I have been very lucky to have travelled very extensively
all my life, with friends, family and when by my own I
normally jump on a tour or overland trip.
I really admire all the women who I hear travelling around
by themselves as I think you are all amazingly brave. It is
something I would love to do because my friend's plans don't
always gel with mine, tours are really expensive and of
course it is a completely different experience when you go
by yourself in terms of getting in touch with local culture,
meeting more people etc.
But why don't I ? Because I am scared - the two things that
worry me is getting lonely and personal safety. I have had
many wonderful experiences travelling but I have also had
many negative ones with men assaulting me and making me feel
uncomfortable no matter how defensive my behaviour is.
Obviously these are things that all you brave chicks face
and what I want to know is how do you overcome these
feelings? Would love your feedback on this one!
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I too have travelled most of my life with my friends or my
family (this includes most of North America & Europe). I
have also felt the fear big time.
.
Two years ago, I had to go to a friend's wedding in San
Francisco. I decided to take off two weeks and travel
around the area by myself. First of all, I wanted to do
this to prove it to myself that I could do it. I did things
that I wanted to do in a way that I felt was safe. I rented
my own car (I'm very comfortable with the whole car thing),
drove around on my own to Yosemite & Tahoe. I had an
absolutely marvelous time.
.
Last year,when my father asked my to go on a tour of Israel
with him for 10 days, I jumped at it. I also figured I
shouldn't let the fact that I would be there go to waste. I
spent some extra money and joined another 10-day tour in
Jordan with Explore. I had another 10 days by myself. In
total one month touring around. By combining tours and
solo, I felt safe. I could talk to other people about where
to stay and what to eat. I also became much more
comfortable about travelling solo.
.
For my next trip, its a long one, but I am doing a similar
thing. I am joining tours to go to places I do not feel
comfortable touring on my own (like Iran/Pakistan). I will
be going solo in countries where I have heard that solo
women travel is relatively safe (e.g. SE Asia, China &
India).
.
Sometimes I have stayed at places that may have been a
little bit more expensive than the average backpacker would
stay at, but, I have felt it eased my mind alot. I also
don't tend to go out at night unless I'm with other people
or I have become familiar with the area. I also am very
careful about local ideas of modesty and I abide by them (no
tank tops, no midriffs, no tight jeans, etc.).
.
As for loneliness, that is a factor, but when you are solo,
people feel more inclined to come talk to you. I have found
most people out there are pretty decent and being somewhat
friendly encourages others to be friendly. I'm not talking
about the guys trying to pick you up or the psychos. Women
are always raised to be so nice...we forget that we don't
have to be. We can say NO and F**K off and Leave me alone -
with great force & mean it too!
.
I remember being much younger and mad at my mother for
always talking to strangers (how could she embarrass me like
that?) but, I've now realized the value in that. I have had
some wonderful meals with people I met on the spot - a
father and son travelling together or two Franscican monks.
Really interesting & fascinating people!
.
For me, it is entirely about self-confidence. I just decide
to do it and then go do it! I have learned so much about my
own resourcefulness that I just grow more and more
comfortable and confident about myself and my abilities.
The way that you get stretched emotionally, physically,
spiritually, etc. when you are travelling alone gives you
something that you could never get if you were only ever on
tours.
.
As someone once said to me, are you going to regret never
having done travelled solo for a long period of time? When
I said yes, I knew I had to do it no matter how much I was
afraid. Fear is such a great teacher you know. If you are
truly afraid to do something, it doesn't mean you should
avoid it like the plague, you should meet it and get to know
it...perhaps by moving through your fears, they will teach
you alot about yourself that you would not otherwise have
ever known...
.
By the way, can send me an e-mail about your experiences
about going overland??? (who did you go with, how long, did
you like it, etc.) Thanks.
I've travelled through part of Europe on my own as well as
to Australia.
And I'm planning to travel for 6 months this year on my own,
apart from joining a tour in Egypt and Afria.
The first time I travelled (to Europe) on my own, the first
couple of weeks were a bit daunting, and I had to force
myself to be more outgoing and talk to the other backpackers
at the hostels I was staying at.
But as time went by, it got easier. And I met lots of great
people along the way!
of course, I had to use common sense as I would at home.
Yes, I was nervous about travelling on my own, but I knew I
would regret not going, so I just went and did it.
If you're travelling on your own for the first time, it
might help to travel to first world countries first, to get
your feet wet, before tackling the more challenging
countries.
Hope that helps!
Dear H &H
Great to read your letter, and also the replies to it. My situation is similar to yours, I'm an Aussie who has done a lot of travelling with friends, and only short stints by myself, but now I have decided to go travelling around Chile for 3 months by myself. It is something I have been working up to for years - it still daunts me a little, as no doubt at times there will be difficult patches, particularly with regard to lonliness and personal safety, as you commented.
Last year, whilst travelling through Central and South America with a good friend, I was surprised to meet quite a few solo women travellers (minds you, they were usually hanging out with other people!). All except one had stories galore of how adventures had happened to them because they were by themselves and women - ie people had taken them into their homes, and really looked after them beyond the extent of the usual. Only one commented how she found it hard, because most people seemed to be travelling in couples, and it seemed that 3 was a more awkward number to travel with..
I think it also depends a lot on where you go, and whether you speak the language. Part of the reason I'm back to South America is that I now know enough Spanish to get by.
Anyways good luck with your plans. I really hope you take the leap, and whatever you do, avoid those dodgey books they publish about "how to travel by yourself as a a woman". If you use your gut feeling and a bit of creative thought, you can make the best out of any situation. I guess the only other thing is don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it - people usually are only too willing.
INGA
I felt afraid the first time I traveled by myself for all
the reasons that you listed and all I can say is, you will
be afraid but go anyways. The fear will leave after a
couple of days and be replaced by excitment of travel. I
have traveled to 40 countries solo in Asia, Europe, and the
Middle East and am planning my next trip for May. After all
my traveling I have only had one scary experience and that
was in my home town. Just keep your eyes open to what is
going on around you and how the local women act and dress
and you will be fine. Feel free to email me if you have
any questions. yapoorbust@aol.com
Thanks for your post and the ensuing discussion.
I disagree with Inga, as I found a book that was a huge
confidence booster that really enabled me to start
traveling solo. A Journey of One's Own by Thalia Zepatos;
published by The Eighth Mountain Press, Portland, Oregon,
USA. I recommended it to a friend as well and it also
pushed her over the edge to planning & taking a long solo
trip in SE Asia.
After travelling a lot alone, Thalia kept getting asked by
friends and friends of friends how she did it (much like
your current inquiry). Her book is full of lots of
specific advice and I've found it invaluable.
What I've generally done is started a trip with a friend or
group, and then stayed on by myself. Spent my 1st 2 weeks
in NZ trekking with a group, then rented a car and
travelled the next 6 weeks alone. Trekked with a group for
2 weeks in N. India, then stayed on another 2 weeks
traveling alone. I traveled in Fiji for 1 week with a
friend, she returned home and I spent another 3 weeks on my
own in Fiji and The Cooks.
The last group trip I took had enough negative aspects
(expensive, strange interpersonal dynamics, fell short of
what it had promised), that I'll just go alone or with a
compatable companion next time.
I find it difficult to find friends to travel with because
of their obligations and schedules. And when it comes down
to going alone or not going at all - that's easy - I'M
GOING!
About lonliness - remember that it's temporary and
passes. Just like when you're at home, you won't be
feeling good and comfortable ALL the time while traveling.
I'm still trying to build up to that thoroughly solo, big &
long adventure. But, there is lots of inspiration from
seasoned female travelers at this site (and others) for us.
Think about picking an "easy" destination where the hassled-
by-men factor is not too large. Some of the best advice I
ever got was to make my first Asian destination Bali. They
were right - it was an easy place to visit alone.
I could go on...but, I'd love to know where/when you plan
your solo trip. Feel free to stay in touch. My email
address may be changing soon, but I do check into this site
from time to time.
Stay well, happy planning, and just go...
believe me, it gets much, much easier the more often you do it. You might be surprised, too, by how many kind strangers will look out for you -- sincerely -- when you're a lone woman. You might want to start out in a relatively "tame" place, where you won't have to worry about another language or very different customs among women -- eg, if you live in the US, try some trips around the US first, or in Canada, Australia, northern Europe. Solo travel can get lonely, true --
but that's what postcards and letters are for, and in time you notice that you are seeing the place you're traveling much more clearly without the distraction of travel companions. Oh -- and don't be too afraid to hook up with other travelers along the way. Just use common sense, enjoy the company for a bit, and part ways again. It's a lovely thing.
I can't wait to take off again, just have to get rid of this
damn cold!
I agree with everything everyone else has said. I strongly
encourage you to take the plunge and do it!
Travelling solo for me is now the only way I really want to
go. Doing your own thing allows you the freedom to go
where you want, when you want - and you'll find that you
meet lots more people (locals as well as other travellers)
because people will just start talking to you on buses,
trains, in eating places, hostels etc. It seems that
there are more and more of us out there doing it alone -
I've met others on the road and also through posts like
this who are doing some fantastic things and all seem to
thoroughly enjoy the freedom and independence.
Your own life circumstances can sometimes be the factor
that determines when and how you venture out on your own -
for example, I'm 55, divorced, work F/T, have grown-up
kids, so I have the opportunity, but also the need, to be
more independent. I've travelled a lot in the past -
originally with friends, then with husband and family, but
now it's great to be able to do just what I want to do.
I hope you start as soon as possible - it's a wonderful
life and you'll meet people and have the sorts of
adventures that would never happen if you were travelling
with a companion. Good luck!
Please email me direct if you want to ...
I just left two months ago for Thailand. I was pretty
nervous. The first few days were a bit overwhelming but as
soon as I started moving around the country everything fell
into place. I ended up going to Nepal and Australia also.
You have times where you meet a lot of people, and times
where you are by yourself. Big cities are harder to meet
people in. But the thing I love most is that you just never
know who you are going to meet next. Plans change and you
end up in some really great places. Be aware, and have a
really great time it will change your life!
Alone or lonely is probably the best way to think about
going away on your own.
Decide why are you going away. Is it to be with
friends/family or is it to travel and see the sites or is
it both? When you know what you want out of your trip
you'll feel more comfortable designing, planning and
carrying out your adventure.
Yes, it does get lonely at times, but you have people all
around you when you travel.
And yes, you can feel a sense of " I wish i could share
this with someone close",so take lots of photos home to
bore them and get everyone to buy you phone cards for going
away presents before you leave.
And yes, it can be really overwhelming at times,remind
yourself to stop and smell the roses, be a traveller and
not a tourist- see what you really want to don't feel you
have to see everything.
And yes, you may wonder whether you've done the right thing
going on your own,at times it may feel like....Aaaahhhhhh!
Then you'll think about the pyramids or the statue of
liberty or the great banana and chocolate crepe you had
from a lovely man at a stall in Paris.
And maybe you're nervous and unsure about how you'll manage
it all on your own, when you have to......... you just do!
BUT....... as i found out, I wouldn't swap my o.s. trip for
anything.
It helped, and continues to help, make me who I am.
I've found strength I wasn't sure I had.
I will travel more, with and without my husband, but I had
the time of my life.
(P.S. You also forget how terrified you may have felt at
times, when you consider how you got through the whole
thing so brilliantly in the end.)
I'm a first time traveller from India (28 yrs. /f) and
planning an approx. 4 weeks long trip to w. europe in june
- july '99 - solo.I too have been apprehensive about
travelling alone but the messages that i just read are
really encouraging and increase my resolve - however i
would still like to travel in company - if possible . Is
there any one travelling to this region / during this time
and looking for company? Please e mail to me . Thanks.
I want to travell to USA but...