Has anyone worn a fake wedding ring and carried photos of a
pretend husband? I've read that doing this might make it
a little safer for women travelling alone, particularly in
countries where the men tend to be chauvanists. I am
leaving on a solo around-the-world trip soon, and I am
curious to hear about other women's experiences doing this.
Do you think it made you safer? Can a cheap ring really
pass for a wedding ring? It it worth it for me to go to the
trouble and possibly small expense of doing this?
[There are 42 posts - the latest was added on Thu 22 April, 4:41]
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As a young single woman who's done a lot of solo
travel, mmend it.In Asian and middle eastern
countries, it makes life easier.You'll still get
hassled - it's pretty unavoidable.But being able to
act indignant and self-righteous and carry on about
your `husband' who is always 'arriving any minute now'
will make most of them back off.
Jodi, do you think it's a good
idea?
I think that a Nun's habit
would work better.
Yes, it has occasionally worked for me, ie, some bloke who
has been talking to me all of a sudden loses interest when
I mention my husband. Often it doesn't though because
people don't expect married women to be running around
unaccompanied anyway and if they are they must be
floozies. When I travelled with my boyfriend (now my
husband) in a muslim country, we said we were married
sometimes to make it easier to get rooms in hotels. Prior
to this, when I was travelling by myself I have at time
hooked up with male travellers on the road and people have
assumed we were husband and wife - seems to eradicate a lot
of hassling (eg, in places like Syria). I have never
bothered with a fake ring though. Even cheap gold rings
seem fairly expensive.
I don't think so. Travelling is hard enough without lies to
encumber you.
wearing a wedding ring definenetly works. Well, it does`nt
make your journey safer, but it helps to show a wedding ring
when you get bothered by the local cassanovas who insist on
marrying you.(works in west-Africa and latin-america).
Telling a complete stranger that you`re married os`nt
messing up you`re trip.
Good luck!!!
If it makes you feel better, just wear one. For me it worked fine just to tell them about a boyfriend who
I will meet in a restaurant or hotel or even in the next town. Hook up with male travellers and have
them act as a boyfriend if it comes to getting rid of local casanovas.
Go for it! Everything which can make your trip easier is worth a try. When I was in some Arab countries, I always told people that I was traveling with my husband, but he was on a business-meeting at the moment. So I decided to go sightseeing on my own. If you can back up your story with a ring, pictures etc, it's even better.
I have found that a wedding band is extremely helpful,
particularly in Asia and Latin countries. When I was
single, I tried to tell the truth about this when I was
traveling and encountered overwhelming harrassment from men.
As soon as I started wearing a wedding band, I got a lot
more respect. I've pointed at it when an extra nudge is
needed.
.
I got a gold band from a pawn shop. It was fairly
inexpensive that way and it looks authentic because it once
was somebody's wedding band.
I always wear my late great-grandmother's ring on my right
fourth finger, and if I want to be temporarily "married," I
just switch hands. The idea of telling a convenient lie to
some obnoxious casanova wannabe isn't distasteful, but what
if I tell someone that I'm married and then happen to become
friends with them? Do I look sheepish and 'fess up to
lying? Keep up the charade? Safety is important, but I
wouldn't want to alienate potential friends because of
lying. (Please note that I'm *not* talking about alienating
potential lovers. Just people who might invite me out for
dinner, home to meet the family, etc.)
on the other hand, it could deter mr. right
What if it turns your finger green. What if you gain a lot
of weight and you can't get the ring off. What if...
I very much doubt Mr Right will be in a crowd of
harrassing males...and if he is worth it,once you
have the chance to explain, he'll understand
perfectly.I've found a ring gives me at least a
chance at some peace and quiet...mind you, plenty
just repond with "a need never know.We African men
are far far better in the bedroom than those cold
limp whiteys"..but ah well, it all goes with the
territory of solo travel!
I say go!! Use it the trick a thousand time before.. my
ring looked kind of fake (a silver band).Works for me any
time.. and if you end up liking them.. you can always be
honest after that!! If they like you enough they would
understand why you have done it in the first place! At the
end of the day, it's up to you to get one or not :)
I wore one in Egypt and it didn't work one bit. If anything, it encouraged the men!! I don't think it matters if you do or don't.
All those males might wonder
if the married woman (without
husband) is looking for some
excitement in her dull, married
life --- else, why would she
travel alone?
I always wear a fake wedding ring when I travel to muslim
countries. I find that when I meet women (as I usually
avoid men in such countires) and I tell them I'm married
they ask me where my husband is. I say that he is delayed
on business and is meeting me tommorrow,or in the next
town, or back in __________ city.
~
We will always stand out in a crowd anyway, and our strange
customs and habits will often be tolerated along with
travelling without your husband.
~
In Turkey wearing a fake band literally saved my butt
once. I was cornered in a bathroom by a Turkish man who
was the attendant. He came in when I was in the stall,
when I came out of the stall he locked the door and
approached me. I had only been in Turkey 10 days and did
not know the body language (No: look directly into the
other person's eyes and raise your eyebrows and give your
head a small "backward snap". Yes: lower your eyes and
breifly bow your chin towards your chest. Maybe (or I
don't understand) "wag" your head from side-to-side with
downcast eyes). Anyway, he asks me for a kiss...I say NO!
and...you guesssed it...wagged my head from side to side.
SO, I was saying NO and my body language was saying "Ma
an engagement ring worn on your right 4th finger is a good
option. You can swap it if neccessary (ie if the man is
bright enough to work out it's on the wrong hand).
as for it detering potential mr right's.... if he's mr right
surely he would talk to you as a person rather than a naked
finger.
Just look the way most of you look
when you travel---don't shave,
bathe, and wear your wrinkled-up
clothing. I guarantee you won't
have anything to worry about. No
man will approach you!
Your solution does not work for me. I bathe, but I do not
shave or iron EVER and I am still hounded by men. They are
not so uptight and ethnocentric as you. I guess my hour
glass figure is the problem.
Maybe your hot bod is the
problem, I don't know what
your problem is. Those men
who are not so uptight and
ethnocentric ?(I don't think you
know what that word means)
might make good catches for
you, so why the overconcern
about their presence and
attention? Maybe it's your
warm smile and personal
magnetism, or maybe it's your
animal vibes. Or, maybe those
guys who hound you are REAL
horny! I'm a woman traveler
and iron my clothes and shave;
maybe that's why I don't
experience the parania of being
hounded. Or, maybe if you let
them get close enough they'd
see the hair and the wrinkled-up
clothing and quickly flee! Your
problem would then be solved.
I am married and have traveled alone before and since I have
been married. I never wear my real wedding ring when I
travel. I do wear a fake creep ring though. Sometime it does
the trick and sometimes it doesn't. You need to do what you
will feel ok with. It has saved me some trouble. Every
culture is different. Think about where your going and what
would be best. In Thailand I didn't wear anything and it was
fine. In Indonesia I will wear one beacuse of things I have
heard. If your wondering about meeting people. If it is some
one you really like they will understand that you are
wearing a ring.
My experience is that a fake weddingring does work. even if it does not exactly look like one. it should not be too strange that women are travelling alone, as someone above was suggesting, you can always say you are a researcher on a project, archeologist or whatever, better than the husband who will be around any minute now, because what if he doesn't and your local cassanova is waiting with you. the ring also helped to get me a double room for myself when the other option was to share with a guy I did have a good feeling about.
ps. I forgot to say something about photographs. In the ME I had photos of my "husband" (neighbour) and my two "children" (neighbour's children), which effectively did the trick everytime. perhaps the children really deter them. (I am 26 and travelled around last year, but everyone seemed to find it extremely normal that I should be mother of a child of 5 and 3)
Can somebody please tell me why you would you want to visit a place/country/area that makes you feel you have to do all this clown thing of a fake ring and pictures of a fake husband?
And in those far out places, they probably read books and read the net and already know the trick too well.
Comments please.
Considering the number of posts here, take this a few steps further and in the next century we will have companies providing reversible change-of-sex for travelling purposes.
Again, I think you should
travel in a Nun's habit or
shave your head and wear
men's clothing. Wear some
of those Halloween teeth and
smile at the boys when they
approach. Or, glue those big
fake sores all over your face
and arms. Or, maybe bring a
REAL husband or
boyfriend---ever think of
that? This topic is unreal!
GIVE IT UP SUGAR HOLE!
Your starting to sound awfully familar.....Hummmmm perhaps
you are testing out new territories? Stay at YOUR CHOICE.
Your immature crap is more appropriate in that forum.
Thanks.
honestly..since i got married..and have worn my ring
faithfully..i have been asked out..more than ever..even on
cozy weekends for two..by men other than my husband!and have
had to decline many offers..and..i don't .."advertise.."..or
ask for any of it...so..for what its worth..i don't think it
works at all..
In Syria in Bosra recently I was with a (female ) companion
(I'm male) and the attendant at the museum asked if we were
married - we said no and for the rest of the tour he's
harrassing my companion with constant lewd gestures,
remarks, trying to stand close etc. After that we said we
were partners and we had no problems.... - typical ? I think
you could always tell the truth later if the interested guy
seemed genuine...
It's always worth having another option and an easy way to
explain 'no'
.. but I had a standard ring with a little stone. Because
of the heat, my fingers became thinner, and the ring kept
turning backwards. Maybe it looked like one?
If anybody asked me was I married: if I said no, they
thought that ws very strange at my age. But if I said yes,
than the reaction was that it was strange too, because how
come than I traveled alone?
I've neve been harassed, except for Kandy in Sri Lanka, but
that had nothing to do with being married or not. The guys
there (and really sleazy, slimy ones at that) thought that
just ANY female walking around there was gullable enough..
I've got a right funny story about this whole avoiding aggressive men thing. A very short haired (think Winona Ryder) friend of mine was in Montevideo and got accosted by an overly friendly bunch of guys. Well, it just so happened that she had been hitchiking all over the countryside for several weeks doing the whole hostelling and camping bit. She looked like hell by the time she got to Montevideo. As an earlier post suggested, she was filthy, unshaven, unbathed, etc. Yet the local yahoos still yelled "Que bella" and followed her around relentlessly. Well, fortunately she was fluent in Spanish, and she started to sort of play along with them. Then when they started getting a little too close she told them in no uncertain terms....that she was really a "he" (!)
While I don't really reccommend the "trans-gender" approach (as it doesn't work for most of us and could easily get you beaten up by a bunch of homophobes or might even encourage a nice crotch grab to see if you are really telling the truth), it was funny as hell and did the trick at least one time. Those casanovas dissipated rather quickly whether they believed her or not.
Anyway, if you don't bother with the fake wedding ring, depending on the culture and the situation, playing gay or announcing that you have AIDS or a common STD works well too.
I travel a lot alone in Asia, and while I have never been
really harrassed, I think it is often a good idea to make
people believe you are married. Especially in countries like
Indonesia, where being married is so unavoidable for the
local people. Indonesians (male and female) always ask about
the husband, sometimes almost hysterically. I think it
disturbs their image of the world to hear of different
styles of living, or something like that. So I always tell
them a good story: my husband is playing golf, is sleeping,
has a boring business meeting, he is at home with the kids
while I am heading for a business meeting in Jakarta .....
That makes people calm down. A ring is not necessary.
I have travelled to India several times and found that no
matter my situation (or dress), I got hassled. Having said
that, I think I have just been particularly unlucky as I
have only met 3 or 4 other women who've had as hard a time
as me - most experience no real trouble. On the first few
trips I was with my long term partner and most people just
didn't believe we were married even though I wore a ring.
I was even groped on a train on one occassion when an
oldish man (about 60), who had been chatting and playing
cards with my "husband" for a couple of hours, took
advantage of my "husband's" visit to the toilet to touch my
breasts!! I went to India again with my real husband and
still nobody believed us as I didn't changed my name when
we got married so our passports were different. I would
still recommend a visit to India - you are very unlikely to
be as hassled as I was. Despite everything, it is my
favourite country in the whole world and I wouldn trade a
day of my experiences for all the tea in Assam!!
Do NOT wear a wedding band or start talking about a
ficticious husband to marrauding men. Try to educate people
instead. People who think you should be married with kids
are obviously uneducated (not their fault), ignorant and
predujiced. Explain to people that in YOUR culture it is
quite normal to be single and without children at ANY age.
Travel is all about choosing that rocky path even when the
smoother one would be so much easier. Be brave and make the
journey for the woman behind you and the women behing her
...easier, enjoy your travels and I hope you don't get too
much hassle!
Caroline (cml27695@ggr.co.uk)
Wear it for you, for your trip, for your memories, your time
well spent or wasted, your priorities, your own reasons. Who
cares what any asinine other thinks? I've found the ring to
be a great asset, of course no one thing will ever (sadly)
stop the males of our species from being obnoxious,
threatening, and worse, from time to time. But as a
traveller, if it works for you, then DO IT. I've especially
found the rings helpful to ward off other travelling guys.
Need I say more? ;-)
.
And as for the suggestion to say you're HIV positive or AIDS
positive, that is NOT a recomended choice. There are
enormous differences in levels of prejudice against AIDS
carriers throughout this global society, but most of them
are pretty harsh. You may be beaten up, arrested or even
deported if you declare HIV pos. status.
.
BraveHeart, idealism is fabulous until you put it to
practice. Yes, it's nice to discuss cultural differences,
but do you really suggest attempting to convert the hordes
of cat-calling creatures out there to "understanding" an
individual's right to be let alone (check the DHR) or would
you go with leaving the creeps in the dust? Somehow I
imagine, you, on your own, choosing the latter. But maybe
you do prefer to preach western/northern values to the
masses who live in very different cultural arenas, and who
live very different lives and realities? (Isn't that why we
travel, to see those differences?) Talking and preaching are
very similar; please be careful which you choose!
.
And as for "GIRL power:" does that really require more
explaination?
.
As for the pictures: how great! I'm impressed with your
effort!
fake husbands are better and often more useful than the
real thing
I agree that it is worth wearing a cheap silver or gold band
as a wedding ring as when I was travelling in Africa solo I
found that it detered the optunistic at least, if someone
was very keen to speak to you they would do so but it got
stopped alot of hassle espically if you will stick out when
you are travelling in a particular country anyway. It is
however always worth having a husband or boyfriend back at
your hostel (invented of course) as another safety measure.
IMPORTANT = TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS
You don't want to deter a potential freidn, guide or
travelling companion, however, if their intentions are
honorable it probably won't matter if you were a ring or
not, at least a ring may deter those whose intentions are
dodgy. After all what's a few pounds for piece of mind?
Maybe just wear one around your own town/city and see how
people react to you. try it out first, and then switch
fingers if nothing happens. I have a silver wedding ring
that i wear but it truely is the only finger it fits. Short
and stubby singing out...ps. be careful!98% of men are
creaps.
When travelling in Asia I sometimes used a fictional husband
when people were trying to sell me things that I didn't want
to buy. Some of these were very persistent and would not let
you go unless you 1) bought something, 2) became very rude,
3) told them you would really have to consult your husband
before spending all that money. Well, the last option would
save me the effort of getting angry or spending money and
generally it would be sort of understood.
I never felt the need to really wear a wedding-ring, though.
If you think it makes you feel more secure, go for it.
I've never worn a ring per se but have tried the line about
having a boyfriend back home. The typical answer is "well
he's not here with you now so he must be a bad boyfriend,
you should get rid of him" and then they've kept going with
trying to seduce me, harrass me or whatever. I would wear a
ring in particularily bad countries, my point being just
don't expect it to work really well.
Brazilian reactions to a (fake)wedding ring:
-Pssst! Gringa! Gata!
-what?
-fancy a date/shag/snog/anything?
-no, I'm married (waving ring)
-no problem, I'm not jealous!
Don't get me wrong, I love Brazil and Brazilians, but this
became a pretty standard response to The Ring! It has its
uses, but as people say above, it's more how you
react/respond that determine a harassment situation.