ARIES: These folks just love red things - things that move and
and do interesting mechanical movements! Of course
they love all the nice sharp things and the loud things as
well! (As you can see, it can be a real headache just thinking
about buying for them!) But you need to remember that they
like romance, so give it to them with a big old hug and then
leave the house! YouÆll be safer that way!
TAURUS: They love 'stuff' - period! Of course they really like
the 'stuff' when it is very expensive, and very pretty and
especially if it will appreciate in value! Since they like to
build and maintain, that should be taken into account as well.
(You would be wise to avoid the smart idea of refrigerators and
tools, however!) The wisest thing you can remember is this -
once youÆve given them the ôstuffö, you must not ever touch
this 'stuff' again - no Indian-giving with these guys!
GEMINI: These guys are born curious, and it gets stronger the
longer they live! They like to look at everything and touch
and examine. So whatever you give them, make sure there
are lots of parts and that it is something that will keep them
busy (and quiet) for a few hours! Actually, they would probably
enjoy lots of different things. It doesnÆt have to be expensive,
just have a lot of variety and interest! Now howÆs that for
a cheap date?
CANCER: Well, this is the original ôTeddy Bearö set! They love to
ôfeelö and of course they like to hug and do all those nurturing
and loving things that Teddy Bears need! So you canÆt go
wrong if you go bear hunting! But of course Cancers love
to nourish themselves as well, so make sure you get them
some goodies to put in their stockings that they can eat!
(I might suggest something like candy that they can share
with their bears! You might even consider bear food!)
LEO: We have a problem here. Leos think they are Santa Claus,
and so sometimes you have to remind them otherwise! Since
they are likely to be the one organizing Christmas, youÆll need
to follow orders as to where to put the gifts and how to wrap
them. (After all, donÆt you know youÆre an idiot?) Make sure
you give them something to show off to their friends and also
gifts which will help them stay in charge! (Perhaps a red
nose, a la Rudolph?)
VIRGO: Well, you shouldnÆt have much trouble here since all
Virgos mantain lists of some sort. Just look around and you will
find a neatly written slate of wants, and no doubt this will
be written in ascending order with a lot of footnotes. Now,
if you canÆt find your way to the shops to get the exact thing
they have listed (and for GodÆs sake donÆt overlook details!)
you may find yourself chewed up for Christmas Morning!
Actually, they would probably be happy with something to
read - especially if they can learn something from it!
LIBRA: Unfortunately, itÆs kind of hard to get a person inside
a stocking - unless of course you plan to hang body stockings!
Our Libran friends are always looking for relationships - even
when they have one going on! So anything that would enhance
or create a new relationship would be welcomed. And while
youÆre at it, some very nice, very expensive perfume would do
nicely. They like to smell good and they like for their friends
to smell good! (Did you hear that?)
SCORPIO: You know, itÆs almost impossible to get a Power Trip
in a stocking! IÆve tried, and it just didnÆt work! As for
dildos, well... Ahem! The thing about these folks is that
they like to be very secretive about what they want the
most! That way you can stand around looking stupid and
wondering what would be best! And even if they like it,
theyÆll go to all extremes to keep you from knowing it! After
all - who wants to give you all that power over them? Just
smile mysteriously while you tell them that the real gift
will come later....
SAGITTARIUS: One of the problems here of course is to catch
these folks at home long enough to give them a gift. You
can bet they have plans for Christmas. If you are part of
their close group you may be going with them...at least you
can hope! I have heard them asking if they could ride Rudolph
or help park the sleigh! I sure would keep them away from
the punch bowl - thatÆs for sure! Whatever you give them should
help them get out and about - skis, tires, whatever you can find
that moves! Just let them keep rolling, Honey...
CAPRICORN: We have a major problem with these guys. Most donÆt
believe in Santa Claus, and of course you know what happens
if you donÆt believe! (And these folks believe theyÆve been getting
ôitö for a long time!) If you can sit them down and fill their glasses
half full for them, and help them believe, then almost anything
you give them will be appreciated! Disregard the scowl of course,
since thatÆs part of the Hair Shirt costume - just give them lots of
love and maybe an extra hug and youÆll be surprised at how
much is returned! Perhaps you can start with a mustard seed...
AQUARIUS: Why did you ask me about these guys? You know IÆm not
weird and strange - how am I supposed to figure this out? Well,
here - letÆs all stand on our heads for a while and see if that helps!
Of course robots come to mind first since this would make a
wonderful companion for them - they would have someone to
talk to on their own level! Of course you gotta watch some of
those robots - (but not as much as you gotta watch some of those
Aquarians!) Make it electronic and make it weird and youÆre
loved on Christmas morning!
Enjoy your shopping! Have fun! And HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
PISCES: ItÆs really important not to forget these guys, cause generally theyÆve thought of everyone but themselves and as a consequence theyÆre sacrifice challenged on Christmas morning! Perhaps you could find a new Tetze fly disease that has attacked in some foreign country and they can go throw themselves into saving lives! Meanwhile, pull them out of the closet, dust off their rose colored glasses and give them some Heavenly Music or a ticket to the Ballet! Make it dreamy and make it Heavenly - and do it quietly and lovingly! TheyÆre yours forever!
