Neil's C++ Stuff: Amusing E-Mails

A M U S I N G E - M A I L S

Introduction | Basit Shahzad | Stephen Sorensen & Friends | Others

As a general rule I only post the names and email addresses of sender's who unwittingly were stupid enough to send some blasphemous message. Those who simply sent messages of bad grammar (which ended up sounding funny), I list only their nickname (or first name - whichever) and no email address. I keep the actual emails exactly as they were when send to me; this means I made absolutely no modifications to their content, sender information, date, or anything else. And as the title of this page mentions - this is purely for amusement purposes (mine mostly

). And only violaters of my guidelines (or any common laws) are listed here.

Basit Shahzad

  From: basitshahzad@hotmail.com (Basit Shahzad)

  Subject: C++ Page

  Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1998 01:25:11 -0800 (PST)

  Dear sir,

  Today i got back the responce from you.i just con't immagine why you are so angry. Whatsoever from your responce i have come o know is the time limitation.So if you are angry for that cool down and the time has passed.But if the reason is something else the inform me ,i will be thankful else please send me back the answer of that question.

  yours thankful,

  Basit Shahzad.

  From: basitshahzad@hotmail.com (Basit Shahzad)

  Subject: C++ Page

  Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1998 01:35:32 -0800 (PST)

  TODAY I saw my name as example for others,that not to do things like that.i am ashamed of ,not only myself but on the world .that the people have got no courage to accept a frequent reply. that's what i did ,but you somekind of blacklisted me,SO NOW I HAVE DECIDED TO CUT MY RELATIONS FROM YOU.BECAUSEi am very much dishearted.

  If you want me to contimue please cut my name from the C++ page and you can keep rest of the e-mail as example.This was a warrant that what yu think,But i called you for my help only.

  thanx!!!

Stephen Sorensen

  From: spudmanfromidaho@usa.net (Stephen Sorensen)

  Subject: C++

  Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1999 05:35:55 -0800 (PST)

  I just got a cd-writer for christmas, and have been wanting to get Visual++!!!  Would you be willing to send me the cd so that I can copy it?  I'll send it right back as soon as it's finished copying!!!  PPPLLLEEEZZZ let me do it.

  Stephen Sorensen

At first I am appalled (especially that he left his full-name) and was about to write: "Not only are you ready to partake in illegal pirating activities, you are willingly begging me as well. I hope you read the contact disclaimer on my page; you're name and email address are now for use at my discretion for almost any purpose I deem fit. Beware the software police Stephen ... beware." Then, however, realizing an opportunity for amusing myself, I feign innocence and attempt to find out just how stupid he is ...

  To: spudmanfromidaho@usa.net (Stephen Sorensen)

  From: nobremski@hotmail.com (Neil C. Obremski)

  Subject: Re: C++

  Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1999 21:44:00

  Stephen Sorensen,

  Perhaps - but in order for me to trust you; you're going to have to send some more information about yourself and your address.

And lo ...

  From: spudmanfromidaho@usa.net (Stephen Sorensen)

  Subject: Re: C++

  Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1999 17:28:53 -0800

  you want more info? you'll get more info!!!

  Stephen Sorensen

  342 E. Indian Rock

  Vista, CA, USA

  92084

  I'm 15 yrs old, and a GIANT computer geek. im a male. i go to vista high school as a freshman.  Is that enough info for you?

Of course that's not enough info! Where's your parent's credit card number or your SSN! As if this isn't already hilarious enough, the idiocy somehow spreads ...


  From: PC@usenet.net1.com (Peter Chestnut)

  Subject: Re: C++

  Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1999 21:34:28 -0800 (PST)

  

  Hi MR. Masta...since the one guy got the VC++ CD from you ......can I get a copy too?  thanks...

  

  Peter

Sure, I'll give you a copy of something I don't own ... let me pull it out of my ass!! Rather than pursue this foolishness (although extremely laughable), my brother convinced me to end it ...

  To: spudmanfromidaho@usa.net (Stephen Sorensen)

  From: nobremski@hotmail.com (Neil C. Obremski)

  Subject: Re: C++

  Date: Mon, 28 Jan 1999 02:34:00

  Nope, I need your social security number and any credit card numbers (w/expiration dates) you can find.

  Seriously Stephen, the info you sent me is now completely public; I sure hope you (or your parents) read my disclaimer:

  http://www.cyclone7.com/cpp/cguide.html

  I have no intention of sending you Visual C++.  Primarily because I DON'T OWN IT and I tend to stray from illegal activities of any kind. If you want to develop for free then get DJGPP.  Being a software developer, I am inclined to condone pirating at any level.  If you were any kind of would-be, respectable programmer, you would do the same.

  When I was young my mother told me never to talk to strangers.  I never thought I'd have strangers talking to me, or even giving out their full names and mailing addresses.  Let this be a lesson to you.  And Stephen ...

  ... beware the software police ...

  ... BEWARE!

  P.S. - Who is Peter?

And my response to pitiful Peter?

  To: PC@usenet.net1.com (Peter Chestnut)

  From: nobremski@hotmail.com (Neil C. Obremski)

  Subject: Re: C++

  Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1999 02:40:00

  Of course, for around 40 bucks you can buy a standard edition from almost any software retailer.  Let me guess Peter, you know Mr. Sorenson.  Would you like to give me your address as well?

and that was that ... never got a response ...

Others


  From: STRAWBERRY

  Subject: C++

  Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 18:35:26 -0800 (PST)

  

  OK, I NEED TO HOW IF I GONNA USE A LOOP TO WRITE NUMS FROM 1-10 ON A PRINT OUT

  WHAT MATHEMATICAL EQUATION SHOULD I USE

I got the following e-mail TWICE ...


  From: broadbent_a@hotmail.com (Andrew Broadbent)

  Subject: C++

  Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 21:19:22 -0800 (PST)

  

  I know nothing about C++ but need some answers for an open-book test..

  Know anyone who can help.

  URGENT!


  From: doorkicker@hotmail.com (need2pass)

  Subject: C++

  Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1999 18:36:28 -0800 (PST)

  

  Where can I find enough source code to pass my c++ class at university?

  Problem #1: using for and/or while loops print out a diamond shape of asterixs?

  Thanks

Some people seem to think my contact form is a compiler that translates their bookwork into magical source code ...

  From: Harpreet

  Subject: C++

  Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1999 10:42:00 -0800 (PST) 

  Hello Neil,

  I am very beginner in C++. I have problem to understand class function.

  one exercise I was doing it didn't work.

  the exercise is

  1 the class must store two integers.

  2 the class must include a function that return the sum of the two numbers.

  3 the source for that class must be in a separate file, with an assocated header file.

  4 all the members of the class must be public

  5 the functions of this class must not contain I/O.

People think that I have all the time in my world and that I can be anyone's personal tutor...


  From: Sam Jenkins

  Subject: C++

  Date: Mon, 1 Feb 1999 21:29:25 -0800 (PST)

  

  How do i program using Visual C++ 6.0.  I'm taking the class but i still don't understand.


  From: nbb87641@kestrel.tamucc.edu (Nilesh)

  Subject: C++

  Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1999 09:59:26 -0800 (PST)

  

  i want to learn c++

Some don't ask me for code ... they just ask me to advise. What is my advice? "Sure, sounds like you'll have fun ..." *chuckle*.

  From: PRESTON

  Subject: C++

  Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1999 11:53:26 -0800 (PST)

  I'm using Microsoft VC++4.0.  I am utilizing an edittext box within a dialog box.  I have subclassed the WM_Char portion of the input text controls sothat only certain chars,numbers, & symbols can be typed in by the user.  I would like to format the information inputed into the one-lined text box so that it contains only 8 characters with a space between each one.  Can you please advise as to nature of formatting a string

This was interesting, I'm not sure if the writer is STATING or ASKING.


  From: Achille M. Andoh

  Subject: C++

  Date: Sunday, February 14, 1999 at 22:55:20

  

  learn more about c++

Where there is a will, there is a way. Anything you see on computers can be done on C++ and most people know this. Some however refuse to believe that anything is complex, that everything is built in. Whether or not the following person is one of these is still slightly shrouded in mystery - but if they're looking for a magical button; they ain't gonna find one.


  From: Adam

  Subject: C++

  Date: Sunday, February 28, 1999 at 14:32:33

  

  I was wondering if there is a way to import sounds into C++ programs?  if so....How?

  Thanx

More magical compiler stuff ... first they tell me they're novices (well obviously) and then they make the assumption that because of that they can impose.

  From: Alex

  Subject: C++

  Date: Saturday, February 13, 1999 at 16:31:40

  Help!!  I'm a novice at C++ and i have to do a lab and can't figure it out.

  //Write a program to output five sets 

  //of ordered pairs.

  1) output the numbers as integers. (I got this one to work)

  2) output the numbers as floating point numbers, using the default method for floating output.

  3) output the numbers in exponential notation.

  4) output the numbers in floating point notation with 4 digits behind the decimal.

  5) output the numbers as floating point numbers which show the decimal point but no digits behind the decimal.

  //I really appreciate if you could help me out thanks :)

Some people don't just want some source code ... they want blooood- er whole programs in a nice tidy package.

  From: bev

  Subject: C++

  Date: Monday, February 15, 1999 at 01:11:19

  I am in need of C++ programs to pass a computer science course.  I have to take one class in this stuff and Im suffering.  All must solve real problems, three that use arrays, two with strings, anf four others. Please can you help??????

Other people just never learn ... these next two are from "Gil". First he states something, and I reply with a standard, "what was your question again?". And he responds with yet another statement. Gee Gil, I don't get paid to be a tutor, cuz I ain't. Oh and by the way, he can use any help he can get so I posted his email address.


  Hi I am lost here. I have this program I have to do and I don't have an idea on how to do it. It has to be able to calculate the amount of dollars, quarters, dimes, nickels,pennies an a given dollar amount, e.g. $ 16.78,"16 dollars, 7 dimes, 1 nickel and 3 pennies." It also has to have classes. I would appreciate any help i can get.


  From: Gilberto Brooks (gnbrooks@hotmail.com)

  Subject: C++

  Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 11:54:54 PST

  

  Hi I just needed som help on how to et such a program up. I do not understand how to use classes.

There are people that actually email me without any questions or anything. They sound completely satisfied with what they're doing and yet they end with "hope to hear from you ... ". In these cases I don't bother replying because why ruin their bliss?

  From: Vince

  Subject: C++

  Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 12:33:25 -0800 (PST)

  Hi Neil,

  I am a beginning C++ programmer and I am trying to write a program that converts Roman Numerals to Arabic. I am able to sum calculation, but I now need a way to have it subract a lower value when it preceeds a higher value. This is what I have thus far(just a rough draft).

  #include<iostream.h>

  #include<ctype.h>

  #include<process.h>

  void main( ){ 

  char next;

  int total=0;

  cout<<"Please enter a line\n";

  while(next != '\n'){ 

  int value=0;

  cin.get(next);

  if(next=='M')value=1000;

  if(next=='D')value=500;

  if(next=='C')value=100;

  if(next=='L')value=50;

  if(next=='X')value=10;

  if(next=='V')value=5;

  if(next=='I')value=1;

  total=total+value;

  }

  cout<<total;

  }//hope to hear from soon.

  Thank you

  Vince

I almost busted a nut when I read this one. This person is pretty blunt.

  From: Reuven Kinnel

  Subject: C++

  Date: Sat, 20 Feb 1999 00:18:59 -0800 (PST)

  i asked you to write me a small program to print areas.

  you didn't answer me.

  should i wait fo an anser or you don't have time to do it.

  by the way - you have a grate site.

  thank you

  and best regards

  reuven

  From: Need help

  Subject: C++

  Date: Tue, 2 Mar 1999 20:08:26 -0800 (PST)

  Hello,

How can I count the characters in a sentence typed by a user? Say a user typed  "How are you doing?", how can I locate the place that the letter "a" is at? It's at place "4" i.e. counting "H as 0", "O as 1", "W as 2" and so on. How do I program this in C++? I need it by Thurs. for my Comp. Sci. class or not I'm dead.
Please help. Thank you very much.

  Nick.

Future Changes

Eventually I want to include the two-way of more interesting correspondence (my messages as well as theirs). This will give you an idea of some of the people I am forced to assist on a daily basis.

The End (for now, *muh ha ha ha*)

Page Content & Design ©1998
By Neil C. Obremski

Wed May 12 21:45:26 1999