Mark Twain understood children. Keep em' in a barrel, he said, and feed 'em through a hole. When the teenage years hit, he advised, plug the hole. If we followed such advice today, we'd be cudgeled in the Enquirer and earn an all- expense-paid trip to Leavenworth where we could bunk down with the parents of Jon-Benet Ramsey.

Nope, today our hormone crazed teenagers are out of the barrel, which means as parents it behooves us to channel their energy, muddled thinking, and cockiness into healthy outlets. Which is where mountain biking comes in.

It's fast, and the adrenaline it pours into their bodies creates a chemical wash that teenagers like. It's human powered, which in the age of Sega-Genesis slyly seduces sweat from under-used muscles. Despite the "mountain" in its name, it's great sport to ride through the local woods, around local parks, down the stairs at the schoolyard, over vacant lots.... And generous use of the phrase, "ride your bike," lets you terminate your career as your child's chauffeur.

The catch: The cost of outfitting kids, who can outgrow bikes as fast as they down Whoppers, can be daunting.

SIZING

The growth issue is a touchy one. Naturally you'll want to get a bike that's as large as possible-- "Don't worry, Josh, another year of growth hormones and you won't need a ladder to mount this beauty."

Unfortunately, such logic is flawed. A thirteen-year-old can't properly control a bike that's too big. That's a safety problem when he's sharing the road with commuters who are 15 minutes late and driving 15 mph over the speed limit. Furthermore, without proper control a kid won't develop confidence in his abilities nor enthusiasm for the sport. That may save you big dollars on future bike purchases, but toys for the Sega Genesis don't come cheap either.

We're also talking about safety issues here. A bike that's too big is a hazard you shouldn't impose on your children. "Yes Officer, it's tragic that Josh swerved in front of that 18 wheeler. We intend to preserve his memory by giving his bike to his little brother."

So if you want to increase the odds of getting your teenagers hooked on the sport as well as the odds of getting them into adulthood, proper sizing is a must. When straddling a bike (with feet flat on the floor) there must be at least one inch of clearance between the frame's top tube and your child's crotch. As a child grows, he/she will soon reach that ideal range where there are two to three inches of clearance. Eventually the sad day will arrive when your child has more than four inches of clearance; then it's time to shop for another steed.

PRICING

It's a general rule that applies to much more than bikes--avoid the bottom of the price scale or you'll get a product where important corners were cut to create an attractive price point.

In the case of bikes, the difference between a $200 and $330 product is huge. A $200 bike will sport single-walled steel wheels which are heavy and, when wet, unsafe compared to the double-walled alloy wheels of a $330 bike. Furthermore, the cheap bike will have: plastic parts in the derailleurs which are prone to breakage, a steel frame which is far more brittle and less durable than a chromoly one, and no-name components with no-good warranties. You'll end up with a bike that may be scrap metal before your teenager is through with it and one that is devoid of resale value.

It's also easy to spend too much, and getting an $800 machine with front suspension and titanium components is equally foolish in the spring of a rider's career. For starters, kids weighing less than 150 pounds don't get much benefit from suspension. Then, too, an expensive bike will have a tendency to roll away from the Junior High School when Junior forgets to lock it. A $350 loss is easier to stomach than an $800 one. And there is that growth issue again. Just how good a bike do you need when it's only going to fit for two, maybe three, years.

So here's my advice...

For kids younger than 15, visit a specialty shop and inspect those bikes in the $350 range. The two manufacturers who pack the biggest bang for the buck in this price range may well be Trek and Specialized. Their products are good, their warranties are dynamite, and the resale value of their bikes is high. Bikes to consider: the Trek 850 ($350) and the Specialized Hardrock GS ($325). One other contestant of note: the Schwinn Mesa ($330).

For kids older than 15 or 16, the parameters change. We're talking about more weight now, we're dealing with riders who have developed skills, and the combination of increased skill and increased hormone production means we're dealing with kids who are tackling aggressive (even crazy) terrain. It takes a lot of bike to withstand the abuses of this age.

Naturally that's going to cost you. A few hundred more, to be exact. Now you're looking at bikes costing between $500 and $700 which, coincidentally, is the most competitive price range in the mountain-biking industry and the place where you'll garner the very best value for the dollars invested. Worthy of special mention are such bikes as the Trek 930 ($500 without shocks, $650 with shocks), Specialized Rockhopper A1FS (aluminum-framed front-suspension, $650), the Kona Lava Dome ($570 without shocks) and the Kona Cinder Cone ($760 with shocks).

By the time your kids outgrow these bikes pray they are self-sufficient and pulling in their own paychecks. You may not want to cash in the EE Savings Bonds you set aside for tuition to pay for their next dream machine.

Copyright 1997, InterZine Productions Inc. All Rights Reserved.