Consequences

By Barbara Allen
Subscribers can catch up by reading Part One

I arrived early at the Biloxi Bed and Breakfast where the GGA Christmas Party was being held. The owner, John and two of his friends were preparing the food and the accommodations. It was a beautiful rustic B&B, situated on a river. Although I asked if I could help, they refused and seemed very well organized. I checked into my accommodation, decided that it no longer made any difference if I attended the Christmas Party or not and so began my own preparations. First a long bath with complete removal of all body hair, a close shave, the laying out of the clothes, and then a manicure of long red nails. I had more than enough time to do it right.

I chose my makeup to accent the blonde hair, red dress and gold accessories. It was light with slight rose coloration. I started off with BEN NYE Studio Beard Cover and covered that with DERMABLEND Cover Creme. I had purchased the DERMABLEND at a Dillardís cosmetic counter in one of our large malls. (Thatís right! I sat at the cosmetic counter in full view, while the cosmetic sales lady discussed and tried different shades on me to match my complexion. Havenít you all wanted to do that? Well, no problem! Do it! The cosmetic lady was wonderful. She knew exactly what I was, but was extremely helpful and I really love how the DERMABLEND looks on me.) Anyway, back to my preparations.

On top of the DERMABLEND, I applied MAYBELLINE Shine Free makeup in Fairest Ivory directly under my eyes and on my cheekbones and then set the foundation with transparent powder, and began work on my eyes. Since this was an evening party, I could go with more dramatic makeup. I had plucked my eyebrows into a more feminine arch which I colored in with REVLON Medium Brown and brushed the brow hair into place. I outlined both the upper and lower lids of my eyes with MAYBELLINE Black Onyx and then smudged the edges blending it into the COVER GIRL Twilight Mauve, Heather Mist and Dusty Lilac eye shadow. I also applied the Twilight Mauve to the are just under the lower lashes from about 3/4 to the outside of the eye. The eyeshadow on the upper eyelids was blended to lighten the area beneath my eyebrows and provide deep-set eyes underneath. I then made the face that all women make and applied MAYBELLINE Illegal Lengths Black Mascara, combing the lashes after each application to eliminate clumping. When the mascara was dry, I applied false demi-lashes to provide more length and volume and then reapplied LíOREAL LeGrand Kohl/Smoke eye liner to further set off the eye shape. After I was satisfied with my eyes, I used FEMME/FRAICHE Neutral Shading Creme to contour my jaw line and MAYBELLINE Revitalizing Blush in Sandalwood under my cheekbones brushing in a horizontal V shape back to my ears.

I could now begin dressing. I tucked and then slipped on my fanny padding, sucked in my belly and put on my 28 inch waist nipper making sure that it extended up and over my bottom rib which always seems to extend outward. Pulling this rib in adds to the feminine curve. I applied my duct tape to provide cleavage, which I further highlighted by applying brown eyeshadow to the dÈcolletage and ivory foundation and translucent powder to my "breasts." I then put on my red matching panties and bra, using foam rubber forms to fill out. (They didnít have the weight and feel but they were all I now had.) I opened my HAYNES UltraSheer panty hose in gold, being very careful with my long red nails, and slid them up over my soft, smoothly shaven legs. The pantyhose went over my beige fanny padding and waist nipper, making it appear like natural skin under my red panties and bra...(from a distance). I put on my new gold necklace before applying the wig and bushing it into place with spray. Getting the hair just right takes a great deal of effort for me and I hate having to redo it after struggling with a necklace clasp and long nails, so I do the necklace first. My red cocktail dress is sleeveless with natural folds at the neckline over the breasts. It is above the knees, allowing me to show off my legs. It felt great against my silky sheer legs and hung perfectly on me. The dieting had worked! I slipped on my matching gold bracelet, accented my fingers with my diamonique rings and slid on my red shoes with 3 inch heels and gold accents. All that was left was to apply my lipstick using REVLON Desert Spice and outlining them with lip pencil. I always outline first, filling in using a brush, and then re-outline to get the fullest looking lips.

I could now stand back and take a look! WOW, was I delicious looking or not! This was something that I had always wanted to do and it felt great to achieve this complete effect! It was too warm for that new white coat, which really looked great on me, but I only had to walk 50 ft. to the main house. I organized my new gold clutch, which didnít allow me any place to keep cosmetics for any major touching up, so I only took money, identification, lipstick and FEMME/FRAICHE pressed face powder. TIME TO PARTY!

The party was just getting started. A number of girls were already there, some outside smoking. I wished the smokers a Merry Christmas, walked in and looked for Crystal, the president of the GGA who had authorized me to attend as a guest. This was only my second attendance and membership required two attendanceís as a guest before voting for membership could take place. Once again, Crystal did not recognize me but, after prompting, remembered and greeted me warmly. I paid my party registration fee to Cissy who grabbed Crystal and told her that since this was my second meeting attendance, they could now volt me in for membership and collect more dues from me. They gathered a quorum majority and declared me a member of the GGA. Iím not shy so I began mingling and introducing myself to the others, some of whom remembered my last attendance and others did not. I wished John a Merry Christmas and he returned the greeting but obviously did not recognize me from before the transformation. When I reminded him of who I was and he remembered my earlier appearance, he was totally surprised. He could not believe the total transformation. His friends, who also were hosting the affair, also could not believe my now feminine appearance.

The food and drink was good, but I made sure that I minimized my intake of both. I was going to enjoy the party without thinking of the recent events which would end up tearing my marriage and family apart and completely changing my life. I never mentioned it to any of the other girls. I was not going to throw a wet blanket on their party. I enjoyed meeting them, playing pool and swaying to the music, but it wasnít a total enjoyment. At approximately 9:00 PM Crystal made a few announcements and the people began grouping up for transportation to a local gay bar call the SANCTUARY which was having a benefit party to collect money for the South Mississippi Aids Task Force in the Biloxi area. The benefit featured the (all girl) STONE RAINBOW BAND from New Orleans, who were great, and performance of local Female Illusionists, including one GGA member - Noelle, and were also great. If you are ever in the New Orleans area and get a chance to go to one of the local Gay bars where the STONE RAINBOW BAND is playing, do so! They have a great sound and excellent professional presence during performance. I enjoyed them so much that after my transportation returned me back to the B&B, I quickly changed into something less formal and returned to the SANCTUARY to hear all of their performances. While there, I enjoyed the FI performances, conversation (when it could be heard), I danced in heels for the first time and had my picture taken by some of the patrons who just had a good time with us. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and didnít get to bed until 3:00AM.

The next morning, I dressed enfemme again, this time toning down the makeup and wearing slacks and a turtleneck shirt. I changed wigs to my reddish brown which was more casual and slipped low heeled loafers onto my feet. I found two of my fellow party goers in the kitchen making morning coffee, both were in their MALE wardrobe. I spent a little time drinking some coffee and talking to them and then excused myself to change as I did not want to be out of sync with everyone else. The B&B hosts were not planning to make breakfast until 10:00 AM, so I had time to change and organize and repack all my wardrobe. Very few GGA members had actually stayed over. Breakfast was delicious and served on the converted screen porch which looked out over the back yard and boat house. It was beautiful.

After a long breakfast with a lot of conversation, each of us began packing and heading home. I was not sure where I would end up but I headed back to New Orleans. During the 3 and 1/2 hour ride home, (I got lost a couple of times) I had a lot of time to think about what I was doing and what the consequences would be. I had had a good time at the party and bar and enjoyed the companionship of the other GGA members, but a divorced TG life would be very lonely and even if I was free to cross dress and go out, it would not be completely satisfying. The biggest consequence that I could not live with was the one to my 17 yr. old daughter who would be going off to college in the fall. A divorce world not be fatal but would not allow her to go to the college that she (and I) wanted her to attend. Divided financial resources would not allow that! I resolved to make one final attempt to reestablish my wifeís and my ability to continue to live together, at least until we could assure our daughterís completion of college education. When I reached home, I asked my wife if we could talk some more about it and I presented my feeling and desire to continue our marriage for resource purposes. I agreed to give up my cross dressing, which both she and I did not believe. I showed her where she had all the cards in this game and could file for divorce at any time. I agreed to sign a legal contract which would establish an agreement on how we would live at least the next four years. She said she would have to think about what requirements she would put into it and then if I was willing to accept it, she would hold me to it.

CONSEQUENCES!

Christmas was OK. My wife is talking to me and we at least maintain a companionship relationship which is OK with me. I havenít seen the legal document yet, but I will sign it and live by it until the consequences donít exceed the benefits. Until then, I will restrain myself from cross dressing........I hope!