Does anyone out there realy believe that a man can be
faithful? - do you believe your boyfriend/husband is/has
always been faithful?. If they haven't please tell me your
story.
[There are 21 posts - the latest was added on Sun 23 May, 10:13]
Use the form at the end of this page to add your own post.
Topics
| Thorn Tree
| Home
During a four year relationship, I honestly believe that my
partner has been faithful. Now we're in the process of
breaking up, he's more upset about it than I am! However, I
don't think I would have minded the odd incident so much if
he'd managed to treat me like a human being and not a
housewife/mother/hostage the entire time! Funnily enough, I
haven't been completely faithful!!
I'm off men at the minute, sorry!
I have also been in a 4 year relationship and I have been
faithful (except the occasional perve) and I know that he
has been faithful to me. Our relationship has lasted more
than some marriages. We have done the long distance thing
while I went away to study which was hard but proved that
we could do it and made our relationship stronger.
We have discussed the issues of "meeting someone else" and
have always said that if it happened to either one of us
then the other would break up...if you know what i mean.
This is an issue we have talked about because there is an
considerable age difference...I am much younger than he is
and he doesn't want me to look back and regret anything (I
won't).
The only thing is that we don't know what will happen next
year when I go around the world without him.....
I don't know about my present boyfriend, if we talk about it
he always says he wouldn't because he loves me wouldn't like
it done to him ! and he says hes done his tour of duty
already !
But don't forget, most men live on their egos, and
testosterone, they think they can have sex with anyone and
say it didn't mean anything to them and all that crap, if
some woman is offering it on a plate a lot of men would take
them up thinking it is just a physical act and not feeling
unfaithful emotionally (this isn't a justification by the
way). Many don't equate sex and emotions.
Anyway if my present boyfriend had a snog with someone, I'd
rather not know. If he had an affair or sex with someone
else, then thats it ! they obviously have no respect for
you if they can put you through this and at risk to STD's,
HIV etc. I would rather finish the relationship, like
'happy', if I was even thinking of going off with someone
else I'd rather end the relationship and I would hope that I
would be offered the same respect back.
I don't want to spoil the fun but I did think I was logged
in to a travel site. Half theposts these days are on topics
which have nothing at all to do with travel (re: the boob
job ones below) I'm not saying they're not interesting but
render onto Cosmo the things that are Cosmos, please!!!
I truly believe that my husband would never cheat on me. He
is the most loyal person in the world- to a fault sometimes.
Some men are just like that. I agree that 99% aren't
though!
is this faith thing that important? its natural to have
other partners, thats something everyone needs sometimes.
you should be asking if a man can care, love and if we can
love only you and no one else. the answer for this is YES.
being faithfull has nothing to do with it. you girls should
worry more about how your man treats YOU, not how he treats
other people.
weel, did i sound bitter? didnt want to, sorry. its just a
hint...
My wife and I once spent two years living in an exotic country, culturally very different from our own. I hope she had an affair there. After all, the whole purpose of our going there for two yers was for its adventure value, and what greater adventure for her than to check out one (or more) of the reputedly great lovers in that part of the world. I hope she had an affair, I hope she enjoyed it. I think she did, I think I know with whom, but I never asked, and never will, and she knows that.
faithful but I caught him with his hand almost in the
cookie jar. He said he would not have taken it any further
but i'm not so sure. I kicked him out but he kept coming
back and asked me for forgiveness blah blah blah. Anyway,
he's booked us into relationship counceling, starting this
Monday, so I agreed to go. It may not save our relationship
but I agreed because he is so not into this counselling
stuff usually and maybe he is starting to think a bit. Time
will tell. The thing is he did not go through with the
betrayal but the thought was there. That is usually enough
to send me running but this time I haven't. I don't know
why.
The reason i first wrote this post was - obviously - is,
i've just found out my guy was cheating. The thing is, we
met when travelling - knew straight away it wasn't the
normal travel affair, went our own way, kept in touch, then
when we both returned to our home countries we met up very
often, either i'd fly there or he'd fly here. It has really
been a difficult relationship but one thing i always
thought was that he wouldn't cheat. Anyway, we planned to
live together. 1 month ago i went to his country to spend
the last week with him then he was to return with me and
we'd live happily ever after!!!. Well i went there, we both
new something had changed, but he assured me it wasn't
another girl. so he came home with me, after 2 days he
admitted he'd slept with someone. then one week later i get
a different story as to who it was and how it happened,
then i get about 1 million more lies - until i said it's
finished - so then! - he said o.k. i want to tell you the
truth now!!!! - wanker!. It turns out it's his friends
girlfriend, she sound like a bit of a tart (she lives with
her boyfriend) besides she's very young (20). Well i know
i'm babbling on but if i was to write the full story your'd
obviously be more bored than you are now! - hello is
anybody still reading?.
The reason for this post is - yesterday i got a phone call
offering me a job in another country for 3 months - when i
heard this i realised i still wanted to be with this man.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, someone give me some advise as to
what i should do. Should i stay and take a chance with this
lying bastard (why do i still love him?), or should i take
this job and wander with my life for a while???
(if i don't take the job i'll be travelling as soon as i
get some money anyway). If anyone has read this far i
REALLY, REALLY appreciate it, I know i get P***** off when
people waffle on about nothing - O.K., time to go - thanks.
give him a second chance! If he's lied once about something
so important he'll do it again. You need to protect yourself
and he needs to learn that he can't get away with crap like
this. Leaving the country to work sounds like a great way to
get him out of your system and heal yourself. I know from
experience it will be hard for you but get away, you deserve
much much better. Good luck!
...and he might do it again. Don't you think you deserve
better? and under the circumstances that you met....don't
you think he WOULD do it again? I think that sleeping with
someone else is too much to put up with. Time heals all
wounds...it really does and I speak from experience. You
will find someone better out there who will treat you with
respect. In the end it is up to you, good luck with your
decision.
What awaits you is a fabulous opportunity, don't waste it!
Of course you still love him, loves daft like that! He's
been a complete bastard and you still want him, that's
natural, as you can't just switch off emotions like that.
But as Jackie said, getting out of the country and throwing
yourself into something else sounds fantastic. It'll
probably give you a completely different focus, and leave
you feeling revitalised. You'll probably still feel hurt
(Sods Law!) but mainly much more confident about yourself
and the world in general.
I'm sorry you had to go through that (you've made me feel a
bit guilty actually! But only a bit, he's a git!) but all
the best for the future. Hope you're decision is the right
one for you!
I wound up staying with a bastard for a long time partly because I thought one man was pretty much like another.
Well, I was wrong. Believe it or not, there ARE good decent men out there who will appreciate you and respect you. Take the chance to get out of the country, spend a little time just hanging out with yourself getting this jerk out of your system and move on.
Good luck!
says and old proverb. I mean, if you stick up with somebody
that has been lying you, that means he is a lier and for
shure that won't change, so you'll be cheated many more
times. For me a faithful person is not one who has a single
relation but someone who lives according to its own values
and needs not to be hiding. Now is your turn to be faithful
to yourself and decide if you want to keep on going with
someone like him, then just accept him as he is and don't
complain anymore if your answer is you don't want a
relationship full of lies the answer is obvious, take the
new job, begin a new life and try to meet somebody that
fullfills your expectatives. Time to think darling. Good
luck with any decision you choose to follow. Please don't
think he is the only man in the world or your soul mate,
take a good look around you and you'll discover how many
soul mates and lovely boys are hanging around. The most you
try the better you'll know what you want or what you don't
want: negative results are still results.
Married and 'attached' men make up most of my business. I
would say 80% of men are "unfaithful". But what does that
mean? They have sex with someone? I personally wouldn't
care if my guy had sex with someone. I WOULD CARE if he had
a romantic, emotional relationship with someone. the men I
see often tell me about their wife/girlfriend and I can see
they often love her and wouldn't leave her, they're just
want some exciting sex. They sex life has become routine.
Sex for men is like facials/massages for women. anyway this
is my opinion.
in my relationship sex is not just sex and I know this is
going to sound corny but it is making love, an expression
of love. If sex is just sex in your relationship s.b then
working girl is right, but for you, if its more than that
then leave him and find someone who will love you and who
you will love.
The phone call wouldn't have come at this point in your life
for any other reason. You have been given an opportunity
for a change of scenery both physically and emotionally and
the timing is perfect - take it.
I've just started looking through the lonely planet web page
and didn't intend on writing in until I read your message.
It struck a chord with me.
I'd been with my boyfriend for three years when he decided
to go travelling around the world. I still had my final year
to do and although I obviously didn't want him to go, I let
him because it was something he had to do and I thought it
would let me get on with my studies.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, after promising to come
back for me, it turns out he decided whilst on his travels
he didn't want to be faithful anymore. At least he told me
about it I suppose. Obviously, I'm hurt and feel betrayed,
especially as I can't talk face to face to him about it
because he's on the other side of the world!! I also feel
angry because I trusted him.
However, that all happened three months ago and although I
still have bad days, I've decided to get a life! For three
years I planned my world around him and now it's just me!
It's really scary but also very exciting - I have the whole
of my life ahead of me!! I'm planning on going travelling
around the world and maybe do a volunteer scheme, who knows?
What I'm trying to say is that don't waste your time
worrying about whether or not someone is being faithful. If
you have a good relationship with someone and you can be
honest with each other, then trust them to tell you when
things aren't going right. In the mean time make sure you're
living your own life so, if the worst does happen, it won't
be the end of the world. The wankers are not worth it, and
I'm sure there have to be some decent men out there
somewhere!
which for me is take the job. My experience (I'm turning 40 in a month) is that if they've done it once they will keep doing it, even if they have good intentions at the time. Never give up anything that will give you a new experience, personal development, a great time --for a man. They never do it for us. And I'm not bitter --I know lots of great guys and have wonderful friends whom I respect and love. But we women are raised to sacrifice for love, while men in general live their lives according to what is best for them (which is not necessarily bad), and if love fits in that's great. You'll be a better person and more ready to meet someone who deserves you if you do your own thing. It's amazing how you can get over devastating situations buy taking care of yourself and being good to yourself, changing your situation, and trying to have a great time!
why do we always put others before our own feelings? Try and
remember the last relationship that ended before this guy
(this is what i always do and it helps) remember how you
felt then and how you feel about that guy now. You got over
him right?! It just takes time, and until the hurt starts to
dwindle be strong! You have been given a perfect opportunity
to move on with your life...and show him how great you and
your life are--WITHOUT HIM!!!!!
I don't think it's the faithfulness part that's half as bad
as the honesty part. I was with this guy for three and a
half years when he took off for the summer to travel.
Needless to say he had "flings" with a few women in his two
months abroad. I did ask him when he came back if he'd
screwed around with anyone (off the cuff), and he said he
hadn't. So after we broke up (and when he wanted to get back
together) a friend pulled me aside and told me exactly why I
was better off without the liar.
///
Basically, I could have (eventually) gotten over his flings
if he'd told me about them - we were young, I half expected
it because we were talking marriage earlier that year and I
knew he felt like he would be "missing out" or whatever --
but his lying directly to me I could never forgive w/in the
relationship.
///
You do get over them and move on. Don't think of it as an
end, but as a beginning. And always go for the honest one in
the lot!