I am researching this topic for an article in a local
magazine. Please contribute if you have ever been asked
any questions like the following...
"Do these rafts run on tracks?" (Before a day run down the
Zambezi)
"Do they turn the Victoria Falls off at night?"
"Are the Falls man-made?"
"Do we finish where we start?" (Another from a rafting trip
down the Zambezi and this from an engineer too!)
"Is that an island?" (On approaching Heron Island on the
Barrier Reef from the air)"No its a free floating land
mass!"
Please let me know of more gems like these from any
fellow tourists or tour operators.
Thankyou
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Though I am not into prejudices about Americans (I am
German, so I have to live with prejudices myself) I can
contribute some good ones that I was asked:
In Las Vegas:
- Do you have trees in Germany?
- Germany, oh, that's where you drink Vodka all the time?
- Germany, isn't that a part of Berlin?
- Yeah, I was in Germany, I especially liked Paris!
Another occasion stroke me, too. I talked about South Africa
when an American girl energetically interrupted me and asked
me how I could live in a country where a minority rules a
majority. That was in 1997 so I asked her to compare the
political situation in RSA with that in her own country and
if I missed out that the US is governed by a native
American?
Please consider this as some funny occasions, not as a
picture of THE American. There could also be some jokes
about Japanese or Germans.
How about...
"You're from Scotland? That's in Wales isn't it?"
Upon seeing a recently killed Impala lying dead in a tree
(dragged up by a leopard) - "Did the Impala climb up there?"
The driver/guide replied (sarcastically!) that an angry
elephant had swatted it with it's trunk and it had landed in
the tree. American - "Really?"
In the Serengeti last month we encountered 3 cheetah with a
very young, freshly caught impala. The younger cheetah were
playing with it before going on to kill it. An American
woman in the vehicle next to us asked "Is the cheetah going
to keep it for later?" Perhaps she thought the cheetah would
tie it up, or pop it in the fridge?!!
There are many many more, just wish I could remember them.
Unfair perhaps to jump on the "let's laugh at dumb yanks"
bandwagon. We've heard some absolute belters from French,
German and fellow Brits. Ignorance knows no boundaries and
if we all spoke english we'd probably come across plenty
more gems.
Whilst travelling America...
From the girl on the desk at the hotel..
Girl:"How are you travelling around America?"
Me:"By train mostly"
Girl:"And your from Australia?"
Me:"Yes..."
Girl:"So did you travel from Australia to America by train
as well?"
Standing in the middle of the Oktoberfest celebrations in
Munich - I was asked by an American where the beerfest
might be ?
I replied that it's in Heidelberg.....
IS THAT RIGHT ? he asked an walked off !
In Hawaii just before Christmas:
"Oh, you're from Australia! Do you celebrate Christmas at
the same time of year as us? Only I know its so HOT there in
December."
I can't throw too many stones though...just today I was
asking my travel agent about the weather in Namibia to
determine the right month to travel. She was telling me
about the fog on the coast and the cold nights in August
when I said "Well if its foggy and rainy then...". She
pointed out that there probably wouldn't be that much
rain..considering the desert and all. Ooohhhh, yeeeaaaah.
You are from Germany? A friend of mine is also from Germany.
His name is xy. Do you know him?
I am an American who has lived abroad for the majority of my
young life. It is a fact that Americans are generally
insular and thus ignorant of other cultures/peoples.
However, I live by the phrase - Do not throw stones if you
live in a glass house - and find most of you hypocritical.
Take the Austrailian for example: You guys may be worldly,
but I wish you would stay home fix up your mess with the
Aborigines. It's dispicable and I personally vomit when I
meet one of you on the road. There is no difference between
you and what the early American did the native indians. As
for the German: after wittnessing one of you worldly
educated travllers come to blows with an Italian over whose
government was more fascist, I realized you arn't very
smart. (By the way, enjoy the Euro!). Another thing about
Germans - you always seem to be running away from something.
Home? Past?
Outside your guidelines, but I can't resist:
Asked in Banff National park- are the animals with tags in
their ears the tame ones?
What time do you turn off the waterfalls?
On a Norwegian restaurant:
- Do you want fish-balls?
The American tourist:
- I didn't know fish had balls!
I was in Florida at a Payless Shoes and the girl asked
where I was from and I told her Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
At that time we didn't have Payless Shoes in Canada and she
said they had a store I could go to in Detroit. HELLO!? I'm
in Alberta in Western Canada - Detroit is way on the East
end. I'm really going to travel 5000 km to go shoe
shopping! Do they know anything about geography? They also
just have the general stereotypes that we live in igloos and
ride on dog sleds. Whatever!
Here's a couple:
1. When asked about a recent vacation I remarked that I
just came back from Jamaica (tanned in the middle of
Febuary), to which my American companion responded:
"Jamaica?, Jamaica, Queens?".....for those that aren't
familiar with NYC locals, Jamaica, Queens is a down-at-heel
New York City niebourhood. Not only had she never heard of
Jamaica, the country--Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, etc. but she
thought I spent my hard earned vacation (getting a tan) in
Queens, NY!
2. When viewing Michealangelo's DAVID in Florence last fall
a culturally challanged American next to me asked: "David,
why'd they call him David?" She seemed intent on getting an
answer as her bellowing question stopped all conversation.
The De Wildt Cheetah Research Centre is famous for breeding
the first cheetahs in captivity. This one American lady
innocently asked the guide if they used artificial
insemination. his reply was .."Madam; if you would like to
hold her down we will try it!"
Jaco, LOLOLOL!! Funny one. Anyway, I had to put in my 2
cents.
On a Mexican first class bus going from Uxmal to Merida,
some silly Italian woman opened the window on an air-
conditioned bus and let in the smoke from slash burning.
Why??
In a little Mexican hotel in Puerto Vallarta about 1994,
some Canadian kid is too drunk, rants and raves for 1/2 an
hour, waking me up from my siesta. I yell out 'Chill out!'
and he procedes to come and pound on my door, threatening
to kick my ass. The guy doesn't even back off after I
inform him that I am a girl. The hotel owner gets the kid
away from my door, tries to reason with him to no avail.
The police are called, the young couple spend the night in
jail and are put on a plane the next day. Adios!
I share a cab in Puebla from downtown to the bus station
with a young guy, we are speaking Spanish and I 'assume' he
is Mexican or Latino. We guard each others bags while
changing money, have spent about 45 minutes together at
this point. We get around to asking where each other is
from and he says 'Nuevo York!' I say 'So we can speak
English?' He says sure, just thought I wanted to practise
my Espanol. Ha! It was hilarious and we travelled together
for 3 days. Justin, if you are out there, HI!!!
I live in Victoria, the Garden City on the west coast of
Canada. We also get some doosies out here.
Such as: What highway do we take to get to Vancouver? (it's
a ferry - 35 miles of water in between.)
Same question for Seattle, same answer.
What time do the whales swim by? (People think they are on
a schedule or captive.)
I also heard of an American trying to book a flight for
Hawaii, getting peeved when he couldn't get his day or time
and exclaimed, "To hell with it! I'll just drive!!' Really.
But unfortunately, we all get our share of twits, I
don't think anyone has a monopoly on that. They do supply
vast amounts of entertainment, as illustrated here. Have a
great day, all.
From an Englishman . . .
Working in the Us back in 1991 in a restaurant I was asked
(I swear this is true) " Do you speak English in England".
No s**t Sherlock . .
What language do you speak in Australia? Australian?
Israel?....Is that where the pyramids are?
I live in a medieval village in the West of England which
many Americans visit. As one couple stood gazing at a
fifteenth century thatched pink cottage with roses round
the door, the wife asked, "Hyram, do you think that's real,
or did they just put it there for the tourists?" We love
'em all.
My American dad asked a Japanese tourist in the Greyhound bus station in LA if Japan had topless bars worth visiting.
Thanks dad, for embarassing the hell out of us, and for making me laugh 20+ years later.
Your whinging comments have been duly ignored by these people who want to share a few laughs. What a major negative attitude you have!! Man, you have learned NOTHING from the travels during your short life. And your knowledge of Australian History sucks!
Everytime I read something written by an American I assume
they are taking the piss, either due to their total
stupidity (ie on a "world" scale) or in this case ANDY,
because they are just an idiot.
AND TO MAKE A POINT, why don't you stay home and fix your
problems. Don't compare our generation to your early
settlers. What is it you said? "Do not throw stones if you
live in a glass house"
IMBECILE.
Hi Andy, I am surely not into prejudices about other people
and cultures, but as you insulted me personally: you tell
you through up when thinking about Aussis and their
Aborigines? Look at your own country: the only difference is
that your people have treated the natives and blacks this
way much longer. You managed to get rid of your natives in a
way that this problem is not that obvious any more. And
because it's past it's o.k.? That's exactly the thing about
your attitude towards history I can't stand. You tell me I
am running away from my own country's history? At least I am
well aware of the problems we produced!!!
P.S.: I love these kinds of jokes, even if they are about
Germans. So "Curious": could you let me know when your
article is finished? I'd love to have a read in it!
What language do you speak in England? (they asked this in
English!) and do you have electricity there?
Great stuff, unbelivable!
.. only - all from US females:
'He just told me 2.2 pounds is one of those weight things.'
'Do you have TV over there'-my re: yes ma'am, we invented it
'Geeee, aah weesh aah head an acceent' (lovely big black
Alabama lady- the happiest person I've ever met)
See my comments in response to "It's a Small World . . .",
a later message pursuing the same theme expressed in these
posts.
How ironic! Space age American technology used to bash
"stupid" Americans. Awaiting the next Aussie contribution
to this small planet after the Bee Gees.
The 2 questions & replies that I will never forget:
1. American asking: "Where do you come from?"
Me: South Africa
American reply: "Don't you get scared with all the lions
walking around?
2. American asking: "Where do you come from?"
Me: South Africa
American reply: "But you're white"
Sad but unfortunately true!
Cheers! Dorette
Here┤s a classic! As a Swede in USA, I always get the
response: Oh, Sweden! I know that! That's the
peaceful country with all the watches and chocolate! It's a
curse: Sweden is always mistaken for Switzerland. However,
if they do know anything about Sweden, it all comes down to
sex, or "Hello, I am Inga. I'm from Sweden" (Jamie Lee
Curtis wearing a Swiss outfit).
By the way, did you know that Australia is an island in the
Mediterranian? I didn't, but an american girl enlightened
me.
Gotham, did you know the Bee Gees are English, born in
Manchester I believe, us americans didn't invent the
computer, the english and germans take the credit there,
and e-mail/internet started amongst the scientific guys
in CERN europe.
I met two chubby American ladies off a cruise on a one-day
stop in Visby on the Swedish island of Gotland:
Ladies: Where's the harbour - we have to be back ont he
ship this afternoon!
Me: (Sorry - I honestly said this as a joke...) Ah, it's up
this hill...
They thanked me profusely ans started up the hill - I was
shocked speechless and couldn't make myself call them back!
On a ferry between Holyhead, Wales and Dublin, Ireland, I
was chatting it up with a girl from Omaha, Nebraska. She
said to me,
"Europe is supposed to be so far ahead of the U.S.
culturally. So why did I see a TWO year old re-run of
Beveryly Hills 90210?"
I stood up, smiled at her, and walked away.
1.
American woman in New Jersey: Do they have real hotels in
Paris?
Me: Yes.
American Woman: I mean like American hotels.
Me: They are a bit better than that.
2.
"Does it ever snow here?" Here was Dakla Oasis in the
stinking hot Western Desert of Egypt.
I was working in a restaraunt in Toronto a few summers
ago. It was August I believe. A family of four from
Alabama came into eat. I asked them how they were enjoying
their vacation. "well," they said, "we are a little
dissapointed..we came to Canada for a ski vacation, but
there isn't any snow! We had to go out and buy all new
summer clothes!" The only clothes they had with them were
winter clothes...that they had purchased specifically for
their trip! I kid you not!
We went to a baptism for a child of Tanzanian-Danish
parents.
My wife, who is Angolan was asked : 'Do you also speak
African ?' (she didn't try to explain the askee that
Africa is a continent)
Here are a few I received from an e-mail that were compiled:
At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
How do you pronounce elk?
Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - can you tell me
what it was?
Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
Is this the part of Canada that speaks French or is that
Saskatchewan?
How far is Banff from Canada?
When we enter British Columbia do we have to convert our
money to British Pounds?
Where do you buy a raccoon hat - All Canadian own one don't
they?
Is that 2 kilometers by foot or by car?
I was brought up in Nairobi in the 80's & 90's & every now &
then got fed up with people asking stupid questions as shown
in the above posts. So I used to tell my friends in England
'It's great - Dad rigged up a generator so we have
electricity now' and other such stories.
They were accepted without question.
If Australia is such a bad place, full of ignorant and borish people, why is the TT full to the brim of questions about how to get a visa to live/work/settle here? Why do we have some of the strictest immigration laws in the world? Why is our country one of the most culturally diverse in the world? Why do we not have racist killings as a common event? Why do we not have armed police/army etc patrolling the streets.Why do our school kids not shoot up our schools? Why do our leaders not commit mass genocide? About as rowdy as it gets in Melbourne is around the MCG on a Saturday arvo after Collingwood has lost again............Just a few questions for you all to ponder.
Swazi passport control officals no doubt have the same
pride of place as Aussie, who fails to reconcile his
country's strict immigation laws with his conclusory
assertion that Australia is a country of great cultural
diversity.
I used to work for DARPA, so for the sake of anal-
retentiveness, about a decade ago, CERN developed a text-
based browser for locating sites on the internet. So they
can claim credit for developing the World Wide Web. A
short time later, grad students at the University of
Illinois finished thier graphical browser, Mosaic, which
allowed the viewing of color, pictures, and graphics,
instead of just text. The Internet itself, including e-
mail, was built on the technology developed in the 1960's
for DARPAnet, the US Defense Department network, the first
computer network in the world. The Internet was built by
the National Science Foundation in the 70's and 80's.
Untill just a few weeks ago, the Internet, including the
World Wide Web, was financed and managed by the US
Department of Commerce. Control is now being transferred
to a new international non-profit corp. designed by the
Commerce Department called ICANN.
As for the invention of the computer, the first
programmable digital computer was the Atanasof-Berry
Computer or "ABC" of 1941, but it had an unacceptable error
of 0.0001%. In 1943 the German DVL "V3" had less % error,
but not enough memory to be useful. Later in 1943, the
"Harvard Mark I" became the first useful digital computer.
Colossus was built in 1944 and ENIAC was partially
operational a few weeks later, but was not fully developed
until the following year. Colossus and Eniac are widely
known as the first 2 computers only because they were
designed to be used in WWII, while the Mark I and several
others had been working in annonimity in Corporations for
years. BTW-there were thousands of non-reprogrammable and
analog electric computers crunching numbers as early as the
1920's.
for the info and your time. Bet not many people know that,
to quote M.Cain! My wife thought B.Gates invented 'em in his
garage by watching an apple fall from a tree, but she is a
US female too!!
And what about your conclusory assertion that I am a
'him'??!!??!!
As intriguing as many of these posts may be, they don't
really address travel-related concerns in Africa, except to
the extent that some of them dealt with the rouge traveller
element present there from Australia.
Mmmmmm...seeing we're all taking the piss here...these rouge
Aussie travellers...they'd be the ones with all the make-up
on right?
While in Ireland I met three older american ladies from clifornia.They asked me where I was from in Canada,I told them Vancouver B.C.. One of the ladies said "Oh, what do you have for beakfast...I imagine you eat quite alot!"I had no idea what the hell she meant,and asked her she replied that she thought I would eat alot at breakfast so I would be warm and have the energy needed to cut down the big trees!I've also heard americans visiting vancouver asking for their change in american currency after purchases!
i have no reason not to believe this one, from a colleague at the bank where i work in foreign exchange. american tourists come up to the counter and say they need to buy french francs. turns out they're going to QUEBEC and figure that's what they need. as for the post above (#36), no, you don't need to change your money into british pounds when you get to british columbia -- it's colombian pesos.
While in the US I tried to change Traveller Cheques issued
on GermanMark in a Bank-of-America office. The officer did
not know this currency and went to his boss to confirm our
currency exists!
Thanks to all who have repsonded so far. I think I have
enough now to write a book never mind an article! To
Evora, the African connection came about while I was
working in Vic Falls and I have been collecting stupid
questions ever since. I feel that Americans are probably
the most ignorant when it comes to anything dealing with
Africa and this is speaking from experience having worked
as a guide with tourists from all around the world. Sorry
guys but there it is!
...makeup??? Have I missed something here? Maybe the pre-trip information sent by my tour operator failed to tell me that the wearing of make-up in Africa is strictly forbidden. I think I could also write a book about 'stupid threads' on the web and the idiots who take part in them. This is a good beginning.
Americans' ignorance of geographical facts, I note, has now
become more serious and somber, with the revelation that
our Pentagon has been using out-of-date maps for driving,
steering and otherwise targeting cruise missles in downtown
Belgrade. Rouge-tinted embarrassment.
i was standing on a ferry in greece and a woman came and
asked: so, are you here in Greece too?
Mid-day in Etosha, welcoming our trip-fellows from their
morning expedition. "How was the safari?" "We've seen lots
of animals today, but still not the tiger"
Before the 1990 World Cup whilst in Costa Rica was talking
to an American who said it was unfair that USA had not
qualified.
'Why?' I asked
'Because they had lost to Trinidad and Tobago on the same
day, how can you be expected to play two countries on one
day?' he replied.
Also, a little more disturbing - was sharing a ski-lift in
Alaska this Easter with (I presume) an Alaskan:
'You're from Australia then?' he asks
'No, England' I reply
'Hey, is it true there are black people in London?'
Oh dear oh dear
American: Where you from?
Me : Africa
American: Wow, you look so much like the black Americans
American: Where you from?
Me : Africa
American: what? How did you get here!
I'm making a money wire from my NY based chase Bank to a
City Bank branch in Cote d'Ivoire (west Africa).
Me: Madam, I'd like to wire $2000 to City Bank Cote d'Ivoire
Bank Teller: Where?
Me: Cote d'Ivoire in West Africa
She gets on her computer for a second, lookin' for Cote
d'Ivoire or Ivory Coast I presume then,
Bank Teller: Sir, your money has been properly wired to
South Africa.
American: Where you from bud, Haiti?
Me: No, I'm from France
American: But, you're black!
I tell this guy who asked me for my origins in the US:
Me : My father was a white guy from France, my mother is a
lack lady from Sierra Leon
The guy: Wait a minute pal! If your pops is White and your
mom Black...then how come you're Black?
In stratford on avon "isn't it lucky Shakespeare was born
in a town with so many theatres?"
This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of
Newfoundland in October 1995.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degress to the
North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degress to
the South to avaid a collision."
Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say
again, divert Your course."
Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS MISSOURI, WE
ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE
NOW!"
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
On a recent visit to america a friend of mine met some young ladies of seemingly good education. They asked her where she was from. She replied Sydney and they then asked her in which state that was. My friend replied that it was in New South Wales, Australia. These girls looked at her rather blankly and then preceded to ask weather or not she had driven there (from Australia?????? ).
Us Aussies can't really take the credit for the Bee Gees. They migrated here from England at a young age. After a couple of years here they realised they had talent and high-tailed it out of here!
My advice to uptight Americans who don't seem able to take a joke: learn to take the piss out of yourselves and it will save us some time. At least most of my fellow Aussies have no problem if the joke is on them (and anyone who knows an Aussie or two also knows that the joke is often on the Aussie! )
And to the many Americans who are laughing along with the rest of us we do know that you exist and good on ya!
Us Aussies can't really take the credit for the Bee Gees. They migrated here from England at a young age. After a couple of years here they realised they had talent and high-tailed it out of here!
My advice to uptight Americans who don't seem able to take a joke: learn to take the piss out of yourselves and it will save us some time. At least most of my fellow Aussies have no problem if the joke is on them (and anyone who knows an Aussie or two also knows that the joke is often on the Aussie! )
And to the many Americans who are laughing along with the rest of us we do know that you exist and good on ya!
Us Aussies can't really take the credit for the Bee Gees. They migrated here from England at a young age. After a couple of years here they realised they had talent and high-tailed it out of here!
My advice to uptight Americans who don't seem able to take a joke: learn to take the piss out of yourselves and it will save us some time. At least most of my fellow Aussies have no problem if the joke is on them (and anyone who knows an Aussie or two also knows that the joke is often on the Aussie! )
And to the many Americans who are laughing along with the rest of us we do know that you exist and good on ya!
Us Aussies can't really take the credit for the Bee Gees. They migrated here from England at a young age. After a couple of years here they realised they had talent and high-tailed it out of here!
My advice to uptight Americans who don't seem able to take a joke: learn to take the piss out of yourselves and it will save us some time. At least most of my fellow Aussies have no problem if the joke is on them (and anyone who knows an Aussie or two also knows that the joke is often on the Aussie! )
And to the many Americans who are laughing along with the rest of us we do know that you exist and good on ya!
-Do giraffs hunt in groups?
-in Swaziland in a camp 2 Americans and a tour - guide travelling with them all the time since it was not possible to book the camps from the US. For Germans it┤s easier because it is closer
I actually am one of the intelligent yanks that can openly
criticize my fellow citizens faults. However some of this
can get out of hand, and i must notice that americans take
the brunt of the jokes on this thorn tree site. Do you
just remember stupid comments from americans? Are your
fellow citizens or your country worse or better? same I
imagine. As we approach hopefully a new era, there is the
possibility that one person can make a stupid comment and
that be attributed to that individual and not an entire
250+ million people. However I have a few jokes to all
Europeans especially the French and British: Man I can't
believe we had to save your countries twice! I can't
imagine the feeling of not being able to defend your own
country without the ......americans. The same goes to the
australians since you might have forgot that Japan had
begun attacking your north coast in WWII. To Canada: how
does it feel to ride an economic coattail? Wait these
aren't jokes. Sorry it seems I forgot to be funny. The
funny thing is that a lesser country would have tried to
impose sometype of control over the countries that it
aided.(Ex: Russia "liberating" eastern europe from German
stranglehold.) I decided to mention this because it is the
US you have to thank for keeping your precious nationalites
and national boundaries.Hell you could be calling
yourselves americans if we were more tyrannical. So make
your jokes and the next time the shit hits the fan, you
know where to call. And yes to the French: at least try and
fight next time.