I am forming an expedition to explore a recently discovered
cave. I am a pig farmer and own 212 acres of land in the
Blue ridge Mountains of West Virginia. Recently, my prized
sow "Kate Moss"(I name all my sows after super models)
escaped from her pen during a horrendous thunderstorm. She
roamed the hills for two days before I found her. She had
broken through the crust of an elaborate cave system and
wedged herself in crevice about fifty feet below the
surface.Well sir, she was quite dead by that time and I had
to rappel down to retrieve the carcass. When I got to the
bottom of the opening I relized Kate's body was wedged in
there to good and I wouldn't be able to return her for a
proper burial.This apparently wasn't the first time this
had happened to our unweary four-legged freinds for there
were bones scattered every where on the cave floor.I then
noticed that the chamber I was in had several different
passage ways leading in all different directions. I
explored one of the passages about 500 ft. before I was
over taken by noxious gases and just barely made it back to
the cave entrance.I have checked with the State of West
Virginia Geological Survey and there is no record of this
cave system in their files. Since the only known entrance
to the cave is on my property, I own it and would like to
turn it into some sort of tourist attraction like Dollywood
or something.I am in search of a qualified Speologist and
also a Cave Cartographer to join me in my expedition. I
can't pay you but you can camp on my pig farm for free and
my wife makes a mean roast possum with squirrel meat
gravy.YeeeeeHaaaaaw!!!
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Include some bacon and you got a deal!
As tempting as the offer is, possum, pig, and squirrel
sounds like a high-cholesterol heart attack jus' waitin' to
happen. Too bad.
Sounds Great -- Keep me posted on this plan here.
I can't decide whether to refer you to the Nat'l
Speliological Society or your local mental health system...
Do you have a pig named Tyra and are you willing to rent
her out for the night? Cheers, Ian