I had had such a good time my first time out with the girls, attending a GGA Support mtg., that I began to get more confident and venturesome in my femme times out. I began collecting more clothes and acessories and trying to establish a complete femme wardrobe covering all seasons and styles. Obviously, this became expensive! I began to find more time to dress and go out. I started to seriously evaluate my makeup, which was heavy and dramatic, more for evening and glamour than for daylight. I started taking more pictures to satisfy both my titilation and to evaluate my "passing" appearance. The recent TGF article on Self Portraiture was very helpful as was the camara, tripod and lights that I had to have. Did I tell you that I can become a very obsessive person? My times out enfemme did a lot to increase my confidence. I never had any problems and, even if I was recognized, was accepted wherever I went.
I decided it was time to extend myself even more. I was going to fly to my next business mtg. enfemme, I thought! It was July and would be warm so I bought shorts, sandles and a summer bag for use instead of a purse. I had the jacket and everything else. I just needed to plan for all possible contingencies and to boster my confidence. I checked with others on the TG net and found out that it was not illegal to crossdress where I was going and what night spots were available there. I would be flying ticketed under my real name and needing to show a picture ID at the airport. I thought that I could handle that. The flight would require close contact with the other passengers which could produce embarrasing situations, but I thought that I could also handle that. At the destination, I would need to pick up a rental car and also show my drivers licence and then drive to the hotel and check in under my real name, all while dressed enfemme. This was going to be a real challenge. I was not worried about "passing". Each activity required me to self disclose my real identity. This was going to be more of an experience with being comfortable in each of those situations.
Unfortunately, all of this came to an end the night before the planned trip. I waited until my wife and family were asleep and then began packing the car with my femme wardrobe. Since the flight wasnít until 10:00AM, my plan was to leave early for work and packed for a routine business trip and then to return home after the house was empty and dress for my enfemme flight. My wife decided differently! She caught me packing and demanded that I unpack and leave all my femme clothes behind. She was not aware of my plan to travel enfemme, but was adament! "Leave the clothes behind or donít come back!"
CONSEQUENCES!
Although, I am obsessive, I love my family too much, so I gave it up and traveled in male drab. I was really dissappointed, but still married. Most of my stuff was still at home when I returned, but one particular bag which was packed with lingerie and foundation garments, including my new shorts, sandles, and summer bag AND my $300 silicone breast forms has never reappeared! I assume that it was easy for her to put directly into the trash container and I will never see them again.
CONSEQUENCES
I continued to dress and go out when the opportunity arose, but my life at home became a living hell. She didnít talk to me, we ate separately and didnít watch TV in the same room. We were headed toward divorce and I was only wainting for the papers.
CONSEQUENCES!
I had tried to get her to accept my cross dressing and wanted to become more open with it to her instead of sneaking the opportunities and lying about it. Talks with her were unsuccessfulI and always resulted in an "either or" ultimatum. I decided that since divorce was inevitable, I would force her to accept my cross dressing by no longer hiding all of my femme wardrobe and lying about when I was dressing. I put all of my femme wardrobe, makeup and accessories into my dressier, closet and bathroom vanity. It was all out of sight but available to anybody who looked and more accessable to me for dressing. My wife was not happy with that and asked me to get rid of it. I didn't agree, but also didn't argue. I just left a note in the dressier where I was sure she would find it which said, "Please leave my stuff alone and I won't touch any of your stuff." She has always gotten particularly mad when she has determined that I have been wearing any of her clothes. With my new collection I would not need any of her clothes, so I thought that this would allow her to rationalize their presence. It worked for a while.
I continued to dress and purchase more wardrobe, which I no longer hid. She was aware of my growing wardrobe and the home atmosphere continued to be poor. I decided that I wanted to attend the GGA Christmas Party which was being held in Biloxi, MS. I began planning what I would wear and buying what I needed. I already had a red cocktail dress that I had purchased a year earlier for the 1995 GGA Christmas Party that I did not attend. I needed my "Dumb Blonde" wig cleaned and styled and purchased a gold necklace and bracelet accessories, a new gold clutch, new pantyhose with gold accents, and a beautiful long white coat in case it got cold that night. The night before the scheduled party, she jumped all over me! She had discovered my intention to attend "This Drag Queen Party" and had enough. She notified me that I had "gone over the line" and she would not put up with it anymore! I was spending too much money and was jepordizing my professional career by my activities. She was no longer going to live with it and was going to her lawyer to begin the divorce. I was to pack up my clothes and get out! She intended to talk to our children and tell them about her tortured life with me and to tell anyone who asked about my TG activities.
CONSEQUENCES!
Although, I tried to discuss things, her mind was made up and there was no changing it. I decided that it was best to get out and find an opportunity later to discuss how we could conclude a divorce without jeorpordizing both her, the children and my ability to live. I packed all of my femme wardrobe and some overnight male clothes and drove to Biloxi where I already had a place to stay for at least one night.
END OF PART ONE