What do you suggest to a westerner living in a small
Japanese town with a case of culture shock? I think I've
been stared at/commented on a couple too many times. Since
I have no Japanese friends and no car my options are
limited out here in the semi-countryside. I've taken as
many vacations as possible to get out of here and always
come back even more depressed. Of course I studied the
language for a year but never used it as no one talks to
me. I'm more often treated like a zoo animal than a human
being. At the end of the day I just want to sleep and hide
away from the world! (at least until my contract ends.)
Help! thanks :)
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i can't say i have a fountain of wisdom for you but really, my sympathies. i spent a year living in switzerland and the people were very cold, so cold i never in that whole time made any swiss friends. now i'm travelling asia and am experiencing the 'staring thing'.
all i can say is that i was very depressed in switzerland and by the end of the time there could not wait to leave- but hang in there- i really did learn the language in the end and it made me a lot stronger person. i can't say i made many friends but something happened to me there that makes me wish sometimes i had something to go back to. not that i would.
i was in the philippines awhile too and had a very difficult time too but am still in asia at the oment, and i don't know how long you've been in japan, but you do eventually get used to the staring thing. i know what you mean though, i'm afraid i could never have a pure friendship with an asian in asia- they always somehow make me feel like a piece of meat.
Yawn, you sound like one of those dudes who got beaten up
in school all the time for no reason.
I guess you two above could be very good friends. You
should really keep contact.
It seems you expect them to do cartwheels for you wherever you go--why don't YOU try
talking to them?? Unless you have an eyeball hanging out of its socket it's nearly impossible not
to make some good contacts.....learn a craft, join a club, go to a high school and introduce
yourself.
You won't make any friends expecting them to always take the first step--they are even more
introverted than you are--but they'd love to talk to you.
So if you want to go home with a positive experience, stop hiding under your bed and meet
some people. I've got lots of people asking me out all the time, and I can't say yes to everyone.
The first step is to make yourself approachable.
Give it a try!!
As an American living in China, I completely understand and
sympathise with your situation. Since I now live in one of
the Special Economic Zones, westerners are more common, but
we still do NOT blend...I also use the same technique for
depression control as you, I leave here, as often as
possible, and head to Bangkok or another SE Asian city where
westerners are not noticed.
I certainly don't have the advice of an expert for you,
but I'd bet nearly every westerner in Asia, and probably
Asian in the west, feels the same as us. It is normal.
Good luck and burn your experiences into the very core of
your brain- they will stay with you forever and shape you
and your interaction for the rest of your life.
Hey dude,
Get out and party with the Japanese. They're fun to be
with and you'll make some good memories.
I have to agree with Kanpai (above). I spent four years in
Japan, did not like it at first but got to the point
where I loved it. I would be happy to go back in a
heartbeat. Even if you only speak limited Japanese you
should be able to meet locals and have a good time. Biggest
problem in Japan is everything is so expensive.
I have been in several places in Asia where the locals had
never seen a westerner. I found that to be a big advantage
in meeting people, particularly if you can speak a bit of
the local language, if not they want to try their English on
you, they are natually curious.
..for the advice so far. Actually I have tried (for a year
and a half) to chat up the people at work, brought back the
expensive omiyage, the whole deal. Nothing. It doesn't
help that they still call me by my predecessor's name and
talk about them constantly! And so far I haven't met anyone
in this town who parties. I think they all went to the big
city. When I'm travelling I have no problem talking with
the locals - I met great families in China, students in
Korea this way. I guess I'm not used to small town
living. Only 3 months more to go!
Mostly agree with post 3#
You say you tried to make contacts at work which is great
and it's a shame that they didn't respond, but its my
experience that other than "official" socializing (the
after work activities that you HAVE to go to) people from
work don't want to socialise with other people from work.
Almost all of my Japanese friends I have met outside of
work, through the hiking club I belong to, through
volunteering and so on.
I suggest you try asking at the town hall if there are any
volunteer activities you could join, see if there is a club
where you could try a new craft or sport or something, ask
the farmers if they want help planting the rice (they
will!), ask at the local shrine if you can take part in the
festival. You'll still get stared at, but it won't feel so
bad as suddenly you'll become "their gaijin" and they'll be
more willing to come and talk to you - it will probably be
in English "Ah, you like Japanese festival?", but if you
reply in Japanese then they might switch, especially if your
Japanese is better than their English.
I do sympathise, but please don't spend your last three
months hiding, please try and make some good memories of
Japan.
I sympathize, but...If its really that bad why not move to
another town? I've been in Japan for 2 months and have met
a ton of Japanese who love to party! There is no point in
living somewhere you can't stand. No matter where you go
here I think you'll always get a few stares, try saying
hello you might meet some interesting people.
Yawn, you sound like a real idiot. Why don't you just leave
now and stop imposing your lame, depressing presence on the
locals.