I just stumbled upon the Thorn Tree while doing some
research for a freelance travel brochure I'm writing, and I
think it was a lucky find. I am contemplating (only
contemplating, at this point) making a radical change in my
lifestyle by spending a year in Europe, preferably one of
the warmer, Mediterranean countries (I was thinking about a
little town named Nerja in Spain or Assisi or Cortona in
Tuscany). I've never traveled by myself before and I've
never been to Europe. I've raised 7 children by myself for
the last 20 years. My youngest is 21 and graduating from
college, so I think that a radical change in my life and in
my perspective is either now or never. But, am I
scared?!! I am not wealthy, have only a limited amount of
invested money for my retirement, and will definitely have
to work wherever I go. But I feel a strong compulsion to
change the structure and boundaries of my life. The
structure and boundaries I've been operating in for the
last 25 years do not work so well any more. I think their
time has passed. I'm just not sure what the new structure
should like. I'm attracted to Europe because I think there
is a greater sense of continuity there (maybe it has
something to do with history). I favor a warm climate
because I think it is more conducive to community than
darker, colder climes. I am trying not to think about too
many negatives or even to make too many plans. I want to
get up one month and say this is the time to do it. I've
given myself a 12-month period in which to make the leap.
Am I crazy? Can I survive? Will I find work? Will I get
homesick? Will I stick it out? Will I find some further
dimension of life than I have during these years when I had
to devote myself to family responsibilities? Am I too
old? Do I have too romantic and unrealistic of
expectations? Can anyone help? As you can see, I'm full
of questing and questions and would love it if someone
could respond. Thanks!
[There are 15 posts - the latest was added on Wed 5 May, 22:09]
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I think your intentions and plan sounds great. You seem
pretty focused on where you are drawn to and clear that you
need a change from the last 25 years. Go for it! No, it
probably won't all be easy, but the hardest times are easily
canceled out by the fun and joy of traipsing around and
constantly embarking on new sights and new people. Gosh,
you've raised 7 kids alone??? Good grief, you'll be awesome
out there! All I can say is go for it. Don't rush it, but
constantly focus your attention on waking up that one
morning and realizing that the time is right. It will
happen, and you'll be so grateful that you did it! The best
of luck!
You mentioned freelance travel writing....is there a way you could parlay this talent into a way to (at least partially) support yourself overseas? Either a travel magazine or a 'lifestyle' magazine for women might be interested in your story. I agree that if you've managed to raise seven children on your own, you can probably do anything successfully!!
First, I applaud you for your bravery. It sounds like you
want to do something radical to break from a restraining
paradigm, one that you have lived with your whole life. In
your mind, moving to another country is the answer. In
reality, it will probably challenge you and create changes
in you that you are seeking.
On the realistic side - having never traveled before and
having never been to Europe, what I would recommend is
going for two to four weeks (a short trip is less
expensive) to try traveling by yourself on for size. This
will also allow you to visit places that are on your list
of possible year-long sites.
You could make a list of interesting sounding
countries/cities, then buy a railpass (much cheaper than
point to points in Western Europe) and visit them. Eastern
Europe is going to be much cheaper than western Europe, and
as a rule of thumb, southern Europe will be cheaper than
northern Europe. If you want warmth, moderate climate,
less expensive living, then Croatia, Greece, Italy, Spain
would be lovely choices. The cost of living will be lower
in Croatia. The people of Croatia are very warm and
friendly.
Because community sounds important to you, and with that,
connectedness to other human beings, I would also think
about countries that are going to have a fair amount of
population familiar with English (unless you speak another
language), that are going to again be more southern
European (Germany and France do not come to mind as places
that give visitors the warm fuzzies), and perhaps medium
sized towns instead of very large cities.
If you are a writer, this implies you have a better command
of the English language than most, which opens the
possibility of teaching English. You could investigate
teaching English also. This skill will be in higher demand
again in eastern Europe than in western Europe.
Good luck. I am making a similar change, and know it takes
courage.
Yes to all of the above. You will feel it all and if it scares you - you are doing something that is really making you
grow. I've travelled around the world though not alone but the thought of having seven kids scares the Hell out of
me!!! Its all relative (no pun intended). You sound like you could survive anything. My rules while travelling were
1. If its too good to be true - be cautious. 2. If someone is too eager, too friendly, too willing to get you
somewhere, Avoid them. 3. Don't let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to and follow your gut
feelings. Ultimately trust yourself, stay light and have fun. The world really is a friendly and safe place, but you
will be scared and you will be feeling so strong. You will meet alot of other women who will be in awe of your
freedom. And remember we are all of the same species and desire peace, love, safety and health no matter
which language we speak or where we live. And just another thought. Just think if you chickened out and stayed
home. I see one bitter person down that road. All the best in your future, I envy you!
Joan,
I am feeling the same way you do and by the end of the
summer I plan on packing up and moving out of the states
for an indefinite period of time. I am looking for a job
teaching English abroad and have done a lot of research on
it over the past few months and wanted to add a piece of
advice to the previous post. Although the demand may be
greater in Eastern Europe, you may have a hard time finding
a LEGAL position in a European Union nation. They have a
few million English speakers in Ireland and England who get
the positions before you do. In Western Europe, although
the pay may not be as good, there are probably more (legal)
opportunities. This is all based on my research, albeit,
but if you are interested in exploring that option check
out www.eslcafe.com. Additionally, I would imagine that
would go for most jobs that can offer a decent salary, not
just teaching. These are things I have discovered in my
quest to become an expatriate, again, check it out for
yourself. In any case, I say go for it. If you are
resourceful and ambitious (and I imagine you are after
raising 7 kids!), you will find a way to make a living. If
you want to read some good stories about women travellers
with some expatriate stories thrown in, try these two from
the Travellers Tales series "A Woman's World" and "Woman in
the Wild". Good luck!
Summer
I think your dream is terrific!! Never pass up a message
from inside that touches you deeply -- even if it flies in
the face of what "society" wants you to do. Don't let
anyone dissuade you from living your life the way you want
to. You've spent the last umpteen years raising your
children, contributing to the world in a very important way.
So I say, its time to live your life now!!! GO GIRL!
.
First, rent a copy of the movie "Shirley Valentine" - you'll
love it, it's about a middle-aged British woman who leaves
her "normal" life and goes to Greece for an adventure. It's
a marvelous movie!
.
Have you ever heard of Elderhostel?? They are a travelling
organization that caters to the 50 + crowd. You might want
to get in contact with them.
.
Here is my list of reading suggestions:
1. "A Journey of One's Own:Uncommon advice for the
Independent Woman Traveller" by Thalia Zepatos
2. "Callings:Finding and Following an Authentic Life" by
Gregg Levoy
3. "Unsuitable for Ladies: An Anthology of women
travellers" by Jane Robinson
.
In closing, don't pass up this opportunity!
Dear Joan I also reckon you could do anything. Go for it. I
am a 55 year old lady currently getting together some others
to tour in Africa and/or South America. Three ladies from
the states of about our age have replied and we are working
it out. If you are interested in joining us even for a short
while please email me. By the way where are you from. I am
from Perth Australia. Hope to hear fro
Hi Joan
I admire you very much for what you want to do and I am
sure you can make a go of it - especially as, being a
speaker of English, you should be able to pick up teaching
work quite easily. I lived in Milan for 6 months a few
years back and found there was a great demand for native
speakers, and that's in a city where LOTS of people speak
English and lessons are readily available. Its quite easy
to give private lessons from home by advertising in bars
and schools on their notice boards.
However, one thing I would suggest is that if you plan to
live in Italy for any time (and this is probably true of
any all Meditteranean countries), you make the effort to
learn Italian (or Spanish or whatever), especially as you
are keen to become involved in community life. You will be
quite cut-off if you only speak English - both Assisi and
Cortona are small towns and aside from the tourist
industry, you will not find many locals who will speak good
enough English to form friendships. I went to Milan
speaking no Italian at all and it took me a good 3-4 months
to feel like I was communicating successfully and
understanding enough of a conversation to take part. I
agree that a shorter trip to check out possible
destinations would be a good idea, and give you a chance to
prepare yourself linguistically for a year spent abroad. (I
lived with English speakers in Milan so I could always chat
to someone - it would've been very isolating otherwise).
Wishing you all the best!
Melissa
I've been teaching English in Europe for the past 6 years (I
now live in Milan, like an above "poster") and while it may
not be the most exciting or well-paid(!) job in the world,
it is relatively easy to find. Even in big cities in Italy,
which you might imagine would be full of EFL teachers, you
can usually find work, freelance at least. If you're
thinking of Western Europe, I would say it's strongly
advisable to get some form of qualification: the most widely
recognised is the CTEFLA, but it's pricey (about รบ1000 in
England!) and takes a month full-time. Also, in southern
Europe (esp Spain and Portugal) experience with kids is
important, as that's what most students in these countries
tend to be, and you've certainly got that!
I also taought in Eastern Europe for a few years, and while
I didn't work in Croatia, I have visited it a few times, and
I definately agree with the above person who sang its
praises:wonderful scenery and nice people. I'd imagine it
would be easy to get work there too, as it certainly is in
the former Eastern bloc countries, though I don't know if
that's what you're after.
Another advantage of teaching English is that it's not
essential at all to speak the local language, though
obviously it helps for both your private and work life. the
Latin languages, esp Spanish, tend to be relatively easy for
English speakers, and some schools provide free lessons for
their teachers. As to social life, some people say it's
hard to make friends with students, others say the opposite:
I suupppose it all depends on where you are and how much
effort you make to learn the language and "fit in". In any
case, you'll always have your colleagues to hang out with,
and in my experienceTEFL folk tend to be open-minded,
sociable types.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Hello ! i was very touched to read your words about your
wish and need to go somewhere else and break free somehow,
be a bit more in the present than we may be usually are -
always worried about something which has passed or is about
to happen ! That part of southern spain is very nice and I
spent 4 month there on a similiar "quest". Granada is close
and magic- I recommend the Hostal Vienna in calle de
Hospital de st.ana(i think that is the street name) say
hello to Irene from dagmar.But those are details which will
all fall into place once you are on the move. Having also
travelled around the world for 4 years with a former
boyfriend by now, I am 36, I believe that there is a special
almost ineitable momentum that carries one when on the move
as long as one gives enough space to listen to it, alert,
completely awake- in such a state one can feel real danger
as such early enough and "invented fears" seem to disappear
and diminsh.Now this may sound all a bit vage, but I truly
mean it. Please do contact me if you wish - Iam more than
willing to "talk " a bit more via email. Until then : The
time "before" is half the fun- as you might know from being
pregnant. So hope to hear from you. Here are also two
phonnumbers - just in case - where you can contact me once
ore in Europe.In England 0044-1962-771744 or
0044-1730-233303 0r in Germany 0049-4551-91277 I give so
many because I am also in a state of movement and I do not
know where I will be or what I will work from september
onwards.In the end I guess the only security we can find
lies in facing insecurity and in entering again and again
the unknown. but enough philosophy though they do go well
toghether I must admit....travelling and philosophy. have
fun and drop a line once in a while. all the best from
Dagmar Albrecht email dagmar@brockwoods.win-uk.net
i am completely restored and refreshed by the women who post
on this site. good luck joan! though i am 29 i too am
considering some similar changes, so your advice has helped
me too. and like some others here raising children alone
scares me most of all.
For anyone thinking about the expatriate life, read
www.escapeartist.com. It has links to many other Web sites
with info for expatriate living.
...Romania? It's warm and European (so that sense of community and history) but also cheap and eastern bloc (so easy to find teaching English work/ cheap if you don't). The language is beautiful and easy (similar to Italian), the people are friendly latinos and the countryside is beautiful.
.
Good luck wherever you go!
As a Canadian living in Japan I have nothing but respect
and admiration for your ambitions. I don't know many
people my age (25) who would go overseas by themselves... I
wish my mother (same age) was so daring. Know you are
doing the right thing and have the time of your life.
Gambatte ne! (Go for it, Japanese) !
Hi Joan,
Whatever you do, follow your dream! I get the feeling from
reading what you say that you've thought long and hard
about what you want to do at this time in your life. I
feel that if you don't give it a try, you'll spend the rest
of your life wondering what it could have been like. For a
bit of extra motivation (if you need it), have a look at a
post I sent to the Activities branch of the Thorn Tree
about a year ago. It's still there (currently no. 103) -
it's about "older" travellers and I got some fantastic
responses both on the bulletin board and direct to my own
email address. It seems there are lots of us (i.e. 50-plus
women) out there living our lives and having fantastic
experiences. As for finding work while you're travelling,
have a look at a web site called transitions abroad.
There's a wealth of information about where and how to find
jobs around the world - mostly volunteer work, but also
plenty of paid work opportunities. Another good site for
all women travellers is journeywoman - lots of good advice
and encouragement.
Wishing you all the very best with your plans. Have fun!