In preparation for my first trip abroad, I have been impressed and very engouraged by the posts here but am starting to wonder...is the support as readily given when facing others on the road as when safe behind a computer screen? Let's face it - many females get quite catty vs. friendly when dealing with unfamiliar chicks, and the last thing I want is to deal with the attitudes of women who act like we're all competing to be god damn-prom queen. (unfortunatly a common practice among Americans) So what are relations REALLY like out there? Hoping for the best and thanks for your thoughts!
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Sara, it may be the places I go, but my experience is that,
in general, the prom queens stay at home. I have had such
incredible experiences travelling and meeting other women
travellers in airports, bus stations, hostels, etc. There
are a lot of amazing, supportive people out there in the
world. It is lovely to meet them in random times and
places, and share stories, a room, a meal. Enjoy your
travels, Sara! And share the joy!
There are always those on the road who turn catty (no pun
intended re the name) but then they aren't worth your
bother anyways. I've met the most warm, wonderful people
who will bend over backwards for you. Backpackers usually
have the same outlook on life, and lots of them believe in
karma - what goes around comes around. You need help, ask
and you'll get it.
Sara my dear..
This is my second big trip and I'm off to Cambodia and Laos
soon - so am very excited yet slightly apprehensive!
I haven't met any prom queens yet after 1.5 years... maybe
I'm lucky but I've met the most amazing friends - both
males and females.... It's amazing how much more accepting
travellers seem to be than when you're back in your own
home country... Probably down to the fact that we're all
interested in the same thing (well, more or less) and we're
all in the same situation..
Go with an open and positive mind and you'll only meet and
attract those people who'll support you, bond with you and
who'll share with you the most amazing sights, experiences
and laughs with .... You won't even notice the queens..
even if they're around.
Enjoy this wonderful gift of travel...
if you're backpacking you're not likely to come across them
(good reason for backpacking IMHO)
Yes, I do think it's largely true that you're unlikely to
cross paths with simpering girly types while on the road but
isn't it a shame that, in general, so many women are like
that? You can put it down to society or competition or
whatever you like but I do feel that if women are to grow up
they'll have to stop hating each other.
Sadly, in most of the countries I've travelled in (Catholic and Muslim), local women are desparately seeking a husband/ trying to hold onto him, so you might find them wary of you. (Hollywood feeds the world the idea that western women are easy, which must be tempting for the men and unsettling for the women). This is especially true in Catholic Europe (esp Poland) and most of Latin America, though Morocco too has this feeling.
I'm American and I don't know who you hang out with, but
please let's not perpetuate this garbage that all the
woman's magazines like to write about (not to mentioned the
magazines are all owned by huge conglomerates).People are
people. Some are nice, some aren't.Men are equally "catty"
with each other, it's just that they call it "healthy
competition." The "cattiness" among women often happens
because they are not in a position of power-either
economically or socially. People on the road are in a
position of power; they have chosen to travel, thus, they
are usually more than helpful to other travellers.
Don't worry about the women being bitchy, you will usually
find that they are really friendly when you are travelling
and help each other out and be much more open. Many of the
men are too. But you do get and will come across the
'Travel Hero', who has always done something more daring or
hard core than anyone else and will look down on you unless
you have driven a tank through Afghanistan or skateboarded
across Uzbekistan or something equally 'daring'. These
travellers are a pain in the arse ! They look down on you
for travelling on buses and trains ! or for giving money to
beggers (of course they are hardened to such things !). So,
watch out for the Travel Hero, you can usually catch them
lurking in the most budget places, street stalls etc. They
are much worse that the 'Travel Bore', who's fantastic tales
will at least amuse you for a little while.
Whatever nationality the prom queen is I don't think she
would go backpacking. Maybe she would go on a cruise, or
Club Med or a Contiki tour but definitely not backpacking.
How could a prima donna carry the make-up, curling iron, 6
month supply of hair dye, hair dryer etc. Laos is
definitely non prom queen territory. It is full of 12 hour
bus rides to go 300km, eating and being caked in dust. If
it rains you may have to wear the same clothes for a week
or help pull the truck or bus you're in out of a bog.
In general the women and men I met travelling from what
ever walk of life we came from got on like a house on fire.
The thing we had in common was the country we were in and
the shared bad and good things. Anyway just avoid the catty
people, the world is a big place.
Well yes, I have met more really helpful people on the road
than not, but I have run into people trying SO HARD to show
how tough they are..how much cheaper they got accomodation,
how few "tourists" there were (what's a tourist any way,
it's all a spectrum)where they went or some other form of
one-upping. THink more like a counter-culture prom queen,
which can be even more annoying because you don't know that
you are caught in their web of self validation until it's
too late and you're stuck listening to them talk about their
way-cooler-than-yours life experiences. Sometimes you get
sucked in and start competing too (Well I saw blahbah blah
for X price..whatever), but after a bit of practice I have
finally learned to let them talk until they are out of air
and walk away.
I'll second the posting by Disgusted.
In my experience, I have found that the reception you
receive from people is in direct response to the attitude
you project. You want to generalize about women, cultures,
and ethnicities...well, you most likely will have that type
of experience. If you're skeptical about people, they will
most likely be skeptical of you and keep you at a distance.
At its simplest and most cliche, the Golden Rule still
holds true.
Be open. Don't generalize. Meet someone before you form an
opinion about them. You might have an encounter that should
be immediately discarded...but you also might have an
experience that will be a treasure. You just might surpirse
yourself.
"Impress yourself with your tolerance." - Boxing Ghandis
God, I'm amazed that you even thought of this question. It
does make me wonder a bit how YOU treat other women if you
think you might come across a lot of "cattiness". Perhaps
you should stay at home.
You have already made your mind up about women travellers.
They are the same as the men - travellers in general tend to
be kind and helpful.
Last year I was backpacking in France. I was in a tiny beach
town and all the hotels were booked. I was supposed to get
on a train but I missed it. I was alone and frightened in
dark, deserted train station. The only train station
personel was a conductor who had finished his shift. I asked
him for help and he told me he was sick of tourists and his
shift was finished and he did not have to help me. I tried
to explain I had nowhere to stay and I just needed to know
when the next train was. He refused and kicked me out of his
office.
I was getting frightened because the station was now almost
completely deserted and I was a half hour walk away from the
town. The station was also in a fairly seedy part of town. I
called hotel after hotel but it was August and everything
was booked or closed for the night.
A man approached me and would not leave me alone.
I was scared and upset and I wandered up onto a platform
where four female travellers spotted me. They asked me if I
was alright (I was obviously upset). I explained, quite
hysterically, what had happened. They sat down with me and
pulled out their schedules and passes. They told me not to
worry I would not have to stay alone at the station that
night.
They decided to toss teir plans and stay with me overnight
in the station until my train arrived. They took care of me,
they offered me food and they chatted with me for hours
until my train pulled into the station at 6am.
This is not a rare occurance. Ask any traveller and they
will tell you: travellers watch out for other travellers.
Male or female, it doesn't matter. Don't be so close-minded,
Sara.