Those of you who might have read about my last adventure know that it resulted in my questioning my ability to readily pass in public. I had gotten to a fairly comfortable feeling about that ability, but that adventure shattered my confidence. This time I would try to tone down my dress and to fit into my environment. Maybe that would facilitate my feminine acceptance.
I dressed conservatively, slacks, blouse with sweater vest and flats to de-accentuate my height. I used all the right padding and styled my wig into a style that any women in her 30s or 40s would wear. I tried out some new cosmetics. I had purchased some "Ben Nye" beard cover and foundation. I added Andrea's contouring and transparent powder along with my regular drug store eye liner and powder, brow coloring, mascara, lipstick and a slight bit of rouge. As I checked my image out in the mirror, I didn't feel glamorous but felt more passable , even more comfortable.
My first stop was the post office. I had some letters to mail and I have found it easier to work up to full public appearances. The post office trip went fine. It was busy and I had to walk and stand next to others who had stamps to purchase and letters to mail. No one appeared to give me any questioning glances. In fact no one even looked at me. Darn, I would like to think that I looked attractive or was admired for the way I dressed.
Next, a public phone booth. My first objective was to buy "real" silicone breast forms. I had previously found three local businesses that sold prosthesis for surgical patients and I had called one a few days before and inquired about silicone breast forms. What was the expected price range and did it require a fitting? I did not try to feminize my voice when calling. They asked who it would be for. "a women or man?" I replied that it would be for me. They quoted a price range of $200 and above and said that their hours were 9:00 am to 5:00 pm and to come in anytime. This phone call was to get directions and to warn them that I was coming in. The receptionist said that they were very busy right now and that it would be better to come in latter in the day. I received directions and, after hanging up, decided to case the place before walking in. It took a half of an hour to find it and there was a lot of people entering and exiting a common door which probably led to various business offices. I decided to give it an hour and a half and then try again, so I proceeded on to my next errand.
My next stop was to the mall. I was looking for a dress to wear for a special night out. Nothing exciting at Pennys or Dillards. I also took note that I seemed to be passing satisfactorily. My confidence was increasing. Time to return to the prosthesis supply center. This time, parking was available and people traffic did not seem too bad. I made up my mind and entered the door looking for clues as to what office it was in. Luckily it was directly near the entrance. No elevators or stairs to take and no corridors to walk. One male customer was inside at the counter. I entered and sat down as if I was awaiting an appointment. After the customer left, I approached the counter and asked about the breast forms. Again, I did not try to feminize my voice, but I did soften it. The sales lady studied me and asked if I had called earlier. I affirmed that I had and then she asked what kind of forms I wanted. She also directed me to a private dressing room where she would show them to me and I could try them on.
I had had a satisfying experience that had started out with fear of total rejection and personal humiliation. Instead, I had achieved my objective and had a pleasant time in the process. The sales lady knew that I was a man in drag. After our first contact we had both become focused on our businesses, mine to buy breast forms and her to sell them and have a satisfied customer. I had provided her the opportunity to reject my presence and business without a face to face confrontation or embarrassment. I also did not want to disrupt her business environment and be insensitive to true surgical patients wanting service and support. She treated me sensitively and supported my presence without embarrassment. I think that she was wonderful.
My second objective was to join the local TG Support Group. I had found the organization's name and contact on the TG Internet resources and had made initial contact by mail. This resulted in an E-Mail message identifying the organization president's name as Crystal and a phone number, which I called after a week or two of soul searching. After all, I had never really come out before. I had always maintained the safety of anonymity. This could be a major vulnerability but it also could provide some needed acknowledgment and support.
The president had seemed very nice over the phone and had explained that they interviewed all prospective members before inviting them to join and bringing them to one of the organization's monthly meetings. I had agreed to meet with her for the interview and decided to do it enfemme. Two reasons. One, I needed to overcome my fear of vulnerability and prove that I could be Barbara without hiding in a crowd. Two; I still had a feeling of being anonymous as I would be dressed and she would not know my male appearance.
I met with Crystal in the afternoon at a food court in a local shopping mall. It was the first time that I had ever ordered food and sat down in a public area to eat. It was also the first time that I had ever met and had a one on one with another person while dressed enfemme. Needless to say, I was very nervous. We were suppose to meet at 3:00 P.M. but Crystal was late. I entered, went to the counter and ordered coffee in the best feminine voice that I could manage. I sat inside at a table where I thought that I could see anyone coming and going, but nowhere could I see anyone that matched Crystal's description of herself. After on half hour, I was going to give up and leave as I still had to make it bake home and change before my wife returned from work. Crystal came in at just about that half hour deadline. She didn't see me and went out of my sight. I got up and went out into the food court to see her standing and ordering at another counter in the food court. She sat down at a table next to a party of four out there. I would have to join her. I went back to the Cafe counter and ordered another cup of coffee which I carried in my shaking hands out to where she sat. What if it wasn't her? I again summoned up my courage and asked, "Excuse me. Are you Crystal?"
She replied, "Barbara?"
All too soon the meeting was over. I had to leave to get back home and change. We said our good-byes and Crystal said again that I had her phone number and to call her if I needed any information or just needed to talk to someone.
This was exactly how I had dreamed this day should go!
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