph.D., D.Sc. F.A.C.S, C.P.A., S.P.C.A.,
               Y.M.C.A., L.E.D., Q.E.D., op. cit., et al.
V.P., Research & Development

WARNING!  WARNING!  WARNING!  WARNING!  WARNING!  WARNING!  WARNING!
The "look and feel" of Random Access Humor has been specifically
earmarked, spindled and polygraphed.  Anyone who attempts to copy
this look and feel without express written consent of the publisher
will be fed to rabid radioactive hamsters by our Security Director,
Vinnie "The Knife" Calamari.


TABLE OF INCONTINENCE:
Editorial - Does Electronic Publishing Have a Future?..............01
1992 RAH BBS Industry Awards.......................................02
Take Us to the Promised LAN........................................04
The "Give me a rock" Problem.......................................07
New Association Announced to Promote Electronic Publishing.........09
Goodbye Newsletter, Hello Magazine.................................10
Taglines Seen Around the Nets......................................10
Masthead - Submission Information.................................A-1
RAH Distribution System...........................................A-2

Random Access Humor             Page  1                January 1993

Editorial - Does Electronic Publishing Have a Future?
by Dave Bealer

As mentioned in the debut issue, RAH came into being because I was
too lazy to find an outlet for my humor articles after the idea of
regularly publishing humor was rejected by the editors of Fidonews.
So for the last five months I have been tinkering away in my loft
computer center putting out this monthly bit of insanity.

Most of that time was spent working in a vacuum, completely unaware
of the number of others who were engaged in similarly silly behavior
all around the country.  My eyes were finally opened in December when
I chanced to download an electronic magazine called Ruby's Pearls
from some BBS.  In addition to being a good publication in its own
right, the issue I downloaded contained a bonus, a press release from
an organization called the Disktop Publishing Association.  That
press release is included in this issue, in its entirety.

Of course I have long been aware of the efforts by many publishers to
release "electronic" versions of their newspapers, magazines and
other print publications.  According to information recently received
from one of those publishers, these efforts have not been terribly
successful.  This fact causes that respected publisher, editor and
distributor to have a "pessimistic view of electronic publishing."

Personally, I think it is a matter of having the appropriate material
to offer at the right time.  My source sited poor performance over
the last four years as a reason for his pessimism.  Although the
online industry has blossomed mightily over the past four years, only
now is it approaching the kind of critical mass necessary to make
electronic publishing truly successful.

Furthermore, I question whether the online community will ever be
ready to purchase online versions of existing print publications.
Members of the online community have different information needs.
Needs which are poorly served by the existing print media (with
very few exceptions), when they are served by it at all.

The simple truth is that there is already *too much* information
available today in the online world.  The signal-to-noise ratio in
many online conferences is horrendous.  Twit filters have been one
rather humorous response to this problem, but something more
efficient is needed.

The future I see for electronic publishing bears little resemblance
to the print-based past, as indeed it should.  Someone will come up
with a way to filter the noise (useless and repetitive information)
out of all the material entering the online matrix, leaving only the
signal (useful information) for users to receive.  A delicate balance
between efficiency and censorship will need to be maintained.

Whoever solves this puzzle, someone will have to make fun of him or
her.  I can think of no better candidate for that task than myself.
In the meanwhile, look for regular coverage of the latest advances in
electronic publishing here in the pages of RAH.  I'll try to keep the
number of non-humorous articles down to one per month.          {RAH}

Random Access Humor             Page  2                January 1993

1992 RAH BBS Industry Awards
by Dave Bealer

Every computer magazine has to have an annual awards article in its
January issue.  It's the law.  Since the publishers of RAH are not
aware of what the penalties might be for breaking this law, we are
not taking any chances.  So here they are folks, the first annual
Random Access Humor BBS Industry Awards.  Literally minutes of
painstaking research have gone into making these the fairest, most
objective awards available today.


>> Vaporware of The Year <<

          PKZIP V2.0      Phil Katz - PKWARE, Inc.
The ads have been around most of the year, but the software
has yet to materialize.  Beta testers are now struggling with
version 1.999999998I.  The "I" stands for "I think I can, I
think I can."


>> Friendliest Documentation <<

              Chuck Forsberg - Omen Technology Corp.
Chuck's sunny personality shows itself year after year in the warm
and friendly documentation provided with such classics as DSZ.


>> Best Shareware Communications Software Vendor <<

                   No award.
They were all bought out by Mustang Software, Inc.


>> Most Creative Use of "Scare" Advertising <<   (tie)

               Hayes Microcomputer Products, Inc.
The bovine by-products were really flying when this outfit launched
its scare campaign against the TIES escape sequence.  They even
provided a helpful "test" file, guaranteed to to trigger a TIES
reset.

                     U.S. Robotics, Inc.
Having accidentally shipped some Sportster 14.4KB FAX/Modems that
could actually be operated in HST Dual Standard Mode, USR proceeded
to make new friends throughout the online world by threatening legal
action against anyone who actually *used* these extra capabilities.
They also tried to convince users that a "Trojan Horse" was present
in the ROM chips of these bonus modems.  If a TH exists, doesn't that
mean USR put it there?  If so, why are they advertising this fact?

Random Access Humor             Page  3                January 1993

>> Least Compatible Modem <<

               Gateway Telepath -  Gateway 2000
Affectionately known as the "Psychopath" within the Gateway tech
support department, this 14.4KB internal FAX/Modem can't even work
and play well with others of its own kind.


>> Best Hardware Innovation <<

  U.S. Idiotics Messenger Dual Technology Modem/Cabbage Grater
      With ACSL (Adaptive Cole Slaw Leveling)

    This device is especially popular with sysops who run their
    boards out of the kitchen.


>> Beast Shareware Software <<

  Dane Quayl Speeling Cheekr   by Softwar Toolboks

    As the documentation for this product puts it: "Who are these
    guys in horney-rimmed glasses at Harvird and Oxfort to tell
    peeple how to speel wurds?"


>> BBS of the Year <<

  Graceland BBS
  Memphis, TN.

    Although callers are required to give their real name at
    registration, there are no handles needed here.  For just
    a little while, every caller gets to be "The King."


Well folks, those are the awards for 1992.  Be sure to stop in next
year for the 1993 awards.  You know, I'm glad that the Graceland BBS
won the BBS of the Year award, but I've never understood all this
"Elvis lives" fuss.  With a small army of professional Elvis
impersonators traveling around the country doing shows at seedy
lounges, is it any wonder there are so many Elvis sightings?    {RAH}
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sound Byte:

 Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 A: Three. One to screw in the light bulb, while the other two
    discuss the merits and Freudian implications of the violation
    of the socket.

(submitted by Rick Arnold)

Random Access Humor             Page  4                January 1993

Take Us to the Promised LAN
by Dave Bealer

Every year since 1985 has been touted by some "authority" as "The
Year of the Network" and 1993 will be no different.  Of course all
this fuss is becoming more and more like proclaiming 1993 to be "The
Year of the Automobile."  How?  Why?  Doesn't everybody already have
one, or at least wish they did?

Most organizations with more than three PCs have them connected in
some fashion, if only to share peripherals. (See the October 1992
issue of RAH for more info on peripheral sharing.)  But increasingly,
sharing peripherals is not enough.  The PC in Fred's office down the
hall has many files that absolutely *everyone* needs.  The solution?
The Local Area Network (LAN).

Everyone today knows that LANs are the "must have" solution to almost
all problems from payroll to the common cold.  What most people don't
know is how all this network mania started.

The OSI from ISO
================

Way back in the 1970s the International Sadists Organization (ISO),
located in Paris, France (where else?) was considering a problem.
For years the people of planet Earth had been gazing with awe and
wonder at the mighty computing machines run by serious men in white
laboratory coats.  But now, some upstarts were actually building so-
called "personal computers" in their basements and garages.

In response to this threat to their technical sovereignty, the men
in white coats asked the ISO to formulate a way to further confound
the non-technical public.  Thus the ISO formulated the Operational
Sadistic Interface (OSI).  Obviously the ISO had a lot to learn about
palindromes.

Basically, the OSI was about networks.  The theory was that if some
twerp was going to make computers themselves easy to use, a good way
to make computing impossible to understand was to make it necessary
to hook all the computers in an organization together somehow.
Single level networks had been around for some time, but the expert
sadists at ISO were too smart to even bother with them.  There simply
weren't enough buzzwords to throw at unwary users.  So the layer
principle, which has worked so well for Betty Crocker, was adopted.

The layers of the OSI are as follows: Physical, Data-link, Transport,
Hysterical, Devonian, Triassic and Application.  Geologists search
through the layers of network sediment to find the fossils buried
within: Acoustically coupled modems; S-100 computers; CP/M; Ethernet
(Oops!  Sorry...that one is still alive and kicking, by some quirk of
fate.); the Timex Sinclair and the Apple Lisa.

Random Access Humor             Page  5                January 1993

All of these creatures of the computing world failed at networking in
one way or another.  All of them except ethernet, which has been
successful as a species for a long time, even if it hasn't changed
much over all that time.  Ethernet is the horseshoe crab of network
technology.

LAN Logic
=========

There are three major logical types of LAN, at least from the point
of view of signalling: Ethernet, Arcnet and Token Ring.  Each of
these types is designed to better meet the needs of certain kinds of
workgroups.

Ethernet - this one almost never got off the ground - users kept
   passing out from the ether fumes until a reliable method of
   sealing the cables was found.  Ethernet has the advantage of
   having been around forever, so ethernet has been made to work,
   however unwillingly, with a wide range of computing platforms.

Arcnet - welders seem to prefer this type of network, which is
   inexpensive and quite serviceable for small workgroups.

Token Ring - created by J.R.R. Token, the celebrated "Lord of the
   Ring."   A little known interesting fact is that J.R.R. Token is
   the husband of Madeline Token, the Secretary of Vaporware Corp.
   Token Ring is popular with large installations because response
   time is not significantly degraded when more stations are added.
   Of course it couldn't get much worse.

Let's Get Physical
==================

The signals generated by all logical LAN formats need some way of
getting to the other stations in the network.  The standard solution
has long been cables.  There are four major types of cabling used in
LANs today.  They are as follows:

Coaxial Cable - this is familiar to most people as the same kind of
   cable which brings "Cable TV" into their homes.  This creates some
   unique opportunities for the future, like a single coax link which
   could bring both a network connection and The Brady Bunch to a
   user's high definition monitor.  Coax allows fast data transfer
   and sports shielding which reduces interference from other signal
   sources like coffee makers, sun lamps, Game Boys, and other common
   office appliances.

Unshielded Twisted-pair (UTP) - often mistaken for plain telephone
   wire, UTP is cheaper than coax while offering nearly the same data
   transfer rates.  Lacking shielding, UTP appeals to the daredevils
   of the networking world.

Shielded Twisted-pair (STP) - Similar to UTP, but with shielding, STP
   is preferred by organizations that practice safe networking.

Random Access Humor             Page  6                January 1993

Fiber-optic Cable - The fastest of all cable alternatives, Fiber
   optic cable is sealed, so that users are spared from viewing the
   unspeakable things being done to the light within.  Remember, this
   *was* designed by sadists.

LAN Topologies
==============

The cables which carry the signals in a LAN cannot be randomly laid
out as the network is built, even though that is inevitably the way
it will appear in most cases.  A lot of agonizing goes into the
design of the wiring layout, or topology, of a new network.  Some of
this agonizing is even justified.

There are three major network cabling topologies: Star; Daisy-chain
and Bit Bucket.  No matter which topology is planned, the network
almost always starts off with a Bit Bucket topology.

Network Operating Systems
=========================

Every LAN requires a network operating system (NOS) in order to
function.  MS-DOS is an operating system (OS) and so is OS/2 (even
though it rarely operates).  These systems are not themselves capable
of accessing devices on another machine in a network.  OTOH, they do
seem to occasionally access data which has no origin on Earth.

The NOS, working with the device drivers for the Network Interface
Card (NIC) in the user's computer, is able to trick the OS into
thinking that the hard disk in Fred's PC down the hall is really the
Q: drive in *the user's* machine.  Of course, PC operating systems
are among the more gullible pieces of software you will ever
encounter.  They are quite forgetful as well, even to the point of
misplacing disk drives that really *are* connected to the machine
in which they are "operating."

A LAN in Every Pot
==================

So what does the future of networking hold?  Will Ethernet survive
into the true Cyberage?  Perhaps one day mankind will network itself
into one gigantic, communal intelligence.  When that happens, we may
finally solve one of the ancient riddles that has plagued the great
thinkers since the time of Socrates -- how many sysops can fit on the
head of a 24-pin dot matrix printer?                            {RAH}
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sound Byte:

   She's not my stereotype.

Random Access Humor             Page  7                January 1993

The "Give me a rock" Problem
by Greg Borek (1:261/[e-mail])

Computer programmers have always encountered difficulties trying to
solve real world problems with computers.  Some famous problems like
the "Travelling Salesman" problem model difficult real world events
and are extremely difficult to solve efficiently.  Other problems,
like how to bury as many expenses as possible in the spreadsheet
covering that last business trip or how to get the phone number of
that cute girl that just started in marketing, are very common and
actually not strictly confined to the world of the programmer.

One of the more enduring classical problems in computer science is
the "Give me a rock" problem.  Although not as thoroughly discussed
in university courses as some of the other unsolved problems, it is
much more prevalent in industry.

The problem is most clearly described by an example.  The following
is an overheard discussion between a user and a programmer:
(Note: Programmer comments in parenthesis are only thoughts and were
not expressed vocally).

u: Give me a rock.

p: What kind of rock?

u: You know, a rock.

p: (This is going to take quite some time).  OK, how about this one?

u: No, not that one.

p: Well, what's wrong with it?

u: It's not the one I wanted.  Give me a rock.

p: How about this one?  Is this the one you want?

u: No, that's not it either.  I couldn't possibly use that one.  It's
   much too small for one thing.

p: (Now we're getting somewhere.)  How big is this rock supposed to
   be?

u: Bigger than that one anyway.  Give me a rock.

p: (Alright, I didn't have anything to do this weekend anyway).  OK,
   here's a bigger rock.

u: Boy, are you ever dense.  You don't know the first thing about
   rocks, do you?  I couldn't possibly carry that by myself, it won't
   fit in my wagon, and, worst of all, it's red.  We've only ever
   used big, blue rocks before.

Random Access Humor             Page  8                January 1993

p: (...and I went to college for this).  OK, in order to carry it by
   yourself I'll get a rock that weighs less than ten pounds, will
   fit in your wagon, and is any other color than red.  Is that what
   you want?

u: Yes, ten pounds sounds about right.  Give me a rock.

p: How about this one?

u: Oooh, that's a nice one.  It will never do.  Take it back.

p: What's wrong with it?

u: For one thing it's much too wobbly to stand on.  Besides, I saw
   somebody with a nice red rock over there in that dump truck.  Why
   can't you get me a rock more like that one.  I bet that one isn't
   the least bit wobbly.

p: (You don't have the faintest idea what you want this rock for, do
   you?)  You'll need a dump truck for a rock like that.

u: I don't have money in the budget for a dump truck.  I definitely
   need a rock more like that one.  And get one that fits between my
   other rocks here.  Now that I think about it, it should be at
   least two feet on a side so it doesn't tip over.  And it has to be
   portable so it should weigh about three pounds or less.  Give me a
   rock.

p: Where am I going to find a rock like that?  Look, your rock can't
   possibly have all of those features at the same time.  I'll do the
   best I can to find a rock like that but this may take some time.

u: Not good enough.  I need a rock now so I can improve my
   productivity.  Give me a rock.

... and so on.  Note that the programmer had lost a notable amount of
hair while this discussion was occurring.  This presentation of this
famous and unsolved problem is just an example of the perils facing
programmers today.                                              {RAH}
================
Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway
Bandit" - but don't tell his boss that we told you) in Falls Church,
Virginia.  He has previously been mistaken for a vampire.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should consider themselves
lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

Real Programmers don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write,
it should be hard to understand.

Real Programmers don't write application programs; they program right
down on the bare metal.  Application programming is for feebs who
can't do systems programming.

Random Access Humor             Page  9                January 1993

                          *************
                          PRESS RELEASE
    Ron Albright                           Contact: Ron Albright
    Disktop Publishing Association         1-205-853-8269 (Voice)
    1160 Huffman Road                      1-205=853-8478 (FAX)
    Birmingham, AL 35215                   1-205-854-1660 (BBS)

    NEW ASSOCIATION ANNOUNCED TO PROMOTE ELECTRONIC PUBLISHING

    BIRMINGHAM, AL: The "Disktop Publisher's Association" ("DPA")
is an association for parties of all levels who share interest in the
dissemination of information in electronic ("computer readable")
format.  Those eligible for membership include authors, publishers,
and consumers of on-disk publishing.  "Electronic publishing," in its
broadest sense, shall mean the authorship and production for general
consumer access of any materials which are primarily read by computer
and viewed on "paperless," "digital," and "on-disk" publishing -
includes fiction and nonfiction works that are stored and distributed
on disk or available by modem access on "bulletin board systems"
("BBSs").

    Electronic publishing, in this sense, specifically does not
include programs (which are sets of instructions used by a computer
to perform other tasks) unless these programs are designed to
facilitate the reading of written materials.  Examples might include
hypertext authoring programs or text viewers.

                       Statement of Purpose

    The purpose of the DPA includes:

    1. To promote, though improved public awareness, the benefits
of electronic publishing. These benefits include availability -
often on a 24 hour a day, on demand basis - of electronic
publications, faster production time, cheaper cost, easier revision
and updating, reduced consumption of natural resources, and - using
appropriate reader software - enhanced presentation and readability.

    2. To provide a forum for discussing the unique challenges of
successfully publishing and marketing disk-based publications.
Examples might include matching an author or publisher with the
appropriate medium for a proposed project. Would hypertext be best?
Plain ASCII?  Multimedia?

    3. A matching service will be organized to place authors - who
may not be interested in complexities of marketing and publishing -
with publishers who may be willing to assist in these commercial
aspects. "Writers write and publishers publish" is an axiom that
applies to electronic publishing as well as traditional formats.

    4. To share resources for mass marketing electronic publications.
Examples might include sharing of costs of mailing publications to
user groups, etc.  DPA will also assist new authors and publishers in
getting press releases circulated and media coverage. Sharing mailing
lists with other publishers is another possibility open to members.

Random Access Humor             Page 10                January 1993

                    Membership Requirements

    The only requirement for membership shall be an interest in the
advancement of electronic publishing.  No fees will be solicited
during the start-up phase.

    Interested parties can contact the DPA electronically at:
      The DPI BBS - 205-854-1660. Or through electronic mail on
    CompuServe (75166,2473), MCI Mail (RALBRIGHT), GEnie
    (R.Albright) or through the mail at the above address.      {RAH}
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Goodbye Newsletter, Hello Magazine
by Bernie Krumb

In a further demonstration of just how depraved and egotistical the
management of VaporWare Corporation has become, company President
Luther Lecks has announced that Random Access Humor will henceforth
be known as an electronic magazine, rather than a newsletter.

Apparently that bird-brain thinks that merely adding topic sub-
headings and a cute little "{RAH}" end-of-article marker can give
this rag some class.  He is sadly mistaken.  This is the sorriest
excuse for a serious publication I have ever had the misfortune to
work for.  In fact I have a good mind to...

"Oh.  Hi, Vinnie!  What are you doing here so late?    Vinnie?"

"Vinnie, what are you doing with that knife?   Put the knife down,
Vinnie!   Put it down!!   Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!"                    {RAH}
---------------------------------------------------------------------

--- Taglines Seen Around the Nets

Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?

A fool and his money are my two favorite people.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

I have a magnetic personality - keep me away from diskettes.

STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in."

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

I saw Elvis.  He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.

Next time you wave, use all your fingers.

The only perfect science is hindsight.

Random Access Humor             Page A-1               January 1993

Random Access Humor Masthead:

Editor: Dave Bealer

Acting Deputy Assistant Editor: Scott White

Contact:  The Puffin's Nest BBS
          FidoNet: 1:261/1129
          Internet: f1129.n261.z1.fidonet.org
          BBS: [phone]  (1200-14400/V.32bis)

Regular Mail: (Only if you have no other way to reach us!)
               Random Access Humor
               c/o Dave Bealer
               P.O. Box 595
           Pasadena, MD. 21122  USA

Random Access Humor (RAH) is published monthly by Dave Bealer as a
disservice to the online community.  Although the publisher's BBS may
be a part of one or more networks at any time, RAH is not affiliated
with any BBS network or online service.  RAH is a compilation of
individual articles contributed by their authors.  The contribution
of articles to this compilation does not diminish the rights of the
authors.  The opinions expressed in RAH are those of the authors and
are not necessarily those of the publisher.

Random Access Humor is Copyright 1993 Dave Bealer.  All Rights
Reserved.  Duplication and/or distribution is permitted for non-
commercial purposes only.  Any system which charges hourly connect
fees is obviously commercial.  Any system which charges more than $10
per month ($120/yr) for download privileges is considered to be a
commercial system for these purposes and may not distribute RAH.  RAH
may not be distributed on diskette, CD-ROM or in hardcopy form for a
fee.  For any other use, contact the publisher.

RAH may only be distributed in unaltered form.  Online systems whose
users cannot access the original binary archive file may offer it for
viewing or download in text format, provided the original text is not
modified.  Readers may produce hard copies of RAH or backup copies on
diskette for their own personal use only.  RAH may not be distributed
in combination with any other publication or product.

Many of the brands and products mentioned in RAH are trademarks of
their respective owners.

Copies of the current issue of RAH may be obtained by manual download
or Wazoo/EMSI File Request from The Puffin's Nest BBS (FREQ: RAH), or
from various sites in several BBS networks.  Back issues of RAH may
be obtained by download or file request from The Puffin's Nest BBS.

Article contributions to RAH are always welcome.  All submissions
must be made electronically.  File attach your article to a netmail
message to Dave Bealer at 1:261/1129.  E-mail may also be sent via
Internet to:   [e-mail]

Random Access Humor             Page A-2               January 1993

Tagline and filler submissions may be made via e-mail.  Article
submissions should be made via file.  Submitted files must be plain
ASCII text files in normal MS-DOS file format: artname.RAH; where
artname is a descriptive file name and RAH is the mandatory
extension.  Your text should be less than 70 columns across for
widest readability.  If your article does not conform to these simple
specs, it may get lost or trashed.  Also note that such imaginative
names as RAH.RAH might get overlaid by the blatherings of similarly
minded contributors.  If your hardware is incapable of producing file
names in the proper format, you may send your article as one or more
e-mail messages.  It will not be possible to make private responses
to any submissions or correspondence received.

The editors reserve the right to publish or not to publish any
submission as/when they see fit.  The editors also reserve the right
to "edit", or modify any submission prior to publication.  This last
right will rarely be used, typically only to correct spelling or
grammar misteaks that are not funny.  RAH is a PG rated publication,
so keep it (mostly) clean.

RAH can accept only the following types of material for publication:
1) Any material in the public domain.
2) Material for which you own the copyright.  If you wrote it
    yourself, you are automatically the copyright holder.
3) Authorized agents for a copyright holder (typically an
    organization) may submit material on behalf of that holder.

In writing jargon, RAH is deemed to be given "One Time Rights" to
anything submitted for publication unless otherwise noted in the
message accompanying the contribution.  You still own the material,
and RAH will make no use of the material other than publishing it
electronically in the usual manner.  If you want your copyright
notice to appear in your article, place it as desired in the text
you submit.  Previously published articles may be submitted, but
proper acknowledgement must be included: periodical name, date of
previous publication.

RAH Distribution System:
(Sites bearing the <contrib> designation will accept your
 contributions and forward them to the editors.)
(All these systems would be good places to find sysops with a sense
 of humor...seemingly a rarity these days.)

The Puffin's Nest       Pasadena, MD.       Sysop: Dave Bealer
FidoNet> 1:261/1129       [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)
SailNet> 53:5000/1129   CinemaNet> 68:1410/101    <contrib>
(RAH Publication Site)
Current RAH Issue:            FReq: RAH
Back Issues of RAH:           FReq: RAHmmyy.ZIP
Complete Writers Guidelines:  FReq: RAHWRITE
Complete Distributor Info:    FReq: RAHDIST

Random Access Humor             Page A-3               January 1993

RAH Gateway Systems:

My House -=FBBS=-       Cheasapeake, VA.    Sysop: Scott White
FidoNet> 1:275/6          [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)
RaceNet> 73:2601/0   Flynet> 196:1130/2   CrossNet> 73:2601/0
InterSports> 103:1032/0   <contrib>

Pooh's Corner           Fells Point, MD.    Sysop: Mark Truelove
FidoNet> 1:261/1131       [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)
RBBSnet> 8:936/206     FilNet> 33:410/0     CandyNet> 42:1031/1
<contrib>

The Depths of Hell      Bayonne, NJ.        Sysop: Eric Knorowski
FidoNet> 1:107/813        [phone]       14400 (HST)
FishNet> 21:102/101  CandyNet> 42:1011/1  ChateauNet> 100:5801/100
<contrib>

007LZ                   Southfield, MI.     Sysop: Gary Groeller
FidoNet> 1:120/636        [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)
W-Net_fts> 66:636/1   <mail only - no BBS>

The Edge of Sanity      Dearborn, MI.       Sysop: Tom Smith
FidoNet> 1:2410/279       [phone]        9600 (V.32)
SogNet> 91:7/4279

H*A*L                   Muskogee, OK.       Sysop: Lloyd Hatley
FidoNet> 1:3813/304       [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)
RFNet> 73:102/1       RANet> 72:918/21       LuvNet> 77:101/1
DoorNet> 75:7918/205      <contrib>

WRITER'S BIZ BBS        Waynesville, MO.    Sysop: Rick Arnold
FidoNet 1:284/201         [phone]       14400 (v.32bis)
RBBSnet 8:921/705       <publication site of RUNE'S Rag>


RAH Official Distribution Sites:

Automation Central      San Jose, CA.       Sysop: Radi Shourbaji
FidoNet> 1:143/110        [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)

Wit-Tech                Baltimore, MD.      Sysop: Doug Wittich
FidoNet> 1:261/1082       [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)

Incredible BBS          Burleson, TX.       Sysop: Don Teague
FidoNet> 1:130/82         [phone]        9600 (V.32)

Milliways               Pittsburgh, PA.     Sysop: David Cole
FidoNet> 1:129/179        [phone]       16800 (HST/Dual)

Supernova BBS           Scotstown, Quebec   Sysop: Ian Hall-Beyer
FidoNet> 1:257/40         [phone]        2400

Random Access Humor             Page A-4               January 1993

Data Empire            Fredericksburg, VA.  Sysop: Richard Hellmer
FidoNet> 1:274/31         [phone]        9600 (HST)
<contrib>

Outside the Wall        Baltimore, MD.      Sysop: Rob Novak
FidoNet> 1:261/1093       [phone]        9600 (V.32)

CALnet @node.1          Detroit, MI         Sysop: Gary Groeller
FidoNet> 1:2410/120       [phone]       14400 (V.32bis)
<contrib>