Hello! I know the issue of long distance relationships (LDR)
has been done to death but here goes: How long have you
waited for someone in an LDR? Did they ever cheat on you or
did you ever cheat on them? How long were you dating before
one of you went off travelling or returned to their own
country, for eg? How long did the LDR last? Why did you
split up or are you still together? Any beautiful stories? I
have a great, busy life (so I'm not too dependant or
desperate etc) but I'm pining away at the moment for my
partner and I just want to hear from people who have played
this waiting game and have good (or even sad) stories to
tell! (I don't want to ask my partner to return earlier than
planned because this travelling stint is very important &
much-awaited and I don't want to do the ol' "stifling"
trick.) Anyway, I'm rambling ........
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I have a good friend who was dating her boyfriend for about
8 months when she left to travel for about 15 months. They
made a decision to keep in touch regularly while she was
gone. They agreed that both could pursue other
relationships...but agreed that they both did NOT want to
know about them unless it was "love". After the long trip,
she returned home (she'd had a few short-term relationships)
and they have been together ever since. In fact, he moved
overseas to work and she is moving there right before they
get married.
....it can work with a lot of patience and understanding.
My own LDR didn't work out so well, but my relationship
never had as much mutual passion as my good friend's...I
wish you the best of luck.
I met my boyfriend when we were both travelling up the East
coast of Australia. He is from Scotland and I'm from the
US. We had a long distance relationship for 3 years. He
moved to NY a couple of years ago. We're getting married a
week from today (haven't decided where to live permanently).
My sister had a long-distance relationship w/ a Swedish man.
Now they're married w/ two kids.
It's definitely tough to be apart, but it can work out (and
it gives you a lot of space). Ultimately, though, one of
you will have to "give up" a country (or at least move) if
it's to be a permanent thing.
Good luck.
...the first time broke my heart after 15 months apart. It
was tears and trauma the whole time (and he did cheat a
number of times in spite of the fact that we were supposed
to be "exclusive"). Second time was a breeze - great guy,
we dated for two years, then he went travelling and started
a graduate degree program half way around the world. So far
we have been apart for 15 months and have another 8 months
to go! We are now engaged so I know it is all worthwhile!
No tears, no trauma, complete trust and a future to look
forward to.
~
Bottom line: it can work if both people are committed to
the idea and there is complete trust (or complete
understanding and agreement if it is an "open"
relationship).
My boyfriend left to work os for a year and then travel
around Europe etc he was away for 15mth. We decided to
break up but never stopped loving each other. He came back
home when he was ready and things were just as good if not
better. Relationships are about giving not taking. You
have to let people go and if they truly love you and its
meant to be then they come back. I am about to leave myself
and have no doubt our love will survive a second time apart.
Keep the faith.
A different take on the same sort of thing - I followed my
other half when he decided to go away for a year+ and now
wish I hadn't. I gave up a job which I enjoyed and where I
had a lot of friends to be with him, but we have come soooo
close to breaking up several times recently. Deep down I
resent him "making" me follow him, although it was
ultimately my choice. I also feel betrayed because we had
plans to do something else which was a mutual decision, but
that's been put on hold while he does "his" thing. However,
I've now decided that the only way we're going to survive
is if I do it by myself.
.
I know this sounds confusing, but the moral is that a
relationship is more likely to survive if you're both happy
with what you're doing, and if the only way that this can
happen is for you to be apart sometimes, then be apart
sometimes and don't worry about it.
I┤ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years now, more or less and I┤ve known him from the age of ten. Over the last four years i┤ve been constantly travelling, working and studying abroad, he sometimes joining me and visiting me wherever I was.
For me a relationship can never work out if one is not happy. I simply mean, both have to live their own lives, fulfill their dreams and don┤t give any chance awy because of someone else!
Honestly, i had a few other men in between - and he had some other girls as well - but at the end I could never find any guy who would let me live my life the way I want to.
Furthermore, for me the working-out of a LDR is not a questions of being sexually honest, it┤s a question of understanding and trust.
For me, the fact that wherever I go, there is something steady in my life, someone for whom I really care and omeone who really cares about me.
Thanks so much for your comments. They really *have* been
reassuring and wonderful to read. Trust, understanding and
(individual) freedom seem to be the keys here. Thanks again.