[Timestamp: Wed 29 April, 12:45 Tasmanian Standard Time]
you're not Bonny Langford, holder of the world record for
spinning and being generally annoying. And I'm willing to
bet that your good friend coming to dinner isn't Lionel.
Although, if it was, that would be pretty cool...
[Timestamp: Thu 30 April, 1:08 Tasmanian Standard Time]
RECIPE FOR A BEMO RIDE
The Neccessities:
20-24 people
1 aging and decrepid auto resembling a small truck or van (
must have rotten floorboards, sharp metal edges on interior,
no fewer than two blown speakers and at least 40% of it's
nuts and bolts missing)
1 chainsmoking driver between the ages of 15 and 22
1 helper (faretaker) below the age of 12 (chainsmoking
optional)
1 cassette of Dangdut music
Directions:
Park bemo in full sun in sweltering midday heat. Add people
SLOWLY. When full, add three more. Close all open windows.
Light cigarrettes. Plug in cassette and adjust volume level
to 10. Set on course for at least 30 miles. Bemo must stop
every half mile to pick up more passengers.
Optional Ingredients/Experiences ( You must choose at least
three of the following):
1. Broken muffler spewing exhaust into passenger area
2. Any number of live animals up to the size of a goat (be
creative here, don't hesitate to include live sea turtles or
large fruit bats)
3. At least one person whose mother tongue is an obscure
tribal language that is attempting to speak to you in
Indonesian OR....one person from East Java doing the same
4. Minimum of three chain smokers. At least one sitting in
your lap
5. Windows permanantly closed or boarded over with plywood
6. Driver chewing pinang
7. Door latches and brakes don't work
8. Large basket of trepang under your legs
9. At least one concealed durian
10. Drunken villager attacks bemo with large parang
11. Watch copulating dogs at bemo stand to relieve boredom
of waiting
12. Driver orders everyone out of bemo so that passenger can
find lost pig
13. Passenger asks you to lift legs so that he may extract
hogtied pig from under your seat
14. Sit in bemo at pasar for one and a half hours because
driver wants three more passengers. You only have 18 and he
wants 3 more! You offer to pay the extra fares in order to
get moving
15. Thoughtful driver stops in downpour to cover bemo with
black canvas tarp...doesn't stop when rain quits and sun
comes out
16. Driver tailgates behind loaded timber truck on Sumatran
mountain road. You discover a new method of contracting
"Black Lung" disease
17. Sambal from nasi Padang food tries to find path of least
resistance
18. Beautiful, smiling Marind woman wearing "Life's a Bitch
and So Am I" tee shirt
19. Passenger next to you is shivering from malaria
20. Handsome Biak man flashes perfect white-toothed smile at
you
21. Driver speaks no Indonesian or is from East Java
22. Pass crowd of people staring at overturned bemo in
irrigation ditch on side of road
23. Little man from Ambon will not stop petting the hair on
your arm
24. Miles from the nearest village, in the middle of a
sweltering rainforest at midday, the only other orang asing
( foreigner) on the bemo pulls out a travel size can of
Evian skin moisturizer and spritzes herself.
Anyone care to take on "Recipe for a Cheap Losmen"?
Emangnya gue pikiran lho! - Waarki
[Timestamp: Thu 30 April, 17:08 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Waarki
Love it ;-)
[Timestamp: Sat 2 May, 0:37 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Waarki, brilliant description of the average bemo ride!
(Suddenly, it all comes back to me).
But who are Bonny Langford and Lionel Blair!? Local
celebrities down under!? Please explain, I'm curious now!
[Timestamp: Sat 2 May, 1:32 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Just in case you are a legit foodie
grate small onion, grate small chunk fresh ginger
splash fish sauce or soya sause
small heap brown sugar
small heap ground black pepper
chop a coupla hot chillies and a couple limes squeezed to blighty
rub into skin orf ayam pieces and marinate at least 4 hours
grill or BBQ (best in the weber)...serve with lime wedges and eat with right hand.
[Timestamp: Sun 3 May, 7:51 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Ngak tau... unfortunately I don't know who Bonnie Langford
is. However, any Indonesiaphile will recognize the name of
"Lionel Blair" as one of the Blair brothers of "Ring of
Fire" fame. I just can't remember which one of them fell
into the open sewer in Bali and died. Fill me in please!
Waarki- anging yang menggigit banyak
[Timestamp: Tue 5 May, 22:20 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Ashamed as I am to disclose this, but Bonnie Langford and Lionel Blair are both British 'has-been' celebs. Bonnie Langford is a five foot, five stone, anorexic, ginger-haired godawful singer/dancer type. Often seen ruining some of my favourite programmes, like Crackerjack and Swap Shop - producers seemed to think the kids liked her. Not me. Lionel Blair is, errrm, well, what is he? Everytime I saw him, he was on a panel game show - a seriously long runner on Give Us A Clue - and he'd do a little singing and dancing now and again too.
Only a real sicko would sign a post as Bonnie Langford and claim to have Lionel Blair coming round to dinner.
[Timestamp: Tue 5 May, 22:29 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Please, please Waarki work on the next recipe, I laughed at
your bemo recipe until the tears were rolling down my face,
been there done that and the love/hate relationship with
Indonesia still continues. Why don't you resubmit it to
the main posting section for more people to read. I have to
admit I downloaded it. Copyright? Can I use it?
[Timestamp: Wed 6 May, 7:10 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Oh Gawd!!! My American jingoism IS showing through! Sorry
for the mix up regarding Blair brothers...it's those damn
"L" starting, British sounding names that befuddle me. I am,
of course, wrong regarding "Lionel" Blair when I was
thinking of "Lawrence" and "Lorne" Blair. Apologies all
around. Still though, one of them fell into an open sewer
and died...just can't remember which.
I'm glad you've all liked the recipe...it IS copyrighted and
appeared in soc.culture.indonesia & rec.travel.asia about a
year ago.
I would gladly start on "Recipe for a Cheap Losmen" were it
not for the fact that every time I do I am reminded of
broken ribs, moslem New Year, Larium flashbacks, and crowing
roosters...yes, all at the same time. And somehow I just
can't get past all that.
[Timestamp: Fri 8 May, 1:56 Tasmanian Standard Time]
Bonny, you promised me and my young friend Wayne Sleep
invites to your next soiree darling, where are they?! ooh
yes, and can we bring Michael Winner, he's just dying to
catch up with you after your little 'holiday' our friend
Betty's place......love ya toots!xxxx
[Timestamp: Fri 12 June, 0:45 Tasmanian Standard Time]
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[Timestamp: Sun 4 Oct, 18:54 Tasmanian Standard Time]
She has her supporters. Spelling her name wrong is not a
good way to fake a post from her though. ;-)
She also has a long and respected history in British theatre
and is over her anorexia, I believe.... Unfortunately the
British public have a very low opinion of her, which seems
to have hun around for the last twenty years or so.
[Timestamp: Sun 14 Feb, 19:19 Tasmanian Standard Time]
My wife and I are taking our 2 boys (17 & 13 ) to Bali in July and are planning to stay at Nusa Lembongan for 3 days but would like a recommendation for accommodation. It should be better than basic but simple and clean with fan and not shared facilities. We are going there for the snorkelling and surfing.Also are there any mosquitos there and is so are they are of concern.Should we not worry about pre-booking as Iunderstand accom. can be arranged on arrival.We are staying at the Santiki Hotel at Tuban for a week or so but think the island sounds great. Any recommendations re places to eat ?
We would appreciate any advice.
[Timestamp: Sun 11 April, 23:28 Tasmanian Standard Time]
thanks for the meal Bonnie, it was great. next time I'll
bring my brother Tony