I could use some advice..... I have been corresponding with
a man that I 'met' on the internet recently. We began
corresponding because I saw that he was from a city I would
be travelling to in the next few months. Anyways, we have
briefly talked about meeting each other....there's been no
'racy' talk or deep conversations, or talk of a
relationship. We have just enjoyed corresponding (this is my
perspective) and we have exchanged pictures through email.
Anyways, I am not travelling alone to where he lives, but it
would not be appropriate to take my traveling companions to
meet him. Any thoughts other than meeting him in a public
place? How does one know when it's okay to actually go
somewhere together or make plans? We've talked about what
we do for a living, our families, travel etc.....so far, I
don't have any weird vibes, but it IS ONLY email! Can
someone share their experiences or thoughts with me on this?
He seems like a really nice person with similar interests
and perspectives to mine....my instincts are quite good, but
I'd like to hear from you out there! Thanks...
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This is my experience for what it is worth:
1. Guy #1 - we chatted for weeks on the net, had lots in
common etc and finally I called him by phone. It was
dreadful - he sounded a right dork. But I thought he was
nervous, so we went back to the net for a while, tried
another phone call a few weeks later - the same thing. I
could only imagine what meeting him in real life would have
been like. Painful!!
2. Guy #2 - same thing as #1 on the net, so I called him.
Lots of long interesting phone calls over the next three
weeks, sounded very genuine etc. Finally ended up meeting
for real and he was lovely - exactly as he said he was.
So, all I can say is, don't rely solely on net
conversations. At least speak a few times on the phone. You
can often get a good feel for people from their voices.
Meet in a public place and all should be OK.
Good luck!
You may not wish to answer and that's absolutely fine
but just in case you don't mind: how or through which
websites did you meet these guys? And is it otherwise safe?
i'm in the same position as you.soon i'll be hooking up
with a dude i met via irc who lives in a city i'm passing.
i'm trying not to freak out about the whole thing (is this
guy a lunatic?? etc...) but i think if level headedness is
kept it should all be cool.Keep an open mind about things
and don't get any warped expectations.
hope it goes well..
Why do you not think it appropriate to have your friends
accompany you when meeting this person for the first time?!
For all you know, he might be a recently released prison
convict who had access to E-Mail right before he was sprung.
Remember, anyone can invent themselves online . . . .
Bring your friends and they can help you decide whether this
guy is a genuine article!
My companions are my parents! They are meeting me for a couple weeks in this State before I move on! I will tell them where and when I am meeting him, but I won't take them with me! Has anyone else actually met up with a man the 'met' on the net? I am wondering how long it took before there was some trust there? I know that everyone is different and that could be a stupid question, but I'd love to hear!
I can laugh about this now.....
Well, I corresponded with an absolutely delightful,
charming, intelligent, witty man I met on the Internet, and
we really hit it off. Chatted for hours, emailed each
other, hung out in the chat room with others and joked
around. After 6 weeks of this, I admit he had me quite
hooked. He then got one of his friends on line, who
struck up an on-line "relationship" with an Internet friend
of mine. Then one day my Internet buddy and I started
comparing notes about our chatroom men and after awhile, we
came to the conclusion that this was actually the same guy,
who came on as two different personalities in order to
romance us both! Well, it gets better..... My buddy and I
needed to find out more, so by doing a little sleuthing we
got his home phone number. Made up a little story about how
this was a check on his Internet provider, did he have
such-and-such email addresses, etc. Well, we were
absolutely stunned to find out that this guy was
actually.........a woman!
Not that this is particularly relevant in your
case, I just wanted to share my little story, and
to make the point that there really is no telling who you
are talking to via Internet. Mind you, my buddy has met
some nice guys through chatrooms (met them in real life in
public places), and made some new friendships. But I sorta
lost the taste for trying something like that myself.
I recommend that you get detailed information about this
guy, and check him out. And think on...if he is unwilling
to tell you things, then he may be hiding something. And I
agree that you should at least talk on the phone first.
Aside from being able to see how articulate, etc. he is on
the phone, it would help break the ice.
Good luck!
I struck up a friendship with an around-the-world traveller
and when he came into town, I took him out to dinner. Of
course, I wasn't looking for romance, which it sounds like
you might be...
DO meet in a public place though - ask him where should you
meet him, as if it's assumed that you'll be meeting in
public. You can never be too careful, but have fun!
I started conversing via e-mail with a guy I met via the
net. He was nice to talk to, and nothing beyond platonic
friendship was even suggested. That was fine. We
discussed travel plans and I thought perhaps he might be a
good travel companion, if nothing else. But I'm feeling
basically dumped. No communiques for weeks. How could I
count on somebody like that to do any traveling with? I
would not get my hopes up too high that this guy will come
through for you. But on the other hand, he might. Just be
careful, meet in a very public place, perhaps an indoor
restaurant. Trust your instincts. I've heard that a lot.
Another precaution, until you are sure of this person, I
would suggest that you not share personal information such
as your address, workplace, etc., just in case this is
someone you no longer want to have contact with after you
meet him or her.
my first thought was, take your friends along with you, but
i understand your not wanting to drag them along.... by all
means, meet in a public place--why don't you pick the time
and place (i personally would be glad to meet a visitor to
my town, wherever was convenient for them)? the more shots
you can call, the better. also, have an excuse for leaving
at a certain time if you decide you're not hitting it off
["oops--told mom i'd be home early!"]. and last but not
least, write down the person's name & anything you know
about him [phone number, etc.] & leave with your folks--
they'll appreciate this too.
how about not actually taking your parents along, but
having them sit, say, across the restaurant or park or
whatever while you meet him? You could have a signal or
something for if things don't go well. It sounds paranoid,
I know, but you can't be too careful. I did this once with
a girlfriend sitting across the restaurant. We had a
signal to meet up in the restroom if things went poorly.
Things went fine, but, he wasn't at all charming. In fact,
my girlfriend still teases me about my date with the
Michael Bolton look-a-like. She was giggling the entire
time I was having coffee with him.
i'd be more worried about the GUY's warped expectations...
I have met 2 IRC friends in real life now, as well as a few
IRC aquaintences as well. One I met in a pub i go to
regularily ( i had a few friends with me, so I just left
them alone together for a few minutes while we chatted). The
other was more serious, we had a bit of an internet
relationship thing happening. So he actually flew from
Vancouver to Australia to stay with me for 3 months, and we
met for the first time at the airport. both times were
kinda weird but i dont regret meeting either of them for a
milisecond. In 2 months im flying to Holland to visit
another IRC friend, and to stay with him for a few months,
and then to england and canada to do the same thing.
As for your fear about meeting your friend in public, its
definatly understandable, and I'd probably suggest meeting
in a local cafe downtown, so you can be on your own and
chat, while still being in a public place. Id also suggest
this because if youre downtown you can probably go for a bit
of a walk as well, in the area, and still be in public.
But the most important thing is to trust your instincts. If
something seems wrong, dont ignore it, get out of there.
have fun:)
How long was there before there was trust?
The first guy i met, I guess I didnt really trust him til i
met him, and a guy friend I had met him as well. But this is
because I was 18 at the time and he was 28, and I just dont
trust older men in general, until I know them. the second
guy I trusted after maybe 2 weeks of online chatting ( we
met after 3 months), and the third guy who I am due to meet,
maybe a month. As i said before, and as someone else said,
trust your instincts. You'll know if something feels right.
Use your common sense, call him up on the phone, bring your
friend to meet him, and don't tell where you are staying. I
say these things because I would like to meet and help
travellers if any should come my way. I've done some
traveling and would have liked to had a friend to show me
around when I came by to visit.
Once you've met the guy, surely your normal instincts will
just take over, ie. it will just be like any other date
with someone you don't know very well, but think you'd like
to know better. I love the idea of getting your parents to
sit over the other side of the restaurant just in case
though.
Incidently, I wonder what he's thinking about you? Two male
friends of mine have both met women on the Internet, and it
it hasn't worked out in either case. One of them bottled
out when he saw a drunken hag with Brillo pad hair
staggering towards him, and the other gave his the elbow
when it turned out that she was using him to get back at
her husband for being unfaithful. He hadn't done anything
with her except go hiking, but wasn't sure her husband
would believe that.
I had a terrifying experience. I was supposed to meet him
in a restaurant and he never came up to me. He just
checked out what I looked like. He stalked me for several
months and called on the phone to bother me. He threatened
to sexually mutilate me and my toddler, spied on me, found
out where I worked, wanted to rape me and my toddler,
mutilate us and then have sex with me and my toddler when
we were dead! Since I did not know who he was the police
would not help me. He used to leave relaly scary messagwes
on my voicemail too. Even the police thought it sounded
scary! BUT they did not do much to protect me. One day I
left a message on my voicemail saying I and the police knew
who he was and I WAS going to prosecute him if he did not
stop. Guess what? He finally left me alone. It stopped
over a year and a half ago but I am still scared. What if
he finds me again or bothers me again? I still work at the
same place!
I am not wanting any answers or responses, but I would not
meet someone from the net, especially if it were in my
hometown!
by the way, he was supposedly very educated, had some
class, had travelled a lot, was a widowed dad of 2 (single
father), was a foreign man here in the U.S. who had been
married to an American. He seemd cultured, polite, funny,
intelligent, open minded, but had some morals... so, you
never know!!!! People on the net do LIE alot!!!!!!!!
take care and good luck, whatever your decision is
scaredy cat now
Well, next month, I am meeting my IRC friend for the first
time. We have been communicating via email, online chat
(but not in a chat room), net meeting, and telephone calls
for about eight months.
The hardest part is that he is in another country. I am
going there alone but I have relatives that live there as
well - and they will meet him. I will be spending time
with him alone.
As far as trusting him goes, I trust him immensely - I
suppose because of the amount of time we have spent
communicating. I have also had the opportunity to speak
with his friends on the phone as well as on line. This may
sound scary - especially to those who have had bad
experiences.
For me, it is listening to my heart and my head. Weigh
your options very carefully. Do what you have to do.
Samantha sounds like she knows what she's doing.
I know of two people who met via the internet (from the
thorn tree actually!). Different countries and they met very
quickly after they started corresponding.
Forgot to tell you that my friend and I did not meet via a
chat room, etc.