here goes..
I have a younger brother with severly handicapped and needs
constant attention. I've got amazing parents who do their
best for him and as I'm still living at home I usually look
after him 3 or 4 nights out of the week.
However I have always wanted to spend a year or so
travelling and working abroad especially around s.e. asia.
I know I'll miss my family dearly and will worry constantly
when I'm away, but my main fear is that I'll find a place
where I want to settle down or meet someone special while
I'm travelling.
I've travelled quite a bit but my maxium stint abroad is 2
months.
While I feel guilty about leaving my parents to cope with
my brother alone while I'm gone I am really afraid that I
will resent him if I go away and fall in love with a
place. But there again if I don't go and I become his main
carer I will probably never again get the chance to go away
on my own
.
I'd love to hear from someone else who's had to make these
choices. And do you think that staying here and going away
for 3 weeks a year would be enough so stave off this
wanderlust??
for anyone who has gone away for a year - is it enough to
know that you'll be spending the rest of your life in one
place or do you always have the yearning for more travel??
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Please love yourself enough to do what you want.. If you
do not take this opportunity, you will probably be bitter
for the rest of your life, with constant "if only"
thoughts...
Although you understandably and obviously love you parents
and family dearly, your brother is not your
responsibility. This may sound harsh, but you must love
yourself enough to do this FOR YOURSELF.
Life is a wonderful gift and is for experience to the
maximum. This is your chance and your life...
Please let me know what decision you made!
i am about to leave for a job in japan for at least a year,
while my older sister cares for my ageing parents (dad has
alzheimer's, mom is blind, walks with a walker, & is getting
senile), and i have dealt with guilt feelings about my seeing
the world while she has to stay home.... but she has not
expressed anything but happiness for me & this
opportunity.... she willingly chose to care for my parents,
& before i go, i will stay with the folks so she can take a
vacation. (we have three other siblings who can help, too.)
*
i don't know where you live, but in the united states, there
are social programs that could help provide care for your
handicapped brother. for instance, my mother's youngest
sister is brain damaged & functions on the level of a ten
year old and is in a wheelchair. the family always made
efforts to care for her, but somewhere along the line the
aunt who was her primary caretaker found a wonderful home for
her to live in--a woman who has a licensed facility & cares
for three or four people. anyway, my handicapped aunt really
loves living there, and she started working for a sheltered
workshop where she has a great social life and brings home a
(small) paycheck. now when she visits the family, she never
wants to even spend the night--she wants to get back to HER
life.
*
ANYWAY, i am glad you really care about your brother and your
family. however, when your parents can no longer care for
him exclusively, there will be more than one solution than
just you assuming all responsibility for him. and if you end
up not taking care of him, that does not automatically mean
he will end up neglected or abused in a nightmarish
institution. but you should start exploring the
possibilities earlier rather than later. i know my
handicapped aunt was on a waiting list to get into the
facility she lives in, and miraculously her number came up a
couple of months after the care-taking aunt died. so, find a
social worker or somebody to talk to NOW, to find out what
good things could happen. your whole family will appreciate
your effort. good luck!